What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Life can be very cruel at times. So many people take for granted all the good things they have, never knowing that it can be taken away at an instant.

For me, growing up my mother had brain cancer in the 70s. Surgery, chemotherapy and radiation took their toll and she slowly got more and more frail. My father, raising 3 children, working full time, etc., did a great job taking care of his ailing wife.

But then 2 weeks after I got married, my father had a MASSIVE stroke (age 49) that left him with intense brain damage, half paralyzed, unable to speak ever again (aphasia), just totally ruined his life. Unfortunately, he would live 20 more years in nursing homes (would have been MUCH better if the stoke had killed him, oh the horror of it all). A few months after the stroke our mom died. Then my sister went into a tailspin with eating disorders that nearly killed her. That was a lot to deal with, to say the least.

Somehow my brother, sister and I got thru it all and today we're very healthy and close. But wow those days were quite horrific. We learned tho how important family is in dealing with tough times like these. And we also know that other people have problems even worse.

So, what huge scars do you have from past tragic events? How did you get thru it all? Any lessons learned?

L8r.. BB

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

One night I was out drinking with friends, we were on our way home and I got pulled over and drunk-tested on a bridge (the Texas Street bridge if you know anything about the Shreveport-Bossier bridge). I never should have drove, but the cop let me go and I made it home safely. Slept for a few hours and woke up to watch Kansas, Kentucky, & Duke (my three least favorite college b-ball teams) lose. All in all a wonderful day.

The next morning I find out that my mom has cancer. It seems at this point that she will get treatment and things could be okay. Within two weeks she is admitted into the ICU and put on a respirator. Within two more weeks she dies.

Aside from the obvious tragedy of having a parent die, I think what made it worse was that it wasn't an instantaneous death. Rather things were fine, then bad news from the doctor, then a steady unchecked descent into death is what was so tragic about it.

Things I learned:
* Obviously don't drink and drive
-I added the first part because what I found so surprising is that I had a great day of not going to jail to a terrible day of finding out my mom had cancer, which leads to thing I learned number 2
* Sadly, whenever something great happens to me now, I can't help but to get anxious/nervous and expect the other shoe to drop, with something tragically horrible following the good.
- Others
* My mom was was my favorite member of my family, and I miss her dearly.
* Staying in hospitals for a prolonged period of time sucks

How did I get through it. I just kept waking up and going about my life. At times it's hard, still two years later, and I don't expect that to change for the rest of my life. However, I don't think constantly grieving is productive, or would be something my mother would want.

That's that, I'm depressed as [censored] now.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

My mom finding an old high school boyfriend on the Internet, and leaving my father for him. She was 60, and they had been married for 40 years.

WTF?

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

my dad died of cancer a couple years ago, but its looking like that's covered already, so i'm gonna add one about some friends of mine.

Two people i know just got married at the beginning of september. they're both 23. He died of a heart attack at the end of september. He wasn't overweight, or unhealthy that anyone could tell. I don't know for sure, heard a rumor that it might've been because of a blood clot that formed on the plane to/from their honeymoon. i guess because i am also 23 and have a long term girlfriend, i pretty much think it couldn't get much worse than what happened to them.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Marriage is pretty much terminal anyway. Lucky guy didnt have to wait 20+ years of hoping to die

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
Marriage is pretty much terminal anyway. Lucky guy didnt have to wait 20+ years of hoping to die

[/ QUOTE ]

Inappropriate.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Meh, after the honeymoon the marriage is downhill

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
That's that, I'm depressed as [censored] now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry, didn't mean to start this tread to get people depressed. Contrary, I find it inspirational to hear about people who have gone thru tough tragic times, and somehow survive it all and what they've learned as a result.

Man, to only live in a hospital for a month before dying, that can be a huge blessing. Too many people waste away for years in institutions before the peace of death finally arrives.

L8r.. BB

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
That's that, I'm depressed as [censored] now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry, didn't mean to start this tread to get people depressed. Contrary, I find it inspirational to hear about people who have gone thru tough tragic times, and somehow survive it all and what they've learned as a result.

