cheating death
 

Let's try this life smeg out...

What's the nearest you came to dying?

Two for me:

- stuck a plug into a wall with its back missing, and mainlined the power supply up my arm. Luckily i threw myself backwards and got off light.

- Head on crash on a motorbike into an oncoming car (she was on my side of the road). Luckily somersaulted over the top and landed on my ass. I did try to punch the lady driver but i fell straight over as soon as i got to my feet. Only 5 stitches and a dead bike (and car) was the result.

Beat that, mutants.

Re: cheating death
 

In college I started choking on a cheez-it

http://www.billsbest.com/cheezit.jpg

A friend gave me the heimlich and it flew out.

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/787/heimlichqr7.png

He has since become a paramedic. I like to think I was partly responsible for that.

Re: cheating death
 

I once almost went to a Dixie Chicks concert

Re: cheating death
 

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Beat that, mutants.

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Already did, told it repeatedly

Re: cheating death
 

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I once almost went to a Dixie Chicks concert

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Wow, this thread gayd up pretty damn quick.

Re: cheating death
 

i slipped on some ice and got my ass all wet

Re: cheating death
 

I also had a head on motorcycle wreck, but i was six and no helmet (sitting in front of my uncle).

Slipped on moist plants while negotiating a ridge in the lower foothills of the Himalayas (uttar pradesh for anyone that knows india's geography) with thousand foot drops on either side.

In january car wreck when i overcorrected after trying to avoid a guy who cut me off on the freeway and ended up swervin in a 180 and facing oncoming traffic.

Anyone ever hear of quantum immortality? Sometimes I wonder...

Re: cheating death
 

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I once almost went to a Dixie Chicks concert

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winnar

Re: cheating death
 

n/a

Re: cheating death
 

had nine guns pulled on me. have had gun put to my head.

been stabbed.

split a police road block on my gixxer doing 145 in a 40 mph zone.

was in a room when a glock accidentally went off.

had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

probably others, but thats all i care to recite.

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
had nine guns pulled on me. have had gun put to my head.

been stabbed.

split a police road block on my gixxer doing 145 in a 40 mph zone.

was in a room when a glock accidentally went off.

had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

probably others, but thats all i care to recite.

[/ QUOTE ]

you forgot teh time you kicked chuck norris' ass in a fight to the death

Re: cheating death
 

a few REALLY close calls ice climbing. a couple memorable ones:

note: water ice (WI) ratings go from 1, ez, to 7, ridiculous. you are really good if you can climb a 5.

1. a WI6 in really thin conditions was probably a WI6x. at the top, i was run out about 70', looking at about a 130' or so ground fall. i was on a piece of ice about an inch thick, with air behind it. not even stuck to the rock. a large piece of the ice fell while i had one foot and one tool on it. the rest of the ice held on, and i stuck the route. most stressful climb of my life, so far.

2. Long's peak. Winter. we are descending from a route we were playing around on, and get to a point where we need to cross a big cliff on a ledge about a foot wide. nowhere to place protection, easy climbing, so we just go for it. it has moss for us to sink our ice tools in, and that goes great until the area i have my tools in sluffs, and hits me at the waist, knocking me backwards. i teeter for a few seconds, no hands, and somehow by the grace of God get my balance back, and lean back towards the cliff, where i now have plenty of nice spots for dry-tooling, where the moss was. if i hadn't got my balance back, it was 200'+ to the bottom of the cliff, and if i somehow survived that, 10 miles or so to the car.

ive done a few other dumb things too, but those were memorable.

Re: cheating death
 

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had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

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Uh, what? You had the weight of a car resting on your head? As a 2-year-old? How is that possible?

Re: cheating death
 

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[ QUOTE ]
had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

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Uh, what? You had the weight of a car resting on your head? As a 2-year-old? How is that possible?

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http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o.../yugo_rear.jpg

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

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Uh, what? You had the weight of a car resting on your head? As a 2-year-old? How is that possible?

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have you seen his neck? the car is lucky it didn't fold in on itself

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]

2. Long's peak. Winter. we are descending from a route we were playing around on, and get to a point where we need to cross a big cliff on a ledge about a foot wide. nowhere to place protection, easy climbing, so we just go for it. it has moss for us to sink our ice tools in, and that goes great until the area i have my tools in sluffs, and hits me at the waist, knocking me backwards. i teeter for a few seconds, no hands, and somehow by the grace of God get my balance back, and lean back towards the cliff, where i now have plenty of nice spots for dry-tooling, where the moss was. if i hadn't got my balance back, it was 200'+ to the bottom of the cliff, and if i somehow survived that, 10 miles or so to the car.


