Bizarre injuries you\'ve suffered
 

I had a bad cough last week (and lingering into this week), and I think I have pulled a rib muscle from coughing so hard. Bizarre--every time I sneeze, or cough, or move a certain way, there's a stabbing pain in my side.

I also notice that this week a MLB player blew out his knee while arguing with an umpire.

Anyone else experienced this, or something similarly bizarre?

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Just skinned my knuckle punching your avatar.....

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When I was in grade school I went to a daytime computer camp at Framingham State College. A pencil rolled off my desk and I snapped my legs together to catch it in my lap, except I was too slow so I just drove the pencil about 2" into my inner thigh.

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A few nights ago I woke up screaming in pain and started punching my wall. I had a charlie horse in my calf and it was easily the most painful one I've ever experienced. 2 Days later I'm still struggling to walk comfortably.

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A few years ago around Valentine's Day I had a whole mouthful of redhot candies in my mouth. I dropped my pen and reached down under the desk to get it and all the red hot spit went into my sinus cavity. That did not feel good.

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my brother tried to punch me in the face and in trying to catch the punch in my palm i had my hand tipped too forward and his fist caught the top of my middle finger and broke the 2nd knuckle

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Was trying to cut an orange with a butter knife when I was 6 or so and put the knife through my hand.

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when i was about 13 i built a sweet tree house on the border of my yard. on the first level we used to kill time by pounding nails into the floor. some douchebags came over with chainsaws and tore it down because the new owners of the land behind our house thought it was on their property. my friend and i were carrying the "floor" of the first level into the woods, and because we were retarded we were carrying it upside down so all the nails were sticking up. for some reason we were only lifting it a few inches off the ground, as well. he was walking backward, i was walking forward. he stopped suddenly without warning, and the 8 inch high "side" (it was like a shallow box) hit my ankles. i had no way to stop my upper body, so i fell forward, palms first, onto about 10 or 12 nails. that was a bitch.

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I woke up in my hotel bed a saturday morning a couple of years back with five stitches in the back of my head and all my clothes missing. I still today have no idea what happened to me. I have a weak memory of me being in an ambulance and a bunch of nurses pointing and laughing at me, but that's it. And I may have dreamt that.

EDIT: So infact, I have no idea if the way I suffered the injury was bizarre or not. I'd like to think it was though.

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A few nights ago I woke up screaming in pain and started punching my wall. I had a charlie horse in my calf and it was easily the most painful one I've ever experienced. 2 Days later I'm still struggling to walk comfortably.

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I've definitely had this one, minus the punching the wall part. Not fun.

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A few years ago around Valentine's Day I had a whole mouthful of redhot candies in my mouth. I dropped my pen and reached down under the desk to get it and all the red hot spit went into my sinus cavity. That did not feel good.

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That made me laugh.

In 8th grade I was playing hackey sack outside between our school and these mobile home style "portables" that were brought in for additional class space. The game was pelt, after the hackey sack is hit x number of times you can grab it and chuck it at someone. So once it's legal to grab the circle splits, I take a few running strides while keeping my eye on the circle. Just as a yank my head around to see how close I am to the portable's wall. WHAM!!! Air conditioning unit to the face. I've still got a slight scar through my eyebrow from it. I came to kneeling on the ground looking at my hands soaked in blood. I remember it was like watching a scene from a movie.

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Was trying to cut an orange with a butter knife when I was 6 or so and put the knife through my hand.

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Same-ish age, uncle getting married, I was the ring-bearer or something, and along with the groomsmen received my own initial-engraved pocketknife as a gift. Immediately I opened it and destroyed my thumb. Still have the scar today.

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1- fell off of a couch during a nap and landed on a woman's shoe that was laying on its side. it was one of those shoes with a really hard wood/plastic sole. i caught the shoe perfectly with my tail bone...that hurt like hell for days

2- i grew up hunting deer. i was probably 9 or so. there was a severed deer head lying around the camp site and somehow i ended up picking it up and throwing it (by the ears)at one of the other kids there.

he started chasing me and I started hauling ass out of there. i looked back to see if he was closing the gap or not and as i turned back forward to see where i was going; i caught a pair of binoculars that were hanging from a deer gutting gizmo squarely in the center of my forehead. had a few stitches and a scar...and the nickname binocular brains for the next few years

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I have a few.

