d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

This is probably tl;dr, so cliff notes are in parenthesis preceding each paragraph, although you'll have to read it all for the subtle details.

(This first paragraph has little relevance with my situation, skip if you want) Sorry guys I know how much we all hate these, and I feel pretty lame for posting it. Although I hate to admit it, I've learned a lot from these types of threads that others have posted, so hopefully I won't be the only one who benefits from this one. Ironically, although I think it's safe to say the % of social retards is much higher in this forum than average, I trust this forum more than any other on the subject. I'll offer one picture of the girl in question, along with my request for no trainwrecks please, as a thanks in advance.
http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/2405/3ekm6.jpg

Girl on right, she likes editing photos in MSPaint, so she's obviously cool as well as pretty hot.

Background info:

(Started talking a week ago, things go well, get a date on Saturday) Anyways I started talking to this girl about a week ago. We hit it off really well and she's clearly interested, she made it clear quite a few times that she wanted to get together, so we set up a date for Saturday. She asked me to also come see her at some bar or restaurant or something (don't really know where it was) last Tuesday but it was short notice and I wasn't really comfortable with the idea so I passed on that.

(Saturday: Get dinner, go to my place for drinks/watching FOTC, sexy time, talk for about an hour or two) So I just wait for Saturday, we were going to go out to drink but those plans didn't work out, she suggested drinking at my place instead, which is ok with me. She was going to come over around 6 so I suggested we get dinner first. So we meet up for dinner, have good conversation, then come back to my place. She is a Flight of the Conchords fan, but hadn't seen the TV show at all, I guess just live performances? Fortunately I had the whole season so far recorded so we start going through those and drinking. We ran through all 6 episodes and then I make a move on her and get her into bed. We spent an hour or two afterwards just hanging out/talking/having a good time. She said she was doing something with a friend tomorrow (Sunday) but she could cancel, but I don't push her to cause I don't want to look like I'm trying to spend all day every day with her, I was just planning on calling her some time next week to get another date. Not even really planning on talking to her on Sunday. By the way, no she had no intentions of spending the night, but I'm not sure if anything can be read into that, she lives with her parents and she had to be home before they woke up.

(Sunday: She emails me saying she had a great time and implying another date, things are good) So pretty much as soon as she leaves (which is now technically early Sunday morning) she emails me this: "Thanks for not killing me! I guess you are waiting till like the third date or something huh? Very romantic! I had a good time though, you are good company. =)" The killing thing was a joke we had about meeting random people from the internet. So I end up writing back, we exchange a couple pointless messages, things are good.

(Monday: She starts acting flaky) We had talked about watching FOTC ep 7 at some point, but since she said she had plans with someone on Sunday I never pushed to watch it live. I DVR it and text msg her Monday afternoon telling her to come over to see it that night. She said her best female friend is in town so she cant, asks about tomorrow (Tuesday). I was expecting to work late, but she said she can stay out until 2am so I say sure, we can do it at like 11pm. She writes back and says she might not be able to make it cause her friend usually stays over for more than one night but she might stay with her bf on tuesday night so maybe. It sounded like BS so I just told her to msg me when she found out, otherwise I'll catch her some other time. Somehow I didn't expect to get a message by tonight and I didn't ever get one.

(Tuesday: Find out she started seeing another guy about a week before she had seen me, saw him again on sunday night) So on Tuesday I find out she's been seeing another guy. Started seeing him about a week before she saw me, got together at least 2-3 times during the last week for Starbucks/watching movies/general hanging out. Turns out this was the same guy she was seeing on Sunday.

My thoughts:

I'm not upset about the other guy, maybe a little bit of jealously, but I wouldn't expect her to tell me about him. And I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing two guys if she's not in a relationship with either one. I understand it's not my business, although if she's getting serious with him I'd like to know so I'm not wasting my time. By Sunday afternoon it was clearly not very serious between them, but I don't know what happened on Sunday night, and I'm assuming that's the reason she got flaky yesterday. But I had a good time with this girl, she also had a good time, and I'd like to get another date with her. Unless this guy is absolutely amazing, I think she would prefer dating me over him (not trying to be cocky, just that this girl has one of those weird personalities that normal people don't appreciate, but I seem to handle well. Not to mention she was considering canceling with him on Sunday to see me instead.). I think I may be a couple days too late though. FWIW, I would be interested in a serious relationship with this girl, not just a booty call.

