trip report: county jail
 

I don't wanna get into all the nitty gritty... basically some old warrants from 4 years ago that I thought were resolved weren't. Spent <24hrs in county jail recently. I am a mess, but in plain clothes. Since I was going to post bail, it was not required to rock the jumpsuit or go sit in a cell. I basically sat in intake for 7-8 hours and watched the endless ESPN coverage of Michael Vick.

I hadn't actually ever been to jail before although I had been arrested before. It was much less awful than I expected. The first thing I was asked--even before my name and anything--was whether I wanted some breakfast. The two CO's I dealt with principally were very cool. I couldn't make the jail collect-call to a cell phone (which I needed to do) so they let me use their desk phone. I didn't eat breakfast and I fell asleep a lot on the chairs I was sitting on (I was exhausted, again long story) and a couple times they had to wake me up to get fingerprints, give me my prisoner ID band, etc.

The other inmates were pretty cool. One dude asked what I was there for (Misdemeanor A, CPCS 7th Degree) and then told me "Don't take the six-three, just tell them you'll do your time." (The "six-three" is six months in jail, three years probation... apparently 8 months in jail and no probation is the alternative, which does seem much better). Nobody really said much to me despite the fact that I was clearly the new guy. The same dude told me "Remember, when people in here talk sh*t, it's just that: talking sh*t. Don't get yourself into any trouble in here, it'll just keep you here longer. Just let people talk and mind your own business, you'll be fine." This was pretty reassuring even though I wasn't gonna be there long. I appreciated it.

Lunch was pretty gross. The CO's ate pizza covered in toppings with ice-cold 20oz bottles of pepsi. I would've been angry/jealous except that they were so much cooler to me than I expected. Maybe they're so used to dealing with problematic people that a quiet, polite and falling-asleep 24 year old is a welcome break, whatever. I almost asked them for a slice, but thought better of it. Rather not push my luck. I got a paper bag with a kiddie-sized milk carton, a bag of some sort of indeterminate variety of potato chips and 2 sandwiches/2 cookies. The sandwiches were brown bread with 2 slices of american cheese in between them. They looked pretty nasty so I made a friend and gave them to some other dude who was hungry. The potato chips were gross, I ate one and then threw the rest out. I drank the milk.

When I got released (I got bailed out lol) it was pretty sweet. They really just buzz a door open and you walk out into the parking lot. If I had just finished a sentence or something, like I could've just wandered off (if nobody was picking me up).

A lot of the inmates were "regulars". Two different people who got brought into the intake area were greeted by genuinely warm "hey, Ray!" or "hey Lisa!" responses from the CO's.

So I didn't do any hard time. I didn't even spend the night (the night before I had spent handcuffed to a metal pipe in a police station... THAT sucked and those phony-ass university cops were a-holes about the whole ordeal) but I figured it was worth mentioning. I don't feel any more badass or cool, but it was an experience at any rate.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Re: trip report: county jail
 

CPCS = criminal pos of controled sub?

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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CPCS = criminal pos of controled sub?

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yea, mushrooms from back in the college days.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

nice tr...

i don't know how to react to posts like this

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...hollaHolla.jpg

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lol

Re: trip report: county jail
 

You didn't even get to rape anyone? [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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You know, minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is: kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be all right.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

So wait, you're going to have to spend 6-8 months in jail, or did I misunderstand what you were saying about the inmate advice?

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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You didn't even get to rape anyone? [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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I think you missed the part where he gave some dude his lunch.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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So wait, you're going to have to spend 6-8 months in jail, or did I misunderstand what you were saying about the inmate advice?

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I doubt I'll have to spend any time in jail. First/only offense, 4 years ago, got a lawyer, done some other stuff to make it better, etc. It's possible but unlikely. He probably assumed I was a habitual criminal, or maybe a habitually-caught criminal.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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You didn't even get to rape anyone? [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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Honestly, compared to what I thought it would be like (awful rape-fest and/or sea of gang violence) it was so much better that it was almost not unpleasant. It sucked, but it was infinitely less awful than I imagined.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Anybody try to start [censored] with you?

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Pretty sweet TR, just remember watch your corn hole.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Anybody try to start [censored] with you?

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Nah. One or two people asked me what I was there for (since they were in jumpsuits and I was in plain clothes) and I just said "some old sh*t, old warrants" and tried to act normal, lol. I would've made better conversation except I hadn't slept in a while except chained to a pipe, so I was pretty exhausted. I dozed off for at least 2 of the 8 hours I was there.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Did you see any fights or rapings?

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Did you see any fights or rapings?

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nah lol. one guy cursed out a guard for cuffing his hands too tightly, other than that no real drama.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Did you get a prison tattoo? (swastika on your forehead or naked girl on your back)

Did you learn how to make prison hooch from bread and raisins?

Did you give a guard a BJ for "special treatment?"

Re: trip report: county jail
 

Biggest dude you saw?

Could you take him in a prison rules fight?

If not what percentage of the guys in jail that you saw could you take?

Re: trip report: county jail
 

I am going to get another tattoo, but hopefully I won't be in jail for it. I wish I had booze while I was in there, it would've gone by a lot quicker. Didn't really deal with guards except for the intake questions/fingerprinting/etc.

Randomly, in addition to the "do you have TB, cancer, etc" questions they ask you, they ask "do you feel like you have anything to look forward to in your life?" At the time I didn't think so, but (correctly) lied and said yes. I bet answering "no" to that question lands you in a padded room lol.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

did none of the inmates ask you to come visit them and bring stuff? (phones/veils/bombs)

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Man, you got lucky with the food and phone call thing. Like really lucky.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Man, you got lucky with the food and phone call thing. Like really lucky.

