Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

I turn 35 tomorrow. If family history is an indication, I have about 30 years left, tops. No worries, as I try to stay young at heart. Here are some things I've figured out about myself so far on this journey.

1. I reserve the right to change my mind. When I was in my 20's I knew it all. Either I forgot most of it or I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was, because now I'm ovwhelmed by just how much I don't know. Maybe it's an effect of finding myself on life's "down" escalator, but my desire to absorb new information is insatiable.

2. All is not as it appears. LDO, but my youthful idealism has given way to healthy skeptcism. I approach just about everything critically these days, from casual conversation to politics to the very central tenets of my upbringing.

3. Other people are always problematic. That's not to say that I've evolved a Sartrian view of the Other, but the flawed nature of communication is the source of most daily stress. No matter how precisely I explain myself, the explanation is dependent on the receiver of the message.

4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

5. Work ain't all that. I was a maniac in my 20's, working insane hours, eager to impress, rarely taking time off. Now I'm a believer in maxing out vacation and sick time. My wife and I are playing hooky tomorrow to go hiking, have a nice lunch, and maybe head to the local art museum in the afternoon. I take my birthday off every year now, and you should too. For the most part, we're all cogs in the wheel. Nothing of what the majority of us do amounts to much. What matters is our own experiences. Bag in sick and enjoy life!

6. Wonders never cease. I spent most of Saturday in my yard, raking leaves and watching the birds at my feeders. On a whim, I palmed a handful of seeds and sat on my stoop, hoping to catch the eye of a brave chickadee. My mom used to urge me to do this as a kid - probably because I was annoying her or something - and it often worked. To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable.

For most of my 20's I was obsessed with the Next Thing. The next car, the next job, the next girl, the next whatever clouded my perception of the present. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that NOW is far more important than the past or the future.

Having said that, I'll probably rush off to by a convertible sports car. FWIW.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Sounds like you have your health, which should make the back nine enjoyable.

Injuries have left me with a very bad spinal disc, multiple doctors don't see surgery as likely to help. I spend most days sitting all day in pain wish like hell I'd enjoyed my youth more. Never assume you'll physically be able to go do those things you put off before.

Meh, variance.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

[/ QUOTE ]

You sound really bitter about this. Even if members of your family have done things to make you feel angry/slighted/belittled, you might consider taking the intiative to connect with them. If they don't know about your interests, skill, or job, tell them.

I'm 38, and I find as I get older that it is worthwhile to connect with family members. Of course, it doesn't always turn out well, but I think the effort is worth it.

If I am reading too much into your post and am off-base about your particular situation, I apologize and simply offer this as my personal opinion to others around our ages.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY A DAY EARLY!! [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]




[ QUOTE ]
To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a very cool post KT. I think it is awfully well written and I bet a lot of us can relate to most of your points. I agree, we are all cogs in a wheel to an extent. I'm always reflecting back on things I've learned about life and people too so I just love this kind of post. Thank you for inlcuding your item #6, your immeasurable joy at feeding the birds in your yard. That was great.



This quote sort of struck a nerve with me,

[ QUOTE ]
....and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.



[/ QUOTE ]


How do you handle this kind of thing and doesn't it hurt you? Was wondering what is your explanation on why family's are so disconnected and disinterested as it seems to be really common. I wonder if it's normal.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

? Who me or Kilgore?

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, my family is far from perfect - so am I - but I look forward to next week and going to Florida and seeing my parents, my brother, my sister and her family, and spending time with them and seeing "home" once again...

There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."

As that famous quote states, "home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in."

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation...........


I don't understand relationships, family, and stability,

[/ QUOTE ]



[ QUOTE ]
There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."



[/ QUOTE ]

This quote is far beyond my comprehension, though I have heard it before.

I know a girl..... edit........ and I tell her all the time that her family is........edit.........and that there is no need to know them, yet she still calls, goes back, and takes all the abuse.

It is one anecdote, and I wouldn't suggest that this is common. I only wanted to write it so that you know that I see family as a powerful bond, and am amazed at how powerful it is.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

A couple of thoughts:

Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.

