When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

This is actually a pretty serious post (something I hardly ever do).

I have had 2 long term relationships so far. The first was from my senior year of high school until the junior year of college... and the second was from my junior year of college (2001) until 2006.

Both girls broke up with me because I wouldn't let them come over to my mom's house and I wouldn't let them meet her. For both girls, it was the deal breaker.

Personally, I really don't see the big deal with meeting my mom. The problem is that I have never brought a girl home before, it's kind of becoming a big deal with my friends. I just don't want to go through the whole ordeal and have the relationship not work out and waste all that effort.

My mom is honestly the most important person in my life and she is honestly my hero for everything she has done for the family and for everything she has overcome in her life. It's not that I think the girls arent good enough to meet her (they were both smart, funny, hot, etc...), there is honestly just a part of me that doesn't want to go through the ordeal. I can't explain why and both girls were furious that I couldn't explain my reasons.

Fast foward to the present. I have been seeing this girl that I met in SF. She is cool, blah, blah, blah... The problem is she has already asked me when I'm going to introduce her to the family!!! WTF!!!! It's only been like 5 months!!!! All this has got me thinking about this post. Does anyone feel the same way I do? Do I have issues? Help a brother out......

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

I guess I don't understand what your problem is.

What kind of "ordeal" are you speaking of? You say you are proud of your mom, but does she present you with some kind of embarassment? (mental problem, physical problem, lives in a trailer park with 20 cats...etc etc) Do you anticipate your girlfriends meeting your mom to be a big deal? It shouldn't be. Why in the world would you let long term relationships with girls you still liked end because of this very very small thing?

Maybe things are different in SF...but if I was in high school or college and dated a girl for a year+ and didn't at least bring them home to meet my parents once...they would be somewhat pissed and think that I was embarassed of them.

In all honesty, I just think that you are putting way to much thought into this whole situation. It's your girlfriend, who you like(love?) and it's your Mom..who you love....and dinner. How difficult could this possibly be?

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

1. Take an effing break from these relationships. You sound codependent and if you don't take some serious time off to learn about yourself you'll regret it someday.

2. These girls have very legitimate complaints. Them meeting your mother should not be a big deal at all. Especially if you have a great relationship with your mom. Meeting your mom shouldn't be some insane event that you build up over 10 effing years. All that will come from that is frustration and bad blood. Don't you think your mom wants to meet the girls you date? It all sounds pretty ridiculous.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

whats the big deal with letting your gf meet your mom?
why is this a negative experience?
Just have your mom cook dinner for you and your date. Its no biggie

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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Personally, I really don't see the big deal with meeting my mom. The problem is that I have never brought a girl home before, it's kind of becoming a big deal with my friends. I just don't want to go through the whole ordeal and have the relationship not work out and waste all that effort.

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Meh, having them meet should be fairly non-eventful and painless. Not really an ordeal at all. It's just a dinner with small-talk. You don't have to consistently hang out with the parents. I think the part that spooks people is that it's a big commitment indicator for some. Girls definitely more so, hence them being pissed with you. Maybe you don't want that commitment? Or, you don't want the moms judging that part of your life?

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

You're afraid of commitment.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

uhhh, wtf? these relationships were like 3+ yrs long and you ended it bc you wouldnt let them meet your mom?!?!?

ive only been in like 2 long term relationships and the first met my mom before we were even dating and the 2nd met my mom about 6 months in which was pretty much the earliest opportunity. I really dont understand what your issue is unless there is something serioulsy wrong with your mom.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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I really dont understand what your issue is unless there is something serioulsy wrong with your mom.


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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

WOW! I don't really talk about personal stuff so I never really knew what was the norm......

It has nothing to do with me being embarrased of my mom or the girls, bc that couldn't be farther from the truth. My mom is my mom, you know. I guess I don't want her to see that part of my life and I don't want the girls to be a part of that facet of my life. I have no clue if that makes any sense, but it's the best I can do. It's like, if they are friends with my family and [censored] like that, then they basically become a part of my family and that doesn't sit right with me.

My brother is the same way as me. He has never brought a girl home either and he has actually lived with one of his girlfriends before.

How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird.

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Given, I don't know your mom. But I'd be willing to bet she will be completely thrilled if you choose to bring a girl home. She will probably want to cook a meal of some kind.

As long as they both speak the same language, I don't see why two people couldn't hold a conversation for an hour or so. Let your mom get to know the girl your seeing, and let the girl see what your home life was like. It's really not that hard at all.

If your worried about what they will talk about, tell your mom a little about the girl ahead of time, and visa versa.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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WOW! I don't really talk about personal stuff so I never really knew what was the norm......

It has nothing to do with me being embarrased of my mom or the girls, bc that couldn't be farther from the truth. My mom is my mom, you know. I guess I don't want her to see that part of my life and I don't want the girls to be a part of that facet of my life. I have no clue if that makes any sense, but it's the best I can do. It's like, if they are friends with my family and [censored] like that, then they basically become a part of my family and that doesn't sit right with me.

My brother is the same way as me. He has never brought a girl home either and he has actually lived with one of his girlfriends before.

How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird.

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ok the only thing i can think of is that being asian has a LOT to do with it. otherwise there is something wrong with either you or your mom or your GFs.

just be like hey mom im gonna bring this girl over for dinner on XXXX night. we have been together XXXX long and she is very excited to meet you and i care about her alot.

thats pretty much it.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird.

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I feel you there. But when your gf wants to meet your mom, and your mom wants to meet your gf (you haven't really said whether this is true or not though), don't get in their way and make a big deal out of it... just let it happen. And as you said, probably nothing one of them does will reflect badly on the other.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

Do you have one of the asian moms that damn well expects you to marry a nice traditional asian girl? Is that the deal?

Otherwise, things won