Two Plus Two Newer Archives - Post-Operative Sex and The Cat

as many of you know, i have been around alot lately because i am on medical leave from work. i had a triple bypass at the end of may.

when they discharge you from the hospital, they list all of the acitvities you can do and at what stage. e.g. you can't lift anything over 10 pounds for 6 weeks etc.

one of the activities was sex. it said that this will be different for everyone, but that the general rule is that you can have sex as soon as you feel like it. fwiw, this is a very practical rule. no matter how much of a horndog you may be, the reality is that sex is the furthest thing from your mind because of the sternum pain associated with this procedure. they crack your sternum open like a lobster and use wires to put you back together. for many weeks, you can't cough or sneeze as it leads to the greatest pain that one could imagine. pain so bad that it laughs at super-doses of percoset.

this pain from a sneeze or a cough would probably pale in comparison to the pain that would come from a heaving jizz shot. therefore, nobody even thinks about this for quite a while.

the first time(s) that my pecker puffed was due to erotic dreams, no doubt made more intense by the percoset. once the dreams come, you suddenly feel that having sex would actually be possible, and not life endangering.

this realization that i was ready came a couple of days before significant other mae was going to be leaving for another country for a month visit with family. this was a trip that was scheduled before my heart episode, and it was now ok for me to be left alone. i can now do about 95% of the things i need to do to be 100% self sufficent.

as a sidebar, granny used to peddle pron. because of this, i still get pre-releases from most of the pron companies. a few days before S.O.-mae was scheduled to leave town, and right about when my non-wet, wet dreams started, i received the newest release from 'private'. anything made by private is the nutz imo. not only that, but this film features a debut of a new private exclusive that looked oh-so-yummy.

i had a problem!!

do i tell S.O.-mae that i am ready for coitus, or do i fake it and pretend i am still not ready. then when S.O.-mae leaves town, i can spread my extra large beach towel on the leather sofa, plop my sweaty bare ass (not as sweaty as it used to be tho, thx to the mangroomer) on the towel and lay there naked for hours while i continually bring myself to the edge, then start working my snake from the shrunken, greasy (eros lube) turtleneck, back to the proud glory of the swollen earthworm which is my state of arousal. i find these prolonged spank sessions, with no fear of being caught, better than sex these days. granny is old, and nobody knows how to take care of granny's business better than granny.

i did the only honorable thing. i lied and pretented to be not interested in sex at all.

2 days later, S.O.-mae leaves town, and the mumu leaves my body. the private goes into the dvd player and i am pre-cumming just from the opening credits. oye, this is not going to last long at all.
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fwiw, the movie turned out to be a rare letdown from private. the new star was what i call a ventiloquist moaner. apparently she was getting off camera directions to moan, but she was doing it with her mouth closed. i would have thought it was dubbed if she did not spout an occasional consonant. it was incredibly distracting because i began to obsess about it and stare at her lips trying to figure out how she was making such noises without moving her lips. the movie was a busto. the only hot model was a ventriloquist, and i was unable to complete the deed using that or any other scene in the movie.

there was only one option. i had to go with one of the tried and true dvd's. you know what they are. your very favorite scenes that you can use to spooge whenever you need to. the ones that you could conjur in your brain at a funeral and subsequently swell up.

so, i got up to go get the dvd i was going to use to complete the project. i came back into the living room at half staff, dripping with lube and sweat, with the intentions of getting this done with quick.

when i went to re-sprawl on the couch, S.O.-mae's new kitten was on my greasy towel. she was actually rolled up in a little ball right on top of the newly minted skid mark. i screamed at her and she ran.

i plopped down and waited for the dvd to load, chose my scene, and sat back to get to work. i knew this was going to be quick. just the sight of "THE" scene coming on the screen had me in a frenzy. the time was near. i was 45 seconds into the scene. i have never spanked on the leather couch because it is nice. when it came time to deliver my gravy, i siddled forward so i could aim my unit at the snot-rag i had waiting.

due to the elapsed time from my last spoo, the volume of this delivery was HUGE. i spurted once. i spurted thrice. right as spurt four was loading, the kitty was coming at me in curiosity over what was causing her master to heave and grunt. i had NO IDEA she was coming. i never saw her until that last geyser of lava flew out of my peepee and landed directly on her FACE. she fuckingfreaked bad and ran under the bed. i'm certain she was shocked at the temperature of it, and just the suprise that she was spat upon. yep, i gave my kitten a facial.

i coaxed her out after about an hour, and she jumped up on my recliner next to the couch. i was watching a game by then. however, for the next 4 hours, EVERY TIME i looked at her, she was rubbing her paw on her eyes and through her whiskers and licking it all clean. she was actually ingesting my load. i was unable to get her out from under the bed after it happened, so she had eaten ALL of it. half teaspoon at least. she was worse than a dog with peanut butter in her mouth. it has me COMPLETELY SKEEVED and i won't let her near me!

a friend dropped over shortly thereafter. he is an OK guy, but a total dick when he gets drunk. however, he loves cats. kitty immediately jumped on his lap when he arrived and continued to clean herself. meanwhile my friend was stroking her, rubbing under her chin etc. he rubbed his face and nose a few times, just like normal people do without thinking about it, and continued to stroke her while she continued to lick.

every time he touched his face or pet her on the nose, i busted out laughing so hard that he knew something was up. i would not tell him. he must think i am a perc addict or something. anyhoo, he is coming over for a beer tonight. i'm thinking of telling him. he will be VERY pissed if i do. at this point i really don't even want to shake his hand.

he better be on best behaivor, or i am going to ruin his night.
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