beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

my lighter died so now i can't smoke. i lack matches and/or any other fire-starting implements. how the [censored] did cavemen do this? everything is closed, i can't go get matches and i seem to have lost any other reserve lighters i may have had. also, the stove is electric and barely hot enough to cook food, and i'm on the 4th floor and can't smoke inside this building (huge beat i know) so lighting it on the stove and taking it downstairs is like impossible.

i need to channel my ancestors and rub sticks together.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

What makes you think they didn't use matches?

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
What makes you think they didn't use matches?

[/ QUOTE ]

beat: cavemen had matches and i don't

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

obv. you don't have an emergency kit

so prepare to die

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
obv. you don't have an emergency kit

so prepare to die

[/ QUOTE ]

beat: I had an emergency kit in my last car, but I crashed into a telephone pole and it flew from the trunk through my back seats and hit me in the back of the head (that is true)

now I lack an emergency kit

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
obv. you don't have an emergency kit

so prepare to die

[/ QUOTE ]

beat: I had an emergency kit in my last car, but I crashed into a telephone pole and it flew from the trunk through my back seats and hit me in the back of the head (that is true)

now I lack an emergency kit

[/ QUOTE ]

i will not die w/o a fight

i could give you a light, cause i'm always prepared

one:
http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/6...241f5c3vo5.jpg

two:
http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/3...2420582ra5.jpg

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

I am about to go turn on my car, bring down a fast food napkin, wait for the exhaust pipe to get hot, try to light fast food napkin with exhaust pipe and light cigarette with napkin.

Results to follow.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

Where the [censored] do you live that 7/11 isnt open?

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
I am about to go turn on my car, bring down a fast food napkin, wait for the exhaust pipe to get hot, try to light fast food napkin with exhaust pipe and light cigarette with napkin.

Results to follow.

[/ QUOTE ]

or why not just use the cigarette lighter that presumably came with your car?

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

1. Call police complaining about upstairs neighbors playing music too loud.
2. Police show up and are like "wtf, there's no music"
3. Ask cop for a light.

Your tax dollars at work

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Where the [censored] do you live that 7/11 isnt open?

[/ QUOTE ]

binghamton. nearest 24/7 gas station is like 15 mins away from where i happen to be at the moment. hudge beat.

[ QUOTE ]
or why not just use the cigarette lighter that presumably came with your car?

[/ QUOTE ]

negative, apparently stupid sucky hippies made my car, it has a spot where a cigarette lighter should go, but there's just a plastic flap covering it, no actual lighter

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
1. Call police complaining about upstairs neighbors playing music too loud.
2. Police show up and are like "wtf, there's no music"
3. Ask cop for a light.

Your tax dollars at work

[/ QUOTE ]

now we're talking

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

knock on every door and ask for a lighter.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Where the [censored] do you live that 7/11 isnt open?

[/ QUOTE ]

binghamton. nearest 24/7 gas station is like 15 mins away from where i happen to be at the moment. hudge beat.

[ QUOTE ]
or why not just use the cigarette lighter that presumably came with your car?

[/ QUOTE ]

negative, apparently stupid sucky hippies made my car, it has a spot where a cigarette lighter should go, but there's just a plastic flap covering it, no actual lighter

[/ QUOTE ]
are you sure? i mean binghamton's like eight hours each way

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
1. Call police complaining about upstairs neighbors playing music too loud.
2. Police show up and are like "wtf, there's no music"
3. Ask cop for a light.
4. ?????
5. Profit
6. ?????
7. Lung Cancer

Your tax dollars at twerk

[/ QUOTE ]

also, pretty sure the car/exhaust thing is how your ancestors did it. well channeled.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

rub your hands together really really fast, that's how cavemen did it

or just make pot brownies instead of smoking

or if you were gonna smoke tobacco drink some whisky or something

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Where the [censored] do you live that 7/11 isnt open?

[/ QUOTE ]

binghamton. nearest 24/7 gas station is like 15 mins away from where i happen to be at the moment. hudge beat.

