Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

This is a bad idea IMO. Since she is preparing to bury her father there really is no up side to this for you at all. You can be her rock through this very difficult time but by the time her father makes his grand exit and she is ready for anything else in her life you will have hung around for several months for.....what?
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

Call him and tell him you're thinking about him and praying for him. If you're really close, go see him by yourself, don't tell ex-gf you're going.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

if you like him, visit him (i would go even if you dont like him), i would also try to be a "rock" for her but thats my personality.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[/ QUOTE ]
You really nailed it here. OP, don't go out of your way for her--this is not a way to get back together. But if you had a relationship with her dad then treat him like you would any other friend or acquaintance who got cancer.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Get out of this "hanging on" [censored] now. It will help your mental-being. Send him a nice letter and make sure it gets to him. Maybe with something that will make him laugh. When her dad is feeling ill he will tell her that you sent this. It may give you brownie points.....but you shouldn't care because you are doing it because you like HIM not HER.

my 2 cents.

FYC

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

Thanks all. I did have a close relationship with her father, we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together. I've just never spoken to anyone who is terminal, guess it's time to grow up a little in that regard. As far as the ex goes, she was always very supportive of me, part of me feels like I owe her. I'm going to take the idea of contacting him directly first, if she reaches out to me I'd definitely help any way I could. Thanks again.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

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we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together

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go see him

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

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[ QUOTE ]
we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together

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go see him

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definitely. Just curious OP, how old is the dad? How old are you, and how long did you go out for?

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Get out of this "hanging on" [censored] now. It will help your mental-being. Send him a nice letter and make sure it gets to him. Maybe with something that will make him laugh. When her dad is feeling ill he will tell her that you sent this. It may give you brownie points.....but you shouldn't care because you are doing it because you like HIM not HER.

my 2 cents.

FYC

[/ QUOTE ]

this guy makes an excellent point. that's what i'd do.

whatever you do, don't do it in order to get back with her again.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

As I have aged, I have realized one of the most important truisms in life is this:

"In life, you almost always regret the things that you had the opportuntity to do, but found an excuse to avoid or ignore. Rarely do you regret the things you did do, no matter how difficult or wrong they ended up being."

A lot of the younger posters on these boards will have no idea what I mean. But you will.

From your description of your relationship, if you do not visit this poor man, you will literally regret it to your dying day. Please go see him.

Your relationship with your ex, to me, is completely irrelevant.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
As I have aged, I have realized one of the most important truisms in life is this:

"In life, you almost always regret the things that you had the opportuntity to do, but found an excuse to avoid or ignore. Rarely do you regret the things you did do, no matter how difficult or wrong they ended up being."

A lot of the younger posters on these boards will have no idea what I mean. But you will.

From your description of your relationship, if you do not visit this poor man, you will literally regret it to your dying day. Please go see him.

Your relationship with your ex, to me, is completely irrelevant.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with all of this.

A shortcut to making these kind of decisions is to ask yourself "When I am on my deathbed, if I think back on this moment, what will I have want to have done?"

Go see the man and relive some golf stories, joke around, and hang out. This has nothing to do with your ex, please trust me on this one.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

R.I.P Mr F,

You lived a good and honest life which by the turn out to your memorial affected many many people.

To those on here that suggested I go see him, thanks. My visit was a surprise set up by his wife, I'll always remember the joyful look on his face when he saw me. I barely recognized him with his illness. We sat and talked about golf for two hours. The last thing he said to me was "thanks for coming to see me".

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

So have you nailed the ex yet, or what?

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
if you like him, visit him (i would go even if you dont like him). [b]I would also try to be a "rock" for her butt; thats my personality.[b]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is a bad idea IMO. Since she is preparing to bury her father there really is no up side to this for you at all. You can be her rock through this very difficult time but by the time her father makes his grand exit and she is ready for anything else in her life you will have hung around for several months for.....what?
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[/ QUOTE ]

I find this ridiculous, and pretty nasty and immature. Saying that she "gets a free ride" is pretty disgusting. Just because she is your ex, doesnt mean anything imo, is she your friend? if you feel like you want to be there to support her, by all means do so.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

Thanks for the contributions, dick holes. Really showing your sensitive sides.