Back when I was racing I would ride about 450 miles a week, that's about 25 hours in the saddle. The constant pressure on my hands and wrists was just too much and I got carpal tunnel.

One night I dreamt I was in a fight and actually threw a punch... into the wall. I woke up with a sore and swollen hand but no major damage.

This wasn't me but it's too funny to leave out. A college buddy was in the library using the urinal. He went to spit his dip in to the toilet and smacked his head on the bookshelf and knocked himself out cold.

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So there were either bookshelves in the bathroom or a urinal amongst the shelves in the library? WTF?

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So there were either bookshelves in the bathroom or a urinal amongst the shelves in the library? WTF?

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They had a shelf over the urinal where you can put your things while your doing your business.

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I am 40, which means I was a kid in the early-mid '70s. At that time, big zippers were in. I had a pair of shorts with a huge zipper in the front. When I was about 7 (figure 1974), I was in a phase where I didn't want to wear underwear. So I put on my shorts with the big zipper, sans underpants, and zipped up my sack real good in this huge zipper, to the point that the zipper could not be moved without causing extreme unbearable pain. They had to cut the shorts off me.

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I got a huge gash in the top of my head from a nickel.

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Toilet papering in 8th grade. We had about 50 rolls and were doing an amazing job. The owner of the house comes out and says "The cops are coming you better run!" Needless to say, our 8th grade asses booked it.

It's not easy to run in the dark. I ran into a brick retaining wall and had a cut that went down to the bone. Walked all the way home off of the adreniline and called my parents to take me to the ER. I got a bunch of stitches and staples in my leg and have a huge scar to this day.

I told my parents I fell down the stairs which they (somehow) believed until two days later when another neighbor called my parents asking if I put V8 splash in their mailbox and Klondike bars all over their front door. Yeah, we were cool 8th graders.

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When I was around 10, I was hanging out in my friend's garage. There were several of us there and I had climbed up on top of the work bench to sit on a bucket. Suddenly, a kid ran into the garage and yelled out that a fight was starting across the street. I jumped off the bench and landed on a leaf picker upper thing, the handle levered up off the floor and smashed me in the nose.

With blood gushing and my vision blurred from the hit, I stumbled/ran across the street. Just as I got close to where the fight was starting, my foot landed in a hole and my ankle rolled. I fell to the ground in agony. I rolled over into a fetal position, intending to ride out the pain and try and not let the entire neighborhood see me crying.

Most of the kids (including the two who were supposed to be fighting) started laughing at me. Suddenly, I felt sharp, burning, stinging pains. First a couple, then about hundred. My foot had landed in a yellow jacket nest.

Good times.

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I had a similar running in the dark incident.

In college was drunk and running through someone's back yard literally dressed as a pimp.

I about decapitated myself as I ran into a clothesline. I had a huge bruised stripe across my neck, not to mention landing on my tailbone and head.

It looked like I tried to commit suicide by hanging myself.

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Yeah, we were cool 8th graders.

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Now that you're in 9th grade, it's all downhill from here.

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This one is plain retarded and only happened a couple of months ago:

I was running late for work and it was garbage day. I was pushing the big garbage can to the end of the driveway when the wind came up and blew the hinged lid right into my face. I had to drive to work while my nose was gushing blood and I was steaming. Still made it on time even though I had blood all over.

I'm a walking calamity, I have a lot more. I would be curious to hear if anyone else has got stuck in a manhole before.

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When I was around 10, I was hanging out in my friend's garage. There were several of us there and I had climbed up on top of the work bench to sit on a bucket. Suddenly, a kid ran into the garage and yelled out that a fight was starting across the street. I jumped off the bench and landed on a leaf picker upper thing, the handle levered up off the floor and smashed me in the nose.