My questions

So, OOT, what's the play here? Keeping in mind I talked to her a little bit on Monday and was getting bad vibes, didn't talk to her at all today, when should I make my next play? Text/email/call? I'm not 100% sure that she would answer a phone call at this point. Do I let her know that I know about the other guy? Or should I let her know I know there's another guy involved but maybe I don't know the specifics that I do? Yeah, these are the main questions I'm trying to figure out. Any other advice also appreciated.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
Do I let her know that I know about the other guy? Or should I let her know I know there's another guy involved but maybe I don't know the specifics that I do? Yeah, these are the main questions I'm trying to figure out. Any other advice also appreciated.

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I'm a terrible person to talk to about the timing stuff, as I don't have much experience with those games. However, I can say that I see nothing good that will come of you telling her you know about the other guy. This will likely force her into a posture where she's either super defensive or feels like you're putting her to a decision, and given the state of things you'll probably not like the resulting outcomes. If the other guy really isn't bothering you for now, let it slide and see how things go. If they trail off naturally, so be it.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

she hit and quit? nice.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Whatever you do, definitely don't tell her you know about the other guy.


Anyway, from my read of this girl, she possibly sounds like trouble. If I were you I would not contact her until next Sunday. If she's really in to you, she'll contact you before then. But if she's gonna be flaky cause she's banging some other guy, don't buy into her attention whore crap. Each time you suggest that you meet up her and she blows you off for some other guy, you die a little bit on the inside.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

d10, i kinda skimmed it, but i agree, don't say anything about the other guy.

sounds like you are exchanging a lot of messages with her, initiating a lot of contact etc. a chick who is seeing multiple dudes, probably seeking attention etc, is going to feel smothered eventually. i hate all this lame PUA crap where you are mean to girls and don't call them for x number of days and play stupid games and stuff, but i would suggest that if you are interested in this chick you may have to step back a little bit from her.

also it sounds like you want a relationship with this girl and she wants to play the field a little bit. don't go in with unreasonable expectations. you may not be able to get what you want from this girl, don't make life hard on yourself trying too hard to get it.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

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NONONONONONO!!! That is the wrong way to approach it. I've made the exact same mistake in the past. Any girl who is hooking up with different guys on consecutive nights is not looking for the guy who's pushing for a serious relationship after one date. In fact, she's looking for the exact opposite. She's looking for the guy who kinda doesn't really care about her. If this chick ends up choosing the other guy, I guarantee you it will not be because you didn't push hard enough. It's already obvious that you are interested in her. You just have to prove to her that you've got other [censored] going on and could bang other girls who are hotter than her if you wanted to.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

[/ QUOTE ]

how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

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Because it was an enjoyable date, we both had a good time, and I'm not talking about the [censored] part

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

d10, good luck but this is kinda LOL/sad. Meeting chicks on dating sites is like calling a job candidate whose resume is posted on Monster.com. You may think you may have what they want but they're in bed with EVERYONE, and it's disgusting and frustrating. Seriously, this chick, if she is halfway decent looking (as she appears to be) could easily have two dates per night, every night, every day. She could eat for free indefinitely.

Bottom line, you're probably losing out to some other dude here, and who knows what else she has lined up. You should just move on and spam a bunch of other non-fatties and save yourself the frustration.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

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qft

as usual, the answer to any girl question on 2p2 is "ignore her and see what happens"

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

[/ QUOTE ]

qft

as usual, the answer to any girl question on 2p2 is "ignore her and see what happens"

[/ QUOTE ]

Hahaha, yep.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

She's obviously working on other things. You've initiated plenty of contact. If she's interested, she'll get in touch. And, if she does get in contact, I guess then you can see where you're at and decide how to proceed.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

d10,

Just to reiterate what others are implying at, I would love to be in a position where I could have some fun with a girl and not have to worry about the relationship piece.