OP - It's good that you went to go see him. Did the ex ever find out you did?

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

From the sounds of things, you were fortunate to have shared a close and meaningful friendship with your ex-girlfriend's father, so whatever you do DON'T write him a letter as it may come across as slightly impersonal. Go and see him in person. I'm sure it would mean a lot more to him to actually see and talk to you.

As for your ex-girlfriend, just be a good friend to her. Just showing you care is enough – she will appreciate it.

EDIT: inishowen, I just read your later post after posting mine. Sorry to hear about his death. I'm glad you took the opportunity to see him in person.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think most of these posts were more focused on the OP's desire to get back together with said ex, who seems to have broken up with him. Their advice w.r.t that is good (don't use this as an opportunity).

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think most of these posts were more focused on the OP's desire to get back together with said ex, who seems to have broken up with him. Their advice w.r.t that is good (don't use this as an opportunity).

[/ QUOTE ]

We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation.


people need to learn to read better than.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
R.I.P Mr F,

You lived a good and honest life which by the turn out to your memorial affected many many people.

To those on here that suggested I go see him, thanks. My visit was a surprise set up by his wife, I'll always remember the joyful look on his face when he saw me. I barely recognized him with his illness. We sat and talked about golf for two hours. The last thing he said to me was "thanks for coming to see me".

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not ashamed to say this post choked me up a little. You did a good thing.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
R.I.P Mr F,

You lived a good and honest life which by the turn out to your memorial affected many many people.

To those on here that suggested I go see him, thanks. My visit was a surprise set up by his wife, I'll always remember the joyful look on his face when he saw me. I barely recognized him with his illness. We sat and talked about golf for two hours. The last thing he said to me was "thanks for coming to see me".

[/ QUOTE ]


You've done right by him, and you've done right for yourself. All that we leave behind is contained within our deeds towards others and our influence on them. He obviously influenced you deeply, and you turned out to be a good friend.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think most of these posts were more focused on the OP's desire to get back together with said ex, who seems to have broken up with him. Their advice w.r.t that is good (don't use this as an opportunity).

[/ QUOTE ]

We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation.


people need to learn to read better than.

[/ QUOTE ]

leveled or lol wrongaccountaments?

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

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All that we leave behind is contained within our deeds towards others and our influence on them. He obviously influenced you deeply, and you turned out to be a good friend.

[/ QUOTE ]
Very true.

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
R.I.P Mr F,

You lived a good and honest life which by the turn out to your memorial affected many many people.

To those on here that suggested I go see him, thanks. My visit was a surprise set up by his wife, I'll always remember the joyful look on his face when he saw me. I barely recognized him with his illness. We sat and talked about golf for two hours. The last thing he said to me was "thanks for coming to see me".

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not ashamed to say this post choked me up a little. You did a good thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think most of these posts were more focused on the OP's desire to get back together with said ex, who seems to have broken up with him. Their advice w.r.t that is good (don't use this as an opportunity).

[/ QUOTE ]

We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation.


people need to learn to read better than.

[/ QUOTE ]

leveled or lol wrongaccountaments?

[/ QUOTE ]

seems like wrongaccountaments to me [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Ex-GF\'s father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think most of these posts were more focused on the OP's desire to get back together with said ex, who seems to have broken up with him. Their advice w.r.t that is good (don't use this as an opportunity).

[/ QUOTE ]

We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation.


people need to learn to read better than.

[/ QUOTE ]

leveled or lol wrongaccountaments?

[/ QUOTE ]

seems like wrongaccountaments to me [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

No. "We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation." was a quote from the OP, obv.

You guys really do need to learn to read.