Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

My friend and I are looking for a Personal Assistant. Here was the ad on Craigs List:

I have a serious disease..... I hate cooking, cleaning, shopping, scheduling appointments, basically anything that requires any amount of effort and thought id rather have someone do it for me. I am 21 years old i work at home for a living as a professional poker player. I have two useless roommates who go to SDSU who are graduating sometimes this year not really sure when, they aren't really relevant anyways. Id like to hire someone to basically do everything i don't want to do..... i might call you and say "can you go pick me up some food from rubios" or "i want some new clothes go get me some" I travel part of the year at random times to random places for poker so i'm not always around. But i need someone with a flexible schedule who can do these types of tasks for me. I have a few requirements and these are non-negotiable.

Requirements....
1. You must be female
2. You must be competent
3. How do i say you cant be ugly in a nice way?
4. 18-25 years old
5. trustworthy
6. easy going
7. hard working
8. Good Cook
9. Like to shop
10. Will come here in the morning and cook breakfast a few times a week.
11. Must live within 15 minutes from Mission valley.

The pay would be on par with the service...... I am willing to pay anywhere from 200-500 dollars per week for your services based on the level of service, but for the maximum you'd have to be the best assistant ever.......come everyday to cook breakfast, clean vacuuum ect..., run errands, answer your phone for random requests. I will not require your services every single week i will let you know in advance when your services will be needed.

I am very laid back, easy going and understandable, i wont treat you like an employee just a friend who helps me out. I honestly wont need much done you'd probably be working like 8 hours a week max. I will pay you cash so its not taxed. If i tell you to get me food and you want some to its on my tab. We can basically work something out so that both parties feel is fair.

If this is a job that interests you feel free to contact me and we can talk about it in further detail.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

you forgot to add the footnote:

If I have a huge losing day I am liabel to throw various objects at you and in a drunken rage sexually attack you.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

lolllllllllll

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

lol'd so hard

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
you forgot to add the footnote:

If I have a huge losing day I am liabel to throw various objects at you and in a drunken rage sexually attack you.

[/ QUOTE ]

edit: redacted. mis-read this post @ it's much better

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Is this your previous employee, or were you just 'friends' with him too?

http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/7...3669mr1.th.jpg


Nice photobucket account by the way

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
I will pay you cash so its not taxed. .

[/ QUOTE ]

I always wonder if the IRS has an audit patrol for internet sites looking for tax evaders? Or do they just count on someone (embittered ex-assistants) tipping them off?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

this is called slavery

oh yeah, does the female have to be hot?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

yep there are definitely lots of people who fit that description surfing 2p2...

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Where do you play in San Diego?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

You couldn't have picked a worst place to put an AD given the description.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

You forgot to add:

I am incredibly cheap and want to pay you less than minimum wage. Notice I am not offering to pay you for the weeks I do not "need" services, but rather on the services provided.

My "friend" is not mentioned again, after the introduction, but you can bet I will tell you to provide whatever he/she asks as well.

For this and other "nonnegotiable" terms, you get to cater to my apparently overblown ego and probably will get cheated, because I will threaten to turn you in to the IRS if you complain.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
My friend and I are looking for a Personal Assistant. Here was the ad on Craigs List:

I have a serious disease..... I hate cooking, cleaning, shopping, scheduling appointments, basically anything that requires any amount of effort and thought id rather have someone do it for me. I am 21 years old i work at home for a living as a professional poker player. I have two useless roommates who go to SDSU who are graduating sometimes this year not really sure when, they aren't really relevant anyways. Id like to hire someone to basically do everything i don't want to do..... i might call you and say "can you go pick me up some food from rubios" or "i want some new clothes go get me some" I travel part of the year at random times to random places for poker so i'm not always around. But i need someone with a flexible schedule who can do these types of tasks for me. I have a few requirements and these are non-negotiable.

Requirements....
1. You must be female
2. You must be competent
3. How do i say you cant be ugly in a nice way?
4. 18-25 years old
5. trustworthy
6. easy going
7. hard working
8. Good Cook
9. Like to shop
10. Will come here in the morning and cook breakfast a few times a week.
11. Must live within 15 minutes from Mission valley.

The pay would be on par with the service...... I am willing to pay anywhere from 200-500 dollars per week for your services based on the level of service, but for the maximum you'd have to be the best assistant ever.......come everyday to cook breakfast, clean vacuuum ect..., run errands, answer your phone for random requests. I will not require your services every single week i will let you know in advance when your services will be needed.