Not saying that helps you...just maybe, you know, if she lives near DC, hook a bro up with some digits?


(in all honesty, even though you want to 'do' something to make things more to your liking, you can't. NT, slickpoppa and a couple others have basically hit it spot on. Enjoy whatever contact you have with her, take it easy, if things are supposed to work out, they will, if not, s'all good.)

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss.

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I love this quote, and I just read every one of your posts and laughed out loud at a couple, spraying spit on the screen at one in particular (where the guy gives a long serious response to your question).

Another one I really liked was this:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showfl...rue#Post9473808

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

How the f do you get a decent looking girl to message you back on a dating site, I am batting .000.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

His [censored] is bigger than yours. But no seriously dont message her, wait till she messages you, that way u dont seem clingy/attatched to her.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
as usual, the answer to any girl question on 2p2 is "ignore her and see what happens"

[/ QUOTE ]

As simplistic as this sounds, I agree with this and think it's generally good advice to the majority of girl situations.

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Any girl who is hooking up with different guys on consecutive nights is not looking for the guy who's pushing for a serious relationship after one date. In fact, she's looking for the exact opposite.

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I don't know. I don't think it's that cut and dried. She may be doing this for a number of reasons. Maybe she desperately wants a boyfriend and thinks that putting out is her best shot at securing one. Maybe she has low self-esteem and defines her self-worth by her ability to please men sexually. Maybe she enjoys sex and doesn't see it as a big taboo. Perhaps she is a giant ho-bag on a mission to ad easy notches to her belt. Regardless of the motivation, I don't think it's that simple to assume she wouldn't be interested in a LTR.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Play it a little bit cooler, without seeming totally uninterested, and she if she shows interest.

if not, no loss

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Whatever you do, do NOT ask her for a date. Instead just ask her along (in a few days) for something you're going to do regardless of whether she comes along or not... If she acts flaky just be like "whatever, have fun with [reason she can't come]". If that happens and she doesn't contact you within the next few days after that she's gonna be too high maintenance or she has lost out on YOU (and not vice versa).

Don't let some ho control your feelings yo...

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

OP has already tried to play it cool.

[ QUOTE ]
She said she was doing something with a friend tomorrow (Sunday) but she could cancel, but I don't push her to cause I don't want to look like I'm trying to spend all day every day with her, I was just planning on calling her some time next week to get another date.

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I DVR it and text msg her Monday afternoon telling her to come over to see it that night.

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It sounded like BS so I just told her to msg me when she found out, otherwise I'll catch her some other time.

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How did that work out for you OP?

Also, if that last quote was in text and not on the phone, I would personally assume you didn't really want me to contact you. Texting=internet. No non-verbal context. In text, that would come off kind of hostile to me.

But I'm not a big fan of guy-girl texting in the early stages of a relationship anyway, so I'm probably too old for this thread.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

" I understand it's not my business, although if she's getting serious with him I'd like to know so I'm not wasting my time."

ya that wont happen.


Here is the short version:
You met this girl on the internet. She is horny and wants to get [censored]. You didnt escalate fast enough physically, and now she found a guy who will.

Only play imo is to get semi drunk with her, and then pound it like a hammer. Then continue pounding it, until the nail is all bent out of place n [censored], and you gotta buy a new board.



edit: I misread the op. You actually did nail her. Nice.
My assessment is that you werent a monster in the sack enough and didnt use your penis as a weapon to put her into slavery for it. Either that or she just wants a bunch of hookups for fun+validation after her old bf dumped her.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

They already had sex didn't they?

And waiting 1 day isn't playing it cool.

So far he did well, he's most likely just fighting a losing battle regardless.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

in practical terms... just txt her at like 2:30 am on friday or saturday when shes at her horniest and loneliest. She'll respond.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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in practical terms... just txt her at like 2:30 am on friday or saturday when shes at her horniest and loneliest. She'll respond.

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Absolutely. Sounds like d10, you're on the outside looking in right now, so if you've got a shot this is probably it. Try getting her to spend the night and make her a good breakfast and maybe you'll work your way back in.

- C -

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Listen to NT!, slickpoppa, and FFK.

