post the nerdiest joke you know
 

what did the chemist get arrested for when he mixed sodium chloride with nickel metal hydride?

White: <font color="white">assault and battery! </font>

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

So if y = (r^3)/3, and if you solve the rate of change in this curve correctly, I think that you'll be pleasantly suprised.

y = r^3/3

dy/dr = 3r^2/3 = r^2

dy = r dr r

Or har dee har har

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

close thread

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Does a poem count?


Poor Paulie made a big mistake
Now Paulie is no more
He drank what he thought was H20
It was H2SO4

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Old one:

Two atoms were setting out on vacation when one of them suddenly turned to the other.
"We have to go back! I forgot my electron!" She yelled.
"Are you sure?" The other atom asked.
"Yes, I'm positive!!"


(Badumdum tish)

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Answer: <font color="white">Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC</font>

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Nerdiest:

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

----
Found on thinkgeek t-shirts, etc.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

A dairy company wishes to up milk production hires a chemist, an engineer, and a physicist to each come up with plans. After six months a meeting is held where the results of their individual researches are to be presented to the company's board of directors.

The chemist presents his results. He has come up with a feed additive that results in both a 6% increase in milk output as well as milk that lasts 8% longer before spoilage.

Next the engineer presents his design modifications of the milking machine, which can milk cows at a 7% higher rate than previous designs, and also reduces teat chafing, leading to less agitated, and hence more productive cows.

Lastly, the physicist wheels in a large blank chalkboard, upon which he draws a large circle and says:

"Assume a spherical cow . . ."

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
A dairy company wishing to up milk production and hiring a chemist, an engineer, and a physicist to each come up with plans. After six months a meeting is held where the results of their individual reseraches are to be presented to the company's board of directors.

The chemist presents his results. He has come up with an feed additive that results in both a 6% increase in milk output as well as milk that lasts 8% longer before spoilage.

Next the engineer presents his design modifications of the milking machine, which can milk cows at a 7% higher rate than previous designs, and also reduces teat chaffing, leading to less agitated, and hence more productive cows.

Lastly, the physicist wheels in a large blank chalkboard, upon which he draws a large circle and says:

"Assume a spherical cow . . ."

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't stop laughing at this.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
I can't stop laughing at this.

[/ QUOTE ]

This joke is without peer among physicists. If you ever need a present for a physicist, get them a spherical cow T-shirt.

PS. Thanks for preserving my typos for posterity. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A dairy company wishing to up milk production and hiring a chemist, an engineer, and a physicist to each come up with plans. After six months a meeting is held where the results of their individual reseraches are to be presented to the company's board of directors.

The chemist presents his results. He has come up with an feed additive that results in both a 6% increase in milk output as well as milk that lasts 8% longer before spoilage.

Next the engineer presents his design modifications of the milking machine, which can milk cows at a 7% higher rate than previous designs, and also reduces teat chaffing, leading to less agitated, and hence more productive cows.

Lastly, the physicist wheels in a large blank chalkboard, upon which he draws a large circle and says:

"Assume a spherical cow . . ."

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't stop laughing at this.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just wish I was smart enough to get this without having had to google it

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A dairy company wishing to up milk production and hiring a chemist, an engineer, and a physicist to each come up with plans. After six months a meeting is held where the results of their individual reseraches are to be presented to the company's board of directors.

The chemist presents his results. He has come up with an feed additive that results in both a 6% increase in milk output as well as milk that lasts 8% longer before spoilage.

Next the engineer presents his design modifications of the milking machine, which can milk cows at a 7% higher rate than previous designs, and also reduces teat chaffing, leading to less agitated, and hence more productive cows.

Lastly, the physicist wheels in a large blank chalkboard, upon which he draws a large circle and says:

"Assume a spherical cow . . ."

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't stop laughing at this.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just wish I was smart enough to google it

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. Barman serves him and the neutron asks how much it is. Barman says "You're a neutron? Then there's no charge".

