Worst beating off experience
 

Inspired by cstone's thread anyone with a bad jerkin story should post it here. Well here's the most embarassing moment of my entire life:

I was 16 years old and hanging out with my cousin at his crib after school. He decided he was gonna take a shower so I was like dude you got any porn im gonna wank one off while youre in the shower. He hooked me up with a vhs porno and I was sprawled out on the lazy boy in the living room with my pants around my ankles when what do you know my Aunt comes barrelling through the door midstroke. What did I do? Threw a blanket over my junk and put my hands behind my head and just said "Hi Aunt Joan" with the porno still blasting. The funniest thing about the whole situation was hearing my cousin laughing hysterically like a madman in the shower cause he knew what had just happened. I never looked at my Aunt Joan the same after that.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

y do u 'blast' porno or is this std??

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

is she an ailf?

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what a moran. you'd do it in someone else's house? with the door not locked? you wanted to get caught imo.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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what a moran. you'd do it in someone else's house? with the door not locked? you wanted to get caught imo.

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Who said anything about the door being unlocked. You know how people are with their own doors. I can open my front door in like 3 seconds with both locks locked.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I never looked at my Aunt Joan the same after that.

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LMFAO. Nor she at you, I suppose.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

rofl

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I think one time when I was 14 like 5 or 6 times in one day, it hurt the next day. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

jerked it to the OP

might not be my worst experience but pretty close

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Jerked it to Limesparks' post. Pretty good, actually.

8.5/10 AFAIK

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

took a bunch of adderall, which makes me v horny but can't get off no matter what, so i watched like 3 hours of porn, downloaded at least 500mbs+ to my comp, got mad viruses, beat it for like an hour and ended up with a sore member, couldn't beat it for a whole day afterwards (wtffff) cuz it hurt too much, straight awful

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I think one time when I was 14 like 5 or 6 times in one day, it hurt the next day. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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F*ing amateurs.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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took a bunch of adderall, which makes me v horny but can't get off no matter what, so i watched like 3 hours of porn, downloaded at least 500mbs+ to my comp, got mad viruses, beat it for like an hour and ended up with a sore member, couldn't beat it for a whole day afterwards (wtffff) cuz it hurt too much, straight awful

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You have a good internet connection AFAIK.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Wow awesome OP, 9/10 imo.

My worst beating off experience was at my first job as a computer support at the nearby factory. I had few long days while I was alone there (normally 3-4 people working there plus me) and those 8 hour days were goddamn boring. One day I decided to take some porn with me to beat off to it during the boring hours alone (i had internet too but access to porn sites denied ldo).

So there I was watching some bitch being [censored] in the ass sounds loud and just about to burst while I heard the door to my office being opened even though I was sure I had electronically locked it. My pants were down and the porn was loud enough to be heard to the door if it was open and all I could do was pull my pants up and stand up and for some reason unknown even though I managed to hold my cum inside, while standing up something happened and I started ejaculating. The porn was still on and some bald guy came in with his laptop and looked quite troubled and I dont wonder since the porn was still on. Try to imagine a situation where youre standing in front of a bald, 40ish fat guy and looking him into his eyes and cumming at the same time. Goddamn.

I closed the porn and tried to act as normally as possible but I couldnt and I slipped one of the most embarrasing sentences which was "damn, these porn ads with voice included are pissing me off". Not the best line here obv. He said something like "yeah...umm can you check my laptop?" and I said yeah put in on the table which was about one feet away from me. I couldnt take it from his hands since my belt was still open and my pants would have dropped if I moved towards him.

He asked if I could check it now and of course I said "nah, gimme your cell phone number and I check back to you when I have time, Im a little busy right now" which just got the situation even more embarrasing. All this time I could see it from his face that he knew exactly what was happening there.

And you can guess, I didnt work there long after that.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Wow awesome OP, 9/10 imo.

My worst beating off experience was at my first job as a computer support at the nearby factory. I had few long days while I was alone there (normally 3-4 people working there plus me) and those 8 hour days were goddamn boring. One day I decided to take some porn with me to beat off to it during the boring hours alone (i had internet too but access to porn sites denied ldo).

So there I was watching some bitch being [censored] in the ass sounds loud and just about to burst while I heard the door to my office being opened even though I was sure I had electronically locked it. My pants were down and the porn was loud enough to be heard to the door if it was open and all I could do was pull my pants up and stand up and for some reason unknown even though I managed to hold my cum inside, while standing up something happened and I started ejaculating. The porn was still on and some bald guy came in with his laptop and looked quite troubled and I dont wonder since the porn was still on. Try to imagine a situation where youre standing in front of a bald, 40ish fat guy and looking him into his eyes and cumming at the same time. Goddamn.