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I dunno. They have to feed you. They didn't have to let me use the phone, but I was polite and cooperative and calm and they knew I needed to use the phone to make bail, to get me out of their hair. They let some other guy use the phone too.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Man, you got lucky with the food and phone call thing. Like really lucky.

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I dunno. They have to feed you. They didn't have to let me use the phone, but I was polite and cooperative and calm and they knew I needed to use the phone to make bail, to get me out of their hair. They let some other guy use the phone too.

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I mean, it sounds like you got enough food and at reasonable hours. I got a carton of milk and some [censored] cereal at 5 am and then "lunch" at 10 am was half a smashed peanut butter sandwich (not even jelly).

Also, they didn't hold you 4.5 extra hours after your bail was posted. The phone thing is really a plus because I didn't know any home phone numbers by heart except my own.

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lol, my jail food pwns your jail food

edit: it took a while for them to "process" my bail, but not more than an hour. by that time I didn't care anyway and just wanted to get someplace where I could sleep.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

[ QUOTE ]


Randomly, in addition to the "do you have TB, cancer, etc" questions they ask you, they ask "do you feel like you have anything to look forward to in your life?" At the time I didn't think so, but (correctly) lied and said yes. I bet answering "no" to that question lands you in a padded room lol.

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Prolly not a padded room, but they may have taken shoelaces, belt, etc.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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lol, my jail food pwns your jail food

edit: it took a while for them to "process" my bail, but not more than an hour. by that time I didn't care anyway and just wanted to get someplace where I could sleep.

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I know what your saying, I didn't even come close to sleeping when I was there for 13 hours.


Did you move into several different rooms? I started in one room for like 30 min-1hr until they could take my mugshot then moved to some room that was seriously like 50 degrees for like 1.5-3 hours and then moved into a third room that was a sweatbox filled with like 40-50 people and only had 3 benches and was probably 25x25.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Randomly, in addition to the "do you have TB, cancer, etc" questions they ask you, they ask "do you feel like you have anything to look forward to in your life?" At the time I didn't think so, but (correctly) lied and said yes. I bet answering "no" to that question lands you in a padded room lol.

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Prolly not a padded room, but they may have taken shoelaces, belt, etc.

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They take that anyways, but if you answer that the other way you get your own cell according to some people I talked to while I was in jail. It also ends up with being ordered to see a psychiatrist though.

edit: the TV isn't even fair. People were sleeping on rolls of toilet paper in the last cell I was moved to and I never saw a clock the whole time I was in there.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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I know what your saying, I didn't even come close to sleeping when I was there for 13 hours.


Did you move into several different rooms? I started in one room for like 30 min-1hr until they could take my mugshot then moved to some room that was seriously like 50 degrees for like 1.5-3 hours and then moved into a third room that was a sweatbox filled with like 40-50 people and only had 3 benches and was probably 25x25.

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I actually just sat in some chairs opposite the intake desk the whole time, I didn't really move anywhere. I mean I walked over to the side of the desk to get my mugshot/prints, but otherwise I never left the main intake area. There were open cells adjacent to me, but I just sat down and watched TV. It was only slightly worse than my average afternoon. Mostly I just wanted a smoke really badly.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Prolly not a padded room, but they may have taken shoelaces, belt, etc.

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I got to keep my laces, but they did take my belt.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

man you run hot

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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man you run hot

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Yeah I mean, I was never in an actual cell. The cells didn't look fun. Everyone had a bedroll though, and clean clothes and sneakers and food and whatever. I'm still glad I didn't have to go in there, mostly because I wasn't to thrilled about wearing the jumpsuit and going for the whole "in jail" experience. I also had been in the strange situation of not having been picked up committing a crime though; these were just ancient warrants and I was cooperative with everyone the whole time, so maybe they figured I wasn't going to be trouble. I have no idea.

It definitely could have been much worse than it was. I'm glad it went as well as it did.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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Biggest dude you saw?

Could you take him in a prison rules fight?

If not what percentage of the guys in jail that you saw could you take?

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I could probably take 0% of the people I saw, lol. I'm not very big-- 5'10", 150lbs. I have some limited martial arts experience (muay thai) but it was a couple of years ago. Nobody really said boo to me though except to make conversation.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

I was "lucky" enough to be in with 3 friends, but we didn't really talk much while in there although it made it more comfortable and felt safer. They all got a little sleep though. Not having a clock and the all white walls and different temps [censored] with your head though. The 4 of us also got piled in the back of a single car for a 30 min drive which sucked really really bad.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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did none of the inmates ask you to come visit them and bring stuff? (phones/veils/bombs)

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Nah lol. Some kid expressed pissed-offedness that he hadn't remembered to hide weed anywhere on his person before he was taken to jail, otherwise no real mention of illicit things that I heard.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

I thought you got glass in your eye and died. WTF man.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

[ QUOTE ]
I was "lucky" enough to be in with 3 friends, but we didn't really talk much while in there although it made it more comfortable and felt safer. They all got a little sleep though. Not having a clock and the all white walls and different temps [censored] with your head though. The 4 of us also got piled in the back of a single car for a 30 min drive which sucked really really bad.

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The walls in this place were like half beige, half turquoise. I'm sure it was painted to be soothing, and actually it kind of was.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

lol at you "giving" sandwhich away and "throwing" chips out.

Admit it you were hungry as hell and some bubba took yo lunch

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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I thought you got glass in your eye and died. WTF man.

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The glass-breaking incident was after the jail thing. Glass breaking was last night, the jail thing was a week and change ago, I just didn't feel like writing this until now. I may still die of broken-glass-absorption before I ever resolve my legal issues.

Re: trip report: county jail
 

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lol at you "giving" sandwhich away and "throwing" chips out.

Admit it you were hungry as hell and some bubba took yo lunch [/quote

meh, i gave my cereal to a friend because I really really HATE cereal.