Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"I hope an elephant sodomizes your mother." (Also interchangable with child if they have a picture of their kid as an avatar.)

"I hope you die of syphilis."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

Whatever the other guy says but replace the nouns with "your face."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"you lose money at this game. you are fat. both you and i know this."

the first is 100% correct (given a read) and the 2nd is a favorite to be correct. its +ev

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"I'm going to eat you if you draw on me again"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

Please go to Iraq and get yourself decapitated on video.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"I'm going to rape your dog and forcefeed your cat yogurt..."

Also i played with a guy that told me to go to iraq and get decapitate once...he was mad because we got it all in and i had the best hand...and it held up...was [censored] amazing.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"I'm going to rape your dog and forcefeed your cat yogurt..."

Also i played with a guy that told me to go to iraq and get decapitate once...he was mad because we got it all in and i had the best hand...and it held up...was [censored] amazing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds like me.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Whatever the other guy says but replace the nouns with "your face."

[/ QUOTE ]

yes yes yes. for maximum effect, capitalise FACE.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

i play on pokerroom where it isn't censored, so i don't have to get creative.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I don't chat.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"Nice hand". Or if it was an especially atrocious call, I will say "very well played".

I never feel the need to discourage bad play.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

your FACE doesnt chat.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I just go with the standard, "is your father a retard too" line

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

swallow yourself with your [censored] labia you [censored] guzzling dripping penis

(I like to mix my images)

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Nice hand". Or if it was an especially atrocious call, I will say "very well played".

I never feel the need to discourage bad play.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is -EV. The correct thing to do on tilt is say nothing on your real table, fire up a 1/2 table and go crazy and talk trash until you are satiated and not on tilt.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"Nice hand". Or if it was an especially atrocious call, I will say "very well played".

I never feel the need to discourage bad play.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is -EV. The correct thing to do on tilt is say nothing on your real table, fire up a 1/2 table and go crazy and talk trash until you are satiated and not on tilt.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree, I try to do this. I have found the micros are my tilt refuge. And if I feel the need to say something its usually something like "Do you use Lady Cleo for your advice?", "What is the name of your book?" or "Do you hate money?"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"I hope you die on Christmas morning."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"I hope you die on Christmas morning."

[/ QUOTE ]

I like it.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I'll Fcuk Your Kids!

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"I'd call you retarded, but that would be like calling water wet."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

Or..


When you bust out forever in this game, and you will, please remember this hand and the fact that I personally extended your Poker life by at least 10 minutes.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

At least my mother isn't a whore.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

someone came up with a rather creative line when I busted him from a 3$ single table Sit&go: "I checked you from thepokerdb, and you both are nobodies."
Hilarious..

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"Congratulations! You win at monkey bingo"

and...

"I bet all your friends are sock puppets aren't they?"

I know, a bit weird but the image that pops into my head just makes me laugh and forget about how bad any beat is.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I once had a super bad beat where early in a $11 regular (2500 or so people) tourney on PP. I had about 12000 in chips real early. This other guy at my table had about 10,000 in chips. Blinds are only 50-100. He raised to 700, I had AA so I made it 2,000 he insta pushes all in so of course I call. He Has AQ. Flop came J-10 something. Turn = no help. River = King. I just said, "Damn I can't believe I just got outplayed for almost all my chips. I should have laid that down, what was I thinking." His response. "You will lose those chips everytime messing with me."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I sometimes ask them not to breed, and offer to play for their vasectomies. Depending on their response, we can talk about how they work at McDonalds, or what kind of special keyboard they have that fits monkey fingers.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I usually dont say anything, but once or twice a month I snap and say something like this (im not sure its the exact wording, but you will get it..):

"djf odisfjEFS< WPEOIFJWEF pouewffeoji damn trips on flop pwfojifweopjkw! dfheowhf jhpofcwihsvdpæ

nh"



When I suckout really bad against a table coach/whiner/idiot/moron/[censored], I say: SUCKOUT!!!! HAHHAHAAHAHAHAH

If the same table coach/whiner/idiot/moron/[censored] later go bust, I'll say; "please come back when you get your next welfare check"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

Not an insult but after a bad beat..

"So, how long have you worked here?"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"I hope your children die on Christmas morning."

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I love telling someone who made an idiot call preflop, flop, and turn to catch a mirical river "NH".

Some times the person who gets sucked out on goes completely insane "ARE YOU F_ING KIDDING ME!!! THAT WAS RETARDED!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH... CALLED A RE-RAISE COLD PREFLOP WITH 62o!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

Then I dont say another word.

It still makes me laugh every time it works. I play low limits so it works alot.

I believe this is +EV because A) you compliment the fish for terrible play B) You sometimes get the player with the premium hand on tilt.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

1) ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????

2)ROFLMOWMEOFWMOFOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOW

my two favorites

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

I dont think i can say them here.. but lets just say ive gotten my chat revoked 4 or 5 times from partypoker for saying them...

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"Would you mind picking some keno numbers for me?"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

i LIKE THE MONKEYBINGO ONE

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"YYYEEEESSSS! It's a retard party!!!!!!!!!!."

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

oh yeah, well i had sex with your wife!

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

It's not that offensive but what sets me off at the table has been said on several occasions. A guy sucks out or coolers me and then proceeds to say "You're so easy to read it's ridiculous/how bad you are" And then immediately sits out.

I usually don't respond and proceed to evolve into a spewy tilt monkey if I don't stand up. That or just say "LOLZ NH SIRS"

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

[ QUOTE ]
At least my mother isn't a whore.

[/ QUOTE ]

My favorite.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

"Jesus if this guy doesnt go broke I will glorify your name."
"Guess I wont need to go to church any more"

and
"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries."

Almost forgot one of my favorites.
You "nh"
him "ty"
you "for me to poop on"
but that only works if you think they will say ty. If not you just need to let it go and try again later.

Re: Favorite insults when monkeytilt takes over?
 

i hope your kids get cancer