I closed the porn and tried to act as normally as possible but I couldnt and I slipped one of the most embarrasing sentences which was "damn, these porn ads with voice included are pissing me off". Not the best line here obv. He said something like "yeah...umm can you check my laptop?" and I said yeah put in on the table which was about one feet away from me. I couldnt take it from his hands since my belt was still open and my pants would have dropped if I moved towards him.

He asked if I could check it now and of course I said "nah, gimme your cell phone number and I check back to you when I have time, Im a little busy right now" which just got the situation even more embarrasing. All this time I could see it from his face that he knew exactly what was happening there.

And you can guess, I didnt work there long after that.

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ROFL that my friend is one priceless moment

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

chopsticks... that is awesome lol

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I've never been walked on while jerking off and I've never had my porn collection stumbled upon. I'm very cautious. Doors have locks imo. Although freshman year of college I was jacking it at 4 in the morning and there was a medium sized earthquake.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Although freshman year of college I was jacking it at 4 in the morning and there was a medium sized earthquake.

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damn you're good. the earth never moves for me any more when I make love to myself

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

awesome+1 chop

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Was my first year back from college for the summer and decided to watch a little spank-tro-vision on my laptop in my room. Afaik my house was empty because my parents had just left to run errands. I was sitting in one of those bowl shaped chairs w/ my laptop in my lap. As I was about to climax lo and behold my dad barges through the door, (during liftoff), shouting "WHAT UP DAWG". I was helpless and could do nothing but pull the laptop over my waist (sitting down obv), beat red in the face, and utter out, "not...much...oh/uh/ohhh/aah, dad" After he realized what he just interrupted he claims I was watching the prOn and PROCEEDS to have a conversation w/ me after I painted the bottom of my laptop. I don't think he ever knew what time during the process he walked in on, but probably my most awkward masturbates story imo. [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

i came four times while reading this thread

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lol at these stories

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Well handled

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Wow awesome OP, 9/10 imo.

My worst beating off experience was at my first job as a computer support at the nearby factory. I had few long days while I was alone there (normally 3-4 people working there plus me) and those 8 hour days were goddamn boring. One day I decided to take some porn with me to beat off to it during the boring hours alone (i had internet too but access to porn sites denied ldo).

So there I was watching some bitch being [censored] in the ass sounds loud and just about to burst while I heard the door to my office being opened even though I was sure I had electronically locked it. My pants were down and the porn was loud enough to be heard to the door if it was open and all I could do was pull my pants up and stand up and for some reason unknown even though I managed to hold my cum inside, while standing up something happened and I started ejaculating. The porn was still on and some bald guy came in with his laptop and looked quite troubled and I dont wonder since the porn was still on. Try to imagine a situation where youre standing in front of a bald, 40ish fat guy and looking him into his eyes and cumming at the same time. Goddamn.

I closed the porn and tried to act as normally as possible but I couldnt and I slipped one of the most embarrasing sentences which was "damn, these porn ads with voice included are pissing me off". Not the best line here obv. He said something like "yeah...umm can you check my laptop?" and I said yeah put in on the table which was about one feet away from me. I couldnt take it from his hands since my belt was still open and my pants would have dropped if I moved towards him.

He asked if I could check it now and of course I said "nah, gimme your cell phone number and I check back to you when I have time, Im a little busy right now" which just got the situation even more embarrasing. All this time I could see it from his face that he knew exactly what was happening there.

And you can guess, I didnt work there long after that.

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Re: Worst beating off experience
 

again, more people who 'blast' pr0n...i guess it must be std and just me who doesn't do it

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d00d teh pr0n was made to be LOUD, how else r u gonna hear every little sound ldo, crank that shizznit

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I'm routinely caught beating off by my feline. We never make eye contact anymore.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Try to imagine a situation where youre standing in front of a bald, 40ish fat guy and looking him into his eyes and cumming at the same time. Goddamn

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Whahahadfgahahahahaha A+++++!!!++!+!+!

