Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

Lol. I'm 20, was hit with the spatula a couple times by my mom, and gripped and shaked by my dad a few times. Wasn't that great a kid always, talked back to them a decent amount.

Quite frequently I was grounded, and had to stay in my room, could go nowhere else in the house. I did not speak a single word to them, they didn't speak a single word to me either for as long as a week, and quite often two weeks.

I like them okay now, but now that I'm living on my own, I don't really care to see them much, if I didn't see them for a year, probably wouldn't miss them or care at all.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

AZK,

I was never hit. Mainly just given huge guilt trips.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

AZK-

I got the belt pretty regularly as a child, until it stopped hurting. Then, they moved to taking stuff from me (CD player, TV, whatever), because that became more behavior modifying. My mom did slap me in the face once when I was about 15, but I totally deserved it.

I'm fine....great relationship with my folks....have no kids, but no issues with spanking FWIW. I'm 27 BTW.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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I will try not to spank my daughter, mostly because I would probably be doing it out of anger instead of as a teaching point.

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thinking about things in that way seems like a really good idea.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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My friends are floored. They cannot believe my parents raised me this way and disagree with it very strongly.

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Clearly none of your friends are immigrants or children of immigrants... [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

My mom slapped me once or twice for doing something really dangerous and I think it was just instinct/fear on her part that I was doing something dumb enough to get really hurt. Never from pop. Short of legit beatings, nobody is getting injured in most of these scenarios and being shocked, shocked! is completely silly.

I know a couple disciplinarian nannies in England who are HUGE on the "time out" thing over corporal punishment. They think it's the great American Contribution to Child Rearing or something. You slap a kid, and he's briefly shocked, not hurt, and that's about it. You bore the [censored] out of him for 15 minutes and it feels like an eternity, and can be used far more liberally.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

30 year old father of a 5 year old.

I was occasionally spanked with the stylish 1970's 3 inch wide white belt and/or wooden spoon. I turned out fine. My brother, not so much. This small sample size evaluation leads me to believe that beatings don't translate to how you become as an adult.

I have smacked my son's hands a couple times when he was doing something dangerous after being told not to do it, like touching the stove. I smacked his mouth once when he talked back. My wife was never hit growing up and has never struck my son. She doesn't like when I do it.

I feel bad when I do it, but don't think I am causing irreparable harm to my son. My wife and I find it is much more effective to take away his favorite game or to send him to the corner for 5 minutes to get the wanted behavior.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

I'm 40. I was hit plenty, but can't name a single incident where I didn't deserve it.

The worst part of my childhood is that all the hitting led to lying. I didn't want to get hit, so I denied everything, every time. Stepping up and accepting responsibility did nothing towards getting a lighter punishment, and getting caught in the lie did nothing to increase the punishment. I lied non-stop.

I even started lying about trivial things. Lying became my way of life.

Now I'm older. I hate lying and liars. I hate lying liars.

My kids are now 10, 9, and 8. There is almost no hitting. We talk about hitting a lot. The threat is always there, and they know that it's not an empty threat.

But the belt only comes out for two offenses: blatant disrespect, or lying. In either case, the child is given verbal warnings to fix the problem before the belt comes out (because I really don't want to hit the kids). I'd estimate that the belt comes out less than once a year.

When they were in diapers, light hand-slapping or spanking was more common. Once the boundaries were established (and respected), the hitting quickly became unnecessary.

It is very, very important to note that although hitting is a crucial part of my child-rearing plan, it is an extremely SMALL part of it. It is one tool in the toolbox. It's the tool at the bottom of the box, the one you almost never use--but when it's needed, it's invaluable.

My standard disclaimer in all my parenting posts: Yeah, my kids are thriving, and I deserve much of the credit for that...but they're not teens yet. The true test of my so-called expertise still lies ahead. Right now, I'm the best hitter in the minor leagues--but I've yet to face big league heat.

(I wonder if there's something Freudian about choosing the word "hitter" to describe my parenting skills.)

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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My friends are floored. They cannot believe my parents raised me this way and disagree with it very strongly.

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Clearly none of your friends are immigrants or children of immigrants... [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

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LOL, I remember seeing a French lady in her 60's slap her daughter who was about 30, in public, over practically nothing. I damn near laughed my ass off.

Re: Child Raising - Discipline issues
 

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AZK,

I was never hit. Mainly just given huge guilt trips.

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