Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

So I have been thinking about my future a lot lately, mainly because I purchased a house and am realizing that even though I am still relatively young at 24 I am not a child anymore and have begun to think more about serious relationships and how I basically have always avoided them, even though I have always internally told myself thats what I wanted it has clearly not been my desire as I have essentially, without exception chased girls I liked and just bailed the [censored] out once I got them and new they liked me. I like the challenge of it all I guess and I think I get sick of people quickly as well. So as I see my friends get picked off one by one by the marriage bug I question if something is just fundamentally wrong with me. My question is:

For the older dudes here:
Did you go through this? What snapped you out of it? Was it a conscious decision or just an epiphany when you met someone? Or was it, dare I say, just a logical decision for the easy way out?

For the dudes my age:
Everyone think this way? Am an exception to the rule? Do you also have an interest in maturing a little and moving on a little or are you happy with randomness?

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

run-on

and yes

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
run-on

and yes

[/ QUOTE ]
I dont think it was that much of a run on post.

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky
 

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Just comes down to it being a ton of effort to be a single dude.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm 36 and single and I have to say that i couldn't disagree with this more.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

You're 24, relax.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
You're 24, relax.

[/ QUOTE ]
I am not like super excitedly anxious about it. I am just curious when people snapped out of this stage essentially. I am doing other super adult things, and still am in my partying stage in other aspects.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

If all your friends are getting married at 24, get new, better, more fun friends.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

The thrill of the hunt. There is nothing like it.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
The thrill of the hunt. There is nothing like it.

[/ QUOTE ]

simple and true

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

Do you realize you are trying to determine what your preferences should be by asking other people about their preferences. And, no insult intended, but it is going to be a skewed sample. You might have better luck asking people for suggestions on how you can figure out what you want. Personally I think past behavior is the best indication of your underlying desires.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I have a pretty serious girlfriend now and even though I can probably do better, I'm putting some serious thought into just settling in with her out of convenience.

[/ QUOTE ]

eww.


FWIW I am 23 and have lived with my girlfriend for two years, since graduating college. I'm not sure whether its her or my maturity, likely a combo of the two, but I really don't feel that great desire to play the field. I mean I do, and I would love to go out and prove that I still got it, and even mix it up for sex, etc. but this thought is now a blip on the screen instead of an all-consuming thing.

Previously, I'd go through the typical wanting a girlfriend until I had one and then craving freedom. Whenever I was with a girl, it was like "ok, i got her....now what?" The thrill of the catch was over, she was in love with me, and I was over it.

Now though, I just realize how lucky I am that I get to spend every night and wake up every morning with a girl who, for me, is a million times better than every other girl. Living together is a HUGE step, because the time you spend together makes one year together the equivalent of like 5 years living apart.

This past weekend I went to visit my friend in NYC, and we went out to some bars. Obviously I was scoping around out of habit, picking out which girl I'd approach if I was single, estimating my odds, etc. I never had any real urge to do it though, because I'm happy where I'm at.

I know I'm just blabbering on, but whatever.

[awful poker analogy] For me, this is like a variation on that thread that gets started once a month. "Would you give up poker for a million dollars?" Basically, how much do you value actually playing the game.

The difference for me is that it seems like the choice between a million dollars or playing a tournament where the top prize is 500k. If I choose to play, not only am I giving up on the sure thing for the thrill of the game, I also know that I could never find anyone so perfect for me. [/awful poker analogy]

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

The grass is always greener.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

Im pretty convinced that none of us, no matter who you are, are nowhere near worldly/mature enough to decide whether you want to get married in your 20s. Im not worried about it in the least, and Jur I have thought about it too, added to teh fact that of all my friends, the ones who are 22-30 are the ones who bitch about their long time gf/wife, and none of those guys were ever really excited on their wedding day, but my friends who were older (35ish) when they got married were all pumped, and talk about how much they love/how good of a girl their wife is.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I have a pretty serious girlfriend now and even though I can probably do better, I'm putting some serious thought into just settling in with her out of convenience.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is [censored] absurd. What's the over/under on how long until he cheats?