Man, to only live in a hospital for a month before dying, that can be a huge blessing. Too many people waste away for years in institutions before the peace of death finally arrives.

L8r.. BB

[/ QUOTE ]

It's all good. I'm better now. Writing just dredges up alot of emotions.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

I've had some similar stuff. I'm 39 and the generation before me is older. Almost every has to or will have to deal with this stuff.

One of the worst situations I've ever even heard of is in my family though. One of my relatives had an infant daughter that was killed by the father who then tried to beat her to death, leaving her for dead with some brain damage. Not long after that she cancer and had to go through chemotherapy.

She's recovered physically, is generally very upbeat, and extremely supportive whenever anyone else needs help in the family.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Not me but my cousin.

He's a lawyer, working to put his wife through med school. 2 weeks after she graduates from school, she files for divorce. He's obviously torn apart.

A few years go by and he finds somebody new. They get married. Less than 1 month after they get married she gets into a terrible car wreck and dies.

He just keeps plodding through his days, knowing that if he was able to find somebody after the first debacle, he will find somebody after the second tragic debacle.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not me but my cousin.

He's a lawyer, working to put his wife through med school. 2 weeks after she graduates from school, she files for divorce. He's obviously torn apart.

A few years go by and he finds somebody new. They get married. Less than 1 month after they get married she gets into a terrible car wreck and dies.

He just keeps plodding through his days, knowing that if he was able to find somebody after the first debacle, he will find somebody after the second tragic debacle.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. Your poor cousin. That's just horrible

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

16 year old sister dead in a car wreck when I was 15.
Dad never quite got over it, suicided 10 years later.
Ex #1 ignored the divorce papers and moved out of state with my only kid, now I see him once a year.

Got through all those things, tough, but no problem, still was the same old me after awhile. But #2 ex, oh man, marry a bi-polar!!!??? My friggin eye is still twiching 7 months after the divorce is final, don't know if I will ever recover financially, and I still wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks fearing she is going to show up on my doorstep one day.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not me but my cousin.

He's a lawyer, working to put his wife through med school. 2 weeks after she graduates from school, she files for divorce. He's obviously torn apart.

A few years go by and he finds somebody new. They get married. Less than 1 month after they get married she gets into a terrible car wreck and dies.

He just keeps plodding through his days, knowing that if he was able to find somebody after the first debacle, he will find somebody after the second tragic debacle.

[/ QUOTE ]
good lesson for him to not ignore the signals.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

For me, it's probably my grandmother. Seven years ago she had a stroke and wound up completely debilitated--not unlike OP's father, but she was completely uncommunicative. She was in a vegetative state for the next three years. She never showed any improvement and she lost an arm a few months before the end to gangrene.

This was brutal on my mother's side of the family. My uncle is a neurologist and was visiting her when she had the stroke, so he was a) beating himself up the whole time for not recognizing the signs, and b) checking day after day for any improvement, real or imagined--he wound up quitting his practice, he was spending so much time with her.

It went on for way too long. My mother, aunt and other uncle all agreed Grandma would've completely hated it, but since the family couldn't reach a consensus to turn off the machines, she was left hanging there. Eventually it reached the point where if my aunt came to visit Grandma and saw my first uncle's car there, she would just pull out.

Let that be a lesson to you--all of you need living wills. It's not enough to let your loved ones know what you want; in situations like this logical thought goes out the window.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
So, what huge scars do you have from past tragic events? How did you get thru it all? Any lessons learned?

[/ QUOTE ]

my mom died, slowly. started when I was 12 and finished when I was 29 (now 33). I miss her [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

ingesting enormous amounts of mind-altering substances.

the sooner one starts dealing with their problem(s), the sooner you get through it. at the end of the day, the substances didn't help

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

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My mom finding an old high school boyfriend on the Internet, and leaving my father for him. She was 60, and they had been married for 40 years.

WTF?

[/ QUOTE ]

While this might not be the most tragic thing in the thread, it is certainly the most absurd imo.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
Let that be a lesson to you--all of you need living wills. It's not enough to let your loved ones know what you want; in situations like this logical thought goes out the window.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you very much for this wisdom! Yes, my wife and I need to fill out living wills, cause we both are VERY scared to be terminal and hooked up on machines when death would be so much better.

