Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I need to set this story up correctly, or else it probably won't make a ton of sense.

I was hanging out with my roommates (3 of us) and one mutual friend. We will call him 'Mike'.

'Mike' has a history of not handling his alcohol very well and easily blacking out. In the past during blackout mode he has (while sleeping) pissed on his girlfriend, one of my roommates clothes, as well as pissed on himself.

Two nights ago, the five of us were rocking out. (Yes, on a Tuesday) and drinking a bit. I go to sleep first, say my peace and head to bed. This leaves my 3 other roommates and 'Mike'. Soon after I go to sleep, 2 of my roommates also head to sleep, leaving one of my roommates up, drinking as well as making food with 'Mike'.

I wake up and head to school around 11:30. I stumble downstairs, and put on my shoes in the living room, all the while being basked in an unpleasant aroma that highly resembles [censored]. I look around, see 'Mike' sleeping on our couch, think to myself he must be busting ass, or had a ton of garlic the night before, and don't think too much more of it.

Around 1:30 pm, I get home from class, and the house still smells like poop. 'Mike' is gone, but in the living room I notice a huge log laid on our carpet.

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

And some more evidence that makes it appear that someone has stepped in the log, and tracked it around.

Exhibit C

I immediately go upstairs, find one of my roommates, and start bitching to him about how someone took a [censored] in our living room. I call my other two roommates, and one of them calls 'Mike' at work and asks him if he took a [censored] in our living room. 'Mike' was very upset that we would even think he took a dump in our living room.

A couple side notes, We have a back door, that we all believe was closed that night, but its possible it was open leaving just the screen door closed. The screen has been ripped a bit in the bottom corner, and if an animal is trying to, could push the screen in and come inside. So it is possible (although highly unlikely) that some animal, in the middle of the night pushed in our screen door, came inside, laid a giant turd, and then left back out the screen door.

So OOT, we come to you to solve our crime. If more information is needed to help you solve the crime, feel free to ask away and I will try to answer your questions.

My roommates and I have come up with a few plausible scenarios, which I will list in poll form.

Cliff notes: Giant turd laid in our living room after a night of drinking. Who did it?

Edit: Exhibit D showing scale.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

Is this one of those lateral thinking puzzles? Like, is the correct answer going to be that somebody just forgot to put their poopsicle back in the freezer?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

No, this is based on actual events and we need your help in determining what really happened.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

Okay, I blame the lathe.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

If anyone is wondering about scale, the black spot on the rug to the left, is a coal spot from when a hookah fell over.

If needed I still have the log in a bag and can take a picture next to some sort of recognizable object.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I've always liked Kipin, and I've never called for a ban, but...

...if posting pics of poop isn't an insta-ban, what is?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've always liked Kipin, but if posting pics of poop isn't an insta-ban, what is?

[/ QUOTE ]

The thread is labeled NSFW, I can make them non inline and just linked though.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've always liked Kipin, but if posting pics of poop isn't an insta-ban, what is?

[/ QUOTE ]

Racist.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

More questions to help solve this puzzle:

- Actual size of evidence? Show some scale, perhaps hold it in your hand so we can judge the size.

- Where exactly in the room is this? Near the screen door? Dead middle of the floor?

- How much alcohol was involved?

- Does Mike have a history of doing outrageous things?

- Does Mike have a history of peeing on people's things / in rooms/ not in bathrooms (indoors in general?)

- Any motive?

I think drunk people are more likely to have it end up in their pants than in the middle of the floor. I also find it unlikely that an actual roommate would have done this, as people don't like to trash their own house.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

funny [censored]. but it's so mike... if your read is good. i mean he is a cronic drunk pisser so could totally drunk-dump (mike's new nickname?!?!?!)

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

how could it possibly not have been 'Mike'?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I had a friend that [censored] himself while drinking. He didn't pull his pants down though, which Mike would have needed to do here. I'm not sure what standard protocol is for [censored] where you shouldn't while drunk. DNA testing time.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I cannot come up with a Big Lebowski joke here.

But I didn't really try very hard, to be honest.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]


- Actual size of evidence? Show some scale, perhaps hold it in your hand so we can judge the size.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll work on this in a second.


