Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Guy walks into a bar, stark naked, with a duck on his head.

Bartender looks up and says "Carl, there's something different about you today".

The Duck shakes his head and replies "Harry, you wouldn't believe it if I told you".

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

L
O
L

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Two penguins sitting in a bath.

One says 'Why do I always have to sit with my back to the taps?'

The other replies 'HOLY CRAP A TALKING PENGUIN!'

Or any variation thereof.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Guy walks into a bar, stark naked, with a frog on his head.

Bartender looks up and says, "Carl, what the hell is that?"

The frog shakes his head and replies, "Well, it started as a bump on my ass..."

SpaceAce

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Konrad the talking cape-wearing frog is worried about his startlingly high cholesterol count, but his recent poker losses are of greater concern.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

What did the spanish guy say when a house fell on him?

Get off me holmes.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a dyslexic insomniac?
<font color="white">
Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog. </font>

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

A guy wins the lottery.
Comes home to tell his wife.
The wife in excitement, ask "Where are we going to go"
The man replies "I dont know where you are going to go, but I need you out of this house by 5:00"

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

What did the black guy get on his SATs ?










BBQ sauce [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Guy walks into his house with a chicken under his arm and sees his wife. "Here's the pig I've been fu(king," he says. "That's not a pig, dear, that's a chicken," says his wife. "I wasn't talking to you," says the guy.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
A guy wins the lottery.
Comes home tell his wife "Great news woman, I just hit the lottery so pack your bags."
The wife in excitement, asks "Where are we going?"
The man replies "I'm not going anywhere you just need to pack your bags and get the hell out of here."

[/ QUOTE ]

fyj

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Guy 1: Hey, do you remember your first blow]job?

Guy2: Of course.

Guy 1: How long did it take the guy to cum?

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

what did the Spanish guy say to his term paper as it blew out the window?

<font color="white"> where you goin', essay? </font>

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
Guy walks into his house with a chicken under his arm and sees his wife. "Here's the pig I've been fu(king," he says. "That's not a pig, dear, that's a chicken," says his wife. "I wasn't talking to you," says the guy.

[/ QUOTE ]
Haha, this is great.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
what did the Spanish guy say to his term paper as it blew out the window?

<font color="white"> where you goin', essay? </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Why did the dead baby cross the road?




Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

What dance group topped the charts in mexico during the early and middle 90s



yes and yes music factory.










Ive been trying to get a standup routine written, and I know there is a joke in this somewhere, and that is a stupid one, but I cant figure out how to make it funny.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

quids,

I agree, you can't.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Why did the kid fall of the swing?






Cause someone threw a refrigerator at him.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
Why did the kid fall of the swing?






Cause someone threw a refrigerator at him.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d3...e-400cb8e1.jpg

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

A roast beef sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

(Tom Hanks in Catch Me if You Can)

Knock, knock

Who's there?

.
.
.
.

Go [censored] yourself.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Whats black and blue and hates sex?
The kid in my trunk.



A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

wow some of these are bad

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

What do you call a smart blond?






A Golden Retriever

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

A grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender says "we have a drink named after you".
Grasshopper asks,"you have a drink named Steve?"

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

how do you make a baby float?

<font color="white"> one can root beer, one scoop ice cream, one scoop baby </font>

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink. A second later, a tiny little man jumps out of his shirt pocket and runs across the bar, spilling all the drinks on the bar. The guy apologizes and stuffs the little man back down in his pocket. The bartender says "That's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Normally I'd throw you out for pissing off all my regulars, but I've got to know - What the hell is that thing?" The guy says, "Well, it's a long story, but I was down on my luck and I found a bottle on the beach. I rubbed it and a genie came out and offered me a wish. I thought for a long time and finally decided. I wished for a 10 inch prick."

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Nachos.

What's the only thing funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

etc

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
How do you get them out?

Tostitos

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

why couldn't helen keller drive?

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
why couldn't helen keller drive?