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
So if y = (r^3)/3, and if you solve the rate of change in this curve correctly, I think that you'll be pleasantly suprised.

y = r^3/3

dy/dr = 3r^2/3 = r^2

dy = r dr r

Or har dee har har

[/ QUOTE ]

winnnnnar

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

A mathematician and his girlfriend are out to dinner. They are arguing about how smart the average person is. The guy gives the average person credit for being pretty smart. But his GF disagrees. So when she goes to the restroom, he asks the waitress to help prove his point. He aranges to ask her what the integral of xdx is. He tells her to answer x^2/2. So when his GF gets back, he carries out his plan when the waitress comes back. He asks, "what's the integral of xdx". She answer "x^2/2". And when walking away, she turns around and says "plus a constant!".

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

A mathematician and an engineer are placed at one end of a football field. The most beautiful woman in the world is on the other side. They're told that every hour they can each move half way toward the girl. The mathematicial immediately rolls his eyes in disgust and starts to walk away. He notices the enginner is beaming. "You'll never get all the way there you know!" he cries in frustration, to which the engineer responds: "Yes but I can get close enough!"

What is integral (1/cabin) d cabin?
A houseboat

The science major asks: why does it work?
The engineering major asks: how does it work?
The liberal arts major asks: would you like fries with that?


Finally, some limericks:

There was once a girl named Irene
who lived on distilled kerosene
she started absorbin'
a new hydrocarbon
and since there has never benzene.

A proton once said, "I'll fulfill
My long-term belief in free will.
Though theorists (may) say
That I ought to decay
I'm damned if I think that I will."


and the best limerick of all time:

A friend who's in liquor production
owns a still of astounding construction
the alcohol boils
through old magnet coils
she says that it's proof by induction.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
A mathematician and an engineer are placed at one end of a football field. The most beautiful woman in the world is on the other side. They're told that every hour they can each move half way toward the girl. The mathematicial immediately rolls his eyes in disgust and starts to walk away. He notices the enginner is beaming. "You'll never get all the way there you know!" he cries in frustration, to which the engineer responds: "Yes but I can get close enough!"


[/ QUOTE ]

this took me two read throughs to get it but it was hilarious when i did

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]

What is integral (1/cabin) d cabin?
A houseboat


[/ QUOTE ]

for those who aren't smart enough to google it:

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin.

Person 1: No, a houseboat - you forgot to add the C!

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

what did the circle say to the tangent line?

answer: <font color="white">stop touching me!</font>

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Your mama's so fat you have to integrate her by parts.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are in Scotland for the first time. While on the train to Glasgow, they see a brown cow in a field. The astronomer looks out the window and says "look, cows in Scotland are brown!" The physicist looks out and says "I wouldn't go that far. Some Scottish cows are brown." The mathematician looks out on the same scene, turns back, and tells them "There is at least one field in Scotland, containing at least one cow, at least one side of which is brown."

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
Your mama's so fat you have to integrate her by parts.

[/ QUOTE ]

nice

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

What is integral (1/cabin) d cabin?
A houseboat


[/ QUOTE ]

for those who aren't smart enough to google it:

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin.

Person 1: No, a houseboat - you forgot to add the C!

[/ QUOTE ]

i took me a while to figure out how to get from log cabin to houseboat [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
A mathematician and an engineer are placed at one end of a football field. The most beautiful woman in the world is on the other side. They're told that every hour they can each move half way toward the girl. The mathematicial immediately rolls his eyes in disgust and starts to walk away. He notices the enginner is beaming. "You'll never get all the way there you know!" he cries in frustration, to which the engineer responds: "Yes but I can get close enough!"

[/ QUOTE ]

ive always liked this one

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Heisenberg is driving down the road when a cop pulls him over. The cop asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "no, but I know exactly where I am!"

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
Heisenberg is driving down the road when a cop pulls him over. The cop asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "no, but I know exactly where I am!"

