would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"When you make the two one, and when you make the inner as the outer and the outer as the inner and the above as the below, and when you make the male and the female into a single one, then you shall enter the kingdom."

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot of what he said was convoluted, but I think he's talking about being counterfeited here.

also, would he be a CardRunners pro?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

omg gold

as for your question, no - he'd probably be too good to be a CR pro

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[insert funny comment here]

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

im having dejavu

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Would this be 8lb 6oz baby Jesus or the grown up one?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"When you make the two one, and when you make the inner as the outer and the outer as the inner and the above as the below, and when you make the male and the female into a single one, then you shall enter the kingdom."

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot of what he said was convoluted, but I think he's talking about being counterfeited here.

also, would he be a CardRunners pro?

[/ QUOTE ]


Chapter and verse? Looks fake.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Sorry but Jesus never said anything like that.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"When you make the two one, and when you make the inner as the outer and the outer as the inner and the above as the below, and when you make the male and the female into a single one, then you shall enter the kingdom."

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot of what he said was convoluted, but I think he's talking about being counterfeited here.

also, would he be a CardRunners pro?

[/ QUOTE ]


Chapter and verse? Looks fake.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've read the new testament a few times, and don't remember this verse from anywhere. Apocrypha maybe? I haven't read that.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Jesus would have been good at poker because jews make the best poker players

(paging barry greenstein)

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Its from "Jesus, The Gospel According To Thomas."

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

It is from the Gospel of Thomas, not in the Bible. Supposedly the only direct quotes from Jesus. All weird mystical stuff, like Kabbalistic or gnostic.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry but Jesus never said anything like that.

[/ QUOTE ]
Have you seen Zeitgeist?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

lol at "The Gospel of Thomas". Written a 150 years after Jesus, as opposed to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, written by Jesus' contemporaries, none later than 65 AD. Some gnostic group put it out as the "secret" sayings of Jesus, 'cause they were into secret stuff. They thought it was cool.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

some of you are pretty pro New Testamentors, so what say you?

like Jesus had a sick read on Judas, but bluff-call stacked off anyway amiright. then he rebought only to leave the table and be blinded away.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
some of you are pretty pro New Testamentors, so what say you?

like Jesus had a sick read on Judas, but bluff-call stacked off anyway amiright. then he rebought only to leave the table and be blinded away.

[/ QUOTE ]

Judas went south with a 30 piece of silver effective stack. Jesus read his soul.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
but I think he's talking about merging hand ranges here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

also, what about Barabbas' sick angle-shoot?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool

If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool

He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool

No wonder there are so many Christians

Jesus Was Way Cool

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
also, what about Barabbas' sick angle-shoot?

[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty good picture for all of us that escape judgement.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

If I Was Jesus, I'd have some real long hair
A robe and some sandals, is exactly what I'd wear
I'd be the guy at the party, turnin' water to wine
Yeah me and my disciples, we'd have a real good time.

Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross
If I Was Jesus.

I'd have some friends that were poor
I'd run around with the wrong crowd, man I'd never be bored
Then I'd heal me a blind man, get myself crucified
By politicians and preachers, who got somethin' to hide.

Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross
If I Was Jesus.

If I Was Jesus, I'd come back from the dead
And I'd walk on some water, just to mess with your head
I know your dark little secrets, I'd look you right in the face
And I'd tell you I love you, with Amazing Grace.

Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross
If I Was Jesus.

If I Was Jesus.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool

[/ QUOTE ]
If you were sober
and you just went to Jesus
Would he put his hands on you
and make you high again?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

He would have had the ultimate super-user account, and he would have spread his cheating-wealth to the hard working micro stakes grinders and retarded droolers at ssnl.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

This is a dumb question. Jesus was the original "superuser".

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
lol at "The Gospel of Thomas". Written a 150 years after Jesus, as opposed to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, written by Jesus' contemporaries, none later than 65 AD. Some gnostic group put it out as the "secret" sayings of Jesus, 'cause they were into secret stuff. They thought it was cool.

[/ QUOTE ]

From Wikipedia:

Matthew:
"Secular scholarship generally agrees it was written by an anonymous non-eyewitness to Jesus' ministry. The author apparently used the Gospel of Mark as one source and the hypothetical Q document as another, possibly writing in Antioch, c 80-85."

Luke:
"While some scholars argue for a pre-70 date for when the gospel was written, most scholars place the date ca. 80-90."

John:
"Most scholars agree on a range of c. 90-100 for when the gospel was written, though dates as early as the 60s or as late as the 140s have been advanced by a small number of scholars."

Also there is much debate about the date of Gospel of Thomas as well - ranging from 50 to 150.

You are correct about Mark though (60-65).