I am very laid back, easy going and understandable, i wont treat you like an employee just a friend who helps me out. I honestly wont need much done you'd probably be working like 8 hours a week max. I will pay you cash so its not taxed. If i tell you to get me food and you want some to its on my tab. We can basically work something out so that both parties feel is fair.

If this is a job that interests you feel free to contact me and we can talk about it in further detail.

[/ QUOTE ]

no offense but you sound creepy as hell and like a dick.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

sounds like you need a girlfriend

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
My friend and I are looking for a Personal Assistant. Here was the ad on Craigs List:

I have a serious disease..... I hate cooking, cleaning, shopping, scheduling appointments, basically anything that requires any amount of effort and thought id rather have someone do it for me. I am 21 years old i work at home for a living as a professional poker player. I have two useless roommates who go to SDSU who are graduating sometimes this year not really sure when, they aren't really relevant anyways. Id like to hire someone to basically do everything i don't want to do..... i might call you and say "can you go pick me up some food from rubios" or "i want some new clothes go get me some" I travel part of the year at random times to random places for poker so i'm not always around. But i need someone with a flexible schedule who can do these types of tasks for me. I have a few requirements and these are non-negotiable.

Requirements....
1. You must be female
2. You must be competent
3. How do i say you cant be ugly in a nice way?
4. 18-25 years old
5. trustworthy
6. easy going
7. hard working
8. Good Cook
9. Like to shop
10. Will come here in the morning and cook breakfast a few times a week.
11. Must live within 15 minutes from Mission valley.

The pay would be on par with the service...... I am willing to pay anywhere from 200-500 dollars per week for your services based on the level of service, but for the maximum you'd have to be the best assistant ever.......come everyday to cook breakfast, clean vacuuum ect..., run errands, answer your phone for random requests. I will not require your services every single week i will let you know in advance when your services will be needed.

I am very laid back, easy going and understandable, i wont treat you like an employee just a friend who helps me out. I honestly wont need much done you'd probably be working like 8 hours a week max. I will pay you cash so its not taxed. If i tell you to get me food and you want some to its on my tab. We can basically work something out so that both parties feel is fair.

If this is a job that interests you feel free to contact me and we can talk about it in further detail.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.butlersguild.com/

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

You do realise you have zero chance of getting a hot competent woman who is trustworthy and hardworking who will be your personal slave for really crappy pay, right?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Shhhh, what he will get:

'Hi, I am gone from home for long periods of time. However I will give you advance notice so that the local vatos can break in and take all my expensive computer equipment".

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

... really ? It sounds to me like all he needs is a mirror and a right hand.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Funny thread, would read again!

Good luck with the search...

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

I posted the ad because I thought it was funny not because I was looking for personal assistants here

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Well, you're really not looking for an assistant. You are looking for a maid, a cook, and someone to shop for you all in one package. Oh, they also need to be good looking. Basically, you're looking for a good wife.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My friend and I are looking for a Personal Assistant. Here was the ad on Craigs List:

I have a serious disease..... I hate cooking, cleaning, shopping, scheduling appointments, basically anything that requires any amount of effort and thought id rather have someone do it for me. I am 21 years old i work at home for a living as a professional poker player. I have two useless roommates who go to SDSU who are graduating sometimes this year not really sure when, they aren't really relevant anyways. Id like to hire someone to basically do everything i don't want to do..... i might call you and say "can you go pick me up some food from rubios" or "i want some new clothes go get me some" I travel part of the year at random times to random places for poker so i'm not always around. But i need someone with a flexible schedule who can do these types of tasks for me. I have a few requirements and these are non-negotiable.

Requirements....
1. You must be female
2. You must be competent
3. How do i say you cant be ugly in a nice way?
4. 18-25 years old
5. trustworthy
6. easy going
7. hard working
8. Good Cook
9. Like to shop
10. Will come here in the morning and cook breakfast a few times a week.
11. Must live within 15 minutes from Mission valley.

The pay would be on par with the service...... I am willing to pay anywhere from 200-500 dollars per week for your services based on the level of service, but for the maximum you'd have to be the best assistant ever.......come everyday to cook breakfast, clean vacuuum ect..., run errands, answer your phone for random requests. I will not require your services every single week i will let you know in advance when your services will be needed.

