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How to Create a Gangster Bankroll - [censored] the money clamp!

For some reason, I still have the lame daily "How to" thing on my customized google page and this little nugget came up this weekend. I recommend you all get your "folding crimp" together for your "gangster's roll". Make sure you put your benjamins on the outside and maybe stuff the inside with some play money.

HOW TO CREATE A GANGSTER BANKROLL:

That mayonnaise jar of pennies and nickels might have been fine for your poker game back in junior high, but your table image will suffer for it now. Flashing a "gangster's roll" when the chips are being sold is a great way to gain an advantage before the cards are even shuffled.

Steps

1. You need a good variety of folding crimp. Cash in those coins for some cash, or "folding crimp." Make sure you bring plenty of singles, but equally important is the presence of a Benjamin, a Grant or two, some Jacksons and Hamiltons.

2. Check the fridge for a head of broccoli. A true grinder probably doesn't know that your average bunch of broccoli comes bunched with a nice thick, rubber band.

3. Remove the rubber band from the broccoli. (Be a good person and make sure the veggies are sealed in an airtight bag when you put them back.)

4. Transfer the rubber band from the broccoli to your "cabbage," (i.e., your gangster roll). There's no point in doing this if you don't put the big bills on the outside; it helps if the portrait is facing out. See why they call it "folding green?"

5. Dig your roll out of your front pocket next time you sit down at that soft seat at the $3/$6 across town. Casually whip the rubber band off, peel off a few beaners and ask, "Remind me, what's the buy in again?" Make sure the other rounders see the full array of your dead presidents.

6. Maintain an air of casual disregard for money. After all, what kind of a guy carries that kind of jack around wrapped up in an old broccoli rubber band? A poker badass, that's the kind.

Tips

* You might want to turn the rubber band inside out if it's branded with the grower or grocer of the broccoli.
* Another classic technique is to stuff the center of the roll with play money or suchlike.
* If possible get your money straight from the bank. You want your folding crimp crisp.

Warnings

* Act like you couldn't care less about money, but when your roll is in your pocket, make sure it stays there.
* If you're going to flash the roll, make sure you look the part. Don't wear that Wal-Mart brand, $2.99 hawaiian shirt with the knee high socks and Birkenstocks -- no one's going to buy it.
* Be careful who sees your gangsta roll. The last thing you need is to get mugged on your way to the game. If you need to stop along the way for some reason, use cash from your regular wallet.