[/nitpick]

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Ummmm, would you really try to win a pot from the Son of God? He tells his old man that you stack a donked him and your off the guest list at the pearly gates.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
lol at "The Gospel of Thomas". Written a 150 years after Jesus, as opposed to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, written by Jesus' contemporaries, none later than 65 AD. Some gnostic group put it out as the "secret" sayings of Jesus, 'cause they were into secret stuff. They thought it was cool.

[/ QUOTE ]

From Wikipedia:

Matthew:
"Secular scholarship generally agrees it was written by an anonymous non-eyewitness to Jesus' ministry. The author apparently used the Gospel of Mark as one source and the hypothetical Q document as another, possibly writing in Antioch, c 80-85."

Luke:
"While some scholars argue for a pre-70 date for when the gospel was written, most scholars place the date ca. 80-90."

John:
"Most scholars agree on a range of c. 90-100 for when the gospel was written, though dates as early as the 60s or as late as the 140s have been advanced by a small number of scholars."

Also there is much debate about the date of Gospel of Thomas as well - ranging from 50 to 150.

You are correct about Mark though (60-65).

[/nitpick]

[/ QUOTE ]

Good work. However, while I agree that Matthew used Mark and Q, he was not an "anonymous non-eyewitness." He was the disciple Matthew. It's important to note that Wikipedia cites "secular scholars." Also, many believe that all of the gospels were written pre AD 70, with Mark being the first (Luke used Mark as well as oral citations from Peter whom he traveled with on the journeys of Paul). At any rate, all were writted either by an eyewitness, or used eyewitnesses as sources, and were completed basically within a generation of the death of Christ. Quite possible that John was written in the 90s (in fact, probable). All except for Thomas, which was immediately renounded as heretical.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

haven't read the whole thread but I suspect that regardless of his poker-skills he could have done quite nicely on some turning-water-into-wine prop-bets.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Hero ($143)
WWJD ($107.75)
MP2 ($217.70)
CO ($99.75)
Button ($50.35)
SB ($92.45)
BB ($99)
UTG ($176.95)

Preflop: Hero is UTG+1 with Q , Q .
1 fold, Hero raises to $4, WWJD calls $4, 5 folds.

Flop: ($9.50) Q , K , 9 (2 players)
Hero bets $7, WWJD raises to $21, Hero raises to $50, WWJD raises to $103.75, Hero calls $53.75.

Turn: ($217) J (2 players)

River: ($217) 9 (2 players)

Final Pot: $217

Results in white below:
Hero has Qd Qc (full house, queens full of nines).
MP1 has 9d 9s (four of a kind, nines).
Outcome: MP1 wins $217.

Hero: ****ING SICK
WWJD: miracle card lololo

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

But buddha would suck out on him
http://www.radford.edu/~whim/toon/img/jc6_18.jpg

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

lmfao @ that pic

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Jesus couldn't play live -- would he be able to shuffle chips w/ a hole in his hand?

Seriously, though, someone pls photoshop Jerry Yang playing Jesus HU.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
At any rate, all were writted either by an eyewitness, or used eyewitnesses as sources.

[/ QUOTE ]

where did you get your information from?

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

I would have been a good poker player fwiw

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPdFrW076R0

craig would

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Denouncing it as heretical makes me believe it's legitimate.

Some say it was written around the same time as the Gospels.

At least the Gospel of Thomas allegedly reveals something about what God is and how to become Christlike. If Christ existed, I believe he'd rather us become like him instead of blinding worship him and a corrupt Church.

Your post is somewhat condescending but I guess it's "cool" to be right and believe something that you can't question!

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Who would win between Jesus and Ken Chan?

For anyone, unfamiliar with Ken Chan's system, here are 2 of his tactics

"The Virtual Marked Card" - Never wonder again what hole cards your opponent is holding, this priceless strategy will let you know for sure!

“The Force Fold”–It won’t matter if your poker foe is holding pocket aces because this revolutionary tactic can practically force anyone to fold their cards!


More info on Ken's strategy can be found here http://www.cheat-at-poker.com/ , it worked for me.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
At any rate, all were writted either by an eyewitness, or used eyewitnesses as sources.

[/ QUOTE ]

where did you get your information from?

[/ QUOTE ]
Sunday school ldo

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

To clarify, the Gospel of Thomas is supposed to say how to become Christ/God. Like the old Jewish saying, if I knew God, I would be God. I find this intriguing and an obvious reason why it was deemed heretical. Perhaps it is just mystical-bs but at least the intent ('to learn, to know') is better than the Bible ('to believe, to worship').

Either way, if you become Christ, I'm sure your winrate would improve.

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I would have been a good poker player fwiw

[/ QUOTE ]
this gimmick did not get enough respect

Re: would Jesus have been good at poker?
 

Seems to me that all the bravado and silly talk about God is stupid. If you are correct and there is no God, you gain nothing when you die. If you are wrong and there is a God, you taunted and dis-respected the being that created the universe. Seems like a stupid free-roll when eternity is the stake you have on the table...