I [censored] up
 

I locked my cat underneath the house in the crawl space and he died. I am devastated. I feel empty, hollow. I'd had him for 13 years, and he was the best cat in the world. And I killed him. He was missing, and the crawl space door was open. I called and called, and checked with a flashlight, and saw no sight or sound of him. I couldn't see all the way to the far side of the crawl space. I didn't go in and check it all out. I don't know why I didn't. I closed the door. I checked back the next day, just in case, but again there was no answer, and I didn't go in. I closed the door.

That was two weeks ago. He died under there. There has been a faint smell of garbage the last couple of days that won't go away when I took out the trash, and after I got home from dancing tonight, it hit me. I knew the smell had to be him, under the house.

I went under with a flashlight and some garbage bags, heavy gloves. I didn't want to leave him there.

It was him. He died. He had pulled down the insulation. He was trapped. I closed the door and locked him in and he died under there, of cold, starvation, and thirst. I killed him, and it was solw and horrible. He could hear me up in the house, ignoring him as he died.

This is the worst I have ever [censored] up. And my cat died from it. He was so good. He used to come sit on my chest and night and purr. He slept on the pillow next to me. He was here, and then I killed him because I was too lazy to crawl under the house.

I'm sorry Dan. I'm so sorry.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c153/Borodog/dan7.jpg

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I am emotionally immune to most things on the internet, but this was really sad.

[img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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jesus i almost cried. sorry for you, dont beat yourself up too bad about it man

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It's not your fault pal. I know it sucks, but you know it was just a freak accident. Sorry about your cat.

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sorry man, don't be too hard on yourself. at least he was 13 & not younger, it might have just been his time anyways...

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sucks.
u can kind of even things out in a weird sense.
Go adopt a cat from the pound that would most likely be put down otherwise.

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boro, thats terrible, sorry dude. overly friendly cats are so hard to part with when they die. We had a stray that we took in, essentially the friendliest, most social being I'd ever encountered in my life, and two years later he had a bunch of blood clots and we had to put him down, it was heart wrenching.

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Sorry to hear that, Boro, great looking cat. Buried two of my cats, I was very sad. Forgive yourself, [censored] happens.

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[ QUOTE ]

He was missing, and the crawl space door was open. I called and called, and checked with a flashlight, and saw no sight or sound of him. I couldn't see all the way to the far side of the crawl space. I didn't go in and check it all out. I don't know why I didn't.


[/ QUOTE ]
Boro, you made a mistake. 99/100 simple mistakes like this don't cause much damage, this time it did. Don't beat yourself up over this, you loved Dan and would never consciously cause him pain. I'm sure in his 13 years he had a great life and spent many loving moments with you. Remember those.

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Don't beat yourself up man, take it easy.

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Jesus Christ dude that is really, really sad. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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I'm so sorry Boro. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] None of us is perfect. You did try. It's not like you didn't look for him. If he wasn't responding I think it's likely he was sick when he went under there in the first place.

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Damn, That just plain sucks. Really sorry to hear about this.

Accidents do happen and this was obviously an accident. I know it is hard but you have to forgive yourself. The idea of getting a cat at the pound is a good one.

Cats are great but they do some silly things like this that try as you might they still end up in trouble. I have had cats crawl up in engine compartments and get messed up when I start the car. Horrible but what is a person to do, check the engine compartment every time you start the vehicle? I have had cats get hurt really bad by a coyote or dog and have had to put them down myself and it sucks. One of the hardest things i ever did was have to shoot one of our outside cats that had gotten really torn up badly. My so was really attached to that cat and he was really sad and it was just awful.

Sometimes I wish we didn't get so attached to pets but we can't help it. They are part of the family and when they die it hurts.

Again, Really sorry to hear about this.

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Sorry about your cat. Honestly when you said he was 13 I thought maybe he knew he was dying and went and hid from the humans so he could die in peace and you had nothing to do with it.

This won't make you feel better but your guilt over this incident reminded me of something my mom did one time... She was coming home from work and hits the garage door remote but it only goes up halfway then comes back down. So she does it again and again and every time the door would go up halfway then come back down. Finally it goes up and stays up. She pulls into the garage, gets out, and is walking to the door when our beloved cat (Tigger #2) falls dead and mangled from the rails and lands at her feet.

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[ QUOTE ]
I have had cats crawl up in engine compartments and get messed up when I start the car. Horrible but what is a person to do, check the engine compartment every time you start the vehicle?

[/ QUOTE ]

This reminds me of the time my sister drove down our street with Harold our cat stuck up in the engine of the car. He fell out as my sister went down the road. She noticed him in the rear view mirror and took him to the vet, injured but alive.

