jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

In some college class we had to give a presentation related to biology. Two hotties are going on about making some massive genetic database so we can trace our ancestry. Discussion comes up about finding out you're related to Hitler, etc. At the end of the crappy presentation the TA says, "Jane you didn't put your last name on the hard copy." Jane says, "Oh it's the same as hers, we're sisters." I call out from the back, "OR ARE YOU????" Silence.

Recently walked down to the corner deli for a sandwich. The guys all know me there because I get food there at least 4 times a week. It's like 1 am and the grill is inexplicably COVERED in bacon. I feign looking at the menu, point, and say, "Yes I'd like the TWELVE POUNDS OF BACON, please." Stare. "Uh, actually I'll have a godfather."

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

hahahahaha I would have laughed at the "OR ARE YOU????" joke.

I have jokes that bomb all the time because they are so f'ing corny but I can't help myself from making them.

Bombing a joke is pretty awesome tho, they can't all be a hit!

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

But in most of these situations, I can at least ascertain why the flopee thought the line was funny.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

This is excellent. Tag for later when I have time to write about one of my many.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I told a joke about retarded people to a group of people without knowing that one of the girl's brother had down syndrome. I'd say it flopped pretty hard.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

In college I had a pretty straight-laced professor who was one day waxing about relationships and how he had been married for 25+ year (or whatever it was)

He asked rhetorically :

"Do you know how to keep your interest in the bedroom going strong after 25 years?"

I blurted out so that the whole class could hear:

"Turn the lights off?"

About 1/4 of the class laughed, even though they tried to keep it in. 1/4 of the class gasped in shock and the rest just sat there in stunned silence.

The professor paused and just went on like nothing had happened.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
In college I had a pretty straight-laced professor who was one day waxing about relationships and how he had been married for 25+ year (or whatever it was)

He asked rhetorically :

"Do you know how to keep your interest in the bedroom going strong after 25 years?"

I blurted out so that the whole class could hear:

"Turn the lights off?"

About 1/4 of the class laughed, even though they tried to keep it in. 1/4 of the class gasped in shock and the rest just sat there in stunned silence.

The professor paused and just went on like nothing had happened.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your classmates are dull

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

if your jokes never flop you don't make enough of them

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I've had many. The one I regret the most is:

Back in 911 days, Chandra Levy was missing and there was speculation that Gary Condit had something to do with it.

Well, my joke was along the lines that, "Gary Condit issued a press release about the whearabouts of Chandra Levy. Good news: She contacted him this morning; Bad news, she was calling from the World Trade Center."

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I told a joke about retarded people to a group of retarded people without knowing that all of them were retarded. I'd say it went over their heads.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've had many. The one I regret the most is:

Back in 911 days, Chandra Levy was missing and there was speculation that Gary Condit had something to do with it.

Well, my joke was along the lines that, "Gary Condit issued a press release about the whearabouts of Chandra Levy. Good news: She contacted him this morning; Bad news, she was calling from the World Trade Center."

[/ QUOTE ]
Who are you, Dennis Miller?

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

While my older sister (sophomore in high school at the time) was getting ready to go the Senior Prom with some dude she knew from the track team, my parents took some pictures before he arrived. For some reason, I jokingly blurted out "Don't do anything you'll regret in 9 months." Man, the ensuing silence was awkward.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I think the "OR ARE YOU???" jokes ends up transcending itself from a bombed joke to an awesome story.

I've definitely told some jokes that bombed, but I can't remember them. Best thing to do is to immediately make fun of yourself to save face.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

You know the Aces joke?
[ QUOTE ]
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Biblical times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

[/ QUOTE ]

When my home game was just filling up at the start of the night, I told this joke and got some groans.

Then, every time a new person arrived, I would tell the joke again! There was also this person who, every time I told the joke to a new person, would be all "LOL can you tell it again?!"

Apparently jokes that are groaners the first time become really bad the tenth time [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I know I've bombed some jokes in my day, but luckily I and pretty much everyone around forgets them once I get one right. I'm sure I'll bomb at least one or two this weekend, so will update.

Also, I think classrooms are a bad place to judge whether or not a joke bombs. For instance, one of the best jokes I've ever heard would probably be considered a "bomb" based on response. A professor had missed the last class for unknown reasons and it turned out she had gone to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

For a lifelong class clown like myself, I am not sure I can even grasp how many of my jokes have bombed.

I do stand up, and some of it is intentionally very corny and I like to tell it at drunken parties. Usually the following joke gets a few laughs, but in a class of mine the other day where upon hearing I am a jokester it was requested I make a joke, it got nothing:

"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, which seemed really crazy to me. I actually liked it a lot though, and I tried to go back a few years later, but it had turned into a butterfly museum."

