I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Bear with me. This is a forum for any kind of SFW discussion, after all. And Lord knows I don't want it in OOT.

People in the Dorm are saying, again, that it's so easy to get laid in college. This is a little bit discouraging to a person like me. I figure I have to take the right point of view. Sex in college may not be "easy" for me, per se, but given that it's easy in general (by most accounts), if I'm ever going to learn to get laid this is the place to start.

Great! What next?

Honestly now. Without sexually harassing anyone, what is the process of "getting laid?" I'm posting this in the Lounge, so please spare the normal OOT-y stuff. Talk like a scientist, or Dungeons and Dragons player. Pretend I have Asperger's - turns out I may. I don't know how to dance, I don't know how to "chill," I don't listen to music, my interests include science, philosophy, and nerdy video games, I'm marginally ugly, and most everything related to social interaction goes way over my head. Also I'm not very confident. This is what you have to work with.

What I do have going for me is an almost complete lack of standards. And courage. I'm willing to approach girls, etc. I don't really know how to do so, and so far my experiments have resulted in strictly platonic liasons, and I wouldn't have the slightest clue how to get from there to anywhere. I've also tried online - I've sent dozens of messages to people on AdultFriendFinder and Craigslist Casual Encounters, but have received probably no more than three responses, all of which have been "gentle let-downs." Maybe it's the pictures. (but recently I manage to score 7.4 on Hot or Not, so that should help!)

So give me a game plan! Oh yeah, I'm poor too. Did I forget to mention that I'm poor? Or I'd definitely fly out to Thailand or something. But no, I'm broke and likely to remain that way as my only reasonable source of income just recently dried up.

Many of you are out in the big bad world at large, and must have observed something of the sequence of events that results in people "getting down." Process analysis, please?

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

I know you don't want this in OOT, but it's really not a Lounge thread. I'm going to move it to the Dorm, and if benevolent loungers feel like chiming in, good for them.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

just go out, find a girl at the bar walk over to her, smile and say something like this:

"hey i saw you standing here and you looked like an interesting person so i thought i'd introduce myself, my name is XXXXX". then whenever you're about to leave ask the girl if she wants to come to your place.

repeat this one billion times, who cares if you're shot down, you're never gonna see her again and you'll get better with practice.

if that fails do a forum search for "the obvious guide" and you'll find some stuff on one night stands by diebitter & co. personally i hate these kind of "guides" but it might work for you.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

people here say it's easy because its cool to say it. it isn't any easier for the ugly half of 2p2 to get laid than it is for you.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
people here say it's easy because its cool to say it. it isn't any easier for the ugly half of 2p2 to get laid than it is for you.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is true as well

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Fair enough.

Any good at +EV games? Build it.

Get a good hairdresser, preferably female, strike up a relationship with her. Tell her what you want, tell her she can go nuts. Trust her. It won't be just about the hair.

Volunteer your time in places where you'd be interested, and where many SFW's work/play. Libraries, for instance. It's ok to be quiet. Just develop the confidence in the silent relationships.

Money != success and you know this. But it does make things easier.

Fallback approach if you've still got that last-step confidence, great escort agency, blah, blah. Vegas does all this well, but most major metros have a structure in place. Don't ask, don't tell.

You're not paying for the act, you're paying for what they can teach you.

All in all, this would be an optimal approach for geeks. Ask Bill. He didn't jump from the garage to Melinda overnight.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Talk and flirt with all the girls you can, in as many situations as possible

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

And by flirt I mean, make jokes, be playful, have fun.

Putting your self in an environment where girls are getting drunk makes things exponentially easier

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
And by flirt I mean, make jokes, be playful, have fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Easier said than done, but I try. Still, it seems to end up platonic. If you flirt appropriately does the girl just start ripping her clothes off? I assume there are some in-between steps.

[ QUOTE ]
Putting your self in an environment where girls are getting drunk makes things exponentially easier

[/ QUOTE ]

Exponentially? How can I do this? I've tried going to bars and ordering a couple drinks (which I can't even afford now [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] ) and it doesn't seem to work. Hard to even catch a girl's eye, and they ALWAYS travel in packs! And these were supposed to be singles bars. Plus I hate the environment.

