Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

How do I get it back?

Dating advice question;

I was dating a girl for the last month, and at first everything was awesome. It is definitely my tendency to at first be really attractive and in control, and over time become a wuss.

Last week, we had a talk. Essentially, she said that she feels like I've become a friend to her. I know some of this has to do with my wussy-like behavior of late, but there are other complicating issues. She had a really hard childhood and is really close with her family as a result-- college (we are both freshman) is the first time she has ever been away from them and it has been really hard on her. Furthermore, since she always took care of her younger brother and sister, she is not used to people caring about her and it's hard for her. Emotionally, she has a lot of guy-like qualities like she tries to take care of things on her own, she does not trust people easily, etc.

I'm convinced she has started to see me as a friend for 2 primary reasons;

1) The family thing sort of forced me to act more like a friend than a boyfriend-- she needed someone to talk to, so I was there.
2) I have acted like a wuss of late
3) I have acted like a wuss of late
4) I have stopped doing non-wuss things like poking fun at her and calling her out when she's being ridiculous.

Essentially, I stopped doing the things that attracted her to me, and started being a friend. We're technically not dating right now, but the way we left it was we'll see how it goes after everything is sorted out with her family. Honestly, I'm not sure she needs to be in a relationship at the present moment. She's seeing her family this weekend (through tuesday, we're on break), so these next 2 weeks back are going to be very important in determining which direction this goes.

I can also report that the situation is improving. We're back to flirting like we used to, so that has to be a plus. I'm not used to taking a long time to get over break ups (usually less than a week), but I actually decided that she would be worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up on it quite yet. So as far as getting her back goes, I figure there are a couple ways I can go.

1) Act like I'm just meeting her for the first time, and be myself (girls generally like me at first because I like to make fun of people in a nice way).
2) Go the "serious" route and talk about it with her. This seems -EV, but I'm not so sure about option #1 either. However, if I do go this route, I think it's very important that I maintain CONTROL and do not become a wussy as I have the last couple weeks.
3) Keep going the direction we have been the last couple days, with flirting, etc. The hope would be that it naturally develops back into a relationship.

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

Thanks for the reminder on what it's like to be 19. I'd forgotten.

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

if u want your manhood back stop being a pussy and dating a girl and worrying about a girl and being a pussy and go out and drink and have sex with some randoms jesus getting back with her wont help

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

this post makes me really mad for some reason [censored]

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

Forget about this girl, it's over. You're in college go find some drunk girl and enjoy.

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

Move on.

-d

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

I recommend you take your mind off her and go pledge a sorority or join a knitting circle. imo

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

If you feel like she's something special, but she doesn't reciprocate, you have to move on.

What's the alpha-male act gonna do now? Bring her back until you return to your usual self? You will find someone who likes you for who you are. You don't have to force yourself to be an alpha male to find someone.

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

You know the answer to your own questions. Just stop being a pussy. Get back to how you were acting and don't forget again. Even if she doesn't come back (which I believe she will) there will be others.

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 

You did a great job of identifying the root cause of everything that went wrong. You then proceeded to justify in every single possible way why you the root cause happened and blah blah.
Every reply to this thread has been pretty much accurate.
But for the sake of completeness:

You act confident and attractive = She likes you.
You act like a wuss because of X = She does not like you.

Now that the math is out of the question, let's forget about this particular girl and go back to your first statements. "It is definitely my tendency to be..."
So, it really is not about the girl's drama.
I'd go out on a psych 101 limb and say you're a pretty cool guy, but have some stupid self-fufilling prophecy of becoming a major wimpy pussy-whipped husband. Perhaps your dad, perhaps I'm way off my game.

Either way, "don't be a pussy" is pretty much the best advice for most human situations.