Class of about 20 mostly just looked away, and one said "you seriously do stand up?"

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

In a fantasy draft a long time ago(when I was 14), I made a joke about Tim Crews, a Dodger pitcher who had died in a boat crash in the previous year, winning "Comeback Player of the Year".

Everyone in the room was a huge Dodger fan and just looked at me with disgust, a couple guys told me just how unfunny I was.

My buddy laughed pretty hard in the corner, though. Score!

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's pretty [censored] funny. I would've loled. Actually, I probably would'v been the one who said something along those lines.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

This comes to you from my roommate:

The other day in his class the professor was discussing a student she had, who was shot in the heart.

My friend made a Bon Jovi lyric joke and it didn't go over well. I thought it was funny when he told me about it.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I know I've bombed some jokes in my day, but luckily I and pretty much everyone around forgets them once I get one right. I'm sure I'll bomb at least one or two this weekend, so will update.

Also, I think classrooms are a bad place to judge whether or not a joke bombs. For instance, one of the best jokes I've ever heard would probably be considered a "bomb" based on response. A professor had missed the last class for unknown reasons and it turned out she had gone to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]

this joke was A+

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
For a lifelong class clown like myself, I am not sure I can even grasp how many of my jokes have bombed.

I do stand up, and some of it is intentionally very corny and I like to tell it at drunken parties. Usually the following joke gets a few laughs, but in a class of mine the other day where upon hearing I am a jokester it was requested I make a joke, it got nothing:

"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, which seemed really crazy to me. I actually liked it a lot though, and I tried to go back a few years later, but it had turned into a butterfly museum."

Class of about 20 mostly just looked away, and one said "you seriously do stand up?"

[/ QUOTE ]
this one not so much

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

Pretty much anything I find funny enough in the poker world to tell my friends, who are relatively clueless about poker and yet are interested in a dumb sort of way so I still think I might be able to interest them, but I then realize they never get it.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]
that is so f-ing funny! I told my freshman daughter and she laughed hard too. Classic.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
For a lifelong class clown like myself, I am not sure I can even grasp how many of my jokes have bombed.

I do stand up, and some of it is intentionally very corny and I like to tell it at drunken parties. Usually the following joke gets a few laughs, but in a class of mine the other day where upon hearing I am a jokester it was requested I make a joke, it got nothing:

"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, which seemed really crazy to me. I actually liked it a lot though, and I tried to go back a few years later, but it had turned into a butterfly museum."

Class of about 20 mostly just looked away, and one said "you seriously do stand up?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Did you find that joke digging through Mitch Hedberg's trash?

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, which seemed really crazy to me. I actually liked it a lot though, and I tried to go back a few years later, but it had turned into a butterfly museum."

[/ QUOTE ]
Please tell me your real name so I never accidentally see you warming up for a real comic. There's no excuse for how horrifyingly bad this joke is.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

wtf are you talking about, it sounds just like something mitch would say. obviously a lot would rest on the delivery.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I was in a mixed group of guys and girls, maybe 8 people total. We were talking about good movies, and one of my guy friends said "if you have a penis, you like Gladiator."

I responded, "yeah, and I like it A LOT."

Crickets.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
wtf are you talking about, it sounds just like something mitch would say. obviously a lot would rest on the delivery.

[/ QUOTE ]
I suppose relying on a gimmick is a good thing.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I made a joke in the sports forum last year that got deleted within 20 mins.
A few days after Corey Lidle's plane crashed into that building in NYC, A-Rod was in an airplane that had some landing problems and that plane almost crashed too. I made a post saying, "Way to go A-Rod. Even Lidle was able to ante up when it counted.".

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
wtf are you talking about, it sounds just like something mitch would say. obviously a lot would rest on the delivery.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea, exactly. It's like a Mitch Hedberg joke, but not funny.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
In college I had a pretty straight-laced professor who was one day waxing about relationships and how he had been married for 25+ year (or whatever it was)

He asked rhetorically :

"Do you know how to keep your interest in the bedroom going strong after 25 years?"

I blurted out so that the whole class could hear:

"Turn the lights off?"

About 1/4 of the class laughed, even though they tried to keep it in. 1/4 of the class gasped in shock and the rest just sat there in stunned silence.

The professor paused and just went on like nothing had happened.

[/ QUOTE ]

I would have been in the 1/4 that laughed.... that's pretty funny.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I made a joke in the sports forum last year that got deleted within 20 mins.
A few days after Corey Lidle's plane crashed into that building in NYC, A-Rod was in an airplane that had some landing problems and that plane almost crashed too. I made a post saying, "Way to go A-Rod. Even Lidle was able to ante up when it counted.".

