investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

hello finance/investing peoples , i need your help in my quest to find a fake job. i'm a poker pro but for many reasons i don't tell that to anyone outside our little world. instead i've been telling people i'm still a student but i'm tired of that plus i'm 27 and it's probably starting to look ''a little'' suspicious . so my best bet is probably something finance related... it would have to be similar to poker to explain my schedule, something mobile and freelance that can be done online and without actually working for/with a company . so what kind of job fits this description ? i mean it has to make sense for someone my age and i don't want to look like a stock market genius, i think it's better to make it sound like a grind so it's easier to sell. if you can help with this could you please give me some tips or links about the job, i'd like to learn about it so i don't look like an idiot when i meet someone in the business. tytyty.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

Say you're in internet marketing

Nobody asks anything else...ever

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

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Say you're in internet marketing

Nobody asks anything else...ever

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Sounds good to me
[img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

ok so what would my job title be and what would i be doing exactly? any good links? what's the easiest form of internet marketing? would i need my own site? i found a few links but not very helpful, just some loose definitions... i don't have to know everything, just the basics so i'll know in case anyone ever gets curious. thanks.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

say you are a webmaster of adult internet sites.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

risk management
equity analyst

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

[ QUOTE ]
ok so what would my job title be and what would i be doing exactly? any good links? what's the easiest form of internet marketing? would i need my own site? i found a few links but not very helpful, just some loose definitions... i don't have to know everything, just the basics so i'll know in case anyone ever gets curious. thanks.

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I've found that when you're in a position where you're compelled to lie, it's best to have the lie be as close as possible to the truth.

So, what you could do is say that you do internet marketing for an online gaming site, like Stars, and that you get a commission for everyone you sign up. It could also be an online brokerage firm like Scottrade.

I've found that people who ask too many nosey questions don't like it when you turn the tables and put the magnifying glass on them. So, if someone is persisting with the questions, start asking them about their work. They'll get the hint.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

I don't see why you need to lie.

My suggestion though would be to simply say your a consultant. I'd say at least half the people in my building are consultants and I don't have a clue what most of them do.

Most people don't really want to discuss what you do for a living. They ask to make small talk or to judge you. If you keep it short they will move on.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

Henry, I can say from personal experience that it becsomes a huge nuisance to say you're a professional poker player. To some people you have to explain what that means and then deal with "but you gamble, eventually you will lose it all!" speeches. Alot of guys think its cool but then you end up in a 30 minute conversation at the party hearing about this guys 10+1 sit n' go last night when you just want to go over and talk to the hot chick. Then the question of how much you can actually make comes up. Tell the truth and they think you lie or are bragging. If that question comes up I jst say its very profitable and leave it at that but I think im going to start taking the OPs approach soon, so much easier.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

I agree somewhat and have had some similar experiences but I just shut them down. If they start talking about poker I just tell them I deal with poker enough and this is my downtime so I would prefer to not talk about it.

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Then the question of how much you can actually make comes up.

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I can't believe people have the lack of class to ask this but they do. People know better then to ask me so now they ask my GF.

I understand the desire to lie in this situation. I can't count the number of times people have asked me "If I gave you money how much could you make me?" or people who comp my bill at their restaurant then try to get picks out of me. It is annoying and awkward and I've stopped going to certain places to avoid.

That being said if you lie about it they are going to find out eventually. My general approach with people who I'm rarely going to see is just to deflect the question. If they have any social skills they won't really push it and I end up avoiding the conversation without lying (mind you this has also led a lot of people to think I'm a drug dealer).

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

The worst is when people ask me how much iv made from poker. Iv never had another real job so thats pretty much my net worth. If it was ever worded that way they would never dare ask that, but they dont realize the difference. I think most people also assume its ok to ask about income for poker players because they viewed it as a real job. They dont ask a stranger at a party they were just introduced to how much he makes at his IT job but with poker it comes up immediately and is ok.

