Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Ok I know this is probably a subjective decision but I wanted to get input from other smart people on this forum.

If you love a girl and are extremely compatible with her, it is then fair to say that she is "marriage material?" But here is the dilemma, she has an STD. Therefore, if you do commit to sexual relations, which almost everyone does if two people are in love. You will inevitabley get the STD that she has, do you still proceed?

I know that true compatiability is very rare, therefore I do not take this question lightly. Is an STD for the rest of your life worth a "chance" to find someone that you could spend forever with?

Let me also note that I have never been more attracted to someone and I have met a decent amout of girls. I am leaning towards the commitment with the possiblity of getting an STD and having her break up with me in a year or so, but that is the calculated risk.

If you were in a similar situation how would you proceed?

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Eh, no big deal. Marital problems are even worse. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ok I know this is probably a subjective decision but I wanted to get input from other smart people on this forum.

If you love a girl and are extremely compatible with her, it is then fair to say that she is "marriage material?" But here is the dilemma, she has an STD. Therefore, if you do commit to sexual relations, which almost everyone does if two people are in love. You will inevitabley get the STD that she has, do you still proceed?

I know that true compatiability is very rare, therefore I do not take this question lightly. Is an STD for the rest of your life worth a "chance" to find someone that you could spend forever with?

Let me also note that I have never been more attracted to someone and I have met a decent amout of girls. I am leaning towards the commitment with the possiblity of getting an STD and having her break up with me in a year or so, but that is the calculated risk.

If you were in a similar situation how would you proceed?

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I dont know how I would proceed - but are there not ways to avoid contracting the disease yourself? My first instinct is lifetime partnership including safe-sex (and a hope that a cure will be discovered). This seems better than resigning yourself to getting sick too (additionally - does she feel the same way if she is happy for you to risk getting her disease? If I was her, I think I'd be insisting my true love not get infected also).

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

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[ QUOTE ]
Ok I know this is probably a subjective decision but I wanted to get input from other smart people on this forum.

If you love a girl and are extremely compatible with her, it is then fair to say that she is "marriage material?" But here is the dilemma, she has an STD. Therefore, if you do commit to sexual relations, which almost everyone does if two people are in love. You will inevitabley get the STD that she has, do you still proceed?

I know that true compatiability is very rare, therefore I do not take this question lightly. Is an STD for the rest of your life worth a "chance" to find someone that you could spend forever with?

Let me also note that I have never been more attracted to someone and I have met a decent amout of girls. I am leaning towards the commitment with the possiblity of getting an STD and having her break up with me in a year or so, but that is the calculated risk.

If you were in a similar situation how would you proceed?

[/ QUOTE ]
I dont know how I would proceed - but are there not ways to avoid contracting the disease yourself? My first instinct is lifetime partnership including safe-sex (and a hope that a cure will be discovered). This seems better than resigning yourself to getting sick too (additionally - does she feel the same way if she is happy for you to risk getting her disease? If I was her, I think I'd be insisting my true love not get infected also).

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Condoms CAN prevent the STD but it is hit or miss. Sometimes it can still go through the condom. Would the best approach to remain abstinent or to just say f.ck it and have sex knowing that I will ultimately get an STD. There is no cure for herpes at this time.

I know that relationships are not all about sex but showing physical affection for each other is definitely an important
aspect especially if you sleep in the same bed.

Remaining abstinent while "waiting for a cure" seems unreasonable.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Could always seal it in Durex, pinhole it. Um.

I dunno, man. Do you love the woman?

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

[ QUOTE ]
Condoms CAN prevent the STD but it is hit or miss. Sometimes it can still go through the condom. Would the best approach to remain abstinent or to just say f.ck it and have sex knowing that I will ultimately get an STD. There is no cure for herpes at this time.

I know that relationships are not all about sex but showing physical affection for each other is definitely an important
aspect especially if you sleep in the same bed.

Remaining abstinent while "waiting for a cure" seems unreasonable.

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Abstinence while waiting for a cure would probably be tough. I dont know if it's pertinent/rude to ask or not, but I'd repeat the question - is she happy with you risking infection?

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

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Could always seal it in Durex, pinhole it. Um.

I dunno, man. Do you love the woman?

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Yeah I do. She gave her only boyfriend herpes before she found out she had it. So now he has it and she stayed with him for 3 years until I met her. I told her she shouldn't stay with someone because of guilt, she eventually broke up with him.

My deepest fear is that I am with her and get the disease, then a few years down the line we break up and I am left physically and emotionally f.ucked.

I am still strongly considering being with her though.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Condoms CAN prevent the STD but it is hit or miss. Sometimes it can still go through the condom. Would the best approach to remain abstinent or to just say f.ck it and have sex knowing that I will ultimately get an STD. There is no cure for herpes at this time.

I know that relationships are not all about sex but showing physical affection for each other is definitely an important
aspect especially if you sleep in the same bed.

Remaining abstinent while "waiting for a cure" seems unreasonable.

[/ QUOTE ]
Abstinence while waiting for a cure would probably be tough. I dont know if it's pertinent/rude to ask or not, but I'd repeat the question - is she happy with you risking infection?

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She said it is my choice but that she would be with me regardless of sex or not.

My problem is I want sex and I know she does too. It is hard to resist the urge especially because I know I am at the age when my sex drive is at its strongest.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Give each other hand jobs while you figure it out.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Depends on the STI I suppose. HIV might make me blink a few times and have a long conversation, everything else either treatable or fairly inconsequential.

STIs are still way overly stigmatized for something so friggin common (HPV for example is now commonly put at 30-50% of all sexually active people 15-25 in the US).

Besides, unless you're a virgin there's a decent chance that you are already an asymptomatic carrier for HPV or herpes (no test for HPV in males, herpes tests fairly unreliable). The majority of males with the two STIs above (and I'm guessing you are talking about one of those since gon/chla/syph are all treatable) are asymtpomatic.

If you "love" someone, and yet you are considering dumping them because they have an STI, then you should probably go back and look at what you think love and commitment are about.

Now if you just want to have a one night stand and you find out your sex partner has an STI, there's perhaps reason to move on to another pasture, but that's another story.