Parties? I wouldn't know how to get invited to one, a "real" one anyhow. Hmm.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
just go out, find a girl at the bar walk over to her, smile and say something like this:

"hey i saw you standing here and you looked like an interesting person so i thought i'd introduce myself, my name is XXXXX". then whenever you're about to leave ask the girl if she wants to come to your place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds so simple, but it never seems to work out this way. Something always goes awry, and I can rarely seem to find a woman in isolation. In the movies there's always this pretty woman standing there in the corner, just waiting for someone to walk up to her. In reality, it's more like NOISENOISENOISE and people everywhere and nobody's alone except me.

The guides have never been much help, at least the "PUA" guides aren't.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
Fair enough.

Any good at +EV games? Build it.

Get a good hairdresser, preferably female, strike up a relationship with her. Tell her what you want, tell her she can go nuts. Trust her. It won't be just about the hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

Money.

[ QUOTE ]
Volunteer your time in places where you'd be interested, and where many SFW's work/play. Libraries, for instance. It's ok to be quiet. Just develop the confidence in the silent relationships.

[/ QUOTE ]

At the place I volunteer, there's only old men [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I'll do what I can at volunteer events and things.

[ QUOTE ]
Money != success and you know this.

[/ QUOTE ]

Depends on what kind of "date" you're looking for.

[ QUOTE ]
But it does make things easier.

Fallback approach if you've still got that last-step confidence, great escort agency, blah, blah. Vegas does all this well, but most major metros have a structure in place. Don't ask, don't tell.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yup. Starting at $200/hr for a "less-than-great" agency. Ain't happening, not now anyhow.

[ QUOTE ]
You're not paying for the act, you're paying for what they can teach you.

All in all, this would be an optimal approach for geeks. Ask Bill. He didn't jump from the garage to Melinda overnight.

[/ QUOTE ]

He had to get rich first?

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]

Exponentially? How can I do this? I've tried going to bars and ordering a couple drinks (which I can't even afford now [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] ) and it doesn't seem to work. Hard to even catch a girl's eye, and they ALWAYS travel in packs! And these were supposed to be singles bars. Plus I hate the environment.

Parties? I wouldn't know how to get invited to one, a "real" one anyhow. Hmm.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know what your social circle is like, but you need to expand it. You need to meet friends, meet their friends, and meet their friends, and then when you go to the bar, meet some more of their friends who happen to be at the bar. If you have trouble making friends, then you need to start there and not even think about girls.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
If you have trouble making friends, then you need to start there and not even think about girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is probably the advice I was looking for, thanks!

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

booze

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Have you ever heard of social anxiety disorder? I've just recently been diagnosed, and am improving my socializing soooo much. Google it if ya want, just a thought.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever heard of social anxiety disorder? I've just recently been diagnosed, and am improving my socializing soooo much. Google it if ya want, just a thought.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good to hear...Out of curiousity, how have you made such improvements?

Also, isn't Xanax indicated in social AD?

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever heard of social anxiety disorder? I've just recently been diagnosed, and am improving my socializing soooo much. Google it if ya want, just a thought.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good to hear...Out of curiosity, how have you made such improvements?

Also, isn't Xanax indicated in social AD?

[/ QUOTE ]

I exaggerated a bit, I've still got a lot of work to do. What I did though, is I finally got the balls to go to the counseling center on campus, and they referred me to an on campus psych. I've gone through some CBT (Cognitive-behavioral therapy), and so far it has really started to help. Also I've been reading up some self help stuff that has also helped somewhat.

Yeah I think xanax can be used. From what I've read the most effective meds for SA are MAOIs, which I'm kinda scared to take. I've heard good things about kava though, and I might give that a shot.

I got a lot of info here-> Socialfear.com

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

I would just like to point out how funny it is that a seemingly intelligent person could stumble upon these boards (which have thousands of dollars of information within them) and complain about being broke.

POKER. LEARN IT. PROFIT.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

In your posts on this thread so far, you seem rediculously negative.

That is a HUGE TURNOFF with a high rate of success for landing in the friend zone, if even doing that well.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

I found my way over here because this thread was linked to from "The Lounge". I don't want modern college youth to think a creepy 52 year old man is hanging out in the hallways. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

A while back Bruiser brought up a similar topic. In perhaps his and a few other threads I believe I mentioned the importance of reading serious modern fiction that is written by woman. That's one way to get into their heads, and see their view of men through their eyes.