Regarding points 1-4, I'd recommend that you strive to accept flaws in yourself and others. For example, don't bother to explain everything super-precisely, or expect great results all the time, or expect your family to take a strong interest in what you are doing. The world is messy and frustrating, and raging against that fact won't change it.

Otherwise, nice moment with the birds. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was ugly.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Nice writeup KT. I have a whole lot of trouble really understanding these posts when they come along, but I'm so entirely fascinated by them.

Being 22, I think I have accomplished (to some degree at least) many of the things that you're thankful for. Other things I realize I am really really far from understanding.

These posts remind me to enjoy my years building up to the turning point. However, they also make me a little sad because I always get the impression of lost dreams or shattered ideals....things I haven't necessarily gone through yet.

While I no longer think I'll be a MLB player, I still like to think I'll have a happy family and a job I love, etc. Unfortunately, there's a decent chance that those types of dreams will fade over time. These posts remind me of that fact sometimes....

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.


[/ QUOTE ]

Who knows how long anyone will live. I initially planned to live forever, at many points hoped to die in my sleep, at some point realized that my family's history of quadruple bypasses meant I probably wouldn't get the life span I had originally taken for granted as a virtual divine right, and at this point have decided not to plan around things I have no control over or take so many things for granted.

OP, nice post. I found it interesting that some of your points you're hitting on in your 30's, #'s 1 and 2, describe my early 20's, when I was an absolutely ferocious reader and more intensely intellectual, and had long been an inherent skeptic and deconstructionist. Our stages resemble each other's somewhat, but at different points in time. I was never quite the optimist you were, though we all have our own special set of illusions to lose. Your point #3 is one of the more interesting challenges in dealing with people, but it can be very rewarding when you get it right.

As to family things, some get it luckier, some get it better, and I've found it's a huge mistake to judge almost anyone on those things, as just as with a romantic couple, one will never know more than a fraction of what's really going on between people in a family, and it's arrogant to assume one does. We can't control what we started with, and wearing out one's soul with illusions and recriminations helps no one, but if we do the best we can with our few and meager tools, it can be braver and more worthwhile than any number of the happier stories that are allowed to be told. Good luck with your family, even if you have to patch together your story yourself rather than reiterate one of the more popular ones.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Point #3: Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

The first lesson is that no one thinks intellectually.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

Although I don't really like KT' post, I definitely disagree with your perception.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

After that, it's more or less just slipping down the long slide toward the oblivion of Alzheimer's.

Kidding!

Anyway, chicks dig salt and pepper hair, and it's great that nobody expects you to obsess about doing and saying exactly what everybody else is doing and saying anymore, so much of the time you have left may yet rock mightily.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Have fun tomorrow!

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
I turn 35 tomorrow. If family history is an indication, I have about 30 years left, tops. No worries, as I try to stay young at heart. Here are some things I've figured out about myself so far on this journey.

1. I reserve the right to change my mind. When I was in my 20's I knew it all. Either I forgot most of it or I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was, because now I'm ovwhelmed by just how much I don't know. Maybe it's an effect of finding myself on life's "down" escalator, but my desire to absorb new information is insatiable.

2. All is not as it appears. LDO, but my youthful idealism has given way to healthy skeptcism. I approach just about everything critically these days, from casual conversation to politics to the very central tenets of my upbringing.

3. Other people are always problematic. That's not to say that I've evolved a Sartrian view of the Other, but the flawed nature of communication is the source of most daily stress. No matter how precisely I explain myself, the explanation is dependent on the receiver of the message.

4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

5. Work ain't all that. I was a maniac in my 20's, working insane hours, eager to impress, rarely taking time off. Now I'm a believer in maxing out vacation and sick time. My wife and I are playing hooky tomorrow to go hiking, have a nice lunch, and maybe head to the local art museum in the afternoon. I take my birthday off every year now, and you should too. For the most part, we're all cogs in the wheel. Nothing of what the majority of us do amounts to much. What matters is our own experiences. Bag in sick and enjoy life!

