Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Here’s some background: I’m 21 years old and just graduated college. I’ve been dating a girl for 3 years and our relationship is great. We’ve lived together for a year and half. We obviously have the occasion minor disagreement, but we never yell at each other and every disagreement has resolved itself in a few hours.

Anyway, the vast majority of guys I talk to tell me I’m missing out on my youth. I should be banging random girls left and right. There seems to be an element of “guy culture” that promotes extreme promiscuity as a desirable goal that EVERY guy should strive for. It’s like, when you are 25 and below and you have to make a decision between having a stable girlfriend vs. [censored] random girls, you should take the latter. I just don’t understand why people insist that’s the way to go. I assure you that I am much happier and have sex much more often with a stable girlfriend than if I were trying to get with lots of random girls. People seem to understand this…yet…they still try to insist that I should “live up my youth”.

Also, since most people end up settling down with one woman, it seems like it the best long-term strategy. So why not do it now!?

While hooking up with random girls occasionally isn’t inherent a bad strategy, it annoys me that it is often considered by far the optimal strategy for young guys.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

its not just 25 and under.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Gugel,

You probably eat the same flavor of ice cream all the time?

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

If you're happy with your GF and your sex life, then F the haters.

If you want different sex or new pussy, now's the time to get it, cause once you get married, you're not likely to have a wife receptive to the idea of you banging random sloots.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

just depends on the type of person you are.

some people never [censored] random girls all the time and are always in a relationship.

some people are never in a relationship, until the day they die.

some people [censored] lots of random girls then settle down.


like so many posts in OOT, i don't understand why this is difficult

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
just depends on the type of person you are.

some people never [censored] random girls all the time and are always in a relationship.

some people are never in a relationship, until the day they die.

some people [censored] lots of random girls then settle down.


like so many posts in OOT, i don't understand why this is difficult

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It seems to me that people think you need to [censored] lots of random girls before you can settle down. Your sex drive is like an insatiable appetite though. If you have sex with more girls, it doesn't necessarily make you want to settle down more.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

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I assure you that I have sex much more often with a stable girlfriend than if I were trying to get with lots of random girls.

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You can ever get Ansky girls, I'd bet against this.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Gugel,

most people are genuinely confused that you are not them. they fail to understand this.

do whatever you want - who cares. a good way to waste one's youth is to worry about whether you're wasting your youth.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

gugel
I did what you are doing to an even greater degree. I met my wife when I was 15 and never even dated anyone else. I am now married with two children and will be 37 in November and I don't regret having lived my life this way.

Yea...A lot of my buddies ran around sticking anything that stood still long enough and they have plenty of stories to share at the local bar or fishing hole, but it doesn't bother me.

Also, I have a few friends that got 'those' phone calls from past triumphs, which is something I NEVER have to worry about.

It's really a matter of personal preference I think. If you know now that in 5 or 10 years you will be kicking yourself for not having sampled life a bit more then you really need to do some soul searching. Otherwise I believe banging chics just so you can say you did is not worth it in the long run.

Yes. I am 37 years old and have banged ONE chic my entire life. Flame away.....lol

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

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most people are genuinely confused that you are not them

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This is really good.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

do both?

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Gugel,

most people are genuinely confused that you are not them. they fail to understand this.

do whatever you want - who cares. a good way to waste one's youth is to worry about whether you're wasting your youth.

[/ QUOTE ]


You just matured early.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

You'd be an idiot to throw away this relationship for the sake of having a few years of random hookups. You're happy, what's the problem again?

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

OP,

Is this the first girl you ever had sex with?

I ask because i have had one good friend, and one guy who was more of an aquaintance, who both went into long term relationships, in college, with the girl they lost their virgintity to.

Both cases resulted in disaster and both admitted that they mistook sex for love and wish they had been more open with dating instead of getting serious real fast.

If you already sex'd up some girls before your current lady, then dont listen to other guys if after 3 years your girl still turns you on and you get along well.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Guys who bang random [censored] would love to be in your position. They just think it's not cool to admit it.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
You'd be an idiot to throw away this relationship for the sake of having a few years of random hookups. You're happy, what's the problem again?

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Its a matter of experience. Most guys who are probably a little bit older advise that you should bang as many girls as possible, but why? there are usually two reasons, they had a girlfriend and it really sucked, or they banged a ton of chicks and had a great time. the latter of the two, you can probably heed the advice, or at least take it into account, the former...why would you?


another factor is, most older people realize in hindsight that you arent going to end up with teh girl you are dating at 21, becuase they probably didnt, and view it as a time waster.


I cant really understand the sentiment from most of the posters saying "people advocating banging random chicks dont know what they are talking about"....doesnt make sense. none of you guys would ever advocate that kind of advice to a 17 year old asking if he should stay with his HS gf, there really isnt much difference imo.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

i never understood the whole rqndom hookups thing, even havingdone few i sill dont get it.
isnt sex better after aboutthe 30th time you have done it togather, then you know each other kinks, which buttons to push

i dated my wife for over a year, and we have been married over a year now, and it gets better and better.
now its levels better than any hook i had in my early 20s

i never understood putting in any amount of work to sex a girl one time, and only having grea sex on the off chance she is a total freak, and knows her way around, which might be a bad thing

anybody elese

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

What I don't understand is the purpose of this OP.