Eventually you are going to become more comfortable with and more attractive to women, and when you do it's great if you learn to be good in bed. You'll probably never get there listening to advice from men/guys/boys. And you might be surprised to find out that a guy who is essentially starting out as a bit of a geek can be (and probably will be) better than a rock star in bed if he takes the time to learn. The fact is most men are delusional regarding their sexual abilities. But you are starting from the right point and can avoid these delusions.

In the mid seventies Shere Hite wrote the "Hite Report". I was a semi-nerd/geek who a few years earlier had been rejected in my quest for a prom date. A few years after reading Hite I married a prom queen (and I was broke). What I learned in the Hite Report (along with reading the aforementioned fiction) changed my life, at least in how it relates to women.

Anyway, in this thread I wrote two posts on Hite. I also wrote at least two posts in this thread. I think this was my last comment on Hite. In case I missed a link, you might want to search on my username and +Hite +Report. Of course many others in these threads had comments you might find helpful too.

Cliff notes version: The Hite Report may be thirty years old, but I believe a lot of what it has to say rings true today. After all, clitoris don't change much over time (that is until you learn how to touch and lick them just right). [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

~ Rick

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Learn to relax, that really will help you. Problem is, to be relaxed, you have to be comfortable, which implies either confidence or being at home. Just go out with your guy friends, or make some first. That part is easy, then disregard everything they say about women. Talk to girls who appear self conscious, always be authoritative.

And don't seem nice, even though you obviously are.

Cam

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

madnak, i used to pretty much be like u when college started...make some changes and adjust...styling ur hair and being funny are very nice ideas...i think someone here hit right on the head about getting friends as u need to get comfortable around people first before u move on...also, have a disarming, laid back attitude, though i think u already have this...just keep at it and u'll come through nicely...good luck...

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

STICK TO JACKING OFF, SOUNDS LIKE UR DONE FOR

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Meet a nerdy girl on some online game and have uber sex over the internet!

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever heard of social anxiety disorder? I've just recently been diagnosed, and am improving my socializing soooo much. Google it if ya want, just a thought.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good to hear...Out of curiosity, how have you made such improvements?

Also, isn't Xanax indicated in social AD?

[/ QUOTE ]

I exaggerated a bit, I've still got a lot of work to do. What I did though, is I finally got the balls to go to the counseling center on campus, and they referred me to an on campus psych. I've gone through some CBT (Cognitive-behavioral therapy), and so far it has really started to help. Also I've been reading up some self help stuff that has also helped somewhat.

Yeah I think xanax can be used. From what I've read the most effective meds for SA are MAOIs, which I'm kinda scared to take. I've heard good things about kava though, and I might give that a shot.

I got a lot of info here-> Socialfear.com

[/ QUOTE ]

SSRI's are the rave now, (Paxil specifically for what you describe). I'd give that a shot before Kava or MAOI's...I took it for a couple months after I had an issue with panic attacks, social anxiety, and death grieving. I was outgoing to begin with, but this helped me get through it.
CBT has also quite helpful at keeping panic attacks in check. Basically, recognizing the symptoms as they are increasing, breathing, and saying "Dude, chill the [censored] out."

Also, I find that taking Xanax 0.5 or 1 mg before big speeches or events that you know will trigger anxiety or reclusiveness can be extremely helpful. Of course, doctors are reluctant to prescribe this freely because of its addictive and tolerance-building properties (Big downside).

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
Talk to girls who appear self conscious, always be authoritative.

And don't seem nice, even though you obviously are.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bad advice.

Dont BE anything. Just be and [censored] everyone who doesnt like it. Seriously, just consciously tell yourself that. There are people that will spend time with you, and believe it or not, have sex with you. Sex really isnt that big of a deal like everyone raves. Yea, its awesome, but dont flood your heads with reasons why you are, are not, or should be getting laid.

edit: and you dont need drugs to help you either (but booze helps [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img])

edit edit: oh and stop sitting in your room by yourself playing video games and stop beating off.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Lot of bad advice in here, bro. My advice is to find a better place for advice.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

op - Do the following tomorrow:

1. goto the gym. - this will build confidence. (you can find good workout programs all over this site or just google)

2. Chit-chat with 2 people - I dont care if you have to start small, like asking the girl at starbucks if an xxxx is good and giving her a smile. You need to learn how to talk to strangers.

Those are 2 immediate things you can do.

