scared of being nice to kids -
 

This article in the WSJ hit close to home to me this week.

In short, a previous article described how we teach kids to be afraid of men nowadays as a knee-jerk reaction to the fact most sexual predators are men. All men, even dads pushing strollers, are almost always considered high risk.

But this article takes it a step further - men now have to be scared of kids - In today's charged environment, men are guilty until proven innocent. The article describes how a guy bumped into a kid and raised his hands above his shoulders to prove he wasn't up to no good.

When I was 17, I was at a high school gaterhing in a gym - one of those career fairs when a 3 year old grabbed around my leg and grinned up at me - as it turns out, I went to church with him and his family, and in the crowd, he recognized me and told me hello in that way a three year old might [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] - I thought nothing of it at the time but now the very thought 17 years later would terrify me.

Like the article, I deliberately avoid eye contact with kids in my neighborhood - I was accidently thrust in the path of a bunch of kids waiting for the bus this week (with their parents standing guard nearby) and I've never felt more unwelcome or uncomfortable walking past them to get back to my house. I am immediately evaluated and considered a threat due to being single and a bit out of place (grey hair prematurely, awkward gait - LOL)

I am scared to death of kids, and not in that "getting shot by a 10 year old" way - I want no one to see me looking at them or talking to them or even smiling when they smile at me in church - Fear of being labeled a predator or considered a danger drives a wedge between me and them and according to the article, Dads barely have it any better.

Anyone else feeling this pressure to move as far away from a school as possible?

RB

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I know exactly how you feel. My only problem is, is that I am a high school teacher. I was also an adult leader for the Boy Scouts after I turned 18. The Boy Scouts had some crazy policies in place for summer camp for the adults. You were required to have hot pink wrist bands (like hospital bands) on at all times. If you didn't, or saw an adult who didn't, the cops were called before they came a talked to you. I felt that this was little absurd, but I guess for the safety of the kids.

As for school. I had a girl accuse me of physically stopping her in the hallway. She didn't accuse me of touching her in an inappropriate (sp) way, she just said that I restrained her. Though this accusation was serious enough and was during classes with nobody else in the hallway. Luckily, the janitor was in the hall and saw the whole thing. I approached the girl, but never touched her (i'm not [censored] stupid), asked what she was doing in the hall. When she didn't answer, she walked by, and disappeared down another hall. 3 hours later I was called into my principals office with thic crazy ass story. Thank God the janitor was around. If he wasn't, it would have been my word vs. hers, and I would have lost my job at the least.

I think the worst part of teaching is all the girls who want to give you a hug, or just want to be close to you. It is hard not to be rude, but you must also keep your distance.

I understand that the OP is usually talking about younger kids, but I figured I would throw in my 2 cents worth about the high school kids.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I think this article, and you, are blowing things way out of proportion. I worked as a gymnastics coach all through high school and college and never had a hint of a problem. In my current daily life I only see kid around the apartment complex usually at the pool. I usually talk to kids that are around and playing and again, never a hint of a problem. If kids are scared of you they're scared of you, whatever. It's not a big deal, they'll just run away. You certainly can't make trouble for yourself talking to kids though; you haven't done anything wrong.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I know exactly what you mean, especially being a high school teacher myself, and it's something I think about a lot. Just go take a look at sites like badbadteacher or teachertrash and you get a slew of stories about teachers touching students inappropriately and other related misconduct.

Obviously, if some teacher is found with millions of files of child pornography, that's pretty cut and dry, but there are stories on that site about a teacher allegedly having improper incidents with students, 10, 15+ years ago!

Most likely a majority of those stories are true, but what of the ones that aren't? Just the mere accusation of something like that is probably enough to permanently taint a teacher's reputation, if not their career. If a student of mine felt I unfairly gave her a bad grade, or she just plain didn't like me, what's to stop her from taking revenge by going to an administrator and saying I touched her improperly? And if that happened, I'd surely be pulled out of the classroom while an investigation took place. But the thing is, the best case scenario is that even if I were cleared on all charges, I'd have a cloud of suspicion forever hanging over my head. I don't think I'm being overly irrational either; this is very real possibility. All it takes is one student with a grudge.

It's sad nowadays that teachers are taught to avoid physical contact with students whenever possible. We are taught to refrain from giving a student a hug, or to even be in the same room with a student without someone else present. I understand that the aim is to protect the student and the teacher, but I remember a couple times back in grade school after I'd had a particularly bad day, a hug from a teacher really turned it around. It's sad we live in another world these days.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I tried to go to Chuck E Cheese's (arcade and pizza place combo) for my friends younger brother's birthday, and was denied access. I'm 21 years old, and was shut down from the 10 y/o's bday party because I wasn't there with a kid. Me pointing out my friends family and birthday party did not help me, only when a girl, same age as me came and said I was fine (my guy friend wasn't enough validation), was I able to go in.

It struck me as very odd, especially because generally I dress like I'm on a tennis court or golf course, and not creepyish in any way.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think this article, and you, are blowing things way out of proportion. I worked as a gymnastics coach all through high school and college and never had a hint of a problem. In my current daily life I only see kid around the apartment complex usually at the pool. I usually talk to kids that are around and playing and again, never a hint of a problem. If kids are scared of you they're scared of you, whatever. It's not a big deal, they'll just run away. You certainly can't make trouble for yourself talking to kids though; you haven't done anything wrong.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think the suspicions usually stem from the kids but from the parents who are in charge of the kids, or other adults who are watching.

I agree completely with the article and op. The atmosphere in many parts of the country have become near boiling paranoia when it comes to kids around adults in almost any capacity.

It's really sad especially for the kids who grow up in an atmosphere of complete and total fear. I can't imagine such a climate results in well-adjusted adults, and from my experience it does not. But I guess society has decided that rather than have a few kids be severely emotionally damaged, we'll just have most of them be somewhat emotionally damaged. The irony of course is that there doesn't seem to be much indication that such paranoia is actually stopping the predators.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

sounds like you're letting the media control your life. al quaeda, bird flu, killer bees, the big one, west nile virus, etc.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I'm a mid-twenties, married guy, living in a nice neighborhood with a lot of kids and about two blocks from an elementary school. Our mailbox is a little bit down the street from our house and I like to take my dogs for a little walk to get the mail.

One day, I was walking my dog, he was still a little puppy, and a little girl was playing in her front yard with her dog. I was walking by with my puppy, she was all "puppy!" so I stopped to let her pet my dog. Her mom came running out and brought her inside like I was a child molester, didn't say a word to me, just came out and got her daughter and rushed back inside. We're practically neighbors. I was walking back to my house with my mail in my hand.

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

I was walking my dog the other day and two neighborhood kids, about 6 years old and playing in their yard, come running up wanting to meet and pet the dog. I kneel down and talk to them, letting them play with him, asking them their names, etc...

And suddenly a blood curdling SCREAM goes up from the house and the kids' mother comes running out, terror on her face. She grabs the kids and runs back in before I can even say "hi."

Granted, I was wearing these:
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...ather_buns.jpg

but come on!

Re: scared of being nice to kids -
 

Maybe she was scared of the dog? I wouldnt want my future child to play with a dog either. I have heard of many stories where a "nice" dog just snapped.