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Jman28 07-12-2005 04:56 PM

For your reading pleasure...
 
Conversation that ensued after I sat down at a Step 5 Higher table. I fixed it to make it more readable. It starts out a little slow, but I'm just reeling him in. I spice it up towards the end....

Dealer: skinsftbl has joined the table.
Dealer: Waiting for 9 more players to start the game.
BB0UJA: skinsftbl wats up
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> sup
BB0UJA: not doing to well man
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> sorry to hear
BB0UJA: dropped 5k today at the steps and 2k nl tables
BB0UJA: hows it going for you
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> medium.. havent played today yet
BB0UJA: ohh
BB0UJA: do you remember me
BB0UJA: do you recognize my name?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> nope
BB0UJA: weve played a few times before
BB0UJA: im the guy from the leaderboard
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> k
BB0UJA: this your first 5k tableha?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> yeah, it is
BB0UJA: yeah ive never seen you here
BB0UJA: ive seen you at the steps a few times i think
BB0UJA: the 1k step
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> yeah, true
BB0UJA: anyway skins
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> anyways
BB0UJA: i came to ask you for a big favor if you can
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> k
BB0UJA: i came to see if you can loan me 400 until tommarow evening
BB0UJA: reason being i do western union and my cash wontbe in until tommarow
BB0UJA: i mean if you can do it i will pay you back with interest
BB0UJA: what you think skins
BB0UJA: can you float me?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> how do you not have $400?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I'm confused
BB0UJA: i do western union thats why
BB0UJA: i dont do bank transfer
BB0UJA: on a bad day like this id probably make party players rich lol
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> i mean in your account though
BB0UJA: i do western union to control myself
BB0UJA: i dropped a bundle today
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> oh.. I feel ya. good idea about the western union to cool down
BB0UJA: yeah
BB0UJA: i do western union to control myself
BB0UJA: i just went right now
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> how much did you have before your bad run?
BB0UJA: i usually have like 7k in account minimum
BB0UJA: but ive been cashing out all month
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> that's a little low for the steps, don't you think? Or is that for self control?
BB0UJA: just opened me a wholesale bussiness in michigan
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> nice
BB0UJA: 7k i play alot more 200s though
BB0UJA: maybe 1 1k step
BB0UJA: a day
BB0UJA: but yeah thats it
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> oh, ok. sound about right
BB0UJA: or i would qualify from the lower steps
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> dude, I dunno. I've been where you're at before and I wish I had thought to wait a couple days
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> hard to turn around when the cards aren'y hittin you
BB0UJA: true but thing is
BB0UJA: i want to play a multi special tonight
BB0UJA: i mean if you can float me skins
BB0UJA: i will pay you back 450
BB0UJA: 50 interest for a day
BB0UJA: 25k here is not bad
BB0UJA: are you there?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> hey man, from one poker player to another, I think you gotta sit today out
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself
BB0UJA: i have to qualify for a tournament thats why
BB0UJA: yeah i know but thing is i need to qualify for a multi tables tourney
BB0UJA: if i dont qualify today i dont get it
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> man, i dunno
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> what tourney?
BB0UJA: ppm
BB0UJA: sup satelite
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> yeah.. I mean, do you think you can play right? or will you be off your game?
BB0UJA: yeah i think i can play right
BB0UJA: i mean im up overall
BB0UJA: im sure ill get it back tommarow
BB0UJA: when i go to the 200 games
BB0UJA: i mostly a 200 sng player
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> you said it yourself man, western union. I don't wanna lose another player to tilt
BB0UJA: do really well in the 200s
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I mean, I'm trying to think about your well-being
BB0UJA: naw man
BB0UJA: skins i understand you feel me but i need to get three packages for the ppm thats why
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> BB.. you have a gambling problem
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> you need to get help
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> It happens to the best of us
BB0UJA: trust me i dont
BB0UJA: honestly
BB0UJA: im up 800k on party man
BB0UJA: i play alot of poker
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> that's what an addict would say man
BB0UJA: 800k
BB0UJA: check my stats on prophecy
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I was there one time... listen to this story
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I was playing way too high for my bankroll
BB0UJA: ok
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> and I lost it all in one day.
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I borrowed 10k from a good friend, who was pretty wealthy
BB0UJA: k
BB0UJA: wow
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> lost it within 3 hours.
BB0UJA: wow
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> since the money didnt mean that much to him, I tried to see if there was anything I could do
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> like, instead of paying him back
BB0UJA: ohh
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> cuz he's the type of guy that likes to see people do stupid stuff for money
BB0UJA: lol
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> so, he told me to eat 1/2 lb of my own poop
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> no joke
BB0UJA: ok and what did you do?
BB0UJA: dam
BB0UJA: XXXX that
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> and I did it. but thats not all
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> he made fun of me like, all the time
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> from that day on
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> and one time he was gonna tell my girl about it
BB0UJA: wow'
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> and, i really didnt want her to know
BB0UJA: yeah
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I stabbed him dude.
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> i XXXXing stabbed my friend
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> he's alive tho... but he can't walk
BB0UJA: get the fuc out of here
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> and he sued me hard
BB0UJA: and?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> I played poker for 5 years and paid the settlement
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> spent 2 years in jail first tho
BB0UJA: how much was it?
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> 500k
BB0UJA: dam
BB0UJA: but the guy cant walk
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude
BB0UJA: aand hes a millionaire probably
BB0UJA: comon man
BB0UJA: for 400 dollars
BB0UJA: i have my own established bussiness bro
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> is $400 worth eating poop and stabbing your best XXXXing friend!
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> ?
BB0UJA: but thing is my cash wont be in until tommarow
BB0UJA: naw man
BB0UJA: i will pay you tommarow bro
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> no. I won't let you face what I face.
BB0UJA: honestly
BB0UJA: lol
BB0UJA: how am i going to face what you did
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> learn from my mistakes
BB0UJA: lol
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> also...
BB0UJA: what you make me eat my XXXX for 400 dollars
BB0UJA: would
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> stop this stupid scam
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> moran
(long pause)
BB0UJA: ]skings
BB0UJA: you think im scamming you'
BB0UJA: thats the dumest story ive ever hurd by the way
(he left)