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky
 

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

what do you mean by "you can do better"?

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I have a pretty serious girlfriend now and even though I can probably do better, I'm putting some serious thought into just settling in with her out of convenience.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is [censored] absurd. What's the over/under on how long until he cheats?

[/ QUOTE ]

fwiw my rationale is a common one. its probably also a common reason for divorce and cheating, but its common...and my point was that i am now beginning to see where those people are coming from.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its a common one because most people are completely morons when it comes to relationships, becuase most peoples self-esteem is so [censored] that they are willing to settle just so they arent the only ones that arent able to tell people they are with someone. Its sad really.

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky
 

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
what do you mean by "you can do better"?

[/ QUOTE ]

its complicated obv but just that i could find somebody who i match better with, that i'd be happier with long term, that would make a better partner etc

guids,

i think thats more commonly a female perspective on it. for me its just not wanting to go through the bs of dating anymore. i've had plenty of awesome experiences with the opposite sex, its not about the hunt for me anymore. i just want to focus on business and other non-sexual pursuits and have that part of it all taken care of.

sorry for hi-jack, though i guess somebody had to represent the alternative viewpoint to what everybody else is saying in this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

The reason I have purposely pushed girls aside that I had great relationships with was for the specific reason of focusing on business and other outside pursuits. If you think that being married is conducive to making money youre nuts.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
The grass is always greener.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is probably the best answer.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You're 24, relax.

[/ QUOTE ]
I am not like super excitedly anxious about it. I am just curious when people snapped out of this stage essentially. I am doing other super adult things, and still am in my partying stage in other aspects.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it's difficult (as with most things) to broadly generalize on this - but I'd say most guys get "sick of the hunt" ~30'ish and are more consciously looking to get married. At least with my peer group. Drivers are knowing yourself and what you want out of a wife (I think this tends to occur around 30 - by then most people have had at least a couple serious relationships), being financially stable, having banged enough chicks etc. etc.

The 2 things that standout so far in this thread, imo are 1) "the grass is always greener", very true; 2) as Adsman alluded to, most guys are more attractive to women in their 30s then in their 20s, at least in my experience. Something to consider.

I'm 31 and I'd say it's about 50/50 single/married or LTR for my guy friends. With women it's more like 30/70. (Though my sample is primarily ambitious, career-driven, very educated people, I imagine the percentages are more skewed towards "married / LTR" in general so YMMV on this.)

There are no hard and fast rules on this so, you know, if you meet the perfect woman when you're 27, see no reason not to go for it. Though agree with Quids - on average my friends who got married in their 30s seem to be much more confident / happy with their decision vs. friends who got married in their 20s.

-Al

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
as Adsman alluded to, most guys are more attractive to women in their 30s then in their 20s, at least in my experience.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is so true iin my experience. It is sick how many opportunities I have now with women, ages ranging from 19-late thirties. The ironic thing however, at least for me, is that I have less desire to go out with them, do the dating game etc. I'm just kind of coasting along, being nice to all of them, and waiting for a really good one to pop up.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

I am 25 and have mostly hated the chase my entire life. I don't see that changing any time in the near future.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

i do the same and do think about the future, but then think i have the rest of my 20's to find someone that completely floors me.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

I’m 24, and your situation seems to be completely normal. The majority of my friends are within two years of me and only a few of them are in serious long term relationships, though one is married. I don’t know if this applies to you, but right after college a lot of the guys and almost all of the girls found significant others to deal with the relative boredom of working life. I’m not saying they didn’t care at all about their relationships, but this group pretty universally found boy/girlfriends a month after starting work when they didn’t date anyone consistently through all of college to fill some sort of other void they were feeling.

