Lame Relationship Thread
 

Ill try and make this as short as possible. I am seriously feeling really messed up right now and have no one to talk to about this. I recently tried to reconcile with my gf of 3 years. I entered counseling and decided that the way i was treating her was wrong and was a catalyst for the way our relationship ended. I spent the majority of the last two years of our relationship putting my friends and pretty much everything else in front of her. Criticizing her looks, weight, and way she dressed. About two months ago she called me one night from the club and wanted a ride home. This was the last straw, i told her the reason i wouldnt sleep with her is that she was too ugly for me (not true) and we broke up. I didnt really talk to her for like 3 weeks after that.

3 weeks in to the breakup i decided to go to counseling, because i realized i constantly push people close to me away because im scared of intimacy etc. 2 weeks later i decide i dont want to keep stringing her along, so i tell her we shouldnt talk anymore, its over. A week later after thinking about it a lot, i realize the first year or so of the relationship when i was actually trying, making myself vulnerable etc, the relationship was really good. I decided to call her apologize for neglecting her and wanted to work on making things right. For a week now things have been really good. But last night she told me that she had sex with a guy she took home from the club about a week after we broke up. She also said that the last 9 months or so we were dating, she was actively looking for someone else because she knew she couldnt have me. She said that she never let it progress past talking and dancing but that she was miserably unhappy and was trying actively to find another guy to replace the pain and empty place in her heart.

My question is, obviously this feels really [censored]. I dont know how to feel, to be mad, or angry, or upset. If im honest with myself i know that she is sincere about what she is telling me, and she knows she is risking starting over by telling me this stuff. I guess i just am having a hard time feeling like i could ever trust her again, even though i know she did what she did out of neglect, lonliness, and a damaged self-esteem from what i said to her.

Anyways please tell me what to think here. Assume for a minute the story she told me is 100% true because i honestly believe it is. Sorry if this is another lame thread, i just am really torn about this stuff and dont really have anyone to talk to...

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

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This was the last straw, i told her the reason i wouldnt sleep with her is that she was too ugly for me (not true) and we broke up. I didnt really talk to her for like 3 weeks after that.

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lolol

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

so you admit to being an insufferable prick, then you don't know how to react when your gf tells you that she recognized your were an insufferable prick and started to look elsewhere for happiness?

recognize that she did what she did because you were an [censored], now that you aren't an [censored], she won't look elsewhere, and you two will head off into the sunset.

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

I gave up these threads for new year's

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

You sound like a real catch. You "can't trust" her after you broke up? Work on yourself before you get into a serious relationship unless you're into the abuse victim type.

The one basic thing I learned about women is that they will exchange physical intimacy for emotional intimacy. You weren't giving her that, so it's pretty natural to look elsewhere. No need to be jealous if you're acting like a jackass esp. after officially breaking up.

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

just think of her being absolutely railed (doggy style probably) by some dude with a big D.

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

just search OOT for the "ask howard anything about oriental/asian massage parlors" thread, all your answers are there

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

[ QUOTE ]
so you admit to being an insufferable prick, then you don't know how to react when your gf tells you that she recognized your were an insufferable prick and started to look elsewhere for happiness?

recognize that she did what she did because you were an [censored], now that you aren't an [censored], she won't look elsewhere, and you two will head off into the sunset.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

you need to fix yourself.
not sure how to feel after treating someone like crap? ...
can't trust her after what she did? you caused it! wtf??

you've got lots of issues sir, and i suggest psychodynamic psychotherapy before wrecking more helpless, insecure women.
do not string her along any further, let her go and start fresh.

i am not surprised you have no one to talk to. you shouldn't be coming to the forums for advice, you need to see a professional.

Re: Lame Relationship Thread
 

[ QUOTE ]
This was the last straw, i told her the reason i wouldnt sleep with her is that she was too ugly for me (not true) and we broke up. I didnt really talk to her for like 3 weeks after that.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you were with this girl for 3 years and you were not having sex?

Reading the post at first I thought is was a joke. My best guess is you mistreated her and acted like an [censored] because she probably isn't that attractive. But then you realized you won't do any better so you want her back. This personality reform is just an excuse. Regardless, she has the moral high ground so you don't have the right to say anything about her previous behaviour.