MagnoliasFM 07-12-2005 05:19 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
lol. good read.

Slim Pickens 07-12-2005 05:24 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
[would] you make me eat my XXXX for 400 dollars

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude... if you have to ask, you won't like the answer.

Hilarious.

Matt R. 07-12-2005 05:34 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: </font> so, he told me to eat 1/2 lb of my own poop

[/ QUOTE ]

I've never actually laughed out loud from a 2+2 post until I got to this line.

pokerlaw 07-12-2005 05:35 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: [/b]</font> so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude

[/ QUOTE ]

words to live by, haha.

future 07-12-2005 05:47 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
This is the most random thing I've ever read in my life. I had no idea it was going where it was...

GreekHouse 07-12-2005 05:50 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
Hilarious...good work. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Jay36489 07-12-2005 05:53 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
lol, gg Jman

Gildwulf 07-12-2005 06:11 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
I'm in tears...tears of joy.

Geordie Ramone 07-12-2005 06:12 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: [/b]</font> so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude

[/ QUOTE ]

magnificent

trdi 07-12-2005 06:26 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
Thanks for posting it. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

YourFoxyGrandma 07-12-2005 06:59 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
skinsftbl: and one time he was gonna tell my girl about it
BB0UJA: wow'
skinsftbl: and, i really didnt want her to know
BB0UJA: yeah
skinsftbl: I stabbed him dude.
skinsftbl: i XXXXing stabbed my friend
skinsftbl: he's alive tho... but he can't walk

[/ QUOTE ]

Brilliant. Nice work, Skins.

Jman28 07-12-2005 09:35 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[would] you make me eat my XXXX for 400 dollars

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude... if you have to ask, you won't like the answer.



[/ QUOTE ]

You think if I asked him to, and told him to send me a picture, he would've tried to find a pic of a guy eating poop and send it to me?

iMsoLucky0 07-12-2005 09:49 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
That is a piece of art. Seriously,

SlackerMcFly 07-12-2005 10:48 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude

[/ QUOTE ]

This will become the standard reply to "variance" posts from here on out... Hilarious!

Thanks for the best laugh since I heard what JohnnyBeef paid for those silly pants! Great post.

microbet 07-13-2005 12:12 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
Bravo!

Mr_J 07-13-2005 12:24 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
skinsftbl: so, he told me to eat 1/2 lb of my own poop

[/ QUOTE ]

Did nothing for me...

[ QUOTE ]
I stabbed him dude.

[/ QUOTE ]

But that was gold [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

These guys all seriously hang around begging for scraps?? So sad.

eastbay 07-13-2005 12:25 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]

These guys all seriously hang around begging for scraps?? So sad.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know where these guys heads' are at who can go to the high stakes tables and go "hey dude if you win this can you transfer me $N?"

But I really hope I never get there. I think I'd eat a shotgun first.

eastbay

4T25Q85 07-13-2005 12:38 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
OMG!! Im in tears as well, i havent laughed so hard in about a year. What a doomass, it actually sounded like he believed you,lol, thats what made it so funny.

LOL(still), oh boy...my cheeks hurt [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

Newt_Buggs 07-13-2005 12:40 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
hahahaha, very nice work.

Back when I played the $11s I once had a player look me up and ask for $3, but somehow I don't think that that's as impressive.

Mr_J 07-13-2005 12:50 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
Nice avatar

Pasterbator 07-13-2005 01:01 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
that was beyond amazing. it really was.

zipppy 07-13-2005 01:13 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown">skinsftbl: [/b]</font> so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude

[/ QUOTE ]

magnificent

[/ QUOTE ]

I think I'm crying right now over this. Wow that's good [censored]

ZIPPPY

MSUcougar 07-13-2005 01:51 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
That same guy started trying to talk to me in a SNG tonight...

