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-   -   I can't remember the last time I felt this good! (http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=39908)

Tony_P 02-18-2006 03:17 AM

I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Scene: New York City Subway, Fourth Avenue Local Train, 11 PM

Cast:

TONY PALADINO: Local degenerate
17 YEAR OLD BITCH: Inconsiderate Whore
PERTURBED YUPPIE: Possibly homosexual
ANGRY PUERTO RICAN: Fiery Latino
CONDUCTOR: Not George Carlin or Ringo Starr.
CROWD: About 30 random New Yorkers.

Train approaches DeKalb Ave Station with TONY PALADINO and ANGRY PUERTO RICAN on board. TONY is sitting reading “Catcher in the Rye”. At DeKalb Ave 17 YEAR OLD BITCH and PERTURBED YUPPIE board the train. Seating is according to the following diagram:

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c2...dino/bitch.jpg

BITCH takes out cell phone and starts playing with ringtones. As TONY glares at BITCH sitting about a foot away from him, BITCH alternates plays the opening score to “Overnight Celebrity” and some Spanish song over and over again at a very high volume. YUPPIE turns to BITCH.

<YUPPIE>Could you turn that off, please?

BITCH continues to play ringtones. YUPPIE repeats request, and BITCH continues to ignore her. TONY continues to glare at BITCH.

<CONDUCTOR> Ladies and Gentlemen, due to track work this train…….

CONDUCTOR’s announcement is drowned out by BITCH’s ringtones.

<ANGRY PUERTO RICAN> Hey! Shut that thing off so we can hear!

<YUPPIE> Yeah, turn it down.

TONY continues to glare at BITCH as she ignores ANGRY and YUPPIE.

Train slowly pulls into Atlantic Ave/Pacific Street Station. TONY calmly puts on his jacket and places his book in his pocket. TONY rises, grabs BITCH’s cell phone, and pulls it from her hand. BITCH looks up in shock as TONY snaps phone in half and throws it to the ground. Phone shatters into several pieces, and even though it is at this point unnecessary TONY stomps foot down on the largest piece, crushing it further. At this point ANGRY and three or four members of the CROWD start clapping. Train stops and the doors open, TONY walks to the door and turns to BITCH.

<TONY> Did you learn something today?

BITCH looks on in shock.

<ANGRY> (Still clapping, and obviously overjoyed) Alright Poppy!!!

TONY exits train, goes upstairs and enjoys a cigarette as he walks home, satisfied that he’s done his good deed for the day.

whiskeytown 02-18-2006 03:20 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I supposed I should be outraged and shocked at your callous disrespect for other people's property.

well done, sir

that is all

RB

AJFenix 02-18-2006 03:20 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Well played.

fluxrad 02-18-2006 03:20 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Sweet. I don't usually remember most of my dreams.

Macdaddy Warsaw 02-18-2006 03:20 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
YEAH! Destruction of personal property is AWESOME!

PartyGirlUK 02-18-2006 03:21 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Nice story but this was a cnutish move.

young Nut 02-18-2006 03:22 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I can't tell if that was evil or pure brilliance...but I definitely would have had a very good laugh if I was near the Bitch on that train. vnh, I think.

Tony_P 02-18-2006 03:22 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
I supposed I should be outraged and shocked at your callous disrespect for other people's property.

well done, sir

that is all

RB

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't Ban Whiskytown!!!!

Shilly 02-18-2006 03:24 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
OOT <3 WT

whiskeytown 02-18-2006 03:25 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
it's easy to break cell phones - and fun -

I remember being really drunk one night trying to erase a girl's number from my phone and saying hell with it and snapping it in half -

there is a certain therapy in destroying a cell phone - almost as if the cell phone deserved it - I think most do.

RB

funkymunky 02-18-2006 03:25 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Awesome. Just, awesome.

bdk3clash 02-18-2006 03:26 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I can't say I condone your actions but obviously this is pretty cool.