With blood gushing and my vision blurred from the hit, I stumbled/ran across the street. Just as I got close to where the fight was starting, my foot landed in a hole and my ankle rolled. I fell to the ground in agony. I rolled over into a fetal position, intending to ride out the pain and try and not let the entire neighborhood see me crying.

Most of the kids (including the two who were supposed to be fighting) started laughing at me. Suddenly, I felt sharp, burning, stinging pains. First a couple, then about hundred. My foot had landed in a yellow jacket nest.

Good times.

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This is just sick. I can't imagine all of that happening at the same time, but man....

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I still have a piece of pencil lead in my palm from trying to catch a falling mechanical pencil over 8 years ago.

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In the 7th grade I broke my arm while bowling. I stepped across the line and slipped fell backwards and tried to brace my fall with my non-throwing arm.
I didn't know I had broken it until the next day though. I kept on bowling with my friend but had to hold my other arm close to my belly like it was in a sling. I won 2 out of 3 games with the 1-armed bowling technique.

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* When I was 15 I was babysitting my neighbor's kids and leaned down to pet their dog. The ferocious beast jumped up and nearly took off my nose. I was holding it on my face on the way to the hospital. I have a scar from where it was reattached. The ferocious beast was a darling cocker spaniel, looked just like Lady from Lady and the Tramp.

* A few weeks ago I ran back up the down escalator to retrieve keys my buddy remembered. Long ass escalators so I figured it would be more efficient to run up 10 steps then go down 40 more and back up the other side. I finally learned why my mom always told me not to do that. At the last hard-fought step I tripped and my knee came down on the edge. Huge gash and I couldn't bend my knee or put weight on my leg for three weeks. The Gulden Draak inspired such bravery, and the Gulden Draak kept me from feeling the pain.

* A couple weeks before that I was stuck on the Joker roller coaster at Magic Mountain with the seat too low. I never expected a roller coaster to take my anal V card.

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at uni, in the one sumo wrestling fight, i:
a) dislocated my kneecap
b) broke my leg
c) ripped the lateral and medial ligaments in my ankle
d) put my whole ankle out of joint

photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?ai...p;id=870970088

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i was playing football with my brother. catching a pass somehow the ball managed to hit my right ring finger straight on, and it bent back a little bit and snapped a little piece of bone off where the tendon or whatever is in your knuckle.

When I was like eight I used to jump over bean bag chairs in my basement. Sometimes I'd stack couch cushions on the bottom or use them to land on. One jump my foot caught the bean bag chair and i sprained my ankle.

a friend of mine in high school played the tuba. he was standing on a chair with it and jumped off and blew out his knee (acl or mcl or something).

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when i was 16-17 i was playing soccer.
i was racing towards the ball with another guy and jumped in the air and tried to kick sideways to get it.

i dislocated my knee in the air...and when i landed my knee cap cracked completely in half.

went to the hospital and the doctor thought it was just dislocated so he "snapped it back in"
i told him it wasnt in but he assured me it was and sent me to be x-rayed

i got cindy the ditzy straight out of tech school x-ray attendent who needed help from her friend ashley to move my knee around. most excruciating pain i could ever imagine happening.

then i sat in the er for 3 hours while my knee slowly drooped off to the side. finally the doc came back and said "oh maybe it wasn't in". thanks [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

they screwed the cap back together and the bone healed fine...but i sheered all the cartilage off in my knee and that never grows back. here's to the research on replacing human cartilage with shark cartilage or something!

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When I was really young I had a baseball bat and I was trying to plant the bat on the ground in front of me and then jump over it kind of like you would maybe jump over a fence post by planting your hands on it and swinging over straddle-style. I didn't jump far enough and the bat connected directly with by ass and probably would have penetrated had I not been wearing clothes. it hurt really bad.

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I pulled a back muscle picking up a piece of paper off the ground.
I really, really hope it was the bending over and not the weight of the paper.

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oh i have another. i was practicing baseball in 7th grade, was on first base. pitcher tried to pick me off, i ran back, the ball hit me right in the face on my cheek. my cheek was really swollen. At school the next day I tried to lean on it to hide it, but realized fast that this made it 100x worse, so once i realized this i went and stood outside between each class (cold out) and it shrunk to almost being unnoticeable.