Started off just the same

Jman28 07-13-2005 05:37 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
That same guy started trying to talk to me in a SNG tonight...

Started off just the same

[/ QUOTE ]

We should all do the exact same bit when he talks to us.

You have my permission to recreate the story.

unreal_nh 07-13-2005 05:54 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
lol, oh god i damn near died just now... that was great

Jman28 07-13-2005 01:59 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
lol, oh god i damn near died just now

[/ QUOTE ]

Please be careful. I already almost killed my friend.

hyde 07-13-2005 02:06 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
beautiful, just beautiful.

EverettKings 07-13-2005 02:18 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
I think I owe the office an explanation of why I suddenly hit the floor in hysteria.

I mean jeebus dude, where do you come up with this stuff?

NH

Kings

Jman28 07-13-2005 06:10 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
I mean jeebus dude, where do you come up with this stuff?


[/ QUOTE ]

I'm just awesome. That's all.

pokerraja 07-13-2005 06:23 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
funniest thread ive ever read in my life.

Apathy 07-30-2005 01:16 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
omfg, i just read this after seeing it in the digest, excellent work on that, this guy is constantly harresing me and i [censored] with him a little bit but never this funny... Nick B. use a fake AIM account to mess with him a while ago too, I'd be shocked if this guy has EVER gotten money, but he mustve if he keeps doing it.

curtains 07-30-2005 01:22 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
These guys do get money. I know someone that sent 50 bucks or so to one of them once. For a 13 year old kid (my estimated age of the offender) that's a lot of money!

metrognome7 07-30-2005 01:43 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
You have my permission to recreate the story.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not the same guy, but a similar situation...

FullTiltPoker Game #169565151: Table Apple - $0.10/$0.25 - No Limit Hold'em
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): IM ASKING FOR 500
lil ash (Observer): NO SCAM</font>
martytex: ok lol
MustBeMistaken: 5 here, 5 at the next tbl, 5 over there...it adds up
Veritech Jedi: If you are typing in all caps.....ITS A SCAM!
MustBeMistaken: scam
gatoraz: how in the hell can you borrow
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): NO IM SERIOUS
lil ash (Observer): hello</font>
martytex: get lost u junkie
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): ill double it then pay you back</font>
<font color="red">metrognome7: Man, the last guy that loaned me money... made me eat a 1/4 pound of my own poop when i couldn't pay him back</font>
MustBeMistaken: lol
Veritech Jedi: you aren't getting any money here.....go somewhere else
<font color="red">metrognome7: so i stabbed him
metrognome7: he'd alive, just can't walk</font>
martytex: lol
gavinz1970: lol
<font color="red">metrognome7: don't borrow money, dude: you'll be forced to eat sh*t and then stab someone
metrognome7: SH*T AND STAB, BRO.
metrognome7: i think he's gone now.</font>



All credit to the original poster - I literally in tears when I first read the story.

Adam

CaptSensible 07-30-2005 01:56 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
skinsftbl: so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude

That made me cry I laughed so hard.

Jman28 07-30-2005 01:57 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You have my permission to recreate the story.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not the same guy, but a similar situation...

FullTiltPoker Game #169565151: Table Apple - $0.10/$0.25 - No Limit Hold'em
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): IM ASKING FOR 500
lil ash (Observer): NO SCAM</font>
martytex: ok lol
MustBeMistaken: 5 here, 5 at the next tbl, 5 over there...it adds up
Veritech Jedi: If you are typing in all caps.....ITS A SCAM!
MustBeMistaken: scam
gatoraz: how in the hell can you borrow
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): NO IM SERIOUS
lil ash (Observer): hello</font>
martytex: get lost u junkie
<font color="green">lil ash (Observer): ill double it then pay you back</font>
<font color="red">metrognome7: Man, the last guy that loaned me money... made me eat a 1/4 pound of my own poop when i couldn't pay him back</font>
MustBeMistaken: lol
Veritech Jedi: you aren't getting any money here.....go somewhere else
<font color="red">metrognome7: so i stabbed him
metrognome7: he'd alive, just can't walk</font>
martytex: lol
gavinz1970: lol
<font color="red">metrognome7: don't borrow money, dude: you'll be forced to eat sh*t and then stab someone
metrognome7: SH*T AND STAB, BRO.
metrognome7: i think he's gone now.</font>



All credit to the original poster - I literally in tears when I first read the story.

Adam

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice work. Try reeling him in a little first, so he really thinks you might pay him.

But yeah, I hope this catches on.

valenzuela 07-30-2005 02:32 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
lol....i really aint got much to say besides that.

Gildwulf 07-30-2005 02:44 PM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
I think "1/2 lb of my own poop" should be the new 'sup bro'

kolotoure 12-31-2005 10:29 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
[ QUOTE ]
lol....i really aint got much to say besides that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dr_Jeckyl_00 12-31-2005 10:55 AM

Re: For your reading pleasure...
 
Very funny, nice job.


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