The other long term stuff should start at making friends as already mentioned. A loner, dorky, shy, poor guy is not going to get laid. making friends/meeting people/working out/poker=profit should do you well long term.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Thanks for the concrete goals. I'll do that.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

madnak,

Hope this helps

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
db

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Dear Madnack, I understand your troubles and have four words of advice: Don't worry about it. When my friends ask how I get/got/will get girls I tell them I dont know. Honestly, I never have a plan or a system or a line. First, what year are you? Honestly your situation sounds a little similar to mine.

I am currently a senior however entering college I was semi-experienced, as I had a 3-year relationship in high school, and a few things here and there but generally felt like I was out of my league. I wasn't into going to the bars, I suck at beer pong, and my interests (poker, religion, science, etc.) varied a lot from other people's. However, I found that if I could get a girl alone, take her out to dinner, and just talk to her, she would quickly realize that while going and meeting guys at bars is easy it is not fulfilling. Slowly I learned as I got older, that the most rewarding sex is not with some hot chick you picked up at a bar but with a girl who is intimate with you and you likewise with her.

My suggestion therefore is thus, let it go. Stop trying to get laid and start trying to find people with like interests. Look in your classes, ask a girl afterwards about something she said during class that you found interesting. Might sound cheesy but this way you at least get to talk with her about somethign you're interested in.

You sound like a nice, smart guy with a sense of self-deprecating humor. Talk about where you want to go and what you want to be. Every girl likes a guy who knows himself and it's important to project that confidence.

I hope everything works out.

I'll leave you with an anecdote about my housemate:
He plays acoustic guitar rather well and performs weekly at a caberet. It is quite obvious that his one intention is to pick up girls. A few weeks ago, a girl sent him a message on facebook after his show saying that she would love to hang out with him, and that she was not looking for a relationship only a good time. She came over, they banged and she left. He immediately came into my room to tell me about his conquest. He didn't seem happy only proud and when I asked if they were oging to start hanging out he didnt have much to say.

The other night she cancelled on him and it tore him to shreds.

Please, dont' be this guy.

Sure a lot of meaningless sex happens in college but dont' think that it has to be meaningless, you'll be a lot happier finding someone who pleases you mentally as well as physically.

good luck.

ps. dont mention the hot-or-not thing.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Despite protests to the contrary, "being yourself" isn't working (although it probably will work at some point on occasion).

Two words 1. "confidence"
2. "agression"

1. Feign it until you have it. Honestly, most women find men who are positive about themselves more attractive. In fact, most women find men who are positive in general more attractive.

2. First off, eliminate the negative connotations of this word. What I'm talking about here is "making the first move" (and the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th), preferably WITHOUT them knowing that you are doing it i.e. talking to and persuing women in a way that is intended to get in their pants without being obvious about it.

Women very rarely act agressively in this area with people who are not their boyfriend already; when they have some kind of sexual interest in you they will touch you a little bit in a way that probably seems minimally sexually to you, or make some ambigous remarks that could mean !?,amongst other coy actions.

e.g. Don't say "wanna make out?" simply try to get into a situation where it would make some sense to start kissing them and do then try and go for the kiss.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

This post reminds me just how good 2+2 can be even for off topic stuff . Great post/advice!

~ Rick

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]

SSRI's are the rave now, (Paxil specifically for what you describe). I'd give that a shot before Kava or MAOI's...I took it for a couple months after I had an issue with panic attacks, social anxiety, and death grieving. I was outgoing to begin with, but this helped me get through it.
CBT has also quite helpful at keeping panic attacks in check. Basically, recognizing the symptoms as they are increasing, breathing, and saying "Dude, chill the [censored] out."

[/ QUOTE ]

DO NOT TAKE PAXIL. You will not be able to orgasm, and will probably have trouble maintaining an erection. SSRI use kills your dopamine levels, and that's the last thing you need.

There's only one drug you should be using: good ol' mary jane. Go buy an ounce of good stuff. Now, not only do you have pot, but you are also that cool guy with good pot. Everyone, guys and girls, loves that guy with pot. Have a nice room to chill in. You can invite people over to come and smoke a joint and chill. Your new social connections will win you friends, and will attract stoner chicks (which is EXACTLY what you want, since they're unmotivated, laid back, horny, and reasonably easy to put up with. And they like pot!)

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Work out everyday. Seriously, you say you are marginally ugly, with dudes it doesn't matter as long as you are ripped. We have it SO much easier than women in so many aspects, but especially this. If a girl is ugly, she can't do much unless she can pay for very expensive plastic surgery. Dudes to look good all you have to do is work out.

