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BABAR\'S FOXWOODS TRIP REPORTS

I will put all my reports in this thread. Part 1:

FOXWOODS TRIP REPORT DAYS 0 AND 1

Okay guys, sorry for the delay in providing this trip report to you all, the munificent citizens of Microville. I hope that through excellent storytelling, numerous beats, and repeated making fun of DavidC, I can placate you.

Some preliminary reports about day 1 have already taken place, so I will briefly summarize, as well as add some reports about day 0. Day 0 was when DavidC drove from Toronto area, Canada, to my apartment in Vermont. He said he was supposed to get here around 11pm. About 1am I start to wonder but I figure it probably has to do with the decals on his car. At 2:30 am I get a call on my cellphone from a New York telephone number (and I lol, and accept the call, because he’s not even supposed to be going through New York really). It’s DavidC at a pay phone, explaining that he missed his exit and went 80 (lol) more miles in the wrong direction before realizing something was wrong. He says he’ll get to Vermont eventually.

About 4:30 am he finally rolls up, and TPK (Drew) and I make fun of him for a while before we all go to bed. One funny story is that DavidC, having already made it to my state, my town, and my street (!!), decides he’s lost again, and FLAGS DOWN A POLICE CAR BY CHASING IT DOWN, SPEEDING UP BEHIND IT AND BEEPING AND FLASHING HIS LIGHTS until the policeman stops. DavidC says where’s BBB’s street? And the policeman says you’re already on it, [censored]. Nice one. Also my cat kept attacking Dave when he was in the sleeping bag. Also Dave, like Chuck Norris, doesn’t use pillows to sleep on, but instead uses a towel folded up into a triangle, that he lays on the floor, and sleeps facedown on it (I’m not making this up at all). End of Day 0.

Day 1, we get up at 1, go eat lunch, and hit the road at 2 something. I should mention that DavidC just got his first driver’s license ever about nine days ago and a)has a Hyundai and b)claims to drive like 185 kilometres an hour, which is not even possible in his car. So I was a bit worried about him following me in his car, since I figured his car might blow away, or fall apart because of lack of decals, or he would rear-end me like a [censored] (by the way, this is different from when DrModern rear-ends Wookie, because that’s expected, consensual and pleasurable). So anyway it takes about two hours to get to the interstate, then I’m going about 77 and passing people and things are good. DavidC changes lanes every time I do, so I start doing it just to mess with him, and he calls me on my cellphone and says to please stop doing it because it’s making him nervous! Lol.

We stop for gas in the middle of nowhere and I go inside to buy some food or something. I come back out to find DavidC didn't know how to operate the gas pump and so basically was trying to get gasoline without paying for it, so the owner of the gas station, an Indian guy (not in a cupboard), comes running out and gesticulating, yelling "HEY GUY, HEY GUY, YOU HAVE TO PAY" and DavidC had no idea why he was in trouble but then I explained to the guy that he was Canadian and we were sorry about that. So then DavidC used a credit card and we were allowed to leave. Oh Canada. We start back up again, go through a rainstorm, through Hartford, and get to Ben’s (DrModern) house about 7pm.

Ben, already wastey, starts hollering at us incoherently through the window as we pull up, then falls down his front steps, gets up, pops his collar, chest-bumps the wall(!!), and screams out WHAT IT DOOOOOOO!!?? and we all lol. We drop our stuff off and go to a local restaurant for dinner. The basic summary of the dinner is we all order roughly-equal-sounding meals but everyone else’s was like 7 bites and done in 3 minutes, and mine was four entire organic (lol?) chickens, which took a really long-ass time to eat. It’s not like the menu said “four entire organic (lol?) chickens” either—it just said blah blah chicken etc. In the accompanying photo/MS Paint thread I will diagram this scenario for you all.

We drive back to Ben’s house and The Artist Formerly Known as Str8fish (DrMatt) is sitting in the driveway! He looks less goofy than normal. We go inside and Ben’s house is covered with Magic cards; like at least many thousands of them stacked everywhere. Apparently they were having a tournament? I also spotted a lot of dice with at least 18 sides, but I’m not gonna comment on this any further. Even DavidC was embarrassed. (Postscript: Ben, later, really drunk, bragged about how he was the 7th best Magic player in the state of Georgia like ten years ago and we all looked at the floor in shame.)

Alcohol was produced and a rousing game of HOES is begun, which basically involves DrMatt raising every hand, DrModern 3betting on principle, me folding or capping, and DavidC already drunk after two drinks just giggling hysterically and calling however many bets it was back to him, then TPK saying some sarcastic thing and either folding or calling the cap. Highlight hands: (I’m dealing Holdem) DrModern showing me his cards (33) and I said for one chip I’ll deal you a set. Hands are shaken. I deal the flop and wham, set. Ben (DrModern) puts on his WPT poker face and hands me a chip, and raises then caps against Matt (Str8fish) who obviously has an ace or better on the AK3 board. I turn to Ben and say for another chip I’ll turn quads for you, because Ben’s favorite thing is to wake up at 5 am and say to me (scaring the [censored] out of me) IN A SET OVER SET SITUATION, TURN QUADS.

Hands are shaken, and WHAM! I turn the case 3. Ben goes so WPT it’s not even funny, slides me another chip, I mean he was looking for sunglasses, a baseball hat, an IPod, and other douchey implements, so he could give everyone the staredown. The turn gets HU and capped between the two of them and I can’t stop laughing, and DavidC is mixing drinks together like ginger ale and My Little Ponies, and is hysterical. The river is a ten and Matt checkraises Ben (lol), Ben 3bets, and Matt calls. Ben shows his 33 and Matt had AT for only spewing about 23 bets. Another typical hand is DavidC hitting runner runner flush with his K9 and then blathering to me about how he had like 17% equity against my range (which was a set), plus implied tilt odds on every street, until TPK punched him and he shut up. The Omaha hands we played were great; everyone would look at their cards, sort of squint at the flop, raise anyway, and then yell out I HAVE FOUR RUNNER RUNNER TRIPS DRAWS, ARRR IN and then proceed to hit one of them every single time. Also we ate all of Ben’s food.

We then played Halo (my first time ever) with all of us and Ben’s housemates, and basically Ben and Dave were good, some of Ben’s roommates were good, and Matt was okay except he kept killing everyone on our team because he’s colorblind and can’t keep red and blue separated from each other. And Drew and I sucked. I just ran around a lot, and Drew whenever someone shot at him just started spinning in a circle, firing wildly, which was pretty funny. Also Drew’s Halo name was Tina so every time I killed his character I yelled out TINA YOU FAT LLAMA which was funny because we were drunk. After a while of that we played more poker, then Str8fish left, then we posted on 2p2 for a sec, then Ben went into like an hour long diatribe making fun of everything and yelling GAYYYYY all the time and it was intense. Various jokes were made about spooning and tyler_cracker (zing), of course. Probably we went to sleep around 4. End of Day 1.