Accidents happen Borodog. I'm really sorry for your loss [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]. Please don't beat yourself up too much. I feel so bad for you.

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Cats are so strange. They hide and disappear under the couch and you can't find them for days. You expect them to return, and this time, he didn't. Very hard to weigh blame here.

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Boro-

One time when driving cross country with my cat, Smokestack Lightening, we camped in Zion park in Utah and the cat vanished. We scoured the campground and failed to find him. Eventually, as we were going to give up, we heard a faint sneeze emanating from the front end of our trusty volvo 244 DL. Opening the hood, smokey had crawled right into the engine fan compartment. He was very close to getting the food processor treatment.

I offer this because cats are strange creatures, with unpredictable behavior.

Your cat, and yourself, were victims of a truly freakish scenario. It too shall pass.

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I think the adopting of another cat is an excellent idea. I've got two cats and am on the hunt for a kitten and I will probably pick it up from a shelter.

Don't beat yourself up!

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Don't let The Dude see this thread.

I shed a symbolic tear for you.

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UGH, That really sucks. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. IMO, there is no way you should place blame on yourself; animals in distress often find a quiet, isolated spot to pass.

Also, for the record, I have cried twice in the past thirteen years. In 1994 when my father died and two months ago when I had to bury my 18-year old Siamese. It's [censored] horrible to lose a loved one.

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Man I am really sorry to hear about your cat. Please don't beat up on yourself too hard. Yes it was a tragedy, but it was an HONEST mistake. Our thoughts our with you man. Take care.

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Boro,
Take from this what you will, but it may have just been his time. I have owned 3 cats that have made it past 16 years of age and all of them simply disappeared and never came back ( no not all at the same time). I asked a vet about it one day when I brought my dog in for a shot. She said that the theory is cats know when their time is near and many times will find a place to hide, make a bed out of anything soft they can find and lie down and die.

So maybe as your cat got on in years, realized it was his time, picked your crawlspace as a sufficient spot, pulled the insulation down to lie on, and simply expired. I know it doesn't stop the pain, but it would strike me as very possible. Especially if you didn't hear any meowing at all. I know when my cat gets stuck in the basement, you can hear him two floors up.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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[ QUOTE ]
Boro,
Take from this what you will, but it may have just been his time. I have owned 3 cats that have made it past 16 years of age and all of them simply disappeared and never came back ( no not all at the same time). I asked a vet about it one day when I brought my dog in for a shot. She said that the theory is cats know when their time is near and many times will find a place to hide, make a bed out of anything soft they can find and lie down and die.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is a remarkable thing about them, isn't it? That and their tendency to be housebroken so young. I've heard that dates back to when they lived in the desert and had to dig up sand to do their thing but can't remember how valid that source was.

The rest of your post (snipped) makes a lot of sense and that could very well be the case. Borodog shouldn't be beating himself up regardless; if the cat was really scared and felt trapped wouldn't he have made himself heard?

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I'd say there's a very good possibility that he crawled under there to die before you closed it and that you didn't do anything at all.

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[ QUOTE ]
I'd say there's a very good possibility that he crawled under there to die before you closed it and that you didn't do anything at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hate to just QFT something, but this is very likely the case. Don't beat yourself up over it, especially considering the age of your cat and the effort you put into finding him. If he wanted to be found he would have made himself heard, or, in healthy catlike behavior, gone sprinting out of the door the moment you opened it. The mere fact that he stayed probably meant it was just his time.

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'd say there's a very good possibility that he crawled under there to die before you closed it and that you didn't do anything at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hate to just QFT something, but this is very likely the case. Don't beat yourself up over it, especially considering the age of your cat and the effort you put into finding him. If he wanted to be found he would have made himself heard, or, in healthy catlike behavior, gone sprinting out of the door the moment you opened it. The mere fact that he stayed probably meant it was just his time.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. If he wasn't making all kinds of noise when you were poking around in the crawl space, it was probably already too late to help him (and it may have simply been his time, at his age).

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This is very sad...sorry for the loss of your kitty.

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'd say there's a very good possibility that he crawled under there to die before you closed it and that you didn't do anything at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hate to just QFT something, but this is very likely the case. Don't beat yourself up over it, especially considering the age of your cat and the effort you put into finding him. If he wanted to be found he would have made himself heard, or, in healthy catlike behavior, gone sprinting out of the door the moment you opened it. The mere fact that he stayed probably meant it was just his time.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. If he wasn't making all kinds of noise when you were poking around in the crawl space, it was probably already too late to help him (and it may have simply been his time, at his age).

