What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

This post is directed to all the OOTers over the age of 30:

What is parenthood like? Have you found it deeply fulfilling, or overburdening? For those who don't have children, do you wish you did? Does life feel un-done and in need of something, or do you feel like you have lots of freedom?

Just a twenty-something eager to learn about the oncoming world of the thirty-something.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Yes, yes, yes and no.

Hope that clarifies things.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Having children is why you're here.

You're likely never too young and you'll likely never have too many kids.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Children add such a dimension to your life that it is immeasurable. They are the first thing you think of in the morning, and the last thing you think of before going to sleep. I started much younger than most OOTs (I have 2 kids ages 8 and 18 months, and I'm 27) but I really don't feel like I missed anything, and the experiences I've had with my kids are so much more rewarding.

Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of a small child curling up against you and saying "I love you daddy" nothing. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

There's a lot of responsibility, but it is a lot of fun. Nurturing and then watching the development progress is pretty damn cool.

As far as free time, I have found that I am more jealous of time with the family. After working all week and missing stuff, you want to do things together on the weekend.

I'm glad we waited, but I think we waited a bit too long - probably impossible to escape that conclusion no matter what age you have kids.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I wish I could have postponed every stage of my life, including parenthood:

I would have liked to remain unattached longer (I met my wife at around 24). I would have liked to live with my wife longer before getting married (I got married at 28). I would have liked to be married for a longer period before kids too (had my first kid when I just turned 31).

Each stage is fun in its own, but you can never go back.

In a few years, I'll probably also wish that I could have magically had a longer time with the kids when they were young. But in retrospect, one thing I do not regret is waiting too long.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

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Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of a small child curling up against you and saying "I love you daddy" nothing. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

[/ QUOTE ]

About as perfect said as could be as to the ultimate feeling of having children.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I'm 34, have an 18 month old son.

I never expected parenthood to be this much fun. I also see other children differently than I did, or would have ever imagined.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Im good friends with one of my managers that works for me. Hes 24 and just had his 4th, yes FOURTH, child now.
Yes, he does wish he didnt have soo many soo early, but hes told me he doesnt really regret it (although the last 2 were "accidents" due to birth control malfunctions (the pills didnt work he says).
Anyways, sometimes I goto his place after work and all I see is happiness in both him and his children. Yeah, they are a big hassle, but (lucky for him) his wife is very good with children and babysits other children during the day which gives his kids playpals and adds to the income.

I cant imagine having children yet (and Im 26), but that sence of parenthood seems to attract me in a strange way.

My personal gameplan is to impregnate the girlfriend (soon to be wife) in 3-5 years and work from there.

I'll follow up to this post when that happens.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

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although the last 2 were "accidents" due to birth control malfunctions (the pills didnt work he says).

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Suckerrrrrrrr!

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

it's a nightmare. your freedom is gone and you're tired all the time. having said that, i love my baby daughter so that makes up for all the crap.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Having children is why you're here.

You're likely never too young and you'll likely never have too many kids.

[/ QUOTE ]

It isn't the reason we're here, other than biologically, and there's a lot of people who would make the world better off by not having kids! The reason we're really here has more to do with just bearing children.

There isn't anything better than holding your children, playing with them or just sometimes watching them. That doesn't mean you can't do other things or that you shouldn't want to do other things sometimes, but it's all planned with the children in mind (for good parents).

Your life changes. I quit golf for five years because of the time involved with my kids (only starting to play again once my oldest started playing). The older they get, the less time they'll need for daily "maintenance", but the more time they'll need for extracurricular activities.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Hugo's response seems the most honest and closest to my experience. I have a 2-1/2 yr old daughter and an 8mo old son. Our daughter had colic when she was an infant (2mo to 7mo) which means that she cried ALL THE FREAKING TIME and we could not console her. Basically 5 months of crying. She's now an amazing little girl with more energy than you can imagine. Our son is a cute, cuddly littly ball.

I love them both and would give my life up for them without thinking about it. they are an aweful lot of fun. The greatest 30seconds of my day are when I walk in the door and my daughter shouts "Daddys Home!!!!!!!" and then my son smiles at me. Laying on the bed and reading to my daughter before she goes to sleep is something I treasure and look forward to every day. Holding my son and watching the son come up is an amazing thing and I wish it would last forever.

But they are exhausting. My wife and I get about 1 or 2 hours by ourselves every day. And that is dinner / dishes / talk about family business (which will hopefully slow down since we sold our house and are now in escrow for a new one - but there's always something to talk about) / and then we get to talk about how WE are doing. Kids take everything that you can give them and then usually a little more.

I would have them both again, but I wish someone had warned me about how tiring it would be.

FishNChips

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

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Having children is why you're here.


[/ QUOTE ]

Not I.