[/ QUOTE ]


I think this might be one of my all-time favorite jokes...

<font color="white">'Cuz she's a woman. </font>

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
why couldn't helen keller drive?

[/ QUOTE ]


I think this might be one of my all-time favorite jokes...

<font color="white">'Cuz she's a woman. </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah it's pretty damn funny. i laughed for a while the first time i heard it.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Have you guys heard the joke about the skunk and the jump rope?

ahh skip it, it stinks anyways.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

Ive been trying to get a standup routine written, and I know there is a joke in this somewhere, and that is a stupid one, but I cant figure out how to make it funny.

You just need to establish the opportunity to use the bit. Try this:

"So, open-mic night, you know. Pretty crazy in here. You guys having a good time? Yeah. It's good. Last time I was up here was, uh, 1992, but I think the act is finally coming together.

Let's see. Election coming up, huh? You guys following this whole Gennifer Flowers thing? I think those petals been plucked. Arkansas is "The Natural State", but I doubt her carpets match her drapes.

No, don't get me wrong, I think Bill Clinton's got a real shot. He's looking for a slogan to punch up his campaign, something better than "that guy from Arkansas." So: "No new taxes, and no fat chicks". Hey, you too lady.

Anyhow, you know what makes me go Hmmm? In Mexico, C&amp;C music factor is like yes and yes music factory, cause their word for yes is pretty much our third letter of the alphabet. This is part of what makes bilingual education such an enormous hurdle for today's Hispanic youth."

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ive been trying to get a standup routine written, and I know there is a joke in this somewhere, and that is a stupid one, but I cant figure out how to make it funny.

You just need to establish the opportunity to use the bit. Try this:

"So, open-mic night, you know. Pretty crazy in here. You guys having a good time? Yeah. It's good. Last time I was up here was, uh, 1992, but I think the act is finally coming together.

Let's see. Election coming up, huh? You guys following this whole Gennifer Flowers thing? I think those petals been plucked. Arkansas is "The Natural State", but I doubt her carpets match her drapes.

No, don't get me wrong, I think Bill Clinton's got a real shot. He's looking for a slogan to punch up his campaign, something better than "that guy from Arkansas." So: "No new taxes, and no fat chicks". Hey, you too lady.

Anyhow, you know what makes me go Hmmm? In Mexico, C&amp;C music factor is like yes and yes music factory, cause their word for yes is pretty much our third letter of the alphabet. This is part of what makes bilingual education such an enormous hurdle for today's Hispanic youth."

[/ QUOTE ]

hahah...that is pretty good, deliver that with a dead pan, reading it off a yellow legal pad, might be pretty funny.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

If the audience doesn't know you, it's always best to open your act with 90 seconds of meta-comedy.

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
If the audience doesn't know you, it's always best to open your act with 90 seconds of meta-comedy.

[/ QUOTE ]

have you ever done standup before?

Re: Post a stupid, yet funny, joke
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ive been trying to get a standup routine written, and I know there is a joke in this somewhere, and that is a stupid one, but I cant figure out how to make it funny.

You just need to establish the opportunity to use the bit. Try this:

"So, open-mic night, you know. Pretty crazy in here. You guys having a good time? Yeah. It's good. Last time I was up here was, uh, 1992, but I think the act is finally coming together.

Let's see. Election coming up, huh? You guys following this whole Gennifer Flowers thing? I think those petals been plucked. Arkansas is "The Natural State", but I doubt her carpets match her drapes.

No, don't get me wrong, I think Bill Clinton's got a real shot. He's looking for a slogan to punch up his campaign, something better than "that guy from Arkansas." So: "No new taxes, and no fat chicks". Hey, you too lady.

Anyhow, you know what makes me go Hmmm? In Mexico, C&amp;C music factor is like yes and yes music factory, cause their word for yes is pretty much our third letter of the alphabet. This is part of what makes bilingual education such an enormous hurdle for today's Hispanic youth."

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf you just wrote that for this post? that was awesome.