[ QUOTE ]
or why not just use the cigarette lighter that presumably came with your car?

[/ QUOTE ]

negative, apparently stupid sucky hippies made my car, it has a spot where a cigarette lighter should go, but there's just a plastic flap covering it, no actual lighter

[/ QUOTE ]
are you sure? i mean binghamton's like eight hours each way

[/ QUOTE ]

nh sir

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
are you sure? i mean binghamton's like eight hours each way

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] i'm dumb plz to be explaining

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

Thats a huge beat!!!
just light it using the stovetop/hot plate (???...just looked those words up) and throw it out of the window....go down...pick up...smoke...light next cigarette with rest of last cigarette so the time period increases until you have to do it again...

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Thats a huge beat!!!
just light it using the stovetop/hot plate (???...just looked those words up) and throw it out of the window....go down...pick up...smoke...light next cigarette with rest of last cigarette so the time period increases until you have to do it again...

[/ QUOTE ]

holy [censored] this is actually a really good idea
the ground is kind of wet though
still i might try this

embarking on napkin/window quests now

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

wtf just use the electric range, did it all the time back in college.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

You can either throw it out the window, or you can slowly suck on it while you make a mad dash for the door. There won't be too much smoke if you're good.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

when i was in highschool there was this black kid in my school. i was hanging out in the hallway and he was walking by. I mentioned to him how gangsta i was (obv) and he said, "you wanna see gangsta", and he lit up a joint in the hallway.

Anwyays, he had a lighter so i geuss this does nothing to solve your problem...but is it gangsta or what?

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

i assume you don't have a candle

you should always have a candle

also, here it is

unscrew a lightbulb, poke 2 holes in metal part, fill light bult w/ gasoline, screw back in, stand close by w/ cigarette toward bulb, switch light on.... presto

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

results:

took a napkin downstairs, attempted to light it with sparks from the lighter (the flint worked, it was just out of juice). this failed. then i remembered that i had some axe body spray in the car. that [censored] says it's flammable. lightbulb forms over my head.

i hold axe in one hand, lighter + napkin in the other hand. spray axe, flick lighter and kapooosh, like prometheus i discover flame! a large-ish fireball/fireburst sets napkin on fire, great success! but now this napkin is burning insanely, so i leap from the car and throw napkin on the ground.

bend over to light cigarette from burning napkin, then extinguish napkin. smoked cigarette, enjoyed greatly.

i recommend this method 3/10. if desperate, it will do.

a rudimentary mspaint of how this transpired:

http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/6...rfailedxu9.png

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

Wow, congrats Rube [censored] Goldberg.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

great success!

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Wow, congrats MacGyver.

[/ QUOTE ]

fyp

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

mybe I am drunk, but this thread rules

i likr mbillie

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

This story had a happy ending that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
mybe I am drunk, but this thread rules

i likr mbillie

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] plz to be sharing in my great successes!

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

omg just tried it...this is amazing!
im gonna spend a lot of money on axe though cause ill be too lazy to buy a lighter until axe is empty.
congrats and tytyty for the idea

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

easier method if you have a lighter out of fluid but still has flint: take q-tip, fluff end of q-tip out with fingers till is real fine and 'poofy'. hold cig in mouth, q-tip at end of cig, spark lighter. light smoke, enjoy.

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

I'm pretty thrilled there was a happy ending. I'm sitting here reading this while smoking a delicious cigarette and thinking about how terrible it would be if I couldn't smoke it. Props for being as smart as a caveman!

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
mybe I am drunk, but this thread rules

i likr mbillie

[/ QUOTE ]

Im sober (beat)was and most definitely enjoyed this story. MSpaint was crucial [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

i like billie too but if he cant get not very subtle rounder references he deserves to starve in the street

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

i await that tr of when you smoke out of aluminum foil when you no longer have any papers

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

[ QUOTE ]
i await that tr of when you smoke out of aluminum foil when you no longer have any papers

[/ QUOTE ]
i didn't know you could do this

Re: beat: cavemen are smarter than me
 

yeah, kinda like a glass blunt