Also, before you try to get with any chick, learn to be happy in your life all the time. Not just when you are jerking off the 64-sided die, but when you are out around people. If you can be a happy fellow then social interaction is easy.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Madnack, I understand your troubles and have four words of advice: Don't worry about it. When my friends ask how I get/got/will get girls I tell them I dont know. Honestly, I never have a plan or a system or a line. First, what year are you? Honestly your situation sounds a little similar to mine.

I am currently a senior however entering college I was semi-experienced, as I had a 3-year relationship in high school, and a few things here and there but generally felt like I was out of my league. I wasn't into going to the bars, I suck at beer pong, and my interests (poker, religion, science, etc.) varied a lot from other people's. However, I found that if I could get a girl alone, take her out to dinner, and just talk to her, she would quickly realize that while going and meeting guys at bars is easy it is not fulfilling. Slowly I learned as I got older, that the most rewarding sex is not with some hot chick you picked up at a bar but with a girl who is intimate with you and you likewise with her.

My suggestion therefore is thus, let it go. Stop trying to get laid and start trying to find people with like interests. Look in your classes, ask a girl afterwards about something she said during class that you found interesting. Might sound cheesy but this way you at least get to talk with her about somethign you're interested in.

You sound like a nice, smart guy with a sense of self-deprecating humor. Talk about where you want to go and what you want to be. Every girl likes a guy who knows himself and it's important to project that confidence.

I hope everything works out.

I'll leave you with an anecdote about my housemate:
He plays acoustic guitar rather well and performs weekly at a caberet. It is quite obvious that his one intention is to pick up girls. A few weeks ago, a girl sent him a message on facebook after his show saying that she would love to hang out with him, and that she was not looking for a relationship only a good time. She came over, they banged and she left. He immediately came into my room to tell me about his conquest. He didn't seem happy only proud and when I asked if they were oging to start hanging out he didnt have much to say.

The other night she cancelled on him and it tore him to shreds.

Please, dont' be this guy.

Sure a lot of meaningless sex happens in college but dont' think that it has to be meaningless, you'll be a lot happier finding someone who pleases you mentally as well as physically.

good luck.

ps. dont mention the hot-or-not thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

QFT. Why do we both have two stars? F the man.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

booze is the universal lubricant. it makes everything less akward. when its your first time its always nice, but at the same time... you dont want you first time to be some blurry drunken lack-of-a-memory.

everyone has given solid advice so far. i dont necessarily agree with waiting till your in a relationship unless its for religious reasons though. just be patient, dont look like a total slob, be funny, and most importantly dont be desperate. just go with it and it will eventually happen.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

[ QUOTE ]

Work out everyday. Seriously, you say you are marginally ugly, with dudes it doesn't matter as long as you are ripped. We have it SO much easier than women in so many aspects, but especially this. If a girl is ugly, she can't do much unless she can pay for very expensive plastic surgery. Dudes to look good all you have to do is work out.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is ridiculous. Facial attractiveness and personality are paramount in guys. Being in good shape helps too, but it's not as important. Guys really overestimate the value of being pumped and buff; having massive pecs is cool in high school, but in the real world you're a bitch to anyone with a bigger paycheck. Being buff is more about intimidating other guys than attracting women, just like women starve themselves into unattractive thinness to intimidate other girls.

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

I'm a college student and the ease of getting laid in college is over-rated. I'm in a relationship now, but before that I had many one night stands and the like, and it's never really EASY. Just because she's in college doesn't mean she is going to have sex with anyone out there. Sure exceptions happen to every rule, but a lot of good looking guys in college don't get laid by 4 different girls every week. The MAJORITY of women aren't going to sleep with you just because you are both in higher education.

My advice, which mainly has questions for you. First off get some money. I don't know your situation and you haven't explained it. But why are you poor? You can get many student loans, you can work, you can play online poker and make good money, etc. A lot of the things you need to do for yourself will require money. You need to have some money just to do some of the things which will help yourself get women. I'm not saying you have to get rich so women will want you, but how many women want a guy who doesn't have the money to buy them a drink or take them out? Your only likely to "remain broke" if that's what you want to do.

After that,


1. Start working on your physical appearance. Get a good haircut, keep yourself clean with facial products, etc. Look into over the counter teeth whitening products as a great smile is crucial.

