My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

I've always loved this forum for its great ideas so I thought I'd open up here and see what ideas could be here for my situation. Allow me to give a very brief account of my poker career. First of all I am a 31 yr old male from the bay area and Im a scientist in the biotech industry over at biotech bay. Many of the guys in this forum know me as a very good poker player who has swingy emotions based on whether or not im having a big winning month in poker. I've been playing poker for 4 years and I must admit that its been very hard to hold down a successful career for that time and at the same time juggle a poker career on the side (~20 hrs/week) and keep a wife and family happy. I pretty much work all the time. Over the past 4 years I have made a decent 6-figure return on my poker winnings but I have much much bigger expectations for myself over the next 4 years. I've played 2 televised events at the WSOP and WPT and I have been successful in many types of games.

So that's my background, here's my problem. I am basically a serious poker addict. It started about 2 yrs ago when I started consuming myself in this game. It began when I started skipping parties, lying to my friends and telling them that I didnt feel well so that I could stay home and grind it out in the sunday million or whatever. It then evolved into me playing poker all the time and even sneaking out to play when I was supposed to be doing other stuff. Last week I had a business trip in Boston and I pretty much grinded 24-7 around my business meetings and even showed up bloodshot eyes and all to drag through my meetings, then back upstairs to grind online in my room. Rather than going out to enjoy that amazing city, i stayed in my room all week and ordered room service so that I didnt miss any games and i could grind all day. By the end of the week I could barely get myself back to the airport to fly back to california. I honestly felt that if i didnt get out that morning then i could die in my hotel room. i was only sleeping like 2 hrs a night, and getting weaker and weaker. I am a sick mother [censored] I know.

So here's the biggest problem of all. I am a winning player, and I've grown dependent on this poker income over time to pay the huge taxes and mortgages of northern cali and I need this game to provide me with the intellectual challenge that I cannot get from my career. BUT I basically need to play this game in moderation and learn to control my gambling addiction and not let my emotions drag me through the dirt when I lose. I cannot stand losing at poker, and it completely owns my mood and emotions when I lose.

I would never walk away from poker, but I seek to play this game in moderation and not to let my emotions control me when I am losing. Is it possible for a guy like me to have a healthy relationship with this game ? Must I really be this obsessed with the game to be successful? Will I ever push myself to hang out with friends again or not?

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

A couple of good points
1) you are a winning player (i hope this is the truth!)
2) you realise that your life is either out of balance, or getting out of balance.

If you are mainly playing online, (or if you have good records live), find out how much poker is earning you per hour, and compare that to your income.

For example, i am up about 2.5k in poker tourneys, but they are all 5 and 15 dollar mtts. In an hourly rate, i have prolly earned 1 or 2 dollars per hour. Since i am a dentist, earning over 100k a year, even though i am profitable on the poker table, its really just a hobby.

This kinda puts things in perspective, doesnt it? I have a good tourney win rate over about 1k games, yet it doesnt really earn me any 'real' money

On the other hand, your profits may be substantial.

My suggestions.

Get and analyse your records
Sit down with the misses and discuss
Get some balance back in your life somehow. This may involve

i) setting a time limit for poker
ii) stepping up in limits for a while
iii) going part time in your job to allow for more poker time
iv) realising poker doesnt pay much compared to your job, and understanding that its just a hobby (like me)

Hope this helps

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

omaha,

thanks for the advice. I'd say that poker is roughly 15% or so of my annual income. I think that it could be 30% if I keep moving up in stakes and improving over the next year. Hell, its possible that part time I could even get to 50%.

Indy

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

It sounds like you are having trouble figuring out how you want poker to fit into your life. The good thing is that you still have all your options open. You haven't blown all your money, had your wife leave, lose your job, or anything like that.

There are several related areas of psychology that can help, anything from sports psychology to self-hypnosis or many other forms of self-help. Just go to a book store and find something that appeals to you. They share the same basic idea, which is to figure out a goal, make a plan to reach the goal, and then use some sort of behaviour modification to help stick with the plan. Maybe your goal should be to "make $x a month spending at most y hours playing poker". Maybe you want to become a poker pro. Only you know what the right goal for you is. The key is to understand WHY you want to reach the goal. What's the motivation? What would it mean to you to reach the goal? Once you figure it out, it usually isn't to hard to formulate a plan, and if you really understand the why, then you can stick to the plan.

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

[ QUOTE ]

So here's the biggest problem of all. I am a winning player, and I've grown dependent on this poker income over time to pay the huge taxes and mortgages of northern cali and I need this game to provide me with the intellectual challenge that I cannot get from my career.

[/ QUOTE ]

hello,
perhaps you would feel better when you can figure out a way to be not dependent on your poker winnings?
chr1s82p

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

guys,

i really appreciate all the suggestions. I could live without poker $, but i'd have to change the lifestyle a little. I do love this game a lot and i worked out a deal with my staker/coach to let me just have fun with the game for a little while. I do want to be the very best HUSNGer in the world and I've been working on this over the past year or so. The problem is that i get burned out and have to make myself quit.

As for my social life, I do want to rekindle friendships with my buddies back east and spend more time on relationships. I took off poker the last couple days and took my wife out to a girlie movie as well. I am trying to be a man of moderation but its hard.

My biggest concern is my ability to not let the swings of the game affect me emotionally.

Indy

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Indiana,

since you seem to be a proven winning player, and an intelligent person, I'm sure you understand the fundamentals behind this game. You know that you can't win every time you sit down at the table. I much like you, rather despise losing. I however, derive most of my poker income from MTT's, so I've had to accept, embrace and truly understand what variance means. I probably lose more days than I win, but given the nature of MTT's, that's common. So what do I do? I play as well as I can, win or lose, and when I leave the tables behind for the day, I leave feeling satisfied I tried my hardest. I know that the days I win will make up for the losses many times over.