I still enjoy being young and an idiot, but I’m also inexperienced in terms of serious relationships and have also found myself wondering what one might be like recently. I’m not sure what you mean by moving on a little, but I do find myself wanting to try new things and meet people outside of the bars/clubs that I mostly frequent w/ my main group of friends and have been doing some different stuff. If that leads to meeting a different type of girl I would seriously date instead of one night stand, that’s cool, but I think it’s weird to feel left out and then artificially get yourself into a mentality where you tell yourself, “Ok, it’s tiem to be in a LTR b/c my friends are getting married. Let’s do this.’

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I am 25 and have mostly hated the chase my entire life. I don't see that changing any time in the near future.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm the same age as you and feel the same way. I prefer to just live my life as I please and just take advantage of opportunities with women as they happen to fall into my lap.

I got out of a LTR almost a year ago, and while I've had a few "encounters" with various women since then, none have really left me all that fulfilled. This only strengthens that feeling of the chase being too much work.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Previously, I'd go through the typical wanting a girlfriend until I had one and then craving freedom. Whenever I was with a girl, it was like "ok, i got her....now what?" The thrill of the catch was over, she was in love with me, and I was over it.

[/ QUOTE ]

perfect.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

fwiw, ive always loved the chase, the thrill of accomplishment at closing the deal, the knowledge and confidence to approach someone knowing they are going to like me and i wont fk it up. ive been with same girl for a year and a half. when i first met her i had no aspirations whatsoever of having a girlfriend or being involved with just one girl. i dno what happened, shes just too awesome to give up to get back in the hunt. also, i dont see myself getting married until im ready to have kids, which will prob be early 30s.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

"Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26"

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26"

[/ QUOTE ]

And we were of that disposition, 'T0ne. We were of. That disposition.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

I've never really felt like this, but I've never really been about the chase for its own sake, which probably explains why I'm so unsuccessful with it.

[ QUOTE ]
the knowledge and confidence to approach someone knowing they are going to like me and i wont fk it up.

[/ QUOTE ]
See, I've never had this; I've always felt weird about the approach, like something in my brain's wiring is busted and assumes they won't like me or will find me strange. Which is obviously absurd, and who [censored] cares anyway.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

I'm of the mindset that I don't really want to get married until I am relatively ready to have kids. But I could see that in the next 5 years, so.......

My 30th last year is pretty much when everything started changing for me, as I thought I would be single until I was 40. Meeting a cool chick helps, obv.

Until then, rock and roll.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

You haven't find the right one yet.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

i'll chime in here with my perspective. i'm relatively young at 19, and currently in my first serious relationship. in the past, i definitely enjoyed "the chase," but honestly pursuing girls was more than likely a waste of time (albeit fun and interesting). vastly overweight until i was 17, netting an attractive girlfriend was extremely unrealistic. i weighed approx. 260 (i'm 5'11") in my first two years of high school, yet i had a sort of obnoxious witty confidence, mostly due to relying on my inherent intelligence and maturity throughout my adolescense. dealing with insults from my peers,and also at a physical disadvantage to them (sports etc.), allowed me to shrug off most negativity directed toward me. i constantly flirted with and befriended attractive girls, yet most of the time was unsuccessful in taking it any further than that. in my junior year, i became obsessed with losing weight, and dropped from my max of 260ish down to a meager 168 (i still remember my lowest weight). having only smoked lightly until around that time, i became a full-fledged smoker, replacing meals with cigarettes and starbucks. i still smoke, unfortunately, and i am not particularly healthy. after shedding the excess weight, my confidence was at an all-time high, and i began dating attractive girls. not only was this exciting, but what blew my mind was that these particular girls required no effort to get with. they wanted me. as i was in the middle of a somewhat blossoming relationship, i became enamored with another girl. i chased her around for close to a year, breaking it off with my previous girlfriend because i "liked alyssa too much." eventually everything worked out, i kissed her on a park bench, and was able to get laid in a short amount of time. i was the happiest person in the world. after a while though, things became a little more hectic. i began to see horrible flaws in this supposedly "perfect" girl, and my world was starting to crumble. my confidence dropped, and i began to regain weight due to stress and lack of activity. with a ton of effort, though, we were able to mend things, and my relationship is nearing the 1.5 year mark. i rarely if ever miss "the chase," because the chase is [censored] futile. it's a blast, i'll admit, but once i found an extremely close companion, i felt as if there was no going back. i really can't imagine the single life.