Also, think of it this way: every time you initiate contact with her you lose a chance to see if she would have contacted you.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
in practical terms... just txt her at like 2:30 am on friday or saturday when shes at her horniest and loneliest. She'll respond.

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In that situation she will likely be too busy [censored] guy #2 to answer.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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His [censored] is bigger than yours.

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QFT. Move on, she was looking for getting the sex, you dragged your feet, made her watch six hours of TV then finally gave her what she came for, she got the same thing the next day from the other guy, made a comparison, decided that there was no comparison, picked the winner and you weren't it.

Move on. At least you got laid.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Step one: Watch Swingers (This is important and an integral starting point for the following steps. And yes, I am serious.)

Step two: Reflect on why Vince Vaugn is the man in swingers.

Step three: Wait it out until next tuesday or so (if you have the urge to call or text her, repeatedly watch the awnsering machine scene on swingers until you lose said urge).

Step four: If by tuesday you have not heard from her, realise that chances are you've already lost the battle, but nonetheless call her (do not text). Tell her something to the tune of your busy on friday, but saturday night is still free at the moment (or vise versa).

A variation would be to say that you have a date on the night that your not free, but don't dive into this further. I have not tried doing this, but in my mind it seems like either a horrible or genius idea.

If she calls you before you call her turn down her initial offer for a date (citing that your busy) and counter offer for another day. If she can't do it another day, fine, there is always next weekend and at least the ball will be in your court now.

Step five: If step four resulted in her coming over, drink and have sex. Afterwords actually wait out that week before calling her instead of texting/e-mailing the day after. If she texts or e-mails you wait a few days to reply. This will result in her wondering why you haven't replied. You on her mind = money. If step four did not work, give up on this girl and let it go.

*notes*
-I am aware that the step thing is kinda lame, but I am far too lazy to rewrite it.
-If you tell her you know about the other guy it will not work out well.
-If you push for a relationship or more seriousness it will not work out well. If she wants a relationship and you come off easy going, she will indefinitely push for it (as all girls do). She will not however push for free and fun if you ask her to marry you next week, she will simply run away.
-Texting may be easier then calling, but it does a horrible job of giving any sort of tone that you want to use. Also if she knows that any time she texts her you will be there to reply back almost immediately, you come off as too available, as stupid as it sounds.
-Relationships are not always what their cracked up to be. If you get in a position to keep it friendly and fun, accept it and actually use your right to see other girls. Right now you may want a relationship, but there will be many times in your life that you will wish for a situation like this.

Have a nice day.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

d10,
I understand you like this girl but your gonna have to look at the facts. You met her over the internet, she slept with you the first night and she is sleeping with another guy as we speak. What do you expect to happen? SHe is acting like the man and you like the woman almost.
Also, what do you mean by over the net. Is she a previous friend or you met her in a chatroom?

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

How does it feel to be used and abused? Some where, some place, the spice girls are yelling GIRL POWER

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

can't believe no one asked this yet...how did you find out about the other guy? are you stalking her? need details.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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She asked me to also come see her at some bar or restaurant or something (don't really know where it was) last Tuesday but it was short notice and I wasn't really comfortable with the idea so I passed on that.

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[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

Just chill and wait for her next booty call.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

It sounds like you are just a piece of ass. Revel in the moment.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

my buddy once nailed a chick from a dating site that was having a contest with her friend to see who could sleep with more guys. perhaps this is her/her friend.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

wait till Friday or Saturday... go out... if sex follows... use the "safety line"

I used to tell chics, if I wanted to be monagomous, that I just didn't feel "safe" sleeping with more than one women at a time... it's super gay... but it worked. They usually agreed and we sent down relationship Blvd.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

[ QUOTE ]
wait till Friday or Saturday... go out... if sex follows... use the "safety line"

I used to tell chics, if I wanted to be monagomous, that I just didn't feel "safe" sleeping with more than one women at a time... it's super gay... but it worked. They usually agreed and we sent down relationship Blvd.

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I think my balls just receded into my body cavity.

Re: d10 makes a thread about a girl
 

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can't believe no one asked this yet...how did you find out about the other guy? are you stalking her? need details.

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