"I'm young. I have a girlfriend. I like it"

The sex can't be THAT good, otherwise you'd be banging her instead of making lame posts like this

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
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most people are genuinely confused that you are not them

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This is really good.

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Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Ignore them- they're stupid.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
gugel
I did what you are doing to an even greater degree. I met my wife when I was 15 and never even dated anyone else. I am now married with two children and will be 37 in November and I don't regret having lived my life this way.

Yea...A lot of my buddies ran around sticking anything that stood still long enough and they have plenty of stories to share at the local bar or fishing hole, but it doesn't bother me.

Also, I have a few friends that got 'those' phone calls from past triumphs, which is something I NEVER have to worry about.

It's really a matter of personal preference I think. If you know now that in 5 or 10 years you will be kicking yourself for not having sampled life a bit more then you really need to do some soul searching. Otherwise I believe banging chics just so you can say you did is not worth it in the long run.

Yes. I am 37 years old and have banged ONE chic my entire life. Flame away.....lol

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very commendable. anyone who flames this is a moron.

if you are happy that is all that matters.
if you are not do something/anything to change that.
live for today, not tommorrow's potential regrets.

i have had some "friends" laugh at me for NOT cheating on my wife, being loyal, etc. etc. it is not about opportunity or missing out on something. if you made a commitment stick to it. if you don't want to date anymore get out of it and do what you want. with your honor and dignity attached.

OP you are smart to ask these questions. everyone has them and always will. there are few people who get in a good relationship and ever regret it. infact i don't know any.

cheers. J.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

So basically you debating changing your ways currently making you happy because random (douchebag) friends say it's the way to go. If you're happy keep it going man, whatever you want to do imho.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

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Guys who bang random [censored] would love to be in your position. They just think it's not cool to admit it.

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QFMFT

It's not that difficult to get laid (despite what it seems like from reading OOT). What is difficult to do is find a woman you really enjoy spending non-sexy time with.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
It's not that difficult to get laid (despite what it seems like from reading OOT). What is difficult to do is find a woman you really enjoy spending non-sexy time with.

[/ QUOTE ]
QFMFT!!!!

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
most people are genuinely confused that you are not them

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This is really good.

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qft. A+ for conciseness

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I think the actual act of [censored] a lot of differnet girls will be pretty insignificant when u look back on it. I think going out and meeting new women and chatting them up/going on dates/getting to know them etc is a pretty fun/memerable part of growing up.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It's not that difficult to get laid (despite what it seems like from reading OOT). What is difficult to do is find a woman you really enjoy spending non-sexy time with.

[/ QUOTE ]
QFMFT!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

I can fully attest to this.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I have nothing to say here, I just really enjoy OP's use of the term 'hooksup.' It warms an old pedant's heart.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I think much of this depends on how much self-questioning you do. I'm getting married in a few months to a woman I've been with for 1/3 of my life, and I hadn't had too much experience prior to being with her. So in some sense I missed out on my prime in terms of trying to get with random women. Generally this doesn't bother me, but there are occasionally times where the "What if?" flashes through your head, particularly when you get attracted to other women (because you will.) Of course, you can break up with your girlfriend and be wondering years later "what if?" about that, too, but I think that's probably slightly less common.

Anyway, there's certainly nothing wrong with it, and I think there's a lot to recommend it. I can't imagine knowing another person at this point as I know my fiancee, and I think to a certain extent growing up together our personalities have intertwined. The main thing to be watching out for is whether that relationship still feels good and vital. Stuck in a relationship is no way to feel, and if you do get to that point then I think it's much easier to regret your decisions.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I only opened this thread because I was hoping for a chick fight.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I'm wondering why OP is looking to other people to tell him how to make him happiest.

You know what you like better than a bunch of interneters...

- C -

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

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I'm wondering why OP is looking to other people to tell him how to make him happiest.

You know what you like better than a bunch of interneters...

- C -

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specially 2+2ers poker nerds, probably 90% never even had a girlfriend.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

Don't listen to your friends. Just do what makes you happy. A lot of times I think people want their friends to be single so they can see them more and chase girls together.

Re: Girlfriend vs. Random Hooksup (kinda long)
 

I think there's something to be said for "getting it out of your system" when you're young.

With that said, however, you should not walk away from a girl you feel drawn to.

I was always very monogamous in my college years. I almost always had a girlfriend, and generally speaking the relationships were fairly serious, one very serious. My biggest regret is not taking down more random, drunken ass back then. I walked away from some low hanging fruit a number of times because I felt a moral obligation to be faithful to girls who, quite frankly, I didn't think I'd necessarily be marrying. Pretty stupid.