Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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jimm, he doesnt sound passive-aggressive at all. he's pretty direct w/ his request unless there's some unspoken information to interpret. i thought he sounded rather nice in doing so and your initial response strikes me as passive-aggressive since you say "sorry" and the essentially tell him he needs to change and youre not going to do anything different.

other than the bathroom request, it sounds reasonable and a nice note. i wouldnt have a problem w/ it.

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Yes, I see your point. But why does he need to make a big deal about me apparently waking him up when he's had 7+ hours sleep and has chosen to sleep with his door ajar?
Does every flatshare really have to follow the dictat of the longest-sleeping member?
He has a dead-end job and isn't studying for anything, so what does it matter?

If he and the Frenchman had, in the last week, bothered to get the Internet connection fixed (I think there's a problem with the line) then I'd not have needed to noisily get up at 6am and cycle across town in the rain to play PLO in a 24 hour Internet cafe, since I could have done it on my laptop from the warmth of my bed. So I was more inconvenienced than he was.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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Yes, I see your point. But why does he need to make a big deal about me apparently waking him up when he's had 7+ hours sleep and has chosen to sleep with his door ajar?
Does every flatshare really have to follow the dictat of the longest-sleeping member?
He has a dead-end job and isn't studying for anything, so what does it matter?

If he and the Frenchman had, in the last week, bothered to get the Internet connection fixed (I think there's a problem with the line) then I'd not have needed to noisily get up at 6am and cycle across town in the rain to play PLO in a 24 hour Internet cafe, since I could have done it on my laptop from the warmth of my bed. So I was more inconvenienced than he was.

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people dont like to be woken up no matter what kind of job they have. as far as the internet goes, i would guess they havent done anything about it because it's not as pressing an issue to them as it is to you. maybe you should offer to take over that chore.

the ideas in your responses to him seemed reasonable. they just lacked the usual charm that your 2+2 posts have.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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maybe you should drop a stinky deuce and he can flush it in the morning

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Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

In my first year of Uni, I shared a 5-person flat. Because I'd taken a gap year (year out between school and uni), I was put in with 3x 3rd year exchange students from other countries and another fellow 1st year who'd gapped.

Our 5th wheel, as it were, was a Swiss guy who left the very same passive aggressive notes. It was comments like "be quiet" when he'd gone to bed, "shut the door quietly", if one of us put something in the [communal] fridge that wasn't totally cling-filmed (saran wrapped?) he'd wrap it and write in sharpie marker "do it yourself next time", etc. etc.

It was annoying, but it didn't stop me not wrapping my crap in the fridge. When he kind of freaked out about how unfair it was we didn't submit to his demands, I pointed out that I was a domestic first year student, and that kind of meant i was gonna a) stick my food in the fridge without high concerns for covering it, b) stay out all night drinking and come back at 3am, perhaps shutting the door a mite louder than usual, c) have friends round playing old school NES games whilst we smoked weed and that if he didn't like it, as the 3rd year foreign exchange he surely had every right to request a transfer to another flat.

Of course, you don't have that luxury, exchange is off. So, I would suggest the following compromises.

1) Lavatory - agree on a "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" rule for any time of day. I'm cool finding piss in the toilet in the morning, but someones turds they can flush themselves, even at the risk of rousing me at 4am.

2) Get a kettle to put in your room, man. Fill it from any old sink, but hey, why not.

3) He shuts his door when he is sleeping. Not only does this a) let you know he's asleep and can vary your noise accordingly, it's b) more sensible for both of you in terms of noise allowances

4) He gets pans of water off all the goddam radiators in the house except in his room unless the other flatmates agree to it. wtf is with this weirdness, if i wanted to live in a steam room I would.

I think if he shuts his door (totally acceptable) and you boiled water in your room, and you had a flat policy on toilet flushing protocol, you'd be pretty tip top.


edit: oh, hey yeah that site reminded me, he freaked out about us not washing up straight away either. Even though I provided nearly 100% of the crockery and utensils for the flat.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

I could never live with a nitty roomate

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

While nothing annoys me quite like people waking me up by being unnecessarily loud, it is also the responsibility of the sleeper to take steps to avoid being awaken. Earplugs is a good one. Personally, I use a fan. I actually find a complete lack of noise to be loud in itself - "the silence is deafening", as the saying goes. And of course any noise that breaks this silence is that much louder. With a fan set to medium speed most sound is drowned out and I am almost never awaken (well, it doesn't hurt that I live alone, the walls are thick, and the old broad who lives above me lives in a bedroom that isn't directly above so I don't hear walking around).

In short, tell the roommate to take steps to avoid you waking him up. The burden shouldn't fall entirely on you.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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I could never live with a nitty roomate

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thank god now i only live with a permissive wife.

(yes she's mine)

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

He's not passive-aggressive, he's just an anal nit who thinks the world revolves around him. There is something slightly passive-aggressive about leaving a note instead of just saying something, but this is mitigated by the fact that he probably wouldn't see you otherwise.

Earplugs + door closed = no more bitching from roommate.

WTF at no kettle in the morning, what does he want you to do, heat your tea with a [censored] candle? Just try to take it off before it whistles.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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Jimm wrote:

Okay, I understand - but why don't you close your door? If you need air, open a window a little. If you won't close your door, of course you'll be disturbed by anyone moving between 11pm-8am!
I always wake up around 6-7am (even when I start work late!) and need the bathroom. . There's not much I can do about that.
But, yes, I'll make sure not to use the kettle or bang around etc.


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I want to hear what his response was to this.

Although some of his requests are outrageous (no toilet and door open) I agree that it's not passive aggressive... it's pretty straightforward and polite.

Re: Passive-aggressive notes from my flatmate
 

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Most definitely you should take a gigantic dump and he can flush it in the morning

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Then he'll really have some dirty air to complain about.