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Poker & Your Girlfriend

(Inspired by a friend's problem with his girlfriend, and my own experiences with mine, I've written this entry for my recently started blog on Facebook. Please enjoy.)

Poker & Your Girlfriend
By N. Eilamurugan

Anyone who plays a lot of poker, be it as a job or as a occasional hobby and is *ahem*...lucky enough to have a girlfriend, know that there is a bit of drama that goes with it.

If you are truly fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who accepts the game as your main source of entertainment and/or income and maybe even partakes in it once in a while without bitching, then this isn't for you. This is for you poor suckers who end up with that dreaded feeling of choosing poker over your girlfriend or just life in general when you're heading to a game. That is a horrible feeling, and no one should have to feel that way.

There are usually two different reasons for this problem. Either your special someone feels that you don't spend enough time with her, or she strongly believes that gambling is something evil and destructive. First one is easy. If your problem is the later, you have something else coming, buddy.

Your Girlfriend Thinks You Don't Spend Enough Time With Her

This is an easy problem to fix. Easiest answer to this is, spend time with your girlfriend! That doesn't help? Then you need to grow some balls and let her know that this is your hobby, and this is what you enjoy doing. Like she likes karaoke and reading sleazy romance novels, you like playing poker. If you play poker for an income, then you need to emphasize that it's a job, and not just something you do for fun.

After doing this, it would help you a great deal if you never mentioned poker to her when hanging out. Don't brag about how you check-raised the fish on all three streets with just top pair and medium kicker, and the fish showed down top pair with a weaker kicker...Don't brag about how you value bet K high on the river and got called down by Q high...Just...Don't do it. She really doesn't care. If she doesn't play much poker and she isn't the biggest supporter of your gambling career, then she really doesn't want to hear this over lunch. Even if she acts like she does.

It might even be a good idea to take her to a game once in a while and play socially. If you play for a living, then you can take her to a smaller game and just have fun with her. But beware...Do not EVER make the mistake of trying to coach her at the table. If she flops the nut straight and folds it to a bet because it just didn't feel right...DO NOT yell at her. If she goes 16 bets on the river with just a set of sevens against the nut flush, never ever speak of it. All you should do is smile and say, “Hey, that's a nice hand.” The most you can do is buy her a poker book and hopes she reads it. Don't try to pressure her into reading it either, 'cause she won't. If you do coach her, do it in private, and only if she asks you to.

Your Girlfriend Thinks Gambling Is Evil and Destructive

Oh...Boy.

Believe it or not, this is the case for a LOT of the guys I play with regularly. And it's mostly an Asian problem. A lot of Asians, regardless of gender, come from families with very strong beliefs on gambling. Most of us so called professional poker players know deep down that their beliefs aren't completely falsified. Gambling is destructive, and depending on how you feel about that sort of thing, even when it's not self-destructive, it's destructive to others and that may or may not be evil. Most of us know this and accept it. But if your girlfriend said this, you have to defend your position whole heartedly.

If you're a recreational player, then your excuse is that everyone that plays can afford the money they loose. Loosing 200 bucks a night is no big deal because you're likely to spend that much on a night out with your friends. It's the exact same thing. You paid 200 dollars for entertainment. If you won, then even better. Your opponents paid for their entertainment, you profited.

If you are a professional poker player, then it's a little bit harder. Because often times, you ARE taking money from those who can't afford to loose it, and you might even BE one of those people. Whether you take their money or not, those people will always exist. That's who casinos are built for in the first place. If you don't take their money, someone else will, there is nothing you can do for these people.

What if she thinks a professional poker player is worthless to society? Then you have to tell her how wrong she is. In his book, Ace On The River, Barry Greenstein tells you that your support of the casino probably paid for the roads and the schools in the city it's in. You are responsible for the employment of many dealers and servers. And a portion of your rake or session fees at the tables go to charitable organizations.

An other very important point I would like to stress is, NEVER EVER borrow money from your girlfriend (unless she's your poker girlfriend, you lucky bastard) for poker under any circumstance if she is even slightly against gambling. You borrowing money from her will only strengthen her beliefs about gambling and how you fit her parents' description of a degenerate gambler.

If you want her to respect poker as your profession/hobby, the most important thing is for you to respect poker as your profession/hobby. Regardless of which category you fall in, there are things you can do to help yourself and your image. Don't play long hours, don't play games you can't afford. Don't excessively talk about poker with your girlfriend. Keep poker at the table, and leave it there, don't take it to your girlfriend. If you have other things to do first, do that before you play poker. But all these should be obvious..*cough*...Right guys?