Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Backstory: I've been best friends with this guy since freshman year in college (we'll call him John). He introduced me to his then-girlfriend's little sister Anna. I am 19 at time, she is 17. We hit it off but don't see each other that much due to distance (2 hours or so). Years pass and we grow closer as friends with some innocent flirting or so.

It's 3 years later, and she comes to meet me at my best friend's flat for the night. We both had feeling for each other, but everytime we were alone, we would get close to each other, then she'd pull away and start drinking again (she's really drunk, I am intoxicated but not beyond acting myself). My best friend is buzzed but not drunk. He tried to give us alone time to no avail.

We all head to bed around 3. I get up to take a piss and notice the door to her guest room is open and she isn't there. I go to the bathroom, which is next to my best friend's room. I hear them both moaning loudly. Obvious what's going down.

I'm not a violent guy, and beating his brains out won't do anything for me emotionally. What sort of approach do I take in confrontation though? Yes I'll listen to what he has to say, but nothing justifies what he did. Maybe it's stupid since I don't ever plan on talking to him or her or anyone they know again, but letting him off the hook is unacceptable, I'm only human.

What would many of you do here? Also mods, please don't move this to BBV, it's just this has not happened to any of my close friends and I have no idea how to deal with this. Thanks.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Hate the girl.
Hate your game.
Hate your oneitis.
Don't hate your friend, yo...

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

YOU PLAN ON NEVER TALKING TO YOUR BEST FRIEND OR THIS GIRL OR ANYONE THEY KNOW AGAIN BECAUSE THEY [censored] WHILE DRUNK? ENJOY YOUR FRIENDLESS LOVELESS LIFE YOU DESERVE IT.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Had you told him that you were completely in love with this girl?

Had you told her that you were completely in love with her?

Had you and the girl talked about any possibility of 'you two' before?

As much as this crushes you, unless all three of those things happened, I can't see you having anyone to be mad at really.

Nothing worse though, sorry man. Go pick up another hottie and enjoy yourself.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

sick man

he slept with both sisters?

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Call Puck from The Real World season 3. Trust me, you won't be sorry.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Had you told him that you were completely in love with this girl?

Had you told her that you were completely in love with her?

Had you and the girl talked about any possibility of 'you two' before?

As much as this crushes you, unless all three of those things happened, I can't see you having anyone to be mad at really.

Nothing worse though, sorry man. Go pick up another hottie and enjoy yourself.

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Yes to all of those. She wanted to "see what would happen" last night.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Had you told him that you were completely in love with this girl?

Had you told her that you were completely in love with her?

Had you and the girl talked about any possibility of 'you two' before?

As much as this crushes you, unless all three of those things happened, I can't see you having anyone to be mad at really.

Nothing worse though, sorry man. Go pick up another hottie and enjoy yourself.

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Yes to all of those. She wanted to "see what would happen" last night.

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Explain what she meant by 'see what would happen last night' please. With you (two)?

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

did he even know you liked her so much?

if he did, then i'd punch him.

i mean, talking to him and being like "wow, you shouldn't have slept with the girl i liked," won't accomplish anything. i mean come on, you think he didn't know that already? what's he gonna say? "ORLY"?

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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She wanted to "see what would happen" last night.

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And that she did [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Had you told him that you were completely in love with this girl?

Had you told her that you were completely in love with her?

Had you and the girl talked about any possibility of 'you two' before?

As much as this crushes you, unless all three of those things happened, I can't see you having anyone to be mad at really.

Nothing worse though, sorry man. Go pick up another hottie and enjoy yourself.

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Yes to all of those. She wanted to "see what would happen" last night.

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Explain what she meant by 'see what happen last night' please.

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Most likely if we had romantic chemistry. She's only slept with one other guy before (her last boyfriend of 8 months), so even when drunk she hasn't pulled a thing like this before (that I know of at least).

Also, my friend was nowhere near out of his mind drunk if that counts for anything.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Oops!

Time to move on.

Yugoslav

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

[censored] his mom. A sister or cousin is fine, too.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Also, my friend was nowhere near out of his mind drunk if that counts for anything.

