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-   -   Now that I've been stripped of my manhood.... (http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=528249)

gol4pro 10-22-2007 01:40 AM

Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
How do I get it back?

Dating advice question;

I was dating a girl for the last month, and at first everything was awesome. It is definitely my tendency to at first be really attractive and in control, and over time become a wuss.

Last week, we had a talk. Essentially, she said that she feels like I've become a friend to her. I know some of this has to do with my wussy-like behavior of late, but there are other complicating issues. She had a really hard childhood and is really close with her family as a result-- college (we are both freshman) is the first time she has ever been away from them and it has been really hard on her. Furthermore, since she always took care of her younger brother and sister, she is not used to people caring about her and it's hard for her. Emotionally, she has a lot of guy-like qualities like she tries to take care of things on her own, she does not trust people easily, etc.

I'm convinced she has started to see me as a friend for 2 primary reasons;

1) The family thing sort of forced me to act more like a friend than a boyfriend-- she needed someone to talk to, so I was there.
2) I have acted like a wuss of late
3) I have acted like a wuss of late
4) I have stopped doing non-wuss things like poking fun at her and calling her out when she's being ridiculous.

Essentially, I stopped doing the things that attracted her to me, and started being a friend. We're technically not dating right now, but the way we left it was we'll see how it goes after everything is sorted out with her family. Honestly, I'm not sure she needs to be in a relationship at the present moment. She's seeing her family this weekend (through tuesday, we're on break), so these next 2 weeks back are going to be very important in determining which direction this goes.

I can also report that the situation is improving. We're back to flirting like we used to, so that has to be a plus. I'm not used to taking a long time to get over break ups (usually less than a week), but I actually decided that she would be worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up on it quite yet. So as far as getting her back goes, I figure there are a couple ways I can go.

1) Act like I'm just meeting her for the first time, and be myself (girls generally like me at first because I like to make fun of people in a nice way).
2) Go the "serious" route and talk about it with her. This seems -EV, but I'm not so sure about option #1 either. However, if I do go this route, I think it's very important that I maintain CONTROL and do not become a wussy as I have the last couple weeks.
3) Keep going the direction we have been the last couple days, with flirting, etc. The hope would be that it naturally develops back into a relationship.

Howard Beale 10-22-2007 01:45 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Thanks for the reminder on what it's like to be 19. I'd forgotten.

yeotaJMU 10-22-2007 02:06 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
if u want your manhood back stop being a pussy and dating a girl and worrying about a girl and being a pussy and go out and drink and have sex with some randoms jesus getting back with her wont help

yeotaJMU 10-22-2007 02:06 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
this post makes me really mad for some reason [censored]

scpi10 10-22-2007 02:09 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Forget about this girl, it's over. You're in college go find some drunk girl and enjoy.

meep_42 10-22-2007 02:12 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Move on.

-d

MiloMinderbinder 10-22-2007 02:13 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
I recommend you take your mind off her and go pledge a sorority or join a knitting circle. imo

EscapePlan9 10-22-2007 02:14 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
If you feel like she's something special, but she doesn't reciprocate, you have to move on.

What's the alpha-male act gonna do now? Bring her back until you return to your usual self? You will find someone who likes you for who you are. You don't have to force yourself to be an alpha male to find someone.

siccjay 10-22-2007 02:18 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
You know the answer to your own questions. Just stop being a pussy. Get back to how you were acting and don't forget again. Even if she doesn't come back (which I believe she will) there will be others.

Xibalba 10-22-2007 03:44 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
You did a great job of identifying the root cause of everything that went wrong. You then proceeded to justify in every single possible way why you the root cause happened and blah blah.
Every reply to this thread has been pretty much accurate.
But for the sake of completeness:

You act confident and attractive = She likes you.
You act like a wuss because of X = She does not like you.

Now that the math is out of the question, let's forget about this particular girl and go back to your first statements. "It is definitely my tendency to be..."
So, it really is not about the girl's drama.
I'd go out on a psych 101 limb and say you're a pretty cool guy, but have some stupid self-fufilling prophecy of becoming a major wimpy pussy-whipped husband. Perhaps your dad, perhaps I'm way off my game.

