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Toss Goes to Vegas YET AGAIN!!!

In my last trip report I said I would be going to Vegas in August, but it turns out I got there sooner. My big bro and some of his friends were going so I decided to tag along and see some sights, play a little poker, maybe drink a little just maybe. Last time I stayed at Imperial Palace and I sure as hell don't want to stay in the same place. Great location on the strip but the room is just plain crappy and it takes forever to catch an elevator down. Plus the parking lot is too far away from the casino itself. No way I'm going back. I go onto hotwire and search for the cheapest hotels. What's weird about this site is that it doesn't tell the name of the hotel until you've paid the nonrefundable cost. $171 a night for a room on the center of the strip. Great location, a 3-star hotel, and the cheapest out of all of them. This can't be Imperial Palace because there is absolutely no way that place is rated 3-stars. I book the room. Let's see what hotel we're going to stay at... It's Imperial Palace. F**K! Nonrefundable?! F**K! $171 a night?! F**K!

Now to rent the car at Enterprise. We luck out and score a dark blue Nissan Altima 2007 for $22 a day. But as soon as we get it onto the road we start noticing problems. The engine sounds like a race car's. After taking your foot off the gas, the car immediately slows down as if you've jammed your foot on the brakes. Plus this thing sucks up gas like I suck down drinks in Vegas. What a crappy car! No wonder no one buys Nissan. After driving for about 30 minutes from Los Angeles, we pick up my big bro's friend Tommy (let's get there in 2) and Tommy's girlfriend Linda (30 year old Korean chick that can pass for 20). We get back on the freeway and notice that the gas tank is only 2/3rd full! What the hell is wrong with this car?! Tommy calls enterprise and they ask if we're driving in manual shift. We don't know. Enterprise asks if the stick shift is in the left groove. It is. Enterprise tells us it should never be there and to put it back into to the left groove. Oops.

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/2981/shiftpl5.jpg

By the time we get to Vegas I've already made 3 bets with Tommy: how soon we get to Vegas (line at 7:30PM), how much I weigh (line at 133 pounds), and the hottest temperature recorded in Vegas (line at 150 degrees). We pass Primm at 6:45 and I offer to settle for $4, but sadly he declines. The check-in at Imperial Palace is packed to the max -- not too surprising for a Friday night. Luckily some hot chicks waiting in line have a case of Coors and waste no time getting smashed. Half the line is already drunk by the time I reach the desk. The b**chy hotel clerk tells me I got a room with only one King-sized bed. F**k! I plead with her to give us a room with two Queen-sized beds but she won't budge. Not until my big bro shows a $20 bill in his hand. She gives us one of their "newly romodeled" rooms and sends up a roll-away bed all for a $20 tip. How nice of her! We get up to the room and it turns out it's the exact same room I booked. LOL! Remodeled my ass! No seriously, the room looks like remodeled ass. I hate you Imperial Palaaaaaace!!!!

We get downstairs and find Tommy (he's a degen like me) playing Blackjack. He's sees us and takes his remaining chips ($110) and slams it onto the roullete table. If the ball comes red we eat for free tonight. It comes black of course. GG Imperial Palace. After a painful drive on the packed strip we get to the Bellagio buffet. Two words: Over Rated!!! $35 is way too much for what they're giving us. The Prime Rib is alright; just the right amount of juicy and goes great with horseradish sauce. The Kobe Brisket is underwhelming at best. How should I describe the taste? Have you ever eaten and piece of pure fat? That's how it tastes. You also had the option to drench it with butter sauce in case you wanted a heart attack tonight and not tomorrow. The crablegs are salty as hell and I only managed to stuff down six or seven. The sushi is an abomination of Costco proportions. Final Grade: C-/D+.

The Bellagio poker room is packed. I take a look at the games and decided I didn't want to play their 2/5NL with a $200 buyin. As I'm leaving I spot a $100 bill on the floor but I don't pick it up. The last time I picked up a $100 bill, it was tied to a string -- no way I'm making the same mistake again! I tell my big bro and he instantly picks it up. Maybe the $100 bill is a lucky sign and I'll actually not lose a grand or two. <font color="white">It wasn't lucky</font>

The rest of my bro's friends are at the Mirage so we head there. I don't know any of them so I play poker instead. 1/2NL at the Mirage. The table is internet tight with only a few weak spots. I'm card-dead most of the time and play zero hands for almost an hour (no joke). I float an aggressive TAG with J2s and reraise a tightie with AQo. I end the session down $25, but up 3 Long Islands and a Kamikaze. Not very fun when I play solid, is it? Is it?!?! I leave the tables in disgust and find my bro and his friends. The table they're sitting at is completely covered in empty cocktail glasses and beer bottles. Hmmm what do you do in Vegas when you're drunk? That right! You play blackjack!

I'm starting to feel the alcohol as I scope out the Blackjack tables. We find one, but we all can't fit. So I do the sensible thing and piggyback my bets onto Tommy's. I start with a $25 bet. I lose. I place down a $50 to win it back. I lose. I pull out a benjamin and throw it onto the table. The dealer busts and I drunkenly clap my hands and yell. "How much did you win?", asked Linda (Tommy's girlfriend). "I won $25", I said. "What? You bet that much and only won $25?!" I reply with, "$25 in 3 hands that's like $700 an hour holy sh*t." My face is very serious as I say this. Linda continues to stare blankly while the table cracks up. A seat opens and I throw down all my chips from poker onto the table. I only have green chips so I guess I'll bet with them, what else can you do? Not much. I bet $25-$50 a hand and last a solid 6 minutes or so. Some joker from England was making great plays like hitting his hard 14 with the dealer showing a 6. Hand after hand he takes away the dealer's bust cards and before I know it, I'm out of green chips. So what do I, my bro, and Tommy do? We certainly left the table right? No reason to stay at this cold-ass table right? We stayed like any good degen would. "It'll turn around." "Wait for the shuffle." "The dealer is going to start busting anytime soon now." We stay and we lose.

I'm down about $300 now, but I'm having a blast. I don't think I've lost $300 and felt so happy. Someone wants to play craps so we head over to Sahara, because that's where it's at. I order another beer and get $100 in chips. One of the girls has never thrown the dice before so I ask/demand/threaten her to throw them. I plop down $25 onto the passline and she throws a six. I back my bet with my remain $75 and she instantly craps out. Awesome. My turn to roll the dice so I throw more cash onto the passline. Some British guy at the other end of the craps table takes a quick look at me and bets on the Don't Come. That bastard! I throw a seven for my first roll and win. Haha bastard! I throw a four for my second roll. While I'm trying to make my point, the British guy comes out with some British slang -- something about hopping the sixes and I instantly yell out "CHEESE AND WHISKERS" (the only British slang that came to my drunken mind) right after. Zero reaction from the British guy. I crap out soon after. Will I ever run hot at the dice? Just one time please?!?!?

Everyone keeps on crapping out and some of the girls have had too much to drink. It's early (4AM), but we head back to the room anyway. I know there is absolutely no way I'll be able to sleep on the first day, so I head down to the Imperial Palace pokerroom.

Next Part: IP Pokerroom, Wynn, Paris.