6. Wonders never cease. I spent most of Saturday in my yard, raking leaves and watching the birds at my feeders. On a whim, I palmed a handful of seeds and sat on my stoop, hoping to catch the eye of a brave chickadee. My mom used to urge me to do this as a kid - probably because I was annoying her or something - and it often worked. To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable.

For most of my 20's I was obsessed with the Next Thing. The next car, the next job, the next girl, the next whatever clouded my perception of the present. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that NOW is far more important than the past or the future.

Having said that, I'll probably rush off to by a convertible sports car. FWIW.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know whether I dislike your post because I disagree or agree with your points. Some I agree with and some I don't. One thing that I think has me not liking it is the "down slope/back 9" sentiment.

35 is the beginning of the prime of your life.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was ugly.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not only was it ugly, but I am totally befuddled as to how the poster can extract that sentiment from KG's post?

I'd be curious to hear that explanation.

p.s. KT....very nice.

You know how I feel about the things you spoke about.

Life is too short.....enjoy.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

? Who me or Kilgore?

[/ QUOTE ]

Kilgore

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

? Who me or Kilgore?

[/ QUOTE ]

Kilgore

[/ QUOTE ]

Care to share with us the reason you feel this way?

Don't take my question above as a challenge, as I'm not looking to get into a beef with you about it, but I take away the opposite sentiments from his post, and I'd really like to hear why you feel as you do.

I'll be 61 soon, and every day I seem to encounter more instances that support the old saying.....

.....Youth is wasted on the young.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

? Who me or Kilgore?

[/ QUOTE ]

Kilgore

[/ QUOTE ]

Care to share with us the reason you feel this way?

Don't take my question above as a challenge, as I'm not looking to get into a beef with you about it, but I take away the opposite sentiments from his post

[/ QUOTE ]

lol, I had the same thought Myrtle. After coming home last night and reading some of the replies to KT's post I was kind of surprised. To me it was a cool post, right up my alley, but apparently other people only saw the bitterness in it. Go figure [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img].

Actually, my immediate thoughts on reading KT's post were that he and I had similiar personality types. I would venture to say that a lot of youngest siblings feel this way, that we are sort of transparent to our families. I like the fact that KT is willing to accept it and to share his feelings on the board. Wish more people were like that actually as it does sort of help me out.

Oh and the thing that Brad said, it made me chuckle initially because I thought he was replying to me (No one has ever told me I have a chip on my shoulder! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]) I think it illustrates how very different people are and how we interpret things differently based on our personalities. To Brad, KT's post seems bitter and sad. To me, KT's post is just an honest reflection on some disappointments in life but acknowledgment that you have to live in the present and enjoy what you're given. And hell yeah, people can be problematic KT. I look at it as a test.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf is this crap? Someone posts a thoughtful, interesting post about life lessons and you go looking "between the lines" to find some perceived personality flaws?

Take that [censored] to OOT. I would hope that in the Lounge there would be more engaging with the substance of the post and less BS-psychonanalysis to ad hominem the poster.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

[/ QUOTE ]

I disagree with your assessment. I agree that there is a bleak outlook attached to KT's post (which is why I am not crazy about it). But, I don't think it's caused by the yuppie flu. Also, I don't think he is condescending or self-important.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf is this crap? Someone posts a thoughtful, interesting post about life lessons and you go looking "between the lines" to find some perceived personality flaws?

Take that [censored] to OOT. I would hope that in the Lounge there would be more engaging with the substance of the post and less BS-psychonanalysis to ad hominem the poster.

[/ QUOTE ]

In case you can't read, two different people asked me to expand on how I interpreted his post. So I did.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Nice post KT.

It is really interesting how life changes as one gets older. I am now 47 and so different as a person than I was at 21 that it is sometimes hard to believe it was me. I recognize many of the things you cover and in general notice that I am far more relaxed than I was back in my youth. I do not worry so much about little things and even big things do not seem as big because I have seen so much that I have already seen it and know how to handle it better.