Very sorry to hear what your family went thru with grandma.

Take care.. BB

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

QFT - believe me, nothing is sadder than a bunch of family members tearing each other up about a decision that should have been made by the person involved before the [censored] hit the fan. Not much fun for me, either, being told to "do everything" for someone who needs a resurrection, not a doctor.

For me, my 42 yr. old brother dying of lung cancer - 10x smarter than me, 10x a better person - an MD who smoked....go figure. I miss him every day. As do his widow and 5yr. old son.

Kick the ciggies, guys.

MM MD

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Within a period of 6 months my best friend's father died of lung cancer, my girlfriend's father was diagnosed with lung cancer and another friend of mine, his father too, passed of lung cancer.

None of them smoked!

GF's father is doing ok now, so we're hoping for the best.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

My mom moved straight out of her parents house and in with my dad when they got married. She has never worked a day in her life, driven a car or balanced a checkbook. Just a good old fashioned housewife.

In 1995-96, in the span of 6 months she lost in order, her dad, her mom, her brother and her husband (my dad of course). All deaths were unexpected expect my grandma who was in a nursing home for 6 months prior.

At the time, I was going to college full time and working 2 jobs. Not a fun time in my life, but downright tragic for my mother.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

When I was seventeen, my mom walked in my room with a look that I had never seen. She said, It's over, Turk…Michael Jordan's career is over.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

when I was in grade 5, a friend of mine was murdered over the summer. His brother killed the whole family, both parents and 2 sisters.

Apparently he was angry his dad made him do chores, and he has shown no remorse and said at the time he felt his actions seemed totally justified. He is still in jail, and hopefully never gets out.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

One of my best friends was killed in a car accident when I was 15 during Christmas time. I always wonder what it'd be like if he was still around.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

July 31st, 2004:

I'm en route home from my best friend's (Lee) batchelor party in New Orleans. I get a call from my mother-

Me: Hello
Mom: Hey James
Me: What's up?
Mom: Have you talked to your friends in the other car? (Lee, et al were in another car traveling about an hour behind us)
Me: No, why?
Mom: (starting to choke up) They had a wreck.
Me: Was it bad?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Mom, what happened?
Mom: Lee died.

That conversation lasted about as long as it took you to read it, yet it felt like an eternity to me. I lost my best friend, and still don't know if I'm quite the same.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Five years ago on the way back from visiting our grandfather and his family who lived a few hours away, my mom and my brother and I were driving back and got rear ended on the highway after making a rest stop. Our minivan spun around several times before striking a metal pole in the grass divider (no guard rails). My brother who just shy of turning 17 was killed instantly, I was about 14 at the time. Witnessing his death first hand was very traumatic for me as it would be for anybody. My mother took his death especially hard. The next few months were extremely depressing, seeing my mother crying day after day and remembering the horrible reactions to the news from his friends and fiancee is something I'll never really get over. Just thinking about it now puts me in tears. Usually I just try not to think about it, and I've done a pretty good job of that.

Pretty depressing thread topic, but as much as I hate to dwell on stuff like this I do think it's important to not forget what happened and to grieve accordingly.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,
We're talkin' [censored]' Lee.
I had a friend named Lee,
He cast a spell a spell on me.
If me and Lee and KG could be three,
Flyin' free Tenacious Lee,
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee,
I'd propose on bended knee
To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee,
If me, and Lee, and KG, (that's me)
Could be three, (could be three)
Plant a tree, (plant a tree)
Just for Lee, (just for Lee)
Just for Lee, (Lee)
Just for Lee!
Lee, Lee, Lee: ["Psycho" Knife Song style, 16X]
Leeee, Leeee, Leeee:
LEE!


/sorry

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

My dad and grandpa(mom's side) died within several months of each other. I was really young(5 or so) but it still gets to me sometimes(I'm 18 now). Especially so because my dad had a heart attack while my mom was at work, 3rd shift. I went upstairs to go to bed...came back downstairs because I needed a pillow, and he was lying on the floor. I thought he was messing around, because he was like that...Tried to wake him up for God knows how long, until my mom called from work. I still remember telling her, "Dad's asleep...he won't wake up". I can't even imagine how she felt at that moment.

