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-   -   Trip report: fight in Internet cafe (http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=556423)

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 01:41 PM

Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
I had a perfect session last night playing from 10.30pm to 3.30am at the 24 hour Internet cafe. I deposited £62 and withdrew £392 for a win of £330. I didn't play higher than $0.50/$1, either.
When I walked in, the poker player I'd talked to the previous night was asleep in the corner. When I spoke to him later, he told me he'd been there two days. He was waiting, he said, for a tournament. And for Godot, I suppose.

I sat at the back, and noticed the man sitting in the corner next to me was watching porn films. Another man was looking at escort websites; someone else was on Gaydar.

Around 2am a stout, cheaply dressed, gel-haired young Englishman with a cheap sports bag started shouting at the middle-aged lank-haired semi-destitute Pole sitting next to him, telling him not to look at his screen. He was pushing, shoving, and yelling in a high-pitched, chippy, common voice. He asked the Pole to come outside to fight, then pushed his chair so he fell over hard onto his back.

The young Turkish man from the front desk came over and stood between them, and tried to escort the English thug out of the door but he refused to leave, demanding a refund. He said "Go on, call Old Bill if you want", and I guessed he was and would continue to be no stranger to the inside of a police cell. I walked over to watch and so did all the other guys, forming a scrum at the front of the store.

The Polish man was hiding behind the counter, protected by the store owners from the English thug. I missed what happened for a fraction of a second. Suddenly the English man was curled up on the floor and the Turkish man, no doubt being from the fighting class himself, had lifted a large metal stool above his head and was about to bring it down onto the thug's thick head. I felt my heart race and desperately wanted him to do it, but his colleague held him back. The English thug got up, and I saw the bridge of his nose was bleeding. He said he was going to call the police. The Turkish man had by now reached behind the counter for a three-foot long steel pole, and was wielding it as if he meant business. He called the Englishman a "little dick" and invited him to come and have a fight. Golly, what fun!

The English thug finally was convinced to go outside, and he paced outside shouting, telling us "You've got weapons? I've got weapons too" - though I guessed his cheap sports bag contained nothing more than packed lunch and P.E. kit - and said he would be waiting for the Turk when his shift finished. I found myself telling the thug to get lost, and that he started it. Someone else observed there were thirty witnesses who'd speak against him. Finally we saw him get on a bus.

Fifteen minutes later two policewomen arrived, called by the thug or the store-owner I'm not sure. As the ladies walked to the back of the store, the man in the corner unplugged his headphones and we heard a loud UH - UH - OH - YES - YES from the porn film he was watching; the place erupted in laughter. The policewomen interviewed the Pole, but since the thug had gone there wasn't much they could do.

An amusing night!

thesilkworm 11-28-2007 01:49 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
As the ladies walked to the back of the store, the man in the corner unplugged his headphones and we heard a loud UH - UH - OH - YES - YES from the porn film he was watching; the place erupted in laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol!

AJW 11-28-2007 01:56 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Lucky Jim you’re a terrible snob, You come across as a male version of Hyacinth Bucket a middle class curtain twitcher with pretensions.

ematz 11-28-2007 01:57 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Good trip report.

Tony_P 11-28-2007 01:57 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
I thought this would be about your roommate following you to the internet cafe to fight you for flushing the toilet and banging the kettle

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 01:59 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
Lucky Jim you’re a terrible snob, You come across as a male version of Hyacinth Bucket a middle class curtain twitcher with pretensions.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh yes! Which is kind of ironic considering I didn't go to public school (for Americans - that means Eton, Winchester etc), I do a working class job, and I am myself often "semi-destitute."

I just finished 'Snobs' by Julian Fellowes. I'd recommend it:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main...04/bofel04.xml

By-Tor 11-28-2007 02:06 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
JOLLY Good trip report.

[/ QUOTE ]

nub

Dids 11-28-2007 02:07 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
needs more adjectives imo

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 02:10 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
needs more adjectives imo

[/ QUOTE ]


Just realised I weigh more than Dids.

Elevens 11-28-2007 02:47 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Fighting in an internet cafe seems very ironic to me.