Interesting thing about family. My family is mainly gone. My mom and Dad passed away several years ago and there is only one sister who is pretty far away and I do not see or talk to all that much. I think the only thing I would change about family would have been to have had a better relationship with my dad. I still have times where I miss him terribly and wish I could share my adventures with him. I still get a bit teary eyed when I stop and think about that.

Youth wasted on the young is a bit true as well. I SO wish I could go back and know what I know now! I also wish I had done things in my youth that I just can't do now either just physically or because of responsibilities to family which also limit what a person can do.

That raking the yard and feeding the birds thing is so true! I have found so much more enjoyment out of just sitting and relaxing and looking at stuff like Sunsets and things. The other day my wife and I were out for a drive hunting and we spotted a little 2X2 Whitetail buck who just didn't care that we were there. We stopped and watched him for 20 minutes or so and I laughed more than once because he was so darn cute. Years ago I would have just continued on thinking just that he was too small to shoot and we had to get going.

So, Anyway, good post. Thank You for sharing!

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

? Who me or Kilgore?

[/ QUOTE ]

Kilgore

[/ QUOTE ]

Care to share with us the reason you feel this way?

Don't take my question above as a challenge, as I'm not looking to get into a beef with you about it, but I take away the opposite sentiments from his post, and I'd really like to hear why you feel as you do.

I'll be 61 soon, and every day I seem to encounter more instances that support the old saying.....

.....Youth is wasted on the young.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bitterness and regret are wasted on the old.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf is this crap? Someone posts a thoughtful, interesting post about life lessons and you go looking "between the lines" to find some perceived personality flaws?

Take that [censored] to OOT. I would hope that in the Lounge there would be more engaging with the substance of the post and less BS-psychonanalysis to ad hominem the poster.

[/ QUOTE ]

[psych101]
I don't mind the psychoanalysis, but it needs to be more firmly rooted. For some psychoanalysis of my own, I sense a very strong resentment on Brad's part of OP's doing reasonably well financially. And I still think the original dig was made mostly because it was easy and felt clever. But now it looks like there was some resentment of another person doing well financially behind it, too.
[/psych101]

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Nice post. Watch out for the dogleg on 12, it's a bear.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

[ QUOTE ]
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Well to me his post has a certain 'I don't like my life' tone to it. If I had to read between the lines, I'd say he seems tired of the rat race but still thinks he's smarter than everybody else at work since he has this high powered career. In turn, his co workers probably think he's a condescending prick. I'd bet he also can't enjoy a vacation since he can't be far away from a laptop, cell phone, blackberry, etc due to work obligations...that's why he got some degree of enjoyment out of raking leaves & watching birds feed. Obviously, he's real close to his family!!! In the end he'll just go buy a Porsche so he'll feel better. But that's just my 2 cents.

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wtf is this crap? Someone posts a thoughtful, interesting post about life lessons and you go looking "between the lines" to find some perceived personality flaws?

Take that [censored] to OOT. I would hope that in the Lounge there would be more engaging with the substance of the post and less BS-psychonanalysis to ad hominem the poster.

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[psych101]
I don't mind the psychoanalysis, but it needs to be more firmly rooted. For some psychoanalysis of my own, I sense a very strong resentment on Brad's part of OP's doing reasonably well financially. And I still think the original dig was made mostly because it was easy and felt clever. But now it looks like there was some resentment of another person doing well financially behind it, too.
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I don't resent it one bit. More power to him. I was one of these workaholics once too but decided that that's not what life is about.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

I don't know, you seem to have an aggressive take on OP's post/personality which seems unwarranted. Personally I give credit to anybody who does a "confessional" type post that actually includes honest admissions that everything isn't perfect and they may have some flaws or rough spots in their life. An aggressive response seems especially uncalled for there. I'd rather read someone sticking their neck out a bit than the more usual glib or self-congratulatory stuff you tend to bump into on forums(and often in real life too).

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Odd how everyone is picking on the family thing.

