BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

OK, so here's the deal. I've had this girlfriend for almost two years now, but lately she's been complaining that I'm slacking in the "being romantic" department. The obvious solution, then, would be to write a love letter, but I've realized after a few attempts exactly how bad I am at it.


Some actual excerpts:

<font color="brown">I miss you terribly. I've felt nothing but lonliness all day, this inescapable longing for someone to connect with. I can't wait to see you again.</font>
Hot damn, emo much? What am I supposed to type next, "When I'm not with you I cut myself to feel alive. Wait, my black nail polish is getting all over the keyboard. Maybe my tears can clean it off."

<font color="brown">I had a decent day today, and had plenty of things to be interested in and happy about, but all I could think about was you. </font>
Just because you were daydreaming about her boobs doesn't make you romantic, pennpal. We can do better... maybe give some compliments?

<font color="brown">You are [censored] hot</font>
Too much.

<font color="brown">You're cute</font>
And so is your little sister, pervert.

<font color="brown">You brighten my days</font>
MOVE THE [censored] OVER DANIELLE STEELE, WE HAVE A WINNER

<font color="brown">Well, It's getting late, so I guess I should end this letter. I love you very much, and really look forward to hanging out this weekend.</font>
Bedtime already? Damn, this letter sucks miles of dick. Good thing I have it lying around, because the dorm's out of toilet paper and I have to take a huge [censored] right now.


Obviously you see my plight. So what's the solution? Take submissions of love letter lines from BBV, patch them together, and give it to her with some jewelry. All good submissions will definately make their way into the letter and her response will be posted. I'm pretty sure you guys can come through for me on this- I would post it in OOT, but where's the fun in that? If you're hellbent, pretend this is titled "Beat-I suck at writing" and every sentence has a (B)(B) or (V) written at the end. Worthless without pics, you say? Say no more.

Halloween '05
Bowling
Halloween '06
Bowling again

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]
The obvious solution, then, would be to write a love letter, but I've realized after a few attempts exactly how bad I am at it.


[/ QUOTE ]

errrrr...Obvious solution? Hardly.

Do something with Thread Cat. That [censored] makes panties wet, yo.

Edit to add: Seriously. Letter = bad idea. Lots of easier and more effective stuff to do.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

love letter = teh gay. Be a man, take ur girlfriend on holidays to Paris or something.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

obv solution is not write a love letter. its to either go on more walks with her (for some odd reason...women love takin walks. i guess being able to walk AND talk at the same time is facinating to them)...or go dancing with her. no female hates goin dancin. and i dont mean club, grind ur [censored] into her back for an hour...i mean go learn to do some ballroom typeshit. u can thank me for the sex later

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

You've been with her two years, what does she expect after that long?

The romance and wooing is only up until you SIIHV/P, after that its gone.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

If you are a high stakes baller, take her to europe instead of this letter bs

Post deleted by Ryan Beal
 

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]

The romance and wooing is only up until you SIIHV/P, after that its gone.

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf, this is a horrible line for my letter

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

if they best I could do was some halloween pics I would be slacking in the romantic zone too

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

If you gonna write a letter, at least make it funny as opposed to cheesy.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Wow.

I didn't know if anyone could take such a [censored] topic (to post in BBV; it's like begging to be eaten alive) and made it hilarious. Your posts rule. I can't help you with your letter, but I think you should be an honorary BBVer or something.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

does she wear the penguin suit in bed?

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]
If you gonna write a letter, at least make it funny as opposed to cheesy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I disagree. I expect this to be a serious thread giving me real world advice about my girlfriend, who I'm clearly inept with. RAPTOR H CHRIST THIS IS BBV PEOPLE, call my girlfriend fat or something

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

ayo bitch, get a tan.

i keeps it real,
pennpal

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Dear GirlieMcGirlfrienderson,

I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY GANGS OF AIDS INFESTED PYGMIES WHILE YOUR PARENTS WATCH. MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING TURKEY ERUPT INTO FLAMES BURNING DOWN YOUR HOUSE, LEAVING YOU WITH ONLY YOUR BURNT OUT SHELL OF A HOME TO BE THANKFUL FOR. IF EBOLA WERE TO ARRIVE IN AMERICA, YOUR VAGINA SHOULD BE GROUND ZERO. I'M SURPRISED NATURAL SELECTION HASN'T ALREADY KILLED YOU OFF YET, BUT I TAKE PLEASURE IN KNOWING IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME. IF THERE'S ANY JUSTICE IN THE WORLD YOU'LL FALL DOWN A STAIRCASE ONTO SOME HEROIN NEEDLES, THEN STUMBLE OUTSIDE ONLY TO GET HIT BY THE AMBULANCE MEANT TO SAVE YOU. YOU COMMUNIST SATAN WORSHIPING SCUM, I WONDER IF THAT BLACK [censored] YOU ARE SUCKING WAS WORTH THE SOUL THAT YOU TRADED FOR IT.

Love,
pennpal

it's practically your own words, and i have a feeling she's interested in someone else and is telling you to make a move to reclaim her or she's riding the guy who lives close to her full time.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Now this thread is getting somewhere

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]
do something with thread cat

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

http://www.tomatoalligator.com/bear06.02.jpg
problem solved

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Dear (insert correct name of girlfriend here- NOTE: make sure it's the correct name)-
I too have put a lot of thought into our relationship, and I have decided it is the right time to take it to the next level.
Right now I have an offer of $200 to help infuse romance back into our lives.
Have you ever heard of Grimstarr? Well- anyhow he's this guy in BBV. Totally trustworthy dude.
He claims to be busto- but am sure he can afford you for at least a night. Please PM - erm... call me if allowing him to rent you for a night works. Also- if you have a rate sheet for multiple nights- please send that.
I just want you to be happy.
He said he would transfer me funds on a site of my choosing once said night/(s) happens.