Also with my new Shure E4Cs I doubt I would have noticed any of this happening.

SackUp 02-18-2006 03:28 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
It is an awesome read no doubt. But breaking people's stuff really is not cool at all.

The better play would have been to just choke the biatch.

choking biatch >>>> breaking her possessions

mcb 02-18-2006 03:31 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
anyone saying it wasnt cool to break the phone has never been stuck on a train/bus with someone playing mp3 ringtones or twowaying on full volume. "did you learn something today?" iced the cake. classic.

Blarg 02-18-2006 03:32 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I was convinced this story was gonna suck until it turned out great.

You are my hero today. I think you brought something beautiful into the world today.

tdarko 02-18-2006 03:32 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
screw what some people think, some people just have zero regard or respect for other people and hopefully BITCH did learn a lesson...i think she did, cause the next time people are telling her to stop being a [censored] i think she just might listen.

well done tony p.

Born 2 Loose 02-18-2006 03:35 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
The only way to improve this story is if you had SIIHP. (the phone that is)

young Nut 02-18-2006 03:36 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
btw...what happened to posting those zoo chick pics on the myspace group forum??? ...that would make the rest of us feel good as well.

Blarg 02-18-2006 03:36 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
I can't say I condone your actions but obviously this is pretty cool.

Also with my new Shure E4Cs I doubt I would have noticed any of this happening.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thinly concealed brag post!

Okay, I admit I'm jealous.

brick 02-18-2006 03:38 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
You better delete this! OOT has reach.

Brainwalter 02-18-2006 03:40 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
tdarkoisright

Tony_P 02-18-2006 03:43 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I can't say I condone your actions but obviously this is pretty cool.

Also with my new Shure E4Cs I doubt I would have noticed any of this happening.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thinly concealed brag post!

Okay, I admit I'm jealous.

[/ QUOTE ]

I usually have my music blasting and wouldn't hear anything, but I has just bought Catcher in the Rye, since I somehow never read it, wanted to get started. Maybe it was fate.

bdk3clash 02-18-2006 03:43 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
There was a recent OOT thread about them. I got mine $181 shipped from an official reseller with the two year warranty and am so far very happy.

Dominic 02-18-2006 03:47 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
what you did was awful.

But I love it.

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Case Closed 02-18-2006 03:50 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Fantastic sir.

benza13 02-18-2006 03:54 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Tony,

Wow. Not only was the set up of this trip report beautiful, but your moves were just brilliant. Congrats on doing what many would love to but few would have the guts to.

Tony_P 02-18-2006 03:59 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Tony,

Wow. Not only was the set up of this trip report beautiful, but your moves were just brilliant. Congrats on doing what many would love to but few would have the guts to.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to say, this is something I have fantisized about doing for some time, but never thought I would have the balls to actually do it. A friend suggested I was a pussy because I did it to a 17 year old girl, and he maintains that I would not have done it to a guy. I think I would have done it to a guy as well, one of the deciding factors in this case was that I was 95% sure that if something escalated Angry Puerto Rican would have had my back.

bennyk 02-18-2006 04:01 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Congrats on doing what many would love to but few would have the guts to.

[/ QUOTE ]

Excellent work, Tony. You are an inspiration to all of us.

bk

Blarg 02-18-2006 04:03 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I can't say I condone your actions but obviously this is pretty cool.

Also with my new Shure E4Cs I doubt I would have noticed any of this happening.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thinly concealed brag post!

Okay, I admit I'm jealous.

[/ QUOTE ]

I usually have my music blasting and wouldn't hear anything, but I has just bought Catcher in the Rye, since I somehow never read it, wanted to get started. Maybe it was fate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Catcher in the Rye is famous for producing many psychotic episodes. You're continuing a fine tradition, and for once in the history of the book's incitement to violence, on someone who (sorta) deserved it.

cameronw01 02-18-2006 04:17 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
You sir are my personal hero. Oh the times your courage would have come in handy.....

