Open relationships
 

Just wanted to know if anyone was involved seriously with someone and it was an open relationship, meaning you are allowed to hook up with others as long as you let them know, but there was one specific person that was your gf or bf. Just wanted to get some info.

Re: Open relationships
 

Yes

T

Re: Open relationships
 

They have never worked in my experience. My ex-gf had always told me it was ok to sleep with other girls as long as it didnt mean anything and I kept her informed. Guess what happened as soon as I did?

Dont do it. It will only lead to heartache ect.

Re: Open relationships
 

Lion,

Why didnt you just sleep with them and forget to tell her about it? She already gave you the green light. Why would she want you to keep her informed?

Re: Open relationships
 

i dont just want to know if it has ever happened, but want to know how it went and if it worked, if you liked, whatever.

Re: Open relationships
 

99% of the time it won't work. Relationships are not meant to be open like that.

Re: Open relationships
 

there was a thread about this in EDGD a little bit ago

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...Number=9415442

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
99% of the time it won't work. Relationships are not meant to be open like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

yea because its not gods way blah blah blah!

Re: Open relationships
 

i think they don't tend to work because that's not how we're socialized. it's not even (usually) something where we can make a conscious decision, it's more rooted in the patterns of attachment and behavior modeling we encounter from a very young age.

ms thumb and i have discussed many times how humans are probably not exactly 'wired' for monogamy, but i still don't think i could let some other dude plow her.

Re: Open relationships
 

I'm in an open marriage. No problems so far and I don't foresee any coming up.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
i think they don't tend to work because that's not how we're socialized. it's not even (usually) something where we can make a conscious decision, it's more rooted in the patterns of attachment and behavior modeling we encounter from a very young age.

ms thumb and i have discussed many times how humans are probably not exactly 'wired' for monogamy, but i still don't think i could let some other dude plow her.

[/ QUOTE ]


it's kind of like how you can't voluntarily piss your pants cause of social conditioning.

go ahead. try. bet you can't do it.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]

it's kind of like how you can't voluntarily piss your pants cause of social conditioning.

go ahead. try. bet you can't do it.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://myhero.com/images/guest/g1582...3001_AS6C1.jpg

Re: Open relationships
 

lol

Re: Open relationships
 

In principle they're a great idea. In practice, well, there's this thing called jealousy. I think both people have to be getting an equal amount on the side, or whatever, so that there's none of that.

I think that is tough to engineer as well.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i think they don't tend to work because that's not how we're socialized. it's not even (usually) something where we can make a conscious decision, it's more rooted in the patterns of attachment and behavior modeling we encounter from a very young age.

ms thumb and i have discussed many times how humans are probably not exactly 'wired' for monogamy, but i still don't think i could let some other dude plow her.

[/ QUOTE ]


it's kind of like how you can't voluntarily piss your pants cause of social conditioning.

go ahead. try. bet you can't do it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd do it easily for some large cash amount. But no reason to otherwise.

Re: Open relationships
 

I really don't understand guys wanting open relationships. I know guys are expected to want to F every girl they see, but just because it's expected of you, why do you have to comply? Having an open relationship might have its pluses, but being with one person is so much better. When you do something stupid, you have someone by your side to help you through it. That alone seems to be worth it. I can understand being wary of long term relationships because so many people are morons and don't understand how to have a mature relationship with someone who's not hung up on her ex/not mentally stable/a high school drop out working at wal mart, but if you find a good girl without issues, and work on having a mature relationship, you're set for life. I seriously don't understand men sometimes.

Re: Open relationships
 

If you were my gf, i'd definitely want an open relationship just to get out of the house and away from your nagging.

Re: Open relationships
 

Doesn't work at all, only thing you can do is cheat and not get caught if you like the girl, if you don't you cheat obviously enough to get caught.

Re: Open relationships
 

open relationships work...as long as you are the one that is allowed to see other people but not your girlfriend [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

You really gotta have low standards to have an open relationship in terms of your gf allowed to see other guys. Unless you enjoy getting other guy's germs and "other things" when you kiss your gf.

Re: Open relationships
 

I'm female and I'm the one that suggested it, because it was either that or nothing at all. He actually readily agreed because he had been in one before and it worked out for him then so why wouldn't it now? He knows that I'm not the jealous type and he certainly isn't or we never would have lasted as long as we've had due to my flirtatious ways and the fact that I take part in a very male world with my playing poker.

We don't go into details, but let each other know if and when something happens/will happen, etc etc, as a courtesty and out of respect.

Will it end up costing us our relationship? That remains to be seen, but so far we're both happy and it's been working this way well for the past 6-8 months.

