Two Plus Two Newer Archives - Should I break up with my girlfriend for being a snoop?

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Should I break up with my girlfriend for being a snoop?

Here's the scoop:

About 6 months ago our relationship got very rocky because she discovered a number of "secret" things about me by acquiring my internet passwords. She also constantly tries to glean information from my good friends about my 'private' life. Messages I sent to friends in confidentiality were read. She was able to see me lightly flirting with strangers on Myspace. She was also able to see me staying in touch with old flings with whom I would start off e-mail dialougues with such sweet nothings as "Hey, beautiful" and the like. She read an e-mail in which I described the past 10 years of my life with a long lost friend. I mentioned another girl I was seeing when I started dating my current girlfriend. I described her as "the best sex of my life". This was an ego shot to my girlfriend (even though she knew I stopped seeing this other girl to become involved in a serious relationship with her).

Worried about her snooping, I would meet girls (friends) and get their numbers and not tell her about my new friends. She would see the new numbers in my phone and freak out.

Since then we've gotten over this...somewhat.

Until...tonight. I described to her several days back, the Firefox 'password' utility that I had read unknowingly about here on 2+2 which allows for the incautious to leave password trails when using Firefox. I was in a bad mood and I suppose I was lending her a tool to further incriminate both her and myself or anyone else if she should continue her snooping ways in the future.

I forgot to check if I had left any passwords on her laptop accidentally before lending her this new tool. Frankly, I don't really care. I have nothing that crucial to hide! But there was some correspondence with a girl I met that she didn't know (who I ended up hooking up with a friend of mine). She started her suspicious inquiries regarding my fidelity and I knew something was up. I asked her if she found some passwords again and she confessed. At least she was honest here.

I proceeded to leave her apartment, saying I needed to study and didn't want to fall into an argument over the matter.

Yet rather than study, I'm here exposing my personal life to OOT!!!

Other issues have rocked things up along the way:

1. I drink to much for her (screw it I'm in college and I keep a good physique. I'm also a pleasant drunkard) liking. This doesn't really seem to affect her if I am drinking with her. Truly, I feel it is a scapegoat for the insecurity that arises in her when I am out raising hell with friends. There was an issue with me drinking and driving which resulted in some close calls. To my credit I absolutely have not engaged in this risque behavior for some time (Ironically, I received a PI for being piss drunk and passed out in someone else's passenger seat recently. Go figure!)

2. She smokes too much wacky weed for my liking (doesn't bother me in principle, however, the contribution to lethargy that unfortunately occurs when smoking morning, afternoon, and night, both as a past time, social mechanism, and a coping tool; does bother me at times). I only bring this up when she addresses my drinking habits. I hate to make a big deal out of this because I feel that it shouldn't be one. Still there are many reasons this should be considered. Not the least of which is the fact that I know she will always be slightly disheartened that I VERY rarely partake with her and her friends in something that is intrinsically related to her life and social situation.

3. I'm an avid traveler and will take off with friends at the drop of a hat. If she is working or busy, then she is out of luck. She despises this.

4. I do not like to make plans far in advance. When I do, I often have a hard time sticking to them. Sometimes this is me being a flake, but most of the time it is priorities coming up. Such is life.

5. While she is among the hotter girls I've been with, I often wonder if I could do better on the sex appeal scale. I get bored being with the same girl sexually for long periods of time. I can't help it. She is also is more needy of sexual attention than I. My libido currently is only allowing me 4-5 sessions a week. This does not seem to be enough for her though she does seem quite satisfied post coitus.

6. When my last roommate moved out she was distraught to tears that I didn't want her to move in.

7. Her apartment caught on fire a month later and she was forced to move in to my room. The situation was very uncomfortable to me and contributed much strain to our relationship. I already have two roommates in the house and need my room to retreat to for privacy (I have always needed my dose of privacy on a semi-daily basis). Since then, she's got her own place, we've become really busy, and things have generally been better without us in each other's business 24 hours a day.

8. She maintains a close relationship with her old boyfriend whom she cheated on (eventually dumping) with me. She's also very close to his mother. None of this bothers me. She's given me enough reason to feel secure in my relationship regardless of how she treated her former boyfriend. I just request a don't ask don't tell policy about her daily doings with her ex. They can remain friends. I trust them. I just don't care to hear about or see the guy (can't help it).

9. She has reestablished communication and friendship with and older fellow (27 when she was 19) who only regarded her as a fling and ultimately broke her heart and drove her crazy. This I'm not really ok with. I still have no trust issues here, but I do have an issue with the validity of this friendship. But whatever, I don't make any attempt to control her life or voice dissent over this.

I'm 25 and she's 23. We're in college.

Neither of us have ever cheated on each other (So I surmise...) and I have certainly turned down the opportunity to do so (semi-regrettably).

I'm all for serious relationships, but I'm also worried that I am passing up my youthful opportunities to prowl around, in exchange for this relationship which may or may not last.

Relationships are also quite a burden to bear. To succeed can at times jeopardize (or at least make difficult) success in other ventures and friendships. They are also $$$ to maintain (not that the girl is bad about this, but I have a tendency to spoil those around me when I'm doing alright myself).

I also worry that I'll be giving up the best I'll ever have if I end it now. We've shared an awful lot! My father is single and unhappy (almost 60) and blames himself for philandering about when he had one or two that were worth keeping. I feel that for a sane person, this one is worth keeping.

Yet, I don't know if I'm sane. I don't know if I make US sane.

Also, I have career aspirations that I'd like to see take me abroad. I don't know that this will work or not with a relationship (or that I want to be in a relationship when I'm in a new and exciting place).

Now...
We've been dating off and on for two years.
I love the girl very much and my level of emotional disturbance at the thought of breaking up is very high.

Through all my crap, and to be fair, she has put up with alot, she has stuck by me. While she is a snoop and a little insecure, she's not an insane c#!# like many of the pieces of trash my friends have ended up married to.

She really is great to me. She is not able to sleep without playing with my hair, stroking my back, or giving me attention in one way or another. She also has an oral fixation.

She's working on a PharmD so if I fall through the cracks she would be able to prop us up for a while.

We share that eerily psychic connection common to true lovers.

We laugh at the same things and introduce each other to new experiences, music, films, etc...that we can both appreciate.

We are horribly silly and weird and find an outlet in each other for behavior that would find us guilty of impropriety elsewhere. We have long conversations in cartoon voices and are generally at play in our private relations at all times.

My friends and family love the girl.

I just don't know...

OOT?

And I didn't want this to be based on photos of us, but I know your thirst for photos. You get one. It's all I have on the laptop.

https://web.utk.edu/~rcrensha/ootphoto.jpg