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lol. Your friend banged a drunk chick. He wasn't thinking of anything else. Sounds like a hell of a guy and friend.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Next time they're in his room having noisy sex, hide in his closet & jack off in an intensely miserable yet really quite exciting kind of way?

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

She's not into you or is turned off by your approach somehow. That's what really hurts here. As for your friend, [censored] both sisters is kind of icky, especially given the circumstances - I'd have to wonder what kind of guy he is. If someone has "dibs" on a girl you just don't go there. She's just off limits. Plenty of other girls.

Also, at 22/20 I don't get the "meeting at your friend's place to see if anything happens" bit. If you like the girl take her out. Mounting a girl you love at friends place is seriously lame.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

I still don't get why people blame their friends for these type of situations, look if a friend bangs your girlfriend or wife, sure... but some random chick you like but haven't even banged yourself, nope.

Be grateful he pointed out to you that's she not worth the trouble anymore and move on now instead of wasting more of your very valuable time.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

What you should do is seal the deal when your best friend repeatedly gives you alone time to do so. When you didn't, he was bound by honor, as the host, to do everything in his power to accomodate her needs.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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She's not into you or is turned off by your approach somehow. That's what really hurts here. As for your friend, [censored] both sisters is kind of icky, especially given the circumstances - I'd have to wonder what kind of guy he is. If someone has "dibs" on a girl you just don't go there. She's just off limits. Plenty of other girls.

Also, at 22/20 I don't get the "meeting at your friend's place to see if anything happens" bit. If you like the girl take her out. Mounting a girl you love at friends place is seriously lame.

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[censored] both sisters is kudos, except for the fact that his friend had feelings for the second one. Punch him. Forget about her. Go find someone else. Sucks.

And yeah, take her out on your own next time.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Thanks to anyone posting advice and or funny antecdotes, I appreciate it. It sucked that I didn't do well in making a move (usually it's not a big deal to me but she was so it was 100x harder), and I had asked her out on a date, but she wanted to be among friends first.

The bound by honor thing is absolute BS, my friend had told me many times before NEVER to hit any girls he dated or fooled around with before. I respected that with him and other guys, and it had never been a problem until now. Yeah, she may not be worth it but that surely is not a good way to show it.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Her sis prob told her he was good, dont sweat it champ

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Friend is a dirtbag. Remain friends with him if you look forward to being betrayed again in the future.

Sorry to hear about that, sucks burdz.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Given that he did this knowing about your feelings, I think you have every right to be mega-pissed about this. I don't think I could ever be friends with this guy again if I were you.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Friend is a dirtbag. Remain friends with him if you look forward to being betrayed again in the future.

Sorry to hear about that, sucks burdz.

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Sums it up well. Sucks. Move on with your life.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Friend did nothing wrong.
He gave you space, he gave you time. She wasnt interested. He didnt go in her room, she went to his. She wanted it. Nothing was happening between you and the girl so he seized the opportunity. Nothing wrong with that.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Didn't something like this happen to Spiderman?

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

She made her decision and you are at the bitter end. After that point in time, you had no "right" of any kind towards her.

She probably knew from he sister what she had to expect from him in the sack. And since he didn't go to her room to bang her there, but she went to his room to bang him there, you were probably dead in the water and an excuse for her to stay with her sister's ex in the first place anyway.

If you're lucky she'll feel sorry and let you have some, too. But you'd have to humiliate yourself and the chances are slim. Is she worth it? Probably no.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Friend did nothing wrong.
He gave you space, he gave you time. She wasnt interested. He didnt go in her room, she went to his. She wanted it. Nothing was happening between you and the girl so he seized the opportunity. Nothing wrong with that.

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Argh. you beat me to it.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

So what do you plan to do? Confronting him over it seem kind of gay. It's not like he wasn't aware how you felt. He'll just come back with some of the comments in this thread anyway.

I probably wouldn't say anything and just let the friendship drift apart. If you need that kind of security or boundaries (and there's nothing wrong with that), you don't want to be friends with people who don't respect it IMO.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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Next time they're in his room having noisy sex, hide in his closet & jack off in an intensely miserable yet really quite exciting kind of way?

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Winner by far. The devastation and excitement combination would be unbelievable.