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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awesome+1 chop

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Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Here's another one. Got home from school was a freshman I think. The old man left outta town on a business trip and mom wasn't due for a couple hours so i jump on the phone and dial 1800 big [censored] or something. It asked for a credit card number and I put in some random digits. Than it told me to call some 1900 number. Looking back i cant believe I actually thought the fake credit card i entered would get charged but hey i was 15 with a boner and had sexy female voices on the line. Called the number and had to go through like a million different options. press 1 for redheads 3 for big [censored] etc, etc. Like 15 minutes in i hear the front door opening. i hang up and put my stuff back on. my old man forgot something so was only home for a couple of minutes. He leaves again and i jump back on the phone for like 20 more minutes than get tired of all the options so i just hang up without ever talking to anyone.

Anyways im playin video games in my room like a month later and i hear my parents arguing. My mom is asking dad if he called a psychic or somethin wtf r these charges whys the bill so big did u call a porno line and hes like no i swear i didnt honest to god. I got my game on pause and have that feeling like [censored] im bout to get discovered. Mom comes and confronts me and I fess up and wash dishes at my aunts restauarant for like a month just to pay that [censored]. Never even got to bust a nut.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I used to deliver pizza a few years ago. The place was pretty slow most nights so i would take my time doing deliveries and they wouldnt know. i had a delivery near my house, so i decided to stop in and hopped on my computer for a sec. i opened some porn and started wanking it. while i was about to finish my mom came home, so i grabbed a sports illustrated swimsuit mag and headed back to work. i ripped out a few pages and held them on the steering wheel so i could jerk it while driving. soon after i pulled over on the side of the road. i got out in front of my car and busted on the street. then i took a piss and went back to work.

i actually got some cum on my pants and only realized when i was standing there waiting for another delivery. i was laughing to myself knowing i had cum on my pants and nobody else knew what i just did lol.

that wasnt really embarassing, but funny nonetheless

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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As I was about to climax lo and behold my dad barges through the door, (during liftoff), shouting "WHAT UP DAWG".

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This is the best highlight, even though none of the stories yet tops chopsticks'.

Also, LOL to all of you blasting teh pr0n. Don't any of you have headphones?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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s I was about to climax lo and behold my dad barges through the door, (during liftoff), shouting "WHAT UP DAWG".

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This is the best highlight, even though none of the stories yet tops chopsticks'.

Also, LOL to all of you blasting teh pr0n. Don't any of you have headphones?

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If you wear headphones how you gonna hear someone approaching your jackoff area?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

how is this thread not deleted yet?

oh wait, nm wrong one

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Beating off renders you blind.

Word of the Lord, imo

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This thread is the awesome imo, I'm sorry I can't contribute any good stories (cause I'm too good to get caught LDO)

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Never got caught, but my g/f at the time found my jizz towel. Then I had to explain what jizz towels were and that I wasn't the only male in the world to have one.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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This thread is the awesome imo, I'm sorry I can't contribute any good stories (cause I'm too good to get caught LDO)

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You don't have to get caught to have a bad wackin it experience. your tellin me u never shot a fountain load str8 in the air and had a little land right above your lip or by your eye or somethin? come on bra

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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This thread is the awesome imo, I'm sorry I can't contribute any good stories (cause I'm too good to get caught LDO)

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You don't have to get caught to have a bad wackin it experience. your tellin me u never shot a fountain load str8 in the air and had a little land right above your lip or by your eye or somethin? come on bra

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[censored] lol

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I used to deliver pizza a few years ago. The place was pretty slow most nights so i would take my time doing deliveries and they wouldnt know. i had a delivery near my house, so i decided to stop in and hopped on my computer for a sec. i opened some porn and started wanking it. while i was about to finish my mom came home, so i grabbed a sports illustrated swimsuit mag and headed back to work. i ripped out a few pages and held them on the steering wheel so i could jerk it while driving. soon after i pulled over on the side of the road. i got out in front of my car and busted on the street. then i took a piss and went back to work.

i actually got some cum on my pants and only realized when i was standing there waiting for another delivery. i was laughing to myself knowing i had cum on my pants and nobody else knew what i just did lol.

that wasnt really embarassing, but funny nonetheless

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Did you work for Big Sausage Pizza?

http://galleries.adult.com/reality/b...681image02.jpg

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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This thread is the awesome imo, I'm sorry I can't contribute any good stories (cause I'm too good to get caught LDO)

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You don't have to get caught to have a bad wackin it experience. your tellin me u never shot a fountain load str8 in the air and had a little land right above your lip or by your eye or somethin? come on bra

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And this is a bad experience because...?