Six billion humans is enough for this planet, IMO.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I'm 36 and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. It's like anything else. There's good and bad, boring and exciting, pride and shame, happy and sad, etc. My kids are getting older, so I've definitely seen some of the initial challenges pass, but the new challenges don't get any easier. The old cliche that the grass is always greener applies in this aspect of life. My wife and I sometimes daydream about the things we could have if we weren't parents, whether it be freedom, or nicer cars, or more lavish and/or frequent vacations. You miss the days when you had the freedom to come and go as you wished, but there are aspects of this portion of my life that are so rewarding that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Just curious, do you really not care about the perspectives of OOTers under 30 who have kids?

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

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Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of Maury saying "you are not the father."

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Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Three kids. Now 17-22 years old.
I ( and they unknowingly) are damned glad I waited to 35 to have the first one. It takes more maturity than I had in my 20's.
the good news is I stopped partying, my language improved, my income increased, I got healthier.
For 22 years I have stopped and thought of someone else before acting.
I believe kids owe their parents nothing. We brought them into the world and owe them a proper raising.
And I believe parents owe their kids nothing at an age of maturity, 20 or so.
And that is not as adversarial as it may sound, nor as cut and dried. Just a statement of responsibility.
Children are an absolute joy. and a 24/7 responsibility for the first 10 years or so. Freedom....roflmao
You can not truly understand unconditional love until you have a child.
Middle child was a challenge, pm me if you need a good boot camp, but in retrospect even the pain and agony and attorneys' fees held lessons in life for everyone. We are even laughing at some of the stuff he did. Not in front of him yet....and not all of it.
I am looking forward to the coming freedom.
I do not regret a minute.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Yes.




(seriously)

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I am 35, wife and I have 4 children, they are all 7 and under, so the school thing/after school thing is new. If your looking for reasons either way here ya go:

If you are a giving person, you will enjoy it much, you get to help and watch them grow, you also get to see why your parents tore their hair out at the simple things you did that didnt seem so bad. When you are older, you will have a family to look forward to, wife has family members that never had kids, and while they enjoyed the family they had, they said they always felt like the family functions are for the parents/kids/grandparents/etc aunts and uncles are a little more 'outside', hard to explain unless you know the exact feeling. There are many more, cant think of any at the moment.

Against: if you are a person that is into doing things you like, children will change that in you, financial burden, time burden, if you dont think you can handle this(be very realistic) you will be resentful.

tobdog

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Good thread. It reminded me to get off the computer and see my kids.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Having children is why you're here.


[/ QUOTE ]

Not I.

Six billion humans is enough for this planet, IMO.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
This post is directed to all the OOTers over the age of 30:

What is parenthood like? Have you found it deeply fulfilling, or overburdening? For those who don't have children, do you wish you did? Does life feel un-done and in need of something, or do you feel like you have lots of freedom?

Just a twenty-something eager to learn about the oncoming world of the thirty-something.

[/ QUOTE ]

Who's the lucky teenage girl you knocked up?

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

It's great, nothing in the world makes me smile bigger than stuff my son does (almost 3 now).

Good excuse to have Mac N' Cheese once a week [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Having children is why you're here.

You're likely never too young and you'll likely never have too many kids.

[/ QUOTE ]

From someone who knocked up his gf at 18 and has a 4 year old just months froma age 30:

Don't listen to a word this man says. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Parenthood is awesome. I'm great at being a father and have been blessed with two beautiful sons, but two is plennnnnnnnty.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I'm 30 1/2 (so I qualify?) with a 3-year old son and a daughter on the way. I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything. First 18 months were very difficult but overall a great exerience. I think a lot of guys in their 20s can't imagine giving up the young-guy lifestyle and being home with kids, but the truth is you're not going to be doing that much partying anyway once you get a little older, get a real job and buy a house etc. Life as a family man is much more fulfilling IMO.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm 36 and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. It's like anything else. There's good and bad, boring and exciting, pride and shame, happy and sad, etc. My kids are getting older, so I've definitely seen some of the initial challenges pass, but the new challenges don't get any easier. The old cliche that the grass is always greener applies in this aspect of life. My wife and I sometimes daydream about the things we could have if we weren't parents, whether it be freedom, or nicer cars, or more lavish and/or frequent vacations. You miss the days when you had the freedom to come and go as you wished, but there are aspects of this portion of my life that are so rewarding that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

I pity you.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm 36 and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. It's like anything else. There's good and bad, boring and exciting, pride and shame, happy and sad, etc. My kids are getting older, so I've definitely seen some of the initial challenges pass, but the new challenges don't get any easier. The old cliche that the grass is always greener applies in this aspect of life. My wife and I sometimes daydream about the things we could have if we weren't parents, whether it be freedom, or nicer cars, or more lavish and/or frequent vacations. You miss the days when you had the freedom to come and go as you wished, but there are aspects of this portion of my life that are so rewarding that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

I pity you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Care to explain?

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

This will be tl:dr for many. See Cliff notes.

The husband and I were married pretty young, but we had five years together before we had kids. It's nice to have had that time together before we had the responsibility of a family.

I remember the first thing that scared me was the thought that I would have to be a role model. Me?? But, you have no choice but to get over it.

The early years can be exhausting as evidenced by the posts here of parents with young kids.