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I was in a mixed group of guys and girls, maybe 8 people total. We were talking about good movies, and one of my guy friends said "if you have a penis, you like Gladiator."

I responded, "yeah, and I like it A LOT."

Crickets.

[/ QUOTE ]

I laughed.

P.S. Kipin -- your Jesus/ukulele avatar is incredible.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

Last week I was at a happy hour with 12 other people, 8 of them girls and they were talking about the Michael Devlin kidnap/rape case in St. Louis. One of the girls commented that they had added a bunch of new rape charges and she was wondering how many and my reply was, "After a certain number of rapes don't they just quit counting them?" which was met by lots of silence by the girls.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]

Also, I think classrooms are a bad place to judge whether or not a joke bombs. For instance, one of the best jokes I've ever heard would probably be considered a "bomb" based on response. A professor had missed the last class for unknown reasons and it turned out she had gone to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]

That *is* funny, but if your professor had a sense of humor, she would have shot right back with a put-down or comeback of her own.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

I bomb a lot of jokes out of being way too crude and plenty because of being lame.

Two related to the same topic:


1. In a college class discussing birth control and it the implications that the hormone changes can have on women and sleep some girl was going off on a tangent about how "women have to take the pill, and women have to make sure of this, and women have to go get the morning after pill, etc. it's just not fair that a bunch of male scientists develop all these birth control methods that rely on the woman. they need to focus on some birth control methods that put the responsibility on the guy."

i then let out a too-loud mumble of "well i got a birth control method where men do all the work. its called pulling out." people just sat, mouths wide, like "wtf did he really just say that. I of course continue with "it's actually pretty effective, a lot more so than my previous method which involves a flight of stairs."

this one did not go over so well.



2. Female professor who is a huge feminist (says things like womankind when referring to all people or "no-woman's-land"). She is telling some (un)funny story about how she once was in a rush and put her coat on without removing the coat hanger and didn't realize it until she took her coat off when she got home at night.

Someone girl in the back calls out "Well at least if you got locked out of your car you would have been prepared!" people in the class chuckle.

Then I respond with "or if some student needed an emergency abortion!"

nobody was pleased with this comment either.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]

"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, which seemed really crazy to me. I actually liked it a lot though, and I tried to go back a few years later, but it had turned into a butterfly museum."

[/ QUOTE ]

I actually really liked this one

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I bomb a lot of jokes out of being way too crude and plenty because of being lame.

Two related to the same topic:


1. In a college class discussing birth control and it the implications that the hormone changes can have on women and sleep some girl was going off on a tangent about how "women have to take the pill, and women have to make sure of this, and women have to go get the morning after pill, etc. it's just not fair that a bunch of male scientists develop all these birth control methods that rely on the woman. they need to focus on some birth control methods that put the responsibility on the guy."

i then let out a too-loud mumble of "well i got a birth control method where men do all the work. its called pulling out." people just sat, mouths wide, like "wtf did he really just say that. I of course continue with "it's actually pretty effective, a lot more so than my previous method which involves a flight of stairs."

this one did not go over so well.



2. Female professor who is a huge feminist (says things like womankind when referring to all people or "no-woman's-land"). She is telling some (un)funny story about how she once was in a rush and put her coat on without removing the coat hanger and didn't realize it until she took her coat off when she got home at night.

Someone girl in the back calls out "Well at least if you got locked out of your car you would have been prepared!" people in the class chuckle.

Then I respond with "or if some student needed an emergency abortion!"

nobody was pleased with this comment either.

[/ QUOTE ]

we can hang out in hell...although they were predictalbe, i laughed at both [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]
I was in a mixed group of guys and girls, maybe 8 people total. We were talking about good movies, and one of my guy friends said "if you have a penis, you like Gladiator."

I responded, "yeah, and I like it A LOT."

Crickets.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is too funny, nearly just pi$$ed myself!

This guy (older than me) who takes himself waaay too seriously was telling me and a friend about an ex-girlfriend who was now in an abusive relationship with a guy who was just using her for money...He obv wanted to get back with her..

The other guy asked, 'why did she leave you and why won't she come back to you?'. For some stupid reason I interjected 'well obviously he has a much bigger kn0b!!'

He gave me the stare of death - you're right, it's not even funny on the internet [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

[ QUOTE ]

i then let out a too-loud mumble of "well i got a birth control method where men do all the work. its called pulling out." people just sat, mouths wide, like "wtf did he really just say that. I of course continue with "it's actually pretty effective, a lot more so than my previous method which involves a flight of stairs."


[/ QUOTE ]

The save attempt is even better than the original joke. Great work.