2. Start working out (the key for most women is to get "toned" and not huge.) Sure it's not the end all, but we're not looking for pumped and buff as the poster above me stated. Think great physical shape...not huge, but it needs to be apparent you work out. It's not that hard, a great place to start looking at is www.t-nation.com I used to be a personal trainer and have spoken at fitness conferences. Just not something I'm interested in doing now, but I still know tons about the subject so PM me if you want.

3. Quit being so negative about yourself. How many girls want to sleep with a guy who says he's marginally ugly? Confidence is the key, start thinking your the hottest guy around and girls should kill to get with you. Now keep thinking that until you actually believe it.

4. FIND FRIENDS- Because it will help you get laid and who doesn't want friends. Why don't you have many friends? How can you change this? I'm not in one, but it might be worth looking into to joining a fraternity. Sure they get a bad rap and usually for good reason most of the time, but it is a ticket to numerous friends and numerous opportunities to score with chicks.

I have more advice, but I'd like you to answer some of those questions.

Good luck!

Re: I need advice on achieving my goals wrt sexual intercourse
 

Fair request.

[ QUOTE ]
But why are you poor?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because work and school at the same time is too much right now.

[ QUOTE ]
You can get many student loans, you can work,

[/ QUOTE ]

I may have to take out loans, but I don't like the idea. I'm not too impatient and I can get money from my mother if necessary. I figure once I get through this semester I'll be able to get a decent part-time job. I'm getting As in all my classes and I don't see that changing - a high GPA supposedly opens doors in terms of scholarships and low-level academic jobs (tutoring, etc).

[ QUOTE ]
you can play online poker and make good money, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not any more. But that's off the subject.

[ QUOTE ]
A lot of the things you need to do for yourself will require money. You need to have some money just to do some of the things which will help yourself get women. I'm not saying you have to get rich so women will want you, but how many women want a guy who doesn't have the money to buy them a drink or take them out? Your only likely to "remain broke" if that's what you want to do.

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I don't know how many women want a guy who doesn't "take them out." I won't treat a woman regardless - even if it did increase my chances here, which I don't think it will. I'm very sensitive about being walked all over, and being a money pot doesn't mesh well with my self-image. Also I don't see why I should be paying for a girl before anything happens.

Of course, I'll need to cover my own side of things, and pay cover fees etc, so the money is a clear issue. If I had enough money - prostitutes, dating seminars, matchmakers, I'd be doing great. So I'm looking to minimize the "money bleed." I recognize that I'll have to do some spending.

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1. Start working on your physical appearance. Get a good haircut, keep yourself clean with facial products, etc. Look into over the counter teeth whitening products as a great smile is crucial.

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Well, the smile's always going to be goofy. I already use whitening toothpaste, and my pimples seem to finally be getting the hint. The hair is an issue I'm working on.

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2. Start working out (the key for most women is to get "toned" and not huge.) Sure it's not the end all, but we're not looking for pumped and buff as the poster above me stated. Think great physical shape...not huge, but it needs to be apparent you work out. It's not that hard, a great place to start looking at is www.t-nation.com I used to be a personal trainer and have spoken at fitness conferences. Just not something I'm interested in doing now, but I still know tons about the subject so PM me if you want.

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The school gym is probably cheap or even free, so I'll want to do this. I'm thinking of a strategy of bench presses, squats, and dead lifts along with abdominal exercises and daily stretching.

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3. Quit being so negative about yourself. How many girls want to sleep with a guy who says he's marginally ugly? Confidence is the key, start thinking your the hottest guy around and girls should kill to get with you. Now keep thinking that until you actually believe it.

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I don't lie to myself. Not even for sex.

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4. FIND FRIENDS- Because it will help you get laid and who doesn't want friends. Why don't you have many friends?

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I don't know. I've been in New York for a couple years and I'm not sure exactly what I was supposed to do - but I definitely didn't do it. I'm hoping college will make it easier.

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How can you change this?

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I don't know. So far my approach is just to talk to random people. It doesn't seem to be working well, but I'm not sure how the process typically works. There are people whose names I know now, whom I say hi to if I happen to see them, or whom I talk to in class. Not really sure where to go from there.

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I'm not in one, but it might be worth looking into to joining a fraternity. Sure they get a bad rap and usually for good reason most of the time, but it is a ticket to numerous friends and numerous opportunities to score with chicks.

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Probably sound advice for many people, but given that I go to a multiracial commuter college I don't know that there's a "frat life" to speak of. I'll do some looking at see what kinds of frats exist for CCNY.