Are you Maddox?

PokerBob 02-18-2006 04:25 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]

<TONY> Did you learn something today?


[/ QUOTE ]

this makes the story.

Dane S 02-18-2006 04:38 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
Lol. I would never do this but I'd be one of the guys clapping.

pshreck 02-18-2006 04:40 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I think anyone that is cool enough to pull something like this off wouldn't brag about it.

SackUp 02-18-2006 04:46 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
I'm pretty shocked by how many of you are jocking Tony for what he did.

Sure it is a really funny story, but it really is a dick move and far more dick than some stupid girl playing songs on her phone. There are a lot more mature ways to handle this, especially with a 17 year old girl.

Honestly, how bad ass do you really have to be to do this? WTF was she going to do back?

Sorry to rain on the parade, but seriously, if you take a step back, this is effed up. What would you think if tony did this to your sister? Sure you would think your sister was an idiot for not just turning off her effing phone, but you would surely think Tony was a bigger douche for breaking some 17 year old girl's phone.

Dane S 02-18-2006 04:53 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
It's just a phone.

man 02-18-2006 04:55 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
aren't you like 30 dude?

Tony_P 02-18-2006 04:57 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
I'm pretty shocked by how many of you are jocking Tony for what he did.

Sure it is a really funny story, but it really is a dick move and far more dick than some stupid girl playing songs on her phone. There are a lot more mature ways to handle this, especially with a 17 year old girl.

Honestly, how bad ass do you really have to be to do this? WTF was she going to do back?

Sorry to rain on the parade, but seriously, if you take a step back, this is effed up. What would you think if tony did this to your sister? Sure you would think your sister was an idiot for not just turning off her effing phone, but you would surely think Tony was a bigger douche for breaking some 17 year old girl's phone.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't feel like a bad-ass for doing this. I feel like I made a positive contribution to society.

Also, there is little dispute that I am a douchebag in general. I'm fairly sure that's been well established, but I'm not sure if it's relevent.

TheMainEvent 02-18-2006 04:58 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
To me this is the type of situation where if I was the one who broke the phone I would think it was a [censored] move and feel guilty, and if I knew the girl I would be pissed off, but looking at what he did from a completely detached perspective, well its kinda awesome.

Stuey 02-18-2006 05:04 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
17 year old deaf bitch finds phone on train and is trying to search the directories to find the owners home number is attacked by butter eating monster. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Just kiding I could never do this though I don't think it is wrong but if there were hot chicks around I would try to kick your ass so I look like a hero to them maybe get me some strange.

I'm full of bs today sorry.

SackUp 02-18-2006 05:05 AM

Re: I can\'t remember the last time I felt this good!
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm pretty shocked by how many of you are jocking Tony for what he did.

Sure it is a really funny story, but it really is a dick move and far more dick than some stupid girl playing songs on her phone. There are a lot more mature ways to handle this, especially with a 17 year old girl.

Honestly, how bad ass do you really have to be to do this? WTF was she going to do back?

Sorry to rain on the parade, but seriously, if you take a step back, this is effed up. What would you think if tony did this to your sister? Sure you would think your sister was an idiot for not just turning off her effing phone, but you would surely think Tony was a bigger douche for breaking some 17 year old girl's phone.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't feel like a bad-ass for doing this. I feel like I made a positive contribution to society.

Also, there is little dispute that I am a douchebag in general. I'm fairly sure that's been well established, but I'm not sure if it's relevent.

[/ QUOTE ]

Douche or not, it still could have been handled a lot better. I'm typically not one to be an uber nit, but it just seems ridiculous that you would break some girls phone b/c she was playing ringtones too loudly. You are a big dude, I'm sure if you would have just said something instead of given a "stare," she probably would have turned the stuff off.

If you wanted to be a hero, you should have broken the phone and then dropped a hundo on the ground with it.


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