For a cash game player, you obviously can't afford to have more losing days than winning days, but the same principle applies. If you play your toughest, you ought to leave the tables feeling good about yourself. I guess my advice is, not to embrace losing, but understand that is a inevitable part of poker.

Here's a great quote from long-time poster MLG. I bolded the (imo) important part.

[ QUOTE ]
I think a lot of players become too invested in poker. That is, they have too much of an emotional investment in outcomes. Realistically it happens to all of us, but it’s important to keep in mind why you play poker. If you are playing because it’s fun and you enjoy the challenge then the emphasis should be on making correct decisions. I honestly enjoy getting involved in a difficult hand that I have to think about, even if I make a mistake (or make the right decision and lose the pot anyway). It is easy though to slip and think that because you perceive yourself as “good” or “better” you deserve to win. That’s just not the case. There is no deserve in poker. That’s a pretty important concept, and if you can’t swallow it poker will kill you. That’s what I mean by being too invested, feeling like you deserve to win because you play well. You don’t. When you take up poker seriously part of the bargain is throwing the word deserve right out the window.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

you will eventually grow to hate the game no matter what if u play enough.
this happened to me around the 500k hand mark. although there are sickos who just love the game no matter what i suppose

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Indy,

I'm about a 50 minute drive from you which is nothing in this area. I'm in the same boat as you with the exception of lifetime winnings. You might remember me from the STTF long ago.

We can hook up and talk in person about this or you can show up at one of my live tourneys (40+ players) and we can talk. Living with this addiction has cost me friends, probably some family, and most assuredly my health. I call it a side job. Addiction seems a better description for sure.

PM if interested in talking live.

Onaflag..........

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

pm sent onaflag...yah i remember u.

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Indiana,

You pwn. Just remember that and continue forward in your decisionmaking, taking it one step at a time.

That will be $500 please.


Barry

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Well, it would be foolish to let that 30% of your income threaten your 70% of income. Because the last thing you want is that 30% to be all of your income.

Take a break. Poker will always be there. 24/7.

I know what you mean about getting used to the money. We always seem to be spend close to what we have. And having less means feeling poor which is what nobody wants.

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Thanks guys, I am officially on a poker break of sorts. I only play lower stakes like $55 HU matches and such right now. I am very very hungry to jump back into high stakes and compete, but for the next week or two i will force myself to be a poker lightweight. Honestly, poker is all i have in life and i know that's sad. I pretty much get bored to tears with everything else in my life, including fancy things and sexy time....:)

Indy

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

i can understand poker addicts but i ll never get how poker can be the only reason u live for seriously u need your head to be checked poker is just a game i see so many depressed pros with all the money they have it s just [censored] pathetic dont take it so serious

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

i can understand OP

i'm addict to :S

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Yeah I do understand OP too. Could say I am addicted also. However I just got to know the game so it's not exactly an income at the moment.. but I hope to make a (side)income with poker in the future.

I think you did good taking a 'break', if your income is that much higher than your pokerincome itd be insane to risk that amongst other things..

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Im curious, but for those for would consider themselves addicted, why is this? Is it primarily a question of easy money, of having to beat every level or something else? I love poker and i think about it probably way too much but have never got to the properly addicted stage.

I play I guess a semi-pro level to get myself through my Phd, but I have come to see it as a job. It is of course still better than a real job, but I really wish I had a passion that could get me through big sessions and then want to come back for more. In a sense, I wish I was more addicted, though my problem is probably one of concentration rather than love for the game. For those who at 'addiction' levels, can you put your finger on what drives you to want to play all the time?

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

It's hard to tell sweeng. I have been winning poker player for a bit more than 2 years. Poker has been my only income for 2 years. I feel semi-addicted. It's not like I feel I have to play. I don't neglect my diuties or friends. But I am putting things that do not have deadlines aside to play poker. It's just easier to play poker than to do something that requires hard work.


I will describe my situation with studies a bit clearer, to maybe hear opinion from some others, how to deal with my negligence.

I am in my 4th year out of 5 year studies after which I will get Master of Science degree (or sth like that, its not exactly same as US system, I live in Poland). I was offered to do PhD at my technical university (in IT), after I do the masters. But to do this, I will have to commit myself to this PhD thing. I will have to spend time to reaserch, program and read a lot about my PhD disciple (it is a PhD about combinatorial game thory btw - which has nothing to do with economic game theory and not much to do with poker).

And as I don't have strict deadlines (still one and half year till *starting* the PhD process) I do nothing about it. But if I keep doing nothing the opportunity to start this PhD will disappear. It's not like I don't want to study. I want. I want to do this PhD. It's just that it is something that will require hard work. And poker is here - easier, more entertaining, giving income (huge income as for Poland) and allowing you to dream (about beating some live televised events, being the balla and so on...)

Re: My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict
 

Wow, Indy, I didn't know you were addicted. Thought you were more like one of those guys for whom playing poker is just a job (I thought that because you have a family and a real job).

Well, I am addicted too. I am in a second year of 4 year university and probably the main reason why I didn't quit university is that I don't want to dissapoint my parents. They really supported me a lot so far so I would feel bad. Otherwise, it is like 60 40 in favor of quitting university (still not so high though). Reasons I don't quit are my parents and my ego, because, let's be honest, every idiot can make university (if he commits enough time - I don't mean to insult anyone).

I think the problem of being addicted and putting everything else but poker aside is pretty common on this forum. You see you are not alone with problem.