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I was running atop a brick wall that was about 2-3 feet high. At the corner there was a "post" about 4-5 feet high and about 2 foot square on top. I jumped up on the post and missed, kinda summersaulted over the top and pile drove myself into the sidwalk. 5 stitches in the top of my head.

I went outside barefooted one time and stuck something in the bottom of my foot. It bothered me for over a month and I went to the doctor twice about and he said it was scar tissue inside my foot. A bit later a wooden splinter about 1/4" long came out the top of my foot.

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Around 2nd grade I was running behind my buddy behind the houses in our neighborhood. He stepped in the bees nest and I got stung about 45 times. He didn't get stung at all.

The next summer I was riding my Junior Sting-Ray down a big hill and I found out my brakes were not working, I could pedal backwards and the pedals would just go round and round. Uh oh. I ran full speed into a metal chain that was blocking the road. I don't exaclty know what happened next but the result was the bike and I were in a twisted mess and I had racked myself pretty good on the bar. Blood oozed out of my pee pee for two weeks.

Fast forward to July 4th, 2004. I was slicing a standing rib roast with a 10" chefs knife. It was wet under the cutting board and the whole thing starting sliding toward me. As I attempted to grab the roast and save it from falling to the floor, I missed the roast and grabbed the knife instead. Cut all five fingers and the worst was my middle finger that I cut to the bone. Twelve stitches in all.

The next spring I was rolling the garbage bin to the curb for pickup and slipped off the curb and rolled my foot under my leg. Figured it was just a sprain but went to the doctor anyway. After the x-ray, the doctor informed me that I had stretched all the ligaments but instead of any of them actually snapping, the big one actually tore a piece of bone from its home.

There are more, including a major injury to each eye. But that's another story.

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I was sitting at my computer a few years ago, reading something online. Heard a buzzing and looked up to see a yellow jacket flying around my ceiling light. Grabbed a newspaper and stood up right as I see the yellow jacket gearing up to make a run at me. He did, and landed it. Right on my eye lid.

The left side of my face blew up for a bout a week, elephant man style. My cell phone had died, so the next morning I emailed work to tell them what happened, they didn't believe me and said that not showing up would be considered quitting. So I grabbed my aviators, put em on and drove down. I made sure I was within a foot of my boss when I took them off. It was great.

Other one was a fistfight with my older brother when I was 16. I bit my tongue as he landed a punch to my chin, and my tongue exploded right down the middle, almost an inch in. My tongue looked like a snake's tongue to the t, and I had to have 16 stitches on the inside of my tongue, which before they did that they had to give me my novacaine by giving my the shot in the underside of my tongue.

Sometimes now I wished I had left it like that. I'd be world renowned for my cunnilingus, and could have made a ton in porn. Ah, what could have been.

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Used to horseback ride alot as a tween. Was lazy and often rode without saddling the horse. Was rilly lazy and often rode without shoes (I don't need shoes! The horse is walking!)
One day, came upon a fence with a gate that was usually unlocked/open but this time there was a rope loop (deterrent wtf?) that had to be undone. I sidestepped the horse as close as possible to the fence so my lazy ass could just reach down and slip the tie off the gate.
Horse, being well-natured, got me as close to the fence as possible. Fence made of brand new razor wire. Can you say tetnus shots in the arse?
Still have jagged scar on top of right foot.

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bone spur underneath my big toe. really weird, dont know how it developed. doc cut off most of my toenail and pulled out a little piece of bone.

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8th grade, was at my grandma's house in the country and my cousin showed up with his ATV. My cousin was driving, I rode on the back. Didn't realize there were foot pegs to put my feet on, so I just held them up in the air. Eventually, one of the rear wheels ran up the back of my leg. Snapped my ankle, but I had cool tire track marks all up and down my leg.

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Went skinny dipping with my (female and sadly platonic) housemates back in college and got stung by a jellyfish. Had to go to the ER the next day. Painful AND embarrassing as hell.