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Was this on "The Narrows" of the Keyhole Route?

I had a handhold come off in my hand on Mount Lindsay on a class 4 move and almost went backwards down the cliffs. The sudden movement tossed my ice axe off my backpack, and I heard it clanking all the way down the mountain to the bottom. Scary.

Re: cheating death
 

Couple events come to mind.
Got slammed into a random rock on the ocean floor up at bonzai pipeline body surfing.
Put my hands out just before impact to protect my head. Who knows how much damage I could have done to the head- but I did end up with broken bones in one hand. Close to death? maybe not. Certainly felt that way at the time though.
Second- I was diagnosed with diabetes two years ago and was in severe ketoacidosis when I finally went in.
On the charts at nutritional classes later we are asked to locate our A1C values and when asked I had to say "yeah... um... the chart doesnt go high enough."
The nutrionist says "okay- you are the one..."
16+ for anyone who knows anything about it.

Re: cheating death
 

Flipped a car end over end going 85ish, air bag didn't deploy.
Completely annhilated the car, i came out without a scratch.

I also driving to the UP (upper penensula of Michigan) where I live on a northbound highway. I hit some black ice and somehow slid across the median and across the southbound lane with my truck still facing north. Hit the ditch on the other side without hitting any of the oncoming traffic...It was insane.

Re: cheating death
 

Playing football in a friend's front yard when I was about 12. Went out for a pass that was thrown towards the sidelines (street), it was overthrown and I continued to run after it. As I stepped into the street a car was coming at the same time, luckily it slammed on its brakes and barely bumped me.

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
had a jaguar (car) stop on my neck when i was 2 years old. lost a lot of sight in my left eye as a resuly. nearly died.

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Uh, what? You had the weight of a car resting on your head? As a 2-year-old? How is that possible?

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have you seen his neck? the car is lucky it didn't fold in on itself

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Oh yeah, forgot about that

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...pynen/baby.jpg

Re: cheating death
 

rofl

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I once had a cyst on my ass removed (true, not trying to be funny). They didn't dress the wound right at the hospital and I got a massive staph infection. Some moron doctor told me to soak in the tub later and I'm sure that didn't help. dirty bafwater+open wounds don't mix.

I was out of it for a week and it could have spread everywhere if I waited even a few hours more to go back to the doctor.

Re: cheating death
 

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I once had a cyst on my ass removed (true, not trying to be funny).

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too late

Re: cheating death
 

[quote
Was this on "The Narrows" of the Keyhole Route?



[/ QUOTE ]

no. we went to the base of the diamond intending to do the window (WI5) on the diamond, but it wasn't in. slogged up the lamm's slide cutoff, a snowfield, to the left of the diamond as you look at the mountain. and were going to try to hook up with the keyhole summit route, but ran out of time, cuz the snowfield was really slow going. descended a separate snowfield on the other side of a ridge, where the cliff was. i dont know what we descended. probably had a wrong turn thrown in on the descent to get us where we were

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sitting in a deer stand, hear the shot and the bark explodes 4 inches above my head- that was my last hunt

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plugging in a PC, I had to really push down hard to get the plug into the socket. (my hand was on the big plastic plug part).

my hand slipped off of the big plastic plug part when it was like 1/3 plugged in and my fingers touched both sides of the plug. I sat there for like 2-3 seconds but when my legs started kicking I kicked myself far away to let go.

Another time in high school, I decided to run up the front of my car and stand on the roof. I was running a bit too fast and my foot punched through the windshield but my body kept going, pulling my leg right back out and ripping the skin down to my ankle. If the cut would have been a half an inch deeper on my thigh, I would have hit my femoral artery and probably died.

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I had cholera. No [censored]. It was bananas.

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I had salmonella, got it from a bad schnitzel. I was [censored] and barfing for 2 days, glad my uncle works in the hospital. (He is a pathologist lol)

Re: cheating death
 

Was heading to a movie with my ex/gf at the time really hot asian girl ..really bad driver.

We are doing like 100mph down a icey road and she spins out into incoming traffic cause a 4-5 car accident.

I check her out and both of us are completly fine, Im the first to get out of the car. Im just standing in shock looking at the wreck and I hear a screech right behind me and a car is sliding right at me. Had to dive out of the way as it slammed right into our car.