FWIW, my family generally gets along great. We all truly look forward to family get togethers. They're usually a semi-party atmosphere, some play games, others drink beer and talk, lots of food to be had, etc.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

It's funny, people talking about family in less than glowing terms is I think extremely threatening to some people, so much so that it makes them angry. I regularly see contempt and quite often outright anger directed at people who say their relationships with their family aren't what they wished they were. It's strange that that of all things would make some people furious, and I think it shows how scary-fragile we really rare.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Good for the aggressive types if their families are good. Either they are in denial about their true emotions, or they have a great family. It is strange to think that these people don't even feel empathy, that they don't understand why someone wouldn't love their father after he raped him or her. Surely, if a stranger did this, this stranger would be a horrible person that should rot forever in prison, but a family must be forgiven. Just weird, this emotion, or whatever it is that drives this emotion, is beyond my comprehension. I know that this is more extreme, but it just shows how far it goes. I feel if I could understand this, I would understand the lighter feelings.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

I don't get the "family must be forgiven" crap either. I just genuinely have good family. There are a few people that we all pretty much avoid and they avoid us.

Family are people and I only associate with people I want to associate with. Fortunately, the bulk of my family consists of people I want to be around.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Happy B-Day KT. Glad to share it with a Lounger.

I'm 38 today. Genetically, I should probably live to 90+. In reality, I'll be lucky to make it to 60. Unhealthy lifestyle ftl.

I don't have any real wisdom to share. But, I will share on the idea of family as that seems to be getting a lot of attention in the thread.

I grew up in a particularly chilly house. Mom, Dad, and 2 older brothers. Parents stayed together for the sake of the children. My leaving was the end of the nuclear family. Divorce and relocation left us scattered around the country.
By the time I left for college, I wasn't particularly attached to anyone in my family.

A decade later I was dealing with psych issues (depression) and had the opportunity to revisit these relationships. My problems had been exposed for all to see. I was coming to them with an open book. Here I am, do you want to know the real me?
What I found was that my family were real with me in return. I got to know them as the people they are now. (Except one brother who has married and seems to have joined his in-laws family)
Being able to accept them for who they are has led to a real closeness (or being at peace with the lack of it). They are fundamentally good people, who have their own flaws, wishes, and desires. Just as I have mine. My willingness to be honest and accepting has led them to be so with me.

I find that acceptance is the key to my happiness.
To me, stress, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc. are the result of not accepting reality. Of other people and the world at large.
But acceptance doesn't mean that everything is OK, or that I am subject to the worlds whim. I just need to start at reality.

ps-
Favorite saying: In the long run, we're all dead. JM Keynes

pss -
how long does it take other people to write long posts? this seemed to take forever. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

Wow. This family discussion went weird in the last few posts. FWIW, I don't perceive any threatened tone in bogey1's post. He simply states that he enjoys his family.

I share his sentiment. In fact I started a long post about the importance of family to me last night. Then, as is often the case, I hit the delete key. (I probably delete about 50% of what I start to write in the lounge.)

On the other hand, one of the reasons I feel pretty blessed when it comes to family is looking around and seeing how screwed up many families are, (which by extension means people in general can be pretty messed up.)

Appreciating family doesn't mean you put it on a pedestal above all else, or don't understand that some people have to cut all ties because of the evil in their bloodlines. Please! Where is this coming from?

I can wish people would live up to their potential while fully realizing than many won't and some fail miserably.

Back to the OP. A very nice "stop and reflect" message.

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Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

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This caught my eye, partly because I have a job that's difficult to describe, and partly because your work sounds interesting. I can completely understand if it's not something you can share about online, though, as my work is not something I feel I should post about on a message board, (not to be obtuse, it's basically sales.)

Also, 35 is just the start of your best years! It's nice to be old enough to not give a crap what others think.

Re: Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9
 

For me, very fast no matter how long it is if the thought is already well-digested and requires churning over nothing new. Otherwise, even two or three sentences can take forever to work out so they feel true.

Grats to you, and everyone, on their birthdays.

For me, I'm not close at all to some family and closer to others.