T

Re: Open relationships
 

nice i love [censored]

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm female and I'm the one that suggested it, because it was either that or nothing at all. He actually readily agreed because he had been in one before and it worked out for him then so why wouldn't it now? He knows that I'm not the jealous type and he certainly isn't or we never would have lasted as long as we've had due to my flirtatious ways and the fact that I take part in a very male world with my playing poker.

We don't go into details, but let each other know if and when something happens/will happen, etc etc, as a courtesty and out of respect.

Will it end up costing us our relationship? That remains to be seen, but so far we're both happy and it's been working this way well for the past 6-8 months.

T

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I think its got to be a unique situation though, and that the two of you definitely aren't like most...I mean, you basically said to him "let me hook up with other guys and I'll still hookup with you, otherwise, there's nothing between us". Doesn't sound like a fun spot for him to be in right? I suppose it also matters what you mean by 'relationship'. Are you two in love, but can hookup on the side? Is he as important as any other guy you might want something with? It just seems like it'd be easier to do if it wasn't anything serious, just hooking up, having fun, etc. I can't imagine this working out if there were any serious emotions involved, but thats speaking entirely from my point of view.

Whatever the details, it sounds like you're happy, so congrats, thats hard to find.

Re: Open relationships
 

I personally think it's unrealistic in any relationship where there is love and mutual respect. At the end of the day jealousy is pretty universal. Also there is always the risk that someone falls in love.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but why take the chance if you really care about someone? You're probably better off cheating and hoping to not get caught than you are openly swinging. The latter almost certainly will result in an eventual breakup. If you cheat and conceal it effectively, you might not get caught, you might be able to get over the guilt, and the relationship might be fine.

At the end of the day, a great relationship is way too precious to mess around with. If you need to be polygamous simply don't have a serious relationship. They're not for everyone.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
I personally think it's unrealistic in any relationship where there is love and mutual respect. At the end of the day jealousy is pretty universal. Also there is always the risk that someone falls in love.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but why take the chance if you really care about someone? You're probably better off cheating and hoping to not get caught than you are openly swinging. The latter almost certainly will result in an eventual breakup. If you cheat and conceal it effectively, you might not get caught, you might be able to get over the guilt, and the relationship might be fine.

At the end of the day, a great relationship is way too precious to mess around with. If you need to be polygamous simply don't have a serious relationship. They're not for everyone.

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I agree. A buddy of mine just recently discussed with a close gf of his, as they were unclear as to where they were at, and he said they agreed on an open relationship. The problem is... is my buddy would never ever go out and hook up with another girl. Which is why I don't understand why he would agree to an open relationship. It just seems like I couldn't respect myself if I knew my girlfriend was out fooling around.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
Lion,

Why didnt you just sleep with them and forget to tell her about it? She already gave you the green light. Why would she want you to keep her informed?

[/ QUOTE ]

Uhm... if she listed keeping her informed as a condition, not keeping her informed makes it cheating.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
I really don't understand guys wanting open relationships. I know guys are expected to want to F every girl they see, but just because it's expected of you, why do you have to comply? Having an open relationship might have its pluses, but being with one person is so much better. When you do something stupid, you have someone by your side to help you through it. That alone seems to be worth it. I can understand being wary of long term relationships because so many people are morons and don't understand how to have a mature relationship with someone who's not hung up on her ex/not mentally stable/a high school drop out working at wal mart, but if you find a good girl without issues, and work on having a mature relationship, you're set for life. I seriously don't understand men sometimes.

[/ QUOTE ]

We're expected to want to sleep with every girl we see?

First of all, it's not every girl, just every hot girl. And secondly, it's not because we're expected to want it, it's because we like new pussy.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
99% of the time it won't work. Relationships are not meant to be open like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is pure BS. Relationships aren't meant to be closed like they are in modern society. We've all been brainwashed into thinking jealous and possessiveness are acceptable behavior though. You're right that it won't usually work though. Most people aren't mature enough to deal with their jealousy sanely.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
I personally think it's unrealistic in any relationship where there is love and mutual respect.

[/ QUOTE ]

Strange. I'd say monogamy is pretty unrealistic in any relationship where there is love and mutual respect.

[ QUOTE ]
At the end of the day jealousy is pretty universal.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not only is it not "universal," but it's completely and totally incompatible with love. Love is about the happiness of the person you love while jealousy is pure selfishness. The two are anathema to each other.