[/ QUOTE ]Laughing at this really made me feel like a nerd.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Speaking of cops ..

Astonomer #1: .....so anyway the cop pulls me over and asks if I realized that I had just run a redlight. So I said that I did not see the light as being red, because it must have blue-shifted as i was approaching it.
Astronomer #2: And he let you go?
Astronomer #1: No. He gave me a speeding ticket intead.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Masochist says to the sadist, "Whip me, beat me, hurt me."
Sadist say, "no."

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
A mathematician and an engineer are placed at one end of a football field. The most beautiful woman in the world is on the other side. They're told that every hour they can each move half way toward the girl. The mathematicial immediately rolls his eyes in disgust and starts to walk away. He notices the enginner is beaming. "You'll never get all the way there you know!" he cries in frustration, to which the engineer responds: "Yes but I can get close enough!"

What is integral (1/cabin) d cabin?
A houseboat

The science major asks: why does it work?
The engineering major asks: how does it work?
The liberal arts major asks: would you like fries with that?


Finally, some limericks:

There was once a girl named Irene
who lived on distilled kerosene
she started absorbin'
a new hydrocarbon
and since there has never benzene.

A proton once said, "I'll fulfill
My long-term belief in free will.
Though theorists (may) say
That I ought to decay
I'm damned if I think that I will."


and the best limerick of all time:

A friend who's in liquor production
owns a still of astounding construction
the alcohol boils
through old magnet coils
she says that it's proof by induction.

[/ QUOTE ]

There once was a man named Fisk,
Whose stroke was excessively brisk,
He stroked with such action,
That the Lorentz Contraction,
Reduced his dong to a disk.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Why is formic acid really a base?

Because it's an ANTacid!

...sadly this is an original from back in high school.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Bumpersticker (on a laptop):

4/3 of people have trouble with fractions.

-ZEN

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

close to the one about the spherical cow:

A gangster who loved to bet at the racetrack kidnapped a chemist, a mathematician, and a physicist to force them to find ways for him to find money at the track. He gave them all a month and he threatened to kill all three if they didn't come up with anything useful, then he locked them up in labs.

The month expired, and the gangster first went to the chemist and said, "So, what do ya got for me?"

The chemist said, "I've created this new variation on amphetamines that there's no test for because it's new. Give this to the horse before the race and it'll make him run faster, and at least for a while it'll be undetectable."

The gangster said, "Great, go stand over there and wait."

Then the gangster went to the mathematician and said, "So, what do ya got for me?"

The mathematician said, "I've found some flaws in the way tracks calculate the betting odds. If you follow these instructions, it'll increase your chances of walking away a winner."

The gangster said "Great, go stand over there and wait."

At last the gangster went to the physicist and said, "So, what do ya got for me?"

And the physicist said, "Consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion..."

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
And the physicist said, "Consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion..."

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, this is closer to the First Order Perturbed Spherical Cow Joke:

"Assume a spherical cow, with milk distributed evenly throughout . . . "

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Whenever someone quotes a statistic for me, I say "you know, 75% of all statistics are made up."

ScottieK

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

[ QUOTE ]
Heisenberg is driving down the road when a cop pulls him over. The cop asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "no, but I know exactly where I am!"

[/ QUOTE ]

I love this one, actually made me laugh out loud.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Why is 6 afraid of 7?



Cause 7 ate 9!

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

As a liberal arts major I didn't get half the stuff, but it's the principle that high brow humor is doubly fun. Tomorrow, Chaucer jokes! :-)

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, "Would you care for a drink?"

Descartes replied, "I think not." and disappears.

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

Some math jokes:

What is the longest song in the world?
Alef knot bottles of beer on the wall

What does a mermaid wear?
Algae-bra

What does a mermaid wear on a special occasion?
C^* Algae-bra

Re: post the nerdiest joke you know
 

What's purple and commutes?

<font color="white">an abelian grape</font>