[/ QUOTE ]

+1

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Thank you all very much. It has been a really, really hard 24 hours for me. I thought that I killed Dante. Hell, I still might have. But everyone I've spoken to today, including animal rehabbers and vets, told me that there is basically no possible way he was healthy and trapped for any significant amount of time and I don't hear him. All the vents were open in the crawl space, and I live in a quiet space, and went outside many, many times calling for him. Everyone has told me that he had to be sick, and went off to find a quiet place. They told me he probably pulled down the insulation not because he was trying to get out, but because he was trying to make a nest.

I am still broken up. I wish that I had just gone under the house that day I noticed the crawl space door was open. Even if he was sick, he might still have been alive. I might have gotten him to the vet in time to save him. Now I'll never know.

But I don't believe there was any way that he was trapped and healthy and I didn't hear him. He had to have been sick, sick enough to find a quiet dark place to pass away.

Dante:
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c153/Borodog/dan2.jpg

Goodbye old friend. I miss you terribly. I'm sorry I didn't find you in time, and that you had to go all alone in such a cold, dark place. I'm so lucky I had you for 13 great years.

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Borodog,

Awesome posts. I think your big regret is that you weren't able to go about it on your terms, but look at it this way: it appears he did it on his. I know you would prefer last moments with him, but isn't this better than were he to suffer pain and be subjected to countless medications and the equivalent of what people go through with life support and such? We should envy being able to go out with such dignity.

By the way, VERY cute cat. Just awesomely, perfectly black with bright green eyes and a nice shiny coat.

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Boro,

I had to put my cat down 7 years ago. I would have much preferred if she had just found somewhere comfortable and familiar to die instead of a vet's office that scared the [censored] out of her.

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what a cute kitty.

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Hey man turn that frown upside down. I'm sure Dante loved you and it sounds like he had a great life.

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Jesus Christ this brings back memories from when my cat died when I was a child [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] so sad [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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[ QUOTE ]
But everyone I've spoken to today, including animal rehabbers and vets, told me that there is basically no possible way he was healthy and trapped for any significant amount of time and I don't hear him. All the vents were open in the crawl space, and I live in a quiet space, and went outside many, many times calling for him. Everyone has told me that he had to be sick, and went off to find a quiet place.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was going to post much the same but deleted it, I couldn't get it to come out right. The second time you opened the door he would have been out like a shot if he was trapped there.

Sorry for your loss. Every cat I've had has been a wrench when I lost them, some in bad ways. Go to the shelter and get a kitten, you'll feel better.

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Boro,

That's a really sad story, but it might have been for the best. I just lost a cat to feline leukemia, and my biggest regret is that she spent a lot of her last week in a terrifying vet's office going through painful medical procedures. Maybe Dante could have been helped, but it's just as likely that there was nothing to be done but torment him with shots and pills. As it was, he left quietly and peacefully. It could be worse. Best of luck dealing with this.

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Boro,

So sorry for your loss man, sucks

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I think it's very likely you would have heard some noise if he was still alive under there.
Another possibility is that he was playing with the insulation and choked which is also something that is going to be difficult to prevent. Cats scratch and chew things and sometimes it doesn't turn out well.

I had to put down my cat, the one in my avatar, about a year ago. It was really a lousy time for me. So I feel for you and can understand your pain. Losing a pet can really suck.


In other news, my sister is a house-call type vet so she gets to be the one who puts down the poor cat or dog when it's time comes and at the house she partly grieves with the family I guess.
I honestly have no idea how she does it. Just seems so ridculously sad to me.
After one particularly bad week of having to put down 3 or 4 pets in really emotional situations she was talking about quitting.

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[ QUOTE ]

In other news, my sister is a house-call type vet so she gets to be the one who puts down the poor cat or dog when it's time comes and at the house she partly grieves with the family I guess.
I honestly have no idea how she does it. Just seems so ridculously sad to me.
After one particularly bad week of having to put down 3 or 4 pets in really emotional situations she was talking about quitting.

[/ QUOTE ]

My sister is a vet as well. She ended up going into pathology. No problem working on animals that have already died but I know she didn't like having to put them down when she was doing regular vet work. I think it made her feel a bit better knowing that she was helping to relieve an animals suffering and ending things quickly. I sometimes wish we treated people as well.

Interesting note, she studied to be a vet pathologist at UC-Davis and was one of the folks who would go down to the beaches when a whale would beach itself and die. So she would be sloshing around in a dead whale getting tissue samples and stuff. Pretty nasty stuff. Now she works in Alaska and has worked on some pretty interesting stuff up there like moose, seals, bears ect...

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i don't normally care about pet deaths too much but this is heartbreaking.. so sorry boro. [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]