^^
i know that was insanely long, but it felt good to reflect on life, so i went a little overboard, sorry. there may be some useful stuff in there, either way.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

a year or two more and you'll get bored with this girl and start thinking how you wasted your best banging years in a relationship where both of you were too young for a serious relationship.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
fwiw, ive always loved the chase, the thrill of accomplishment at closing the deal, the knowledge and confidence to approach someone knowing they are going to like me and i wont fk it up. ive been with same girl for a year and a half. when i first met her i had no aspirations whatsoever of having a girlfriend or being involved with just one girl. i dno what happened, shes just too awesome to give up to get back in the hunt. also, i dont see myself getting married until im ready to have kids, which will prob be early 30s.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is pretty much my story to the letter.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
i'll chime in here with my perspective. i'm relatively young at 19, and currently in my first serious relationship. in the past, i definitely enjoyed "the chase," but honestly pursuing girls was more than likely a waste of time (albeit fun and interesting). vastly overweight until i was 17, netting an attractive girlfriend was extremely unrealistic. i weighed approx. 260 (i'm 5'11") in my first two years of high school, yet i had a sort of obnoxious witty confidence, mostly due to relying on my inherent intelligence and maturity throughout my adolescense. dealing with insults from my peers,and also at a physical disadvantage to them (sports etc.), allowed me to shrug off most negativity directed toward me. i constantly flirted with and befriended attractive girls, yet most of the time was unsuccessful in taking it any further than that. in my junior year, i became obsessed with losing weight, and dropped from my max of 260ish down to a meager 168 (i still remember my lowest weight). having only smoked lightly until around that time, i became a full-fledged smoker, replacing meals with cigarettes and starbucks. i still smoke, unfortunately, and i am not particularly healthy. after shedding the excess weight, my confidence was at an all-time high, and i began dating attractive girls. not only was this exciting, but what blew my mind was that these particular girls required no effort to get with. they wanted me. as i was in the middle of a somewhat blossoming relationship, i became enamored with another girl. i chased her around for close to a year, breaking it off with my previous girlfriend because i "liked alyssa too much." eventually everything worked out, i kissed her on a park bench, and was able to get laid in a short amount of time. i was the happiest person in the world. after a while though, things became a little more hectic. i began to see horrible flaws in this supposedly "perfect" girl, and my world was starting to crumble. my confidence dropped, and i began to regain weight due to stress and lack of activity. with a ton of effort, though, we were able to mend things, and my relationship is nearing the 1.5 year mark. i rarely if ever miss "the chase," because the chase is [censored] futile. it's a blast, i'll admit, but once i found an extremely close companion, i felt as if there was no going back. i really can't imagine the single life.

^^
i know that was insanely long, but it felt good to reflect on life, so i went a little overboard, sorry. there may be some useful stuff in there, either way.

[/ QUOTE ]


As a 19 year old kid, you have no idea what you are talking about, and havent had the time to figure out what you really think in regards to relationships, so dont make a mistake and and become some co-dependent douche cookie like a lot of guys tend to do