Edit: Also pics please. PM if necessary.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Friend did nothing wrong.
He gave you space, he gave you time. She wasnt interested. He didnt go in her room, she went to his. She wanted it. Nothing was happening between you and the girl so he seized the opportunity. Nothing wrong with that.

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how do you know she wasn't interested? OP states "We both had feeling for each other". It seems to be possible (but certainly it is not a given) that the girl had no intention of doing anything with OP, but even if that was the case that does not give the greenlight. The only way I can think of that would possibly give the friend ANY leniency in this situation would be if he had said, prior to this evening, that OP was free to pursue any girl that the friend had feelings for and that he was going to do the same. however,

"my friend had told me many times before NEVER to hit any girls he dated or fooled around with before. I respected that ".

friend [censored] up bigtime.

OP, i don't think any sort of confrontation is necessary. kicking this guys ass or doing anything to get revenge seems immature to me. if he comes to you, tell him he [censored] up and you have no will to be friends with someone like that. the only way, IMO, he has a shot at redeeming himself at all is if he openly admits how poorly he acted. If he tries to defend it at all that just reaffirms how much of a dick he is.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

It's time to be a man. Don't compliment this chick or try to get her to hang out with you, she isn't really too interested in you and won't be until she gets fatter. Don't start a fight with your friend but don't do any favors for him either. He didn't do anything a normal man wouldn't do but he did do something a true friend wouldn't do. Now you know.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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What sort of approach do I take in confrontation though?

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What would this solve?

Here's an article from a female point of view that might shed some insight into your situation. Not trying to kick you when you're down, but maybe a small part of this article will resonate with you. You can't blame anyone for something that was out of your control to begin with - distance factor, bad timing, unrequited advances, whatever. So she picked him, and simultaneously sent a major blow to your ego. Get over it! And don't get wrapped up emotionally any further with this girl.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Part of me wants to say cut all ties with this girl, you're obviously on the Friendship Ladder and she'll only cut you up. But then again you're young and maybe you'll still get together - it's pretty common for people to sleep with different people in their circle of friends before finding the right one for a relationship.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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He didn't do anything a normal man wouldn't do but he did do something a true friend wouldn't do. Now you know.


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Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

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(she's really drunk,

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Depending on where you live, report that you witnessed a rape? That'll teach him.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

B,

So, chick wanted to see what would happen w/ you re: romantic chemistry, realized there was none, so then f'ed her older sister's ex-boyfriend. You never had any chance and your friend rules. Don't hate, appreciate.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

[ QUOTE ]
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Friend did nothing wrong.
He gave you space, he gave you time. She wasnt interested. He didnt go in her room, she went to his. She wanted it. Nothing was happening between you and the girl so he seized the opportunity. Nothing wrong with that.

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how do you know she wasn't interested? OP states "We both had feeling for each other". It seems to be possible (but certainly it is not a given) that the girl had no intention of doing anything with OP, but even if that was the case that does not give the greenlight.

(Rest ommited for readability)


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What is he supposed to do, when the girl that he tried to give his friend a chance with, obv. hasn't got any sexual interest in the friend (and we all know the conversations that go "I really dig you, I think I love you" "You are a nice guy. I really like you." That doesn't mean that you have feelings for each other. That means, that you won't get laid.) crawls up to you and wants to get into your pants? Do you really say "Listen girl, why don't you go and suck my friend's [censored] for a while first. Maybe you realize that you actually like it and I won't feel so bad." Seriously dude. It's certainly not a nice thing to get shot down in probably the most brutal way possible. And I'd expect the friend not to brag about it. But it's more a "what can you do?" situation. I can understand that you hate the friend though. But it's more envy than treason, if you are honest.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

Burdz,

You suck at picking up chicks. You have terrible oneitis. It's your fault.

That being said, your "friend" sucks too.

Re: Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?
 

your friend did nothing wrong. stop being a jackass and a horrible friend.

people who think the friend did something wrong, please justify your position. they weren't dating right? there was no commitment, no cheating going on?


should i hate my friend if he hooks up with jessica alba?

i mean i see that its a bad position to be in, but one friends failure shouldn't hold another friend back.