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WSOP Trip Report part 17: Additional

WSOP Trip Report part 17 Additional
Last night was way too good to pass up writing about. I’m also having difficulty sleeping again so I might as well. It all happened after writing up the trip report last night, hence why it wasn’t included the first time around, here’s the story:

While writing my trip report I get a call from Sirwatts. He sounds a bit drunk and he’s telling me I really ought to come down to the poker room and play 4/8 limit with him and Grafyx since “we’re doing some stupid [censored].” I look at the clock, it’s only about 11:15pm and I won’t be able to sleep for a while. Might as well I guess.

I show up to the table 15 minutes later and unfortunately find it full. Both Grafyx and Watts are moderately drunk and laughing their asses off at every stupid thing. Grafyx says he needs to use the bathroom and to play his stack for him. I ask the dealer if this is okay and he says sure. I begin ordering Heinekens from cocktails and as I’m settling in to Grafyx’s seat the guy in seat 1 smashes his drink onto the table.
“DRINK DOWN ON 147!!!” I yell.
The dealer calls for a towel and the spill is small enough that we don’t have to move tables. I of course run sick hot for Grafyx including flopping quads and manage to get value out of Watts on every street. When Grafyx gets back seat 1 decides to leave and the wet spot on the table is open. I manage to talk the floor man on the board into not really worrying about the two people in front of me on the list and let me in the game. I go to the cage and buy $200 chips in white and $800 in black, all the ammo I’ll need for a game that’s sure to have a [censored] ton of straddles, blind 3 bets, and bets in the dark.

When I sit down I scan across the table to size up the opposition. The line up is as follows;
Seat 1: Me
Seat 2: Some young girl who has like 10 40 year old dudes coming up to her to chat whom she calls her uncles.
Seat 3: A young disabled guy who was by far the coolest person on the table.
Seat 4: Some middle aged guy who was pretty fun.
Seat 5: A pretty drunk Grafyx.
Seat 6: Some 30ish dude who was drinking with us and getting in on the antics.
Seat 7: Some 45 year old woman who is by FAR the biggest cougar I have ever met. She is also drinking heavily and straddling at every opportunity. She was also not above saying “this isn’t the only thing I want to straddle on the table.”
Seat 8: Some chubby 25ish girl who appears to be the cougars friend.
Seat 9: A pretty drunk Sirwatts.

I of course begin drinking quickly and raising in the dark as much as possible. With Sirwatts on my right doing the same, the pot is often 3 bet no look. Also, the cougar in seat 7 introduces the “Mississippi straddle” to the game where the button in fact straddles, so when she was the button she straddles, girl in seat 8 folds or calls, Sirwatts 3 bets dark, and I 4 bet dark. When the action gets to Grafyx he is of course peer pressured into calling any 2.

Early in the game the girl in seat 2 is helping the disabled guy in seat 3 move his chips into the middle. They seem to know each other from around and seat 3 is cracking me up while he hits on seat 2. When one of seat 2’s ‘uncles’ comes over and talks to her about her last boyfriend she mentions that he stood her up once on a clubbing date they set. Seat 3 responds with
”Think about it baby, how am I gonna stand you up when I can’t even stand up at all?”
Boo yah! I tell him “don’t worry, you’ll get her.”
Grafyx then informs seat 2 and 3 that I am an ‘internet celebrity.’
I tell Grafyx “there’s no such thing as a [censored] internet celebrity.”
Grafyx keeps talking it up, 40 something on pocket fives, blah blah blah, clearly enjoying making me look as stupid as possible.

The antics of the cougar also made the game highly entertaining. At one point before she realizes how ridiculous I am playing I 3 or 4 bet pre flop with KQ and bet a 49T59 board the whole way down and she stations me with A8 which is way good. Grafyx and Sirwatts go nuts with Grafyx screaming “OOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!! PWNED!!! YOU GOT SO PWNED BOND!!!”

The cougar explains her logic:
”I just had to call him down, he’s so cute. Hey boy! You single?”

This would be nowhere close to the end of her couger antics. Later in the game the idea somehow comes up of her and Sirwatts getting married that night, then having it later annulled. As she puts it:
”Lets do it baby doll, lets get married. It’ll be the best sex you ever had.”
I freak out at the hilarity of this remote possibility.
“Do it Watts! I will give you $200, no wait, $250 dollars if you do it! How can you say no to $250?”
“Will you be my best man Bond?” he asks.
“Hell yea, I will walk you down the isle to be horribly molested by your future cougar wife!”
The couger and I continue to pressure Watts for a while to get married that night, but he seems hesitant. I tell Watts that he is a pussy for not doing it and that I am gonna pull some huge stunt on either him or Grafyx, and probably both. I have a plan damn it.

A round or so later Watts 3 bets someone’s raise. I peek down at 73o and pick up my cards, then reach across the dealer and jam them into Watts cards attempting to get his hand mucked. The dealer chooses to look the other way on this altercation and takes my cards back and mucks them. Damn! My plot foiled by a meddling kid. The girl in seat 8 sees this and begins questioning me.
“Oh my god! Did you just try and muck his hand while he was playing?”
”He earned it.”
”You are such an [censored].”
“Your 3rd grade logic will not work on me, you’re only insulting me because its obvious that you like me.”
“Um, no I don’t. I’m insulting you because my Ipods batteries died and I have nothing better to do.”
”Don’t lie to me woman.”

A round or so later a very old woman sits down on my left. The guy sitting in seat 4 informs her of what a totally crazy game it is and that seat 1, 5, 7 and 9 will be raising and 3 betting in the dark almost every hand. “That’s alright, I don’t mind.” She says.

A hand comes up between the new old woman and I. I Mississippi straddle the button with what turns out to be 53o. The old woman in the SB 3 bets, Grafyx obviously calls, Watts 4 bets, I call, the woman 5 bets, we all call.

Flop: K T 3 rainbow
The woman bets, we all call.
Turn: 8
The woman bets, Grafyx and Sirwatts fold, I decide she obviously has AQ plus I have sick odds so obv=call.
River: 4
[censored], that’s not my out. The woman bets. I turn to her and say “m’am, are you bluffing me here?”
”Always” she responds.
“Fine, you better not be lying to me, I call.”
The woman obviously flips up AA and I lose it.

“Watts! Watts! She [censored] lied to me dude! She [censored] lied! What the [censored]!?”
“Dude, Bond you got owned.”
”That’s [censored] bull [censored], she’s not allowed to lie. Dealer, is she allowed to lie?”
The woman laughs at me while she rakes an enormous pot.
“I like this game just fine” she says.

With the time approaching 1:30 I tell watts we should get some food and sleep since we have the 5k six max the following day. We hit up ping pang pong, an awesome Chinese restaurant in the god awful Gold Coast hotel and retire for the evening.

Aftermath:
Grafyx: Went on to still be an azzhole
Sirwatts: Still unmarried.
Cougar: Probably went on to molest a 17 year old pool boy.

The End.