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i'll chime in here with my perspective. i'm relatively young at 19, and currently in my first serious relationship. in the past, i definitely enjoyed "the chase," but honestly pursuing girls was more than likely a waste of time (albeit fun and interesting). vastly overweight until i was 17, netting an attractive girlfriend was extremely unrealistic. i weighed approx. 260 (i'm 5'11") in my first two years of high school, yet i had a sort of obnoxious witty confidence, mostly due to relying on my inherent intelligence and maturity throughout my adolescense. dealing with insults from my peers,and also at a physical disadvantage to them (sports etc.), allowed me to shrug off most negativity directed toward me. i constantly flirted with and befriended attractive girls, yet most of the time was unsuccessful in taking it any further than that. in my junior year, i became obsessed with losing weight, and dropped from my max of 260ish down to a meager 168 (i still remember my lowest weight). having only smoked lightly until around that time, i became a full-fledged smoker, replacing meals with cigarettes and starbucks. i still smoke, unfortunately, and i am not particularly healthy. after shedding the excess weight, my confidence was at an all-time high, and i began dating attractive girls. not only was this exciting, but what blew my mind was that these particular girls required no effort to get with. they wanted me. as i was in the middle of a somewhat blossoming relationship, i became enamored with another girl. i chased her around for close to a year, breaking it off with my previous girlfriend because i "liked alyssa too much." eventually everything worked out, i kissed her on a park bench, and was able to get laid in a short amount of time. i was the happiest person in the world. after a while though, things became a little more hectic. i began to see horrible flaws in this supposedly "perfect" girl, and my world was starting to crumble. my confidence dropped, and i began to regain weight due to stress and lack of activity. with a ton of effort, though, we were able to mend things, and my relationship is nearing the 1.5 year mark. i rarely if ever miss "the chase," because the chase is [censored] futile. it's a blast, i'll admit, but once i found an extremely close companion, i felt as if there was no going back. i really can't imagine the single life.

^^
i know that was insanely long, but it felt good to reflect on life, so i went a little overboard, sorry. there may be some useful stuff in there, either way.

[/ QUOTE ]


As a 19 year old kid, you have no idea what you are talking about, and havent had the time to figure out what you really think in regards to relationships, so dont make a mistake and and become some co-dependent douche cookie like a lot of guys tend to do

[/ QUOTE ]
I hope BoostedJ doesn't read this or he'll challenge you heads-up for rolls.

Re: Do all guys go through the \"chase is more fun\" stage?
 

[ QUOTE ]
i'll chime in here with my perspective. i'm relatively young at 19, and currently in my first serious relationship. in the past, i definitely enjoyed "the chase," but honestly pursuing girls was more than likely a waste of time (albeit fun and interesting). vastly overweight until i was 17, netting an attractive girlfriend was extremely unrealistic. i weighed approx. 260 (i'm 5'11") in my first two years of high school, yet i had a sort of obnoxious witty confidence, mostly due to relying on my inherent intelligence and maturity throughout my adolescense. dealing with insults from my peers,and also at a physical disadvantage to them (sports etc.), allowed me to shrug off most negativity directed toward me. i constantly flirted with and befriended attractive girls, yet most of the time was unsuccessful in taking it any further than that. in my junior year, i became obsessed with losing weight, and dropped from my max of 260ish down to a meager 168 (i still remember my lowest weight). having only smoked lightly until around that time, i became a full-fledged smoker, replacing meals with cigarettes and starbucks. i still smoke, unfortunately, and i am not particularly healthy. after shedding the excess weight, my confidence was at an all-time high, and i began dating attractive girls. not only was this exciting, but what blew my mind was that these particular girls required no effort to get with. they wanted me. as i was in the middle of a somewhat blossoming relationship, i became enamored with another girl. i chased her around for close to a year, breaking it off with my previous girlfriend because i "liked alyssa too much." eventually everything worked out, i kissed her on a park bench, and was able to get laid in a short amount of time. i was the happiest person in the world. after a while though, things became a little more hectic. i began to see horrible flaws in this supposedly "perfect" girl, and my world was starting to crumble. my confidence dropped, and i began to regain weight due to stress and lack of activity. with a ton of effort, though, we were able to mend things, and my relationship is nearing the 1.5 year mark. i rarely if ever miss "the chase," because the chase is [censored] futile. it's a blast, i'll admit, but once i found an extremely close companion, i felt as if there was no going back. i really can't imagine the single life.

^^
i know that was insanely long, but it felt good to reflect on life, so i went a little overboard, sorry. there may be some useful stuff in there, either way.

[/ QUOTE ]

One day, she'll dump you, and you'll go into a woman hating shell for 4 years. Thats just being realistic.