The mark of the douchebag
 

Because we live in a free and open society, we can't just go around putting giant red 'D's on the douches of society. Instead, we are left to fend for ourselves, assessing and avoiding, constantly on the lookout so that some giant douche can't corner us with a story about his douchebag life. I'd like to start a comprehensive list of easily identifiable external markings that are a 100% foolproof sign of douchebaggery. My submissions are as follows:

1. White oval European country stickers with US beaches on them. Imitating these stickers with beaches is one of the worst fads of the last 15 years. I don't care that you've been to CM, SBL, LB or wherever. Everyone goes to a beach on vacation -- no one cares where you go, you aren't special. For those of you that have two stickers on your car -- we can only hope for a speedy end for you.

2. Fraternity license plates. There are no explanations needed here.

3. Famous golf club bag tags. If you aren't a member or a regular of said course, treat the thing as a souvenir and hang it in the den. Don't put it on your bag. We've all played big-name courses too, but we aren't douches enough to leave a bag tag out there for show and tell purposes. Also, if you have a bag tag for one of these courses and go out and shoot a 103 on the local muni -- kill yourself so that the rest of us don't have to suffer.

4. Wearing last year's clothing to this year's event. You people who are wearing the last tour shirt of the band you are seeing tonight; you people who are wearing "US OPEN 2005" gear to the 2006 US Open; you fellas that are wearing "WSOP 2006" gear to the 2007 WSOP -- do you know how asinine you look? Do you have any friends?

I'm holding a few others in reserve because they aren't as foolproof as these.

If you're reading and have one of the marks of the douche, don't argue, you're wrong -- you are a douche. The only thing you can do is eliminate the mark and hide your douchebaggery from the rest of the world.

For the rest of you non-douches, are there any other full proof markings that indicate the beast is among us?

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

Honestly I don't think any of these are even close to foolproof. I had high hopes when I saw the title but really your post is the most douchebaggy thing about all of this [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

edit: especially your last one, about wearing a previous year's t-shirt to this year's event. wtf? How uptight are you?

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

I don't see a problem with 3 or 4, but 1 and 2 are spot on, especially 1. I hate those stickers. I also hate ribbons on cars, which they seem to have for every cause under the sun now.

edit -- btw, #2 is fine if you are still in college.

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

You seem to have gotten some sand in your vagina. Is it also a graveyard for dead animals?

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

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edit: especially your last one, about wearing a previous year's t-shirt to this year's event. wtf? How uptight are you?

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That's pretty much the most foolproof one. You should stop doing that.

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

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edit -- btw, #2 is fine if you are still in college.

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Certainly.

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

1. I don't even think I understand #1. I must have missed this trend? What are these stickers?

2. I guess this is true if it's over 5 years since you pledged your fraternity.

3 and 4 seem like signs of enthusiasts to me. I guess I don't get most of this post. Are these kinds of things the guy equivalent of an $800 handbag and a 3 carat diamond or something?

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

In my experience, any dude who pops his collar is a giant bag of douche.

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

VR-
http://images.cafepress.com/product/...x240_Front.jpg

Re: The mark of the douchebag
 

Low to medium level businessmen (using the term loosely) who wear french cuffs or white cuffs/collar on a colored/striped shirt as part of their business casual wardrobe. I've yet to come across someone who dresses like this who isn't a big douche.