Until you have kids you never realize the millions of ways a human can injure themselves. Light sockets. Stairs. Climbing on the counter because you're a big girl and want to make your own breakfast before Mom and Dad wake up.

Oh, then there was the time my husband woke up at 2 AM and found them putting on their snowsuits with the plan to crawl out the Boy's window onto the roof. Etc. Etc.

Until they're five or so you have to watch them every minute.

Girls are higher maintenance than boys because they're more social. (Jane. did this..then Sarah said this..and she made Tina cry!) The Boy comes home and says, "I made a new friend at recess!" "Oh, what's his name?" "I dunno." (Yeah, come and get me gender police.)

They still need you in middle school though it may be harder for them to admit. You need to stop being too busy yourself sometimes to recognize the signs.

Though you love them unconditionally you're not there to be their best friend. Kids need clear limits. They will appreciate the fact that you're strict even as they bitch about it. Be careful. They know just which buttons to push to try and manipulate you.

Watching their personality and beliefs develop is the coolest thing ever.

I love their dreams. "I'm going to be a famous rock star, scientist, game developer millionaire, donate X to X, and live in the middle of a forest with x, y and z."

Our oldest, the Girl, is about to leave the nest. I feel as if my heart is being ripped out. Even though she's not here most of the time already, I can't imagine daily life without her under our roof. On one hand I'm very happy for her and the life she has planned. On the other, I'm irrationally angry at her for being so happy to leave and get started on her life.

So far, we've been extremely lucky with our kids behavior wise. I, on the other hand, sometimes put my parents through hell. I can't imagine why we've been so blessed.

Cliff Notes: Raising kids is both one of the most demanding and rewarding things you will ever do in your life. It's both a privilege and blessing to watch them become their own people. I can't imagine life without them.

The Poker Mom

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I'll give you my opinion. I'm 36 and I'm 18 months into kid #1.

I've always been a pretty selfish person by nature, in terms of my time. I didn't get married until I was 33 so I had a lot of years of doing what I wanted; when I wanted to do it.

The following are my experiences...and I've met many people who's experiences were VERY different from mine.

Allow me to first touch on pregnancy. My wife gained 62 pounds. She peaked at 202# a couple of hours before the birth.

In regular life, she is the most reasonable; logical woman I've ever met. In pregnancy life; she was borderline insane. Moody, irritable, exhausted, impatient.

Ok; now on to the first 3 months of baby's life. Our baby hated sleeping. She would not sleep unless she was being held and even then she'd sleep a MAX of 1 hour. Babies also have to be fed every 3 hours. If the baby was sleeping at that time; had to wake her up (we tried to follow doctor's instructions to at tee).

Also, at this age, our baby would cry, inconsolably, for 2 hours at a time. Couldn't be rocked; couldn't be soothed; nothing.

After the 4 month mark or so; things started to get a little better. A little bit of free time would pop up here and there...but really not much.

Over the next 12 months or so; I think I had a lot of feelings of resentment in me. For me and my lifestyle it was a pretty drastic change to now base every single decision around the baby. It was hard for me to adjust and my attitude with the baby tended to be 'have to' rather than 'get to' if that makes sense.

In the last couple of months; I think I'm finally starting to 'get it' and finally coming around. These last few weekend there have been whole days where she and I spent the day together...and once I relaxed and stopped worrying about what I was missing out on...we had a great time.

I still struggle sometimes...but I'm getting better. I really, really WANT to be a great, fun Dad. But for me personally, it wasn't like flipping a switch and it hasn't come very naturally...but things are getting better.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

Being a parent is awesome. Children offer you their unconditional love 24/7. Need a hug, just go ask your 4 year old. No matter what troubles you, you will feel better. Of course, parenting is a lot of work, but IMO the rewards far outweigh the work.

I have far too many stories about the joy that my kids have brought me to share here, but I will say that most of the happiest moments in my life involve my kids.

Re: What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)
 

I am 37. Been married for 4.5 years. Got a vasectomy when single and 31. My wife and I will never have our own kids and never adopt. We don't want any.

I have just never found it an attractive choice. I watched friends and family members who had kids go from being very adventurous, outgoing and interesting to tied down, tired, overburdened and obsessed with all things kid. And I noticed that the better parents in the bunch were more burdened that the worse ones, since they made sure their kids were engaged in activities, on a schedule, etc.. I also realized all the things I would have to give up if I wanted to be a good parent. Travelling (we've lived on 3 continents in 4 years of marriage), socializing with other adults regularly, having financial freedom, and living in vibrant cities that might not have good schools and the safety parents demand.

For me, I enjoy the company of adults more than anything else. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation I get from good discussions with smart adults. I enjoy wit. I enjoy the pleasure I get from fine things that only adults appreciate: food, booze, art/music, etc.. I want to spend my time doing adult things with other adults.

I can appreciate the wonderful emotions parents feel seeing their kids grow up and go through life. Not trying to downgrade that experience at all. But for me, I am willing to forgo that to have different experiences with the adults in my life (wife, friends) while also getting some interaction with children through my friends and relatives you have them.

Just a different perspective from a thirtysomething.

KJS