Love,
pennpal

ps- tell your sis and mom I said hi.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

where's what it do kid when you need him?

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

I think about you constantly. I can't get you out of my mind. You're funny, sweet, intelligent, sexy, and I want to spend every minute of every day with you and you alone. If it doesn't work out with your stupid girlfriend, please PM me.

/mc

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

your love letter absolutely stinks. if this is the best you can come up with, try some other way of being romantic instead.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Years have come and passed and left is empty. I drift along inside this hard, course shell, all while wandering in insecurity just hoping to connect with something real. I fear others may see weakness in my vulnerability and laugh at who I really am so I pretend to be something I'm not. You're the only one who really understands me. You're the only one I can really confide in. Sometimes I think it would be easier to pretend. Pretend that the emptiness really isn't there. That drifting through life could be satisfying. That I could fill this void with more emptiness. So that's what I do. Pretend. But I want more in life; fullness, purpose, love. With you, I am finally starting to see what is truly important to me. With you, I no longer need to pretend.



could have made it more poetic but i decided i wasnt gonna spend more than 5 minutes on this. gl if you use it.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

I love you like a day reversed. Rising at dusk, we write the news over an empty coffee cup and tell each other what will happen at work.

I love you like a bear reflected. Killing time between winters, we peer into the ice water that separates us and wonder what will happen when the fish are gone.

Our love is a quick reply, meant for someone else, and meant for no-one. And before it existed, it disappeared under an avalanche of shaved balls and free drugs. And the penguins will lay their cold eggs in our empty hearts forever.

/mc

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Hand write it too, dont type it.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]
I love you like a day reversed. Rising at dusk, we write the news over an empty coffee cup and tell each other what will happen at work.

I love you like a bear reflected. Killing time between winters, we peer into the ice water that separates us and wonder what will happen when the fish are gone.

Our love is a quick reply, meant for someone else, and meant for no-one. And before it existed, it disappeared under an avalanche of shaved balls and free drugs. And the penguins will lay their eggs in our empty hearts forever.

/mc

[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

penn,

First, don't discount humor as a romantic tool; women find humor sexy. I say don't write a letter, write a poem. And not some cheesy dewey eye b/s one, make it clever and funny with a Dr. Suessian cadence. Make references to the things about her you find sexy, but with innuendo. Touch on things you've done together, bowling, Halloween, whatever. Figure about 5 or 6 verses and you're good. But make sure the final verse says straight out how hot, sexy, whatever you think she is. Remember, even Roseanne Barr wants to hear that she's beautiful. Then get a single flower (forget the rose, everybody does that, opt for a tulip or something similarly simple and elegant) and put it in a plain vase. Put the flower and the note on her nightstand (if you're living together) or on her coffee table (assuming she's got her own place). You get points for thought, creativity and humor, all of which women find sizably romantic.

That's a one time boost to your romance bankroll, but to take down small romance pots every couple of hands or so, you should also get a simple, nice candle (ivory, not white) and have it and matches handy wherever you and your girl hang out at home. Whenever you're having dinner or watching TV, dim the lights and fire it up. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it and act like it's something you like. It's cheap, easy and keeps her feeling romantic. Bonus: everything looks better by candlelight.

Edmond

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

What level are you guys on? This is not a serious endeavor, people, I thought this was a given.

Also, Monty, I love you.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

dear WHORE,

suck mah bawlzzz

love,
pennpizzle

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

dear gf,

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Thanks to Gild's new rules
I can't call you a jew

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say [censored] OFF TO OOT WITH THIS SH!T

k thks bye

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

[ QUOTE ]
penn,

First, don't discount humor as a romantic tool; women find humor sexy. I say don't write a letter, write a poem. And not some cheesy dewey eye b/s one, make it clever and funny with a Dr. Suessian cadence. Make references to the things about her you find sexy, but with innuendo. Touch on things you've done together, bowling, Halloween, whatever. Figure about 5 or 6 verses and you're good. But make sure the final verse says straight out how hot, sexy, whatever you think she is. Remember, even Roseanne Barr wants to hear that she's beautiful. Then get a single flower (forget the rose, everybody does that, opt for a tulip or something similarly simple and elegant) and put it in a plain vase. Put the flower and the note on her nightstand (if you're living together) or on her coffee table (assuming she's got her own place). You get points for thought, creativity and humor, all of which women find sizably romantic.

That's a one time boost to your romance bankroll, but to take down small romance pots every couple of hands or so, you should also get a simple, nice candle (ivory, not white) and have it and matches handy wherever you and your girl hang out at home. Whenever you're having dinner or watching TV, dim the lights and fire it up. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it and act like it's something you like. It's cheap, easy and keeps her feeling romantic. Bonus: everything looks better by candlelight.



[/ QUOTE ]

http://disabled-parking.com/images/h/House%20fire.JPG

I love you more than beans and rice
I love you more than Queens love spice
I love you more than Mama Cass
I want to [censored] you in the ass

I love you dressed up like a mouse
I'm sorry that I burned your house

/mc

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

OMG. i just poured my heart on a forum for nothing. anyone got a bottle of asprin?

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

dont ask bbv for this please, pm me

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

"I WANT TO SHIP IT INTO YUR BUTT LOLZ"

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

http://www.orlyowl.com/heybaby.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/love.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/orly5.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/yarly.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/whoarly.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/quiterly.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/upload/files/orly_in_love.JPG

http://www.orlyowl.com/kthxbye.jpg

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

tl; dr

[censored] OOT.

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

get her a love-nosejob

Re: BBV- Help me write a love letter
 

Give her some nice diamond earrings, attach a card that says "Would you stfu now?" Crazy sex after this.