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]

I really don't understand guys wanting open relationships. I know guys are expected to want to F every girl they see, but just because it's expected of you, why do you have to comply? Having an open relationship might have its pluses, but being with one person is so much better. When you do something stupid, you have someone by your side to help you through it. That alone seems to be worth it. I can understand being wary of long term relationships because so many people are morons and don't understand how to have a mature relationship with someone who's not hung up on her ex/not mentally stable/a high school drop out working at wal mart, but if you find a good girl without issues, and work on having a mature relationship, you're set for life. I seriously don't understand men sometimes.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

take your man bashing elsewhere k thx

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
They have never worked in my experience. My ex-gf had always told me it was ok to sleep with other girls as long as it didnt mean anything and I kept her informed. Guess what happened as soon as I did?

Dont do it. It will only lead to heartache ect.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was my exact experience with my last relationship as well. As soon as I did something out of the relationship it was over.

I've seen them work, but they are definitely not for most people.

Re: Open relationships
 

I am in one. My GF won't [censored] around, but she doesnt care if i do as long as she doesn't know about it. I guess this is how closed relationships work too, but she articulated it.

Re: Open relationships
 

I spent about a year with a girl when it was open, and then another half a year when it was closed. Oddly, during the breakup she cited reasons of me cheating on her, which while technically untrue, was probably emotionally true.

I think the whole open relationship thing is good while you're getting to know each other better and before significant emotions develop, but eventually it becomes difficult to reconcile the emotional discomfort that comes from thinking of your S.O. being desecrated in the most vile of ways by some dude who you almost certainly envision as a massive douche. I think the threshold for when this becomes to much to bear varies from person to person.

Re: Open relationships
 

Could you expand a little on this Misst? What is your agreement like? What are the parameters?

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]

Could you expand a little on this Misst? What is your agreement like? What are the parameters?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think I can expand any more than I have. We have an agreement, we're both OK with it, it works for us.

I guess I should also point out that it's a long distance relationship, if that makes a difference.

Well, OK, something I can expand on, we're totally "seeing" each other, but we're also able to see others, if either one of us so chooses too as long as we're not devious or secretive about it.

T

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm female and I'm the one that suggested it, because it was either that or nothing at all. He actually readily agreed because he had been in one before and it worked out for him then so why wouldn't it now? He knows that I'm not the jealous type and he certainly isn't or we never would have lasted as long as we've had due to my flirtatious ways and the fact that I take part in a very male world with my playing poker.

We don't go into details, but let each other know if and when something happens/will happen, etc etc, as a courtesty and out of respect.

Will it end up costing us our relationship? That remains to be seen, but so far we're both happy and it's been working this way well for the past 6-8 months.

T

[/ QUOTE ]

I think its got to be a unique situation though, and that the two of you definitely aren't like most...I mean, you basically said to him "let me hook up with other guys and I'll still hookup with you, otherwise, there's nothing between us". Doesn't sound like a fun spot for him to be in right? I suppose it also matters what you mean by 'relationship'. Are you two in love, but can hookup on the side? Is he as important as any other guy you might want something with? It just seems like it'd be easier to do if it wasn't anything serious, just hooking up, having fun, etc. I can't imagine this working out if there were any serious emotions involved, but thats speaking entirely from my point of view.

Whatever the details, it sounds like you're happy, so congrats, thats hard to find.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, it wasn't really put out like THAT: "let me hook up with others or else" it was put out like that I wasn't feeling too keen on being "tied down" to him so soon after my recent divorce, it just felt like I was getting into a serious relationship right after being in one and I didn't want that, but I didn't want to NOT be with him or not go out with him, but that didn't want it to be like a total marriage, he could see where I was coming from and agreed and we discussed that we would "slow" it down a little, see others IF we found someone we wanted to date, but still be committed to each other in a BF/GF sort of way...

I know, it kind of sounds weird, possibly flaky, but it's working for us and that's all that counts.

T

Re: Open relationships
 

he is a better man than i.

Re: Open relationships
 

He's a mighty mighty good man. (indeed)

T

Re: Open relationships
 

Id never ever date a girl that let me have an open relationship with her.

Re: Open relationships
 

So you don't date more than one girl at a time? A girl can't date more than one guy at a time?

Are we really talking about "dating" or are we talking about "sex"?

T

Re: Open relationships
 

[ QUOTE ]
So you don't date more than one girl at a time? A girl can't date more than one guy at a time?

Are we really talking about "dating" or are we talking about "sex"?

T

[/ QUOTE ]


sorry, OP stipulated a serious relationship, and I meant that to. I change it to:


Id never ever enter into a serious relationship with anyone who would let me have an open relationship with her.