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Mike Cuneo 11-25-2007 09:29 PM

Issues with Parents
 
Quick backstory: Dropped out of college to play poker, did well for about 1.5 years, went busto so now I live at home and work a crappy job and try to stay sane. I'll be 22 in Feb.

Obviously I've made mistakes, a bunch of them, but this has been going on for as long as I can remember. My mom is really strict, annoying, and all she does is nag everyone in the house about things ranging from making my bed to cleaning my room to watching too much TV. She makes life miserable for my brother (14) and my dad also. She doesn't let me eat in my room, and before I had my own car she wouldn't let me borrow her car unless I had my room perfectly clean, and put at least $5 in gas in her car (shes a nit). Also my parents didn't give me money for anything, so if I wanted to go to a game or movie or whatever I had to pay 100%. But there would be times when I would go see a movie Friday night, work Sat afternoon and then try to borrow the car to go out, mom would say no, you were just out. Wtf? I just got used to not going out and doing anything fun unless there was some sort of punishment involved from my parents. Their favorite saying was, and still is, that I "always get my way."

Anyway this is getting kinda off track here, and I don't post it looking for sympathy. I'm an adult now, 21 years old, so I should try to get out on my own and support myself. I can't really complain about my parents since they let me live here rent free, for the last 3 months.

But I don't get along with my parents, at all. The few minutes per week we talk it invariably ends in an argument or them talking down to me. When I moved back in, they immediately were on me to get a job, any job. Which is understandable. But my dad got a bunch of apps, drove me around to places to fill out job apps, and I got a job within a week working at a tennis club. I told my parents up front, that in the winter it slows down, we don't work 40 hr weeks, but in the spring and summer its pretty much non stop, up to 70 hr per week of work. Also I told them at the outset, I won't be eligible for health care or paid holidays or anything until my 6 month "probation period" is up, which ends in Feb. They were ok with it. But now when I work a 5 hour day, they make a smart comment about how lazy I am or how I need a "real job."

What I'm trying to say is, I hate my parents. They bring out the worst in me, I can't have even a 5 minute conversation with either of them (not involving sports, which I can talk about with my dad usually) without it ending horribly. I'm actually afraid to talk to my dad. Not because he will physically hurt me, but because I know it will end bad with him yelling at me and threatening to kick me out (which he does at least 1x per week). I think it's a shame that I can't even get along with my own dad, and even moreso because his dad died when he was 12. He should know what it means to go without a father, and how it hurts not to have someone there. But he's just so eager to kick me out, over stupid stuff like putting an empty pizza box out on the porch or eating in my room. I really want to get along with him, but I can't, and it's really bothering me. I don't even know what my dad does for a living. How pathetic is that? And I don't really want to ask, because it will end in a horrible argument about how much my life sucks or how he is going to kick me out if I don't follow all the rules. I just think it's really messed up that he doesn't care enough to try and get along, it's not like I am a horrible person.

If I get my life together, move out and support myself, I really think I've made up my mind, I don't want to see or talk to my parents ever again. But every time I run this through my mind I feel guilty. Not really sure what to think or do, on one hand I really really want and need to get out of here. On the other I feel bad, like maybe it's something I'm doing that causes them to act this way.

Cliff's notes: Hate my parents, afraid to talk to them just because it always ends with yelling or arguing. I live with them, so it kinda sucks, but I don't know if I'm ready to go on with my life without some sort of parents.

gobbomom 11-25-2007 09:36 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
get out. You all are in a cycle that won't be broken until something really bad happens and forces it to a climax. Just get out NOW and get some space so things will have a chance to settle down and you all can get a different perspective on your relationship.

MrTrik 11-25-2007 09:36 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
Google Pathetic. Hit the "images" link. I bet you see yourself pictured there amongst the others.

Golden_Rhino 11-25-2007 09:36 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
just read the cliff's notes, but do whatever you can to keep your parents in your life. You may wanna consider moving out, but don't write them off completely.

XXXNoahXXX 11-25-2007 09:37 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
You need to move out. You'll feel differently about your parents when you do, maybe it will take afew years.

My older brother is living at home right now and sounds EXACTLY like you. He could have written this. He complains about there not being any groceries and my mom nagging him, but he's in his mid-twenties and lives at home rent-free.

You are an adult now. You need to leave home. They are bitter that you are home, leeching off them, when you should be a man now, out on your own.

recipro 11-25-2007 10:01 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
You're 21, working part-time and living with your parents. Of course they rag on you.

Move out. Deal with parents later. Also, stop feeling entitled to borrow their car, live in their house, use their money to go to games, etc. Support yourself, you're 21.

Henry17 11-25-2007 10:12 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
[ QUOTE ]
Google Pathetic. Hit the "images" link. I bet you see yourself pictured there amongst the others.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Move out. Deal with parents later. Also, stop feeling entitled to borrow their car, live in their house, use their money to go to games, etc. Support yourself, you're 21.

[/ QUOTE ]

Fabian 11-25-2007 10:23 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
wtf Mike I read the first paragraph and I'm on gigantic tilt now. Take some responsibility and stop bitching about your mom NOT GIVING YOU MONEY FOR NO GOOD REASON jesus christ. She expects gas money when you use her car OH MY LORD WHAT KIND OF UNREASONABLE DEMON SPAWN IS SHE. Oh man I kept reading anyway, you don't even pay rent!? [censored]. You're 22 stop acting like a 14 year old, your sense of entitlement is so uncalled for. You're just like my sister, bleh.

Jim14Qc 11-25-2007 10:29 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
[ QUOTE ]
wtf Mike I read the first paragraph and I'm on gigantic tilt now. Take some responsibility and stop bitching about your mom NOT GIVING YOU MONEY FOR NO GOOD REASON jesus christ. She expects gas money when you use her car OH MY LORD WHAT KIND OF UNREASONABLE DEMON SPAWN IS SHE. Oh man I kept reading anyway, you don't even pay rent!? [censored]. You're 22 stop acting like a 14 year old, your sense of entitlement is so uncalled for. You're just like my sister, bleh.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was under the impression he was talking about his teenage years (like her mom not giving him cash for movies when he was 12, and asking for gas $ when he was 16, which isn't that bad really), which is why I kind of understood.

If OP was talking about NOW that he's 21, just grow up and stop expecting your parents to support you forever. Move out FFS you're 21. It's still borderline OK'ish... I can't believe people stay with their parents untill their mid-20's...

Fabian 11-25-2007 10:38 PM

Re: Issues with Parents
 
As for more constructive advice, once you have your [censored] together and don't live at home any more, I'm almost certain your relationship with your parents will improve over time. Don't write them off entirely the second you're out of their house. I'm guessing it will be nice to see them on holidays and talk to them once a month or whatever, once you have some space.


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