Also henry, I assumed you had made most of your cash from non poker related things. You play professionally/ semi-professionally as well?

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

I made most of my money from sports betting. Before and during university I had various jobs but I've never had a real job after law school. I've played poker since 92.

I've never answered the income question. My usual answer is more than a paperboy and less than Bill Gates. If I feel like I'm being challenged I'll go with "I choose this over being a lawyer so I make more than a lawyer but I rather not discuss money. It is in bad taste". You'll get the occasional person who won't get the hint but most will drop the subject.

Compared to the 90s it is easy now to explain to people choosing poker as an occupation. Poker is on TV. It is cool and popular. You can play online. There are more people choosing poker as a profession so odds are you will not be the only person they have met that does this.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

I jokingly tell people that I am a consultant from OCTN Consulting LLC and they actually believe me; this is kind of funny because OC stands for Orange County and TN is my name's initial.

Or you can say "I make it rain on dem hoes."

But seriously, you can't go wrong with "security analyst."

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

"I maximise return on investment in high risk competitive scenarios through extemporaneous situational analysis incorporating expert psychological profiling in order to minimise the effect of probabilistic outcomes."

Can't remember who said this.....

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

I just like to say I don't have a job. 100% truth which is good because I'm bad at lying. People often stop asking at that point.

If you don't want to sound like a bum you could just say you're an investor.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

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I just like to say I don't have a job. 100% truth which is good because I'm bad at lying. People often stop asking at that point.

If you don't want to sound like a bum you could just say you're an investor.

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I'm not a professional gambler, but I'm a professional RE investor. Bascially I'm unemployed and the vast majority of my income is passive. I've got lots of free time...

Anyway, I used to tell people simply that I don't work. It got weird with people thinking that I was unintentionally unemployed. I even had a few people offer me jobs or suggest a brother in law that can use a part time guy for a little while.

So I started telling people that I'm an investor. The problem w/ being a professional RE investor is that *everyone* thinks they understand REI. Or people would think that I'm a stock market guy and start asking me all kinds of questions. I don't know JACK about stocks. Others would think that I'm a Realtor. I have a pretty low opinion of realtors, so that became pretty annoying.

Now I just tell people simply that I manage my assets. Sometimes I tell people that I'm a manager. That has been working for quite a while now.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

[ QUOTE ]
Say you're in internet marketing

Nobody asks anything else...ever

[/ QUOTE ]

I didn't have the same success with it. I've actually just started telling people I play poker because I got tired of answering the same internet marketing questions over and over.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

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Sometimes I tell people that I'm a manager. That has been working for quite a while now.

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you tell people that youre a manager and they don't inquire further?

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

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Sometimes I tell people that I'm a manager. That has been working for quite a while now.

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you tell people that youre a manager and they don't inquire further?

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Not really but I guess it kinda depends on the situation. If they inquire further I just tell them that I manage my assets. 90% of the time that'll end it since most people don't really care anyway.

Re: investor/finance fake job ideas please
 

[ QUOTE ]
hello finance/investing peoples , i need your help in my quest to find a fake job. i'm a poker pro but for many reasons i don't tell that to anyone outside our little world. instead i've been telling people i'm still a student but i'm tired of that plus i'm 27 and it's probably starting to look ''a little'' suspicious . so my best bet is probably something finance related... it would have to be similar to poker to explain my schedule, something mobile and freelance that can be done online and without actually working for/with a company . so what kind of job fits this description ? i mean it has to make sense for someone my age and i don't want to look like a stock market genius, i think it's better to make it sound like a grind so it's easier to sell. if you can help with this could you please give me some tips or links about the job, i'd like to learn about it so i don't look like an idiot when i meet someone in the business. tytyty.

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Don't lie, just put a good spin on it. Say you are an independent consultant specializing in Applied Probability Analysis mostly to the liesure and entertainment industry. When pressed say you work with statistics and behavioral patterns to derive maximum revenue techniques. If pressed further just say you shove flush draws against nits.