I am very laid back, easy going and understandable, i wont treat you like an employee just a friend who helps me out. I honestly wont need much done you'd probably be working like 8 hours a week max. I will pay you cash so its not taxed. If i tell you to get me food and you want some to its on my tab. We can basically work something out so that both parties feel is fair.

If this is a job that interests you feel free to contact me and we can talk about it in further detail.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.butlersguild.com/

[/ QUOTE ]


http://www.butlersguild.com/index.ph...=45c366a66dde1

Rupert Pupkin looking for Assistant
 

uh, yes, it was funny ..... especially the part where you try to be funny.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]

1. You must be female


[/ QUOTE ]

lol at posting this on 2+2

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

I Can't wait for the "My friend got scammed by his personal assistant thread."

Good luck with that.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
You do realise you have zero chance of getting a hot competent woman who is trustworthy and hardworking who will be your personal slave for really crappy pay, right?

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, we recieved about 20 emails from girls before they took our ad down from craigslist. Really crappy pay? We're going to be paying in the rage of $20-25/hour. I don't think that's crappy for very easy work

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
Well, you're really not looking for an assistant. You are looking for a maid, a cook, and someone to shop for you all in one package. Oh, they also need to be good looking. Basically, you're looking for a good wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You do realise you have zero chance of getting a hot competent woman who is trustworthy and hardworking who will be your personal slave for really crappy pay, right?

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, we recieved about 20 emails from girls before they took our ad down from craigslist. Really crappy pay? We're going to be paying in the rage of $20-25/hour. I don't think that's crappy for very easy work

[/ QUOTE ]

none of them were hot enough or they weren't qualified to buy clothes for you?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

lol that ad is horrible/good in so many ways

I highly expect something bad to come out of this, like being sued cause you won't hire a fat chick or the IRS looking closer at your taxes....

Anyways, A+ stuff to read about

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
Where do you play in San Diego?

[/ QUOTE ]

we play online only under the names pimpownage and kid canepa

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Good Luck man.
You are not going to find anybody.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

You should hire monkey butlers!

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

keep us posted on the search.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Here is some of the responses we got:

Hi Dane,This job sounds perfect for me. I have a very flexible schedule and meet all of the requirements . I am extremley easy going and have been looking for a job like this for months. I love to cook for other people and I like to shop , so that would not be a problem. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. My phone number is xxx xxx xxxx and my myspace link myspace.com if that doesnt work you can search for me on there with e mail xxxxxxx@hotmail.com Hope to hear back.-Victoria


It was really funny.
But i'm extremely broke....do you really make that much money playing poker?
that's amazing.
I go to sdsu on Tuesdays (all day) and Thursday (until 3 PM). I work about 30 hours a week at a hotel, but other than that I'm open. I can cook you breakfast most days of the week. I get up really early so cooking before school or work won't be a problem. And if your not awake yet, I can just wrap whatever I cooked in tin-foil to keep it warm.
I meet all your requirements...and I've always wanted to be a personal assistant because i think I would be awesome at it.
I'm a neat freak so your house would basically be immaculate.
Oh and if you have me shop for you...well... you'll be looking really hot.

If you like me....and i get paid enough I can always quit my job. As long as the income is enough to pay my rent.

~Janelle

look me up,
www.myspace.com/


Hi Dane,

Hire me!!! I just moved back to SD for Irvine & have sorta been looking for work as a matter of fact I'm flying to SF today for an interview with in Walnut Creek as a manager (but I really don't want to move).

I'm a bit older then your required age, but maturity is experience & I know you'll be very happy with my cooking as well as I'm very trust worthy & have yet to let anyone down.

Here's my myspace info if you want to check me out
& I've also attached a picture & my resume.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Have a great day...Hire me!!!

Elai



Note: i edited out all of the personal info like myspace urls and phone #s

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

[ QUOTE ]
Basically, you're looking for a good wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

A good wife wouldn't put up with that crap. He's looking for a surrogate mommy to take care of him, but she has to be young and hot so he can fantasize about her too.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

I just glanced at the OP, but the pay seems way, way out of line. You should be paying 1k/wk for these types of services, easily.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

I'm wondering when someone is going to make a Brandi joke.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Is this guy serious, I cant tell. If for real it shows the huge disconnect poker players have with society. What hot girl is gonna be your go-pher for 5hundy a week? If not serious..funny stuff.

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

op rox!

for the president?

Re: Professional Poker player looking for Assistant
 

Now paste some [censored] pics of the potential maids and lets get to voting.