Lazy Meatball 11-28-2007 02:53 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
nice inclusion of fellow porno watching internet cafe goer.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 02:58 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
nice inclusion of fellow porno watching internet cafe goer.

[/ QUOTE ]


Yeah, these places make me feel almost NORMAL

kipin 11-28-2007 03:34 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Arguing in an internet cafe is like running in the Special Olympics.

Even if you win you're still retarded.

FlyWf 11-28-2007 04:55 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
I really enjoy the way that English people don't even realize how ridiculous they seem when they casually use caste-based insults.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 05:08 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
I really enjoy the way that English people don't even realize how ridiculous they seem when they casually use caste-based insults.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, you would say that...

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 05:14 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
I do find it difficult to avoid crude class and racial stereotyping.

I didn't mention that there were three or four black guys dressed in a kind of smart preppy hip-hop style who were in the crowd standing around the fight, and one of them held back the cafe-owner when he was about to smash the chair into the yob's head, because I feel like I can't mention their race, even though it forms part of the story - the big mix of people in this place, the craziness of the situation.

I can't think of a better way to describe how they looked except "dressed in a smart hip hop, P.Diddy type style", and that in itself is stereotyping, isn't it, as if I lack the knowledge, or interest, to be able to differentiate different types of black guys, so I choose the most obvious frame of reference.

RoundTower 11-28-2007 06:04 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
if you would just stop writing about poker I would read everything you wrote.

Jay Riall 11-28-2007 06:16 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
I really enjoy the way that English people don't even realize how ridiculous they seem when they casually use caste-based insults.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why do you think it is ridiculous out of interest?

diddyeinstein 11-28-2007 06:16 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
How did his nose get bloody? I read that you missed it, but this was never discussed?

Congrats on a winning session, and if this had been in the States you would have definitely seen some guns drawn.

MrOnizuka 11-28-2007 06:25 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
You ought to check out a "cyber-bang" in southern California or any place with a lot of azn asians for some screwdriver to the head action.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 06:33 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
How did his nose get bloody? I read that you missed it, but this was never discussed?

Congrats on a winning session, and if this had been in the States you would have definitely seen some guns drawn.

[/ QUOTE ]


It was a cut on the bridge of his nose, rather than a nosebleed. Not so much blood that he'd have needed a tissue. I didn't see how it happened, but I guess he was punched - maybe the Turkish guy was wearing a ring.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 06:33 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
if you would just stop writing about poker I would read everything you wrote.

[/ QUOTE ]


Hehe, thanks. See you in the PLO forum!

DLizzle 11-28-2007 06:36 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I really enjoy the way that English people don't even realize how ridiculous they seem when they casually use caste-based insults.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why do you think it is ridiculous out of interest?

[/ QUOTE ]

Here in North America everything must be PC, especially on an internet forum. For instance, if jimm's story was instead posted by FlyWF, you wouldn't be able to tell the race, gender, appearance, class, etc. of any of the characters in the story. In fact, he may have created fake profiles for each person to create a perfectly diversified and non-stereotypical crowd, just to be safe.

Also, no one but the English would make responses to Fly's post like 'Wow, a successful, well dressed elderly puerto rican man was beat up by a slender clean looking asian girl while some old black women watched porn on their laptops, seems weird'. No one but the English would find anything strange about that story because only the English are so prejudiced as to judge people by appearance.

Jay Riall 11-28-2007 06:45 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
Also, no one but the English would make responses to Fly's post like 'Wow, a successful, well dressed elderly puerto rican man was beat up by a slender clean looking asian girl while some old black women watched porn on their laptops, seems weird'. No one but the English would find anything strange about that story because only the English are so prejudiced as to judge people by appearance.

[/ QUOTE ]

A+ level

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 06:46 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
'Wow, a successful, well dressed elderly puerto rican man was beat up by a slender clean looking asian girl

[/ QUOTE ]


Great post... but actually, that sounds like the porn that I watch on my laptop...