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I got ameobic dysentary from eating old chicken once.

Wasn't really that close to death, but I think I [censored] out part of my small intestine.

I hope everyone's lunch is tasty.

Re: cheating death
 

After you pooped everything out did you start pooping water five minutes after you drank some?

Re: cheating death
 

I basically never stopped. Pooped whatever food I could stomach, [censored] water, I think some stomach acid came through at one point (that burns the rosebud too mang, I don't suggest this). When my stomach was totally empty I still went, and like twice I saw pinkish colored fleshy tissue looking pieces come out, so I can only assume this was some part of my innards ejecting out of my ass. Oh, blood was prominent too.

BTW, don't eat unrefridgerated chicken that has been left out for 2 days.

Re: cheating death
 

yeah, but ass-pissing feels good, right?

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
yeah, but ass-pissing feels good, right?

[/ QUOTE ]

ive been living in india for the last 4.5 months, and pretty much everything i eat makes this happen. About 3 months ago, i got some food off of a street vendor (bad idea) and ending up [censored] water out of my ass and barfing for 2 days straight. I couldnt sleep for more then 30 minutes before having to get up to [censored] or puke. Half way through the first day, it was no longer food that was comming out (water mixed with mystery stuff). Not to mention the extreme fever and gas problems i was having. I thought i was going to die.

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
yeah, but ass-pissing feels good, right?

[/ QUOTE ]

ive been living in india for the last 4.5 months, and pretty much everything i eat makes this happen. About 3 months ago, i got some food off of a street vendor (bad idea) and ending up [censored] water out of my ass and barfing for 2 days straight. I couldnt sleep for more then 30 minutes before having to get up to [censored] or puke. Half way through the first day, it was no longer food that was comming out (water mixed with mystery stuff). Not to mention the extreme fever and gas problems i was having. I thought i was going to die.

[/ QUOTE ]

That sounds frighteningly familiar...

Re: cheating death
 

Dove off a 40+ foot quarry cliff and came thisclose to landing flat on my back and surely quadding up. The bad kind.

Fell asleep driving home at 5 am and ended up hitting a guardrail head on at 65+. Pulled front end out of both front tires and drove to gf before cops showed.

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
yeah, but ass-pissing feels good, right?

[/ QUOTE ]

ive been living in india for the last 4.5 months, and pretty much everything i eat makes this happen. About 3 months ago, i got some food off of a street vendor (bad idea) and ending up [censored] water out of my ass and barfing for 2 days straight. I couldnt sleep for more then 30 minutes before having to get up to [censored] or puke. Half way through the first day, it was no longer food that was comming out (water mixed with mystery stuff). Not to mention the extreme fever and gas problems i was having. I thought i was going to die.

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THIS IS WHAT I HAD

I SERIOUSLY THINK IT WAS CHOLERA

But ok, check it out, true story, on the fourth day the fever went away but I still couldn't keep any food down and next to no water. As soon as I drank water, five minutes later the weird water mixture would shoot out of the behind. Some water must have been sticking because I didn't die, but I just kept drinking and it kept shooting.

BUT HERES THE CRAZY PART

I decided I needed some sort of macronutrient with some caloric value so I started drinking juice and water. It was a red fruity punchy thing. So I drank the juice and sure enough a few minutes later on the toilet, splooosh. So I look in the bowl afterwards and it's bright red! The juice went right though untouched and came out the other end in five minutes time!

GROSS

So, anyhow, naturally I didn't want to waste juice as it wasn't sticking, so I just put a cup underneath and started recycling. It went away a day later. True story.

Re: cheating death
 

ewwww

Re: cheating death
 

[ QUOTE ]
had nine guns pulled on me. have had gun put to my head.

been stabbed.


[/ QUOTE ]

Trip reports for any of these?

I choked on a butterscotch candy once when I was 9 or 10 and my parents weren't home. I was able to cough it up just before I passed out.

Re: cheating death
 

I'd could do a trip report on a lot of things, but i havent b/c no one ever believed me when I said something. Like when I mentioned that I benched 405 for reps in an OOT thread that was in response to a workout question. It was not a brag, just a point of reference. I got flamed all to hell and no one believed it.

Why post a trip report on these things when I'm going to be mocked as a internet tough guy and the meaning for my post goes entirely overlooked in a series of one liners and [censored]?

That's why I adopted a lot of my sarcasm, which goes largely undetected for some reason.