[ QUOTE ]

- Where exactly in the room is this? Near the screen door? Dead middle of the floor?


[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty much dead center of the floor.

[ QUOTE ]

- How much alcohol was involved?


[/ QUOTE ]

Just beer, I passed out first when everyone had probably consumed like 5 or 6. Mike does however have a history of drinking until he blacks out. He seems to have no off-mechanism when it comes to drinking.

[ QUOTE ]

- Does Mike have a history of doing outrageous things?


[/ QUOTE ]

Like I said he has pissed himself before, and pissed on a pile of clothes, but he has no history of doing malicious things, or [censored] himself.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I also think that your roommates should comment on Mike's state of mind before going to bed.

If he was acting ridiculous and high energy, he may have done this to be funny.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

It WAS Mike, but there was also a second pooper on the grassy knoll.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

funny effin story man. I would try and do a mental inventory of how much beer was in the house on Tuesday afternoon. Then find out how much remained on Wednesday morning. That way you can kinda figure out how much Pooper Mike had to drink. Was there any sign of ass wipage?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

similar thing happened at a family friend's pool when they threw a july 4th bbq when i was younger... a floater came up in the pool and there were so many kids noone knew who it was. it was funny [censored] though, and to this day i'm pretty sure i know who did it cause one of the kids wasn't outside when it was first seen ( think he [censored] and then went inside... then people saw it)

lolz

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

OK I just took a picture of the turd with a quarter as a reference, and holy christ that smelled awful.

Anyway, picture is here.

Exhibit D

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


- Actual size of evidence? Show some scale, perhaps hold it in your hand so we can judge the size.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll work on this in a second.


[ QUOTE ]

- Where exactly in the room is this? Near the screen door? Dead middle of the floor?


[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty much dead center of the floor.

I think if he needed to go he would have leaned against the wall. If he did it, this could have been a practical joke.

[ QUOTE ]

- How much alcohol was involved?


[/ QUOTE ]

Just beer, I passed out first when everyone had probably consumed like 5 or 6. Mike does however have a history of drinking until he blacks out. He seems to have no off-mechanism when it comes to drinking.

Just beer doesn't make it hard for him to reach black out levels. My roommate walked into the emergency room with a concussion and .389 BAC drinking just beer. The doctor was dumbfounded. This was in the early afternoon.

[ QUOTE ]

- Does Mike have a history of doing outrageous things?


[/ QUOTE ]

Like I said he has pissed himself before, and pissed on a pile of clothes, but he has no history of doing malicious things, or [censored] himself.

Aame with my friend, Pete, who [censored] himself. One Halloween our window was broken, and sure enough Pete shows up the next morning with bloody knuckles. Says he blacked out, but was pretty sure he wasn't near our house. Months later while talking to a neighbor about stuff he comments "Oh yeah, we saw Zoolander break your window on Halloween." Pete was dressed as Zoolander the night in question.


[/ QUOTE ]
I think you need to go with my DNA test idea. Loser pays for the test. There's gotta be some DNA in poop right?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
funny effin story man. I would try and do a mental inventory of how much beer was in the house on Tuesday afternoon. Then find out how much remained on Wednesday morning. That way you can kinda figure out how much Pooper Mike had to drink. Was there any sign of ass wipage?

[/ QUOTE ]

No sign of ass wipage, and Mike went straight to work after being at our house. I also inspected the sofa, and blanket and there is no sign of brown stuff.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]

I think you need to go with my DNA test idea. Loser pays for the test. There's gotta be some DNA in poop right?

[/ QUOTE ]

You think a vet would be able to tell if it is dog or human?

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I think you need to go with my DNA test idea. Loser pays for the test. There's gotta be some DNA in poop right?

[/ QUOTE ]

You think a vet would be able to tell if it is dog or human?

[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe not by site, but the bacteria and other stuff in it is probably different. I really don't know, call and ask and report back.

Also, Exhibit E please- hole in the screen door.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I cannot come up with a Big Lebowski joke here.