Either way, "don't be a pussy" is pretty much the best advice for most human situations.

Iplayragstoo 10-22-2007 03:46 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
[ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the reminder on what it's like to be 19. I'd forgotten.

[/ QUOTE ]

One Outer 10-22-2007 04:11 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Do people really still look at relationships this way? You sound codependent. Who gives a crap? It's all her problem. Go live your life.

Elevens 10-22-2007 06:59 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Give her a Dirty Sanchez.

Slow Play Ray 10-22-2007 08:06 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
[ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the reminder on what it's like to be 19. I'd forgotten.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Move on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hopey 10-22-2007 09:54 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
[ QUOTE ]
She had a really hard childhood and is really close with her family as a result-- college (we are both freshman) is the first time she has ever been away from them and it has been really hard on her. Furthermore, since she always took care of her younger brother and sister, she is not used to people caring about her and it's hard for her. Emotionally, she has a lot of guy-like qualities like she tries to take care of things on her own, she does not trust people easily, etc.


[/ QUOTE ]

Stop psycho-analyzing the women you date. She didn't break up with you because of the above reasons, she broke up with you because she thinks she can do better.

scott1 10-22-2007 09:55 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
This is her way of letting you down easy. She's away at college for the first time and wants to bang other guys. You could learn something from her.

Congratulations on your new friend.

Los Feliz Slim 10-22-2007 10:15 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
OP,

She wants to bang other dudes. Sorry. You can either be like I was when I was in your position and obsess over it or you can realize that you're both kids and none of this matters in the least in the long run. Go have fun. I would pay 25% of my net worth to have realized this earlier, if you can take anything from it my pain will be partially redeemed.

Good luck.

niss 10-22-2007 10:27 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
She sounds fat.

daryn 10-22-2007 10:43 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
how old are you?

David H 10-22-2007 10:53 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
[ QUOTE ]
how old are you?

[/ QUOTE ]
He said freshman in college...probably 18 or 19.

TwoNitty 10-22-2007 10:56 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
bang her roommate.

Georgia Avenue 10-22-2007 11:04 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
[ QUOTE ]
OP,

She wants to bang other dudes. Sorry. You can either be like I was when I was in your position and obsess over it or you can realize that you're both kids and none of this matters in the least in the long run. Go have fun. I would pay 25% of my net worth to have realized this earlier, if you can take anything from it my pain will be partially redeemed.

Good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

You must be crazy or very very wealty...I'd pay 100% of my net worth to return to 1997 with the lack of pussitude I have now.

diddyeinstein 10-22-2007 12:47 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
You don't want to date anyone while your a freshman anyways. Breathe a sigh of relief, and start [censored] away.

El Diablo 10-22-2007 12:55 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
g,

"I was dating a girl for the last month"

"The hope would be that it naturally develops back into a relationship."

Were you having sex with the girl during the period when you were in a dating relationship with her?

microbet 10-22-2007 01:13 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
"I was dating a girl for the last month"

Maybe she's just getting her period. Once a month for the last 12 years my wife has felt like we are friends.

IQ89 10-22-2007 02:37 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
You really need to listen to Tom Leykis, he's the Dewussifier.

AmadisSB 10-22-2007 03:00 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
post pics please... that will dramatically help us decide on if you should move on or not.

TripleH68 10-22-2007 04:01 PM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
You have truly struck gold. As other posters have stated you just don't know it.

This girl you talk about is afraid of intimacy. She does not want to get close to you, because that will turn her off.

So you have two choices:

1) Enjoy a fun, casual relationship.

2) Move on.

Sounds like you will pick number 2. I understand, but it is likely you are not ready for a 'serious' relationship either. Trying to make one work with this girl will be at worst a train wreck and at best a waste of time.

meep_42 10-24-2007 05:00 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
There's no chance that he can handle a casual relationship.

-d

Vyse 10-24-2007 05:23 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
Don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

xxThe_Lebowskixx 10-24-2007 05:32 AM

Re: Now that I\'ve been stripped of my manhood....
 
its more likely that she met a guy she likes better than your psychological analysis is correct.


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