FlyWf 11-28-2007 06:51 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I really enjoy the way that English people don't even realize how ridiculous they seem when they casually use caste-based insults.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why do you think it is ridiculous out of interest?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because it betrays a significant and deep personality flaw that you guys don't even have the good sense to be ashamed of your out-dated prejudices.

gamblar 11-28-2007 06:54 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Good trip report jimm.

We need more trip reports in general from across the pond. If for nothing else than the terminology.

The English are always good for providing a larf.

MortalWombat 11-28-2007 06:56 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]

Around 2am a stout, cheaply dressed, gel-haired young Englishman with a cheap sports bag started shouting at the middle-aged lank-haired semi-destitute Pole sitting next to him, telling him not to look at his screen.

[/ QUOTE ][ QUOTE ]
He asked the Pole to come outside to fight, then pushed his chair so he fell over hard onto his back.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

The Turkish man had by now reached behind the counter for a three-foot long steel pole, and was wielding it as if he meant business.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

The policewomen interviewed the Pole, but since the thug had gone there wasn't much they could do.


[/ QUOTE ]Shortened up a bit to make it more interesting/confusing.

Kimbell175113 11-28-2007 06:57 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
the Pole

[/ QUOTE ]
In before Lech.

gamblar 11-28-2007 07:00 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
Also, I enjoyed your fine comedy export, Fawlty Towers.

gamblar 11-28-2007 07:03 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
However, I dislike your version of the game we Americans refer to as, "Football"

Grasshopp3r 11-28-2007 07:37 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
I can't wait until Human Weapon goes to England to learn how to do jousting. The English sure know combat sports.

xxThe_Lebowskixx 11-28-2007 07:50 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
even the football hooligans have a strong vocabulary which makes them seem way smarter than your average wearing socks w/ sandals American.

FlyWf 11-28-2007 08:00 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
DLizzle- People don't have classes, this isn't Dungeons and Dragons. The hilarious part was: "high-pitched, chippy, common voice" not any of the descriptions.

FWIW, I'm sorry people don't like you just because you are racist. People are mean. Especially black people, amirite?

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 08:04 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
DLizzle- People don't have classes, this isn't Dungeons and Dragons. The hilarious part was: "high-pitched, chippy, common voice" not any of the descriptions.


[/ QUOTE ]


Hahaha, do you really not believe there is such a thing as a high-pitched, chippy, common voice? Or that you can't judge a person by how he talks? Oh, I forget - you're no Englishman.

FlyWf 11-28-2007 08:12 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
It's amusing to me that allegedly normal Englishmen have mannerisms most closely associated with girls auditioning for My Super Sweet Sixteen on this side of the pond.

Effete mannerisms like class snobbery are a big reason why English people seem gay. It's either that or the buggery.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 08:14 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
[ QUOTE ]
It's amusing to me that allegedly normal Englishmen have mannerisms most closely associated with girls auditioning for My Super Sweet Sixteen on this side of the pond.

Effete mannerisms like class snobbery are a big reason why English people seem gay. It's either that or the buggery.

[/ QUOTE ]


Fwiw, I have a rather plummy voice which makes me sound either expensively educated, or gay. Or both. But I am pretty sure I'm neither!

Jay Riall 11-28-2007 08:23 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
rofl if you think class snobbery is exclusively confined to England. You are very short-sighted if you don't see these things going on in America (though admittedly probably not as bad as in England). One similar area where Americans are much, much worse imo is when it comes to people of different financial situations than them.

luckyjimm 11-28-2007 08:50 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
The law firm where I work is just hilarious for how polarised the accents are. It is a medium-sized UK-only firm, so hasn't gone through the process of Americanisation which has led to the other firms becoming more diverse and cosmopolitan. This place is still true blue.

The lawyers all went to public school (i.e. top private school, different meaning here) then Oxford/Cambridge, and have ridic super-posh voices, like this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=u3G618-hxgA

Secretaries are all housewifes from Essex who left school, at best, at 18, and sound like this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hKL1TgoxPxc

Jay Riall 11-28-2007 09:03 PM

Re: Trip report: fight in Internet cafe
 
jimm - do the lawyers socialize much with the secretaries? Do you feel they look down on them much?


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