But I didn't really try very hard, to be honest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Carpet pissers did not do this man......just because Mike would pee on the carpet doesn't mean he did this.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

i used to be a detective, and although i dont have enough evidence to say for certain, from the evidence you have given, i would say that it is NOT mike. i think it is an animal. i ask you this--was there piss all over the place? cuz i know that whenever i take a dump, especially after drinking a lot, im going to piss a lot. animals dont do this. so if its just a dump in and of itself, it points to an animal. also, im no dump expert, but that dump looked awfully animal dumpish. plus--it just doesnt seem like something that a human friend would do. take a dump in the middle of the floor while drunk? you need to sit down when you take a dump, especially when youre drunk. drunk peeing in random corners is standard, but ive never heard of anyone drunk dumping in the middle of the room--it takes too much coordination. i have more reasons along the same lines but im tired of typing. but i says animal ftw.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

My guess is that a roomate pooped on the floor to do a prank on mike.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]

Also, Exhibit E please- hole in the screen door.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sure, but the back door was almost 100% closed when everyone went to sleep. It was kinda chilly that night so it is highly unlikely it was left open. Also when I came home at 1:30 it was closed, and didn't notice it being open at 11:30 when I first stumbled down stairs.

Also, if it was an animal that came in, laid a turd, and then left, it would have had to have been between the hours of like 4am and 11:30 am.

http://kipin.net/images/screen.jpg

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
i used to be a detective, and although i dont have enough evidence to say for certain, from the evidence you have given, i would say that it is NOT mike. i think it is an animal. i ask you this--was there piss all over the place? cuz i know that whenever i take a dump, especially after drinking a lot, im going to piss a lot. animals dont do this. so if its just a dump in and of itself, it points to an animal. also, im no dump expert, but that dump looked awfully animal dumpish. plus--it just doesnt seem like something that a human friend would do. take a dump in the middle of the floor while drunk? you need to sit down when you take a dump, especially when youre drunk. drunk peeing in random corners is standard, but ive never heard of anyone drunk dumping in the middle of the room--it takes too much coordination. i have more reasons along the same lines but im tired of typing. but i says animal ftw.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree, the no pissing thing is very weird. Plus if he was blacked out, he would have no balance and would never be able to squat without falling over.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
it just doesnt seem like something that a human friend would do. take a dump in the middle of the floor while drunk? you need to sit down when you take a dump, especially when youre drunk. drunk peeing in random corners is standard, but ive never heard of anyone drunk dumping in the middle of the room--it takes too much coordination.

[/ QUOTE ]

While not as common as drunk peeing, drunk dumping is not remotely an unheard-of phenomenon.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

Find the person who stepped in the poo. I think thats gonna be the key to figuring this out.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

I saw this in a movie once. Have you tried tasting it? Maybe it's really a Baby Ruth.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Find the person who stepped in the poo. I think thats gonna be the key to figuring this out.

[/ QUOTE ]

I examined all the shoes in our house and no one who lives here stepped in it.

Mike was gone by the time I got back so I don't know if he stepped in it, and if he did the evidence has surely worn off by now.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

The butler did it. Sheesh. It's obvious.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

After much of the debate on IRC I voted it was Mike, but he didn't do the deed their. Its either dog poo or he fished it out of the toilet, more likley the later

its the transporting of the poo in such a fashion that make its stay whole and doesn't drag piss and water all over the house thats got me

its the perfect crime...

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

[ QUOTE ]

I agree, the no pissing thing is very weird. Plus if he was blacked out, he would have no balance and would never be able to squat without falling over.

[/ QUOTE ]
Not necessarily true that he wouldn't have enough balance. The lack of pee is weird though. The poo could have been placed, but even if it was placed by Mike, would he really place it the same room he planned to sleep on? So many questions... The truth is out there.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

Animal poop smells different from human poop. Get an expert to do a smell test.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

DNA Analysis will solve the crime pretty easily.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

Col. Mustard, in the study , with the lead pipe.

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

http://lifeintheoffice.com/wp-conten...cters/Todd.png

Did you get the package I left for you? It was a big one!

Re: Calling all crime solvers (maybe NSFW pics?)
 

it was that chick who rummaged through Alobar's garage