I always wonder what would have happened if I was one of those genetically engineered preschoolers that know how to use 911.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

WTF with all the retardation in this thread???

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

aisle, your 16 yr old brother had a fiance??? wtf?

for me it was my mom dying very suddenly 2 years ago when i was away in spain. i got a call, got on the next plane, and she was gone within a few hours... i never really got a chance to talk to her or say anything conscious to her again. i don't know which is worse - suddenly without the chance to really say everything you wanna say and get used to the idea, or slowly and having to deal with your parent being in an awful state. anyways, i dont talk to my dad anymore so it's just me and my brother now, 23 and 24... we're figuring it out though, slowly but surely.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Lost like 50% of my bankroll to some retarded party donkeys in one night.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
i don't know which is worse - suddenly without the chance to really say everything you wanna say and get used to the idea, or slowly and having to deal with your parent being in an awful state.

[/ QUOTE ]

To me honestly I think its MUCH worse when a loved one is in an awful state for a long time, seeing them suffer so. My mom suffered from cancer for 10 years, my father 20 years after his horrific stroke. Both would have been much better off if they had died quickly. I hope I die instantly somehow someday, and that those who love me can grieve quickly and then move on.

Sorry for your loss, good luck to you and your brother.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

My cousin also one of my Best Friends growing up went on a family fishing trip with the other side of his family every year. I got to go many times. Well one year he was in the car in the front of the pack and they were crossing some railroad tracks, not sure how this ever happens but they got hit by a train. His Uncle who was driving was killed instantly. His dad (front passenger) is not paralized from waist down. My cousin back seat only suffered a broken collarbone. Although you might think wow how lucky. He has never been the same person, doesn't talk to many people. can't hold a job.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Nice thread. It makes me think that I'm a statistical anomaly for not having lost anyone very significant to me (23 now). I can't even think of anything tragic.

I can't imagine what it must be like to witness a close relative get mangled like Eddie's friend in the train accident. I always wondered what war would be like in comparison. Would it be worse to be in some heavy combat(s) and see so many die and have to kill yourself? (edit - have to kill others yourself)

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

For what it's worth, even if you had known how to call 911 the chances of your father surviving were likely very low.

From the time someone goes down, you've got about 5 minutes to restore cerebral perfusion (oxygen) to prevent brain damage, maybe 10 minutes to prevent brain death. The chances of paramedics responding that quickly to a 911 call are, to be generous, remote - they'd basically have to be parked outside your house.

Even IF you get that fast a response, the survival rate for true cardiac arrests is low - I'll see maybe one or two a year out of our department.

MM MD

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

for me personally it was the loss of one of my best friends shortly after we all finished college. a 23 year-old guy ran a bunch of cars off the road before slamming into my friend who was going through the green light at the intersection. my friend died instantly and the guy who hit him pleaded insanity and said that he was on a mission from the devil to kill as many people as possible. the guy was free less than 6 months later.

a close second was when the kid that i mentor (11 years old at the time) found out that his dad who had been released from prison 8 months earlier was dead. the dad had been missing for 6 months before word got back that he had died and his body was burned at a homeless encampment.

lastly, another good friend of mine lost his older brother to a heroin overdose just after high school. then his little brother committed suicide 6 years later on the anniversary of the oldest brother's death. it was later discovered that the youngest brother had been writing letters to the oldest brother for years after he had died.

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

mother lost her sanity, never regained it. horrible stuff. there is no god

and that's only about a quarter of it

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

this probably
http://www.pokerhand.org/?1675169

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

Definitely this

I've been thinking of writing up a long and more detailed version of the back-story.. something that I think will be therapeutic and needed. Maybe post it in EDF. Maybe not. But it's too soon

Re: What is the most tragic thing you\'ve ever had to deal with
 

[ QUOTE ]
aisle, your 16 yr old brother had a fiance??? wtf?


[/ QUOTE ]

Well like I said he was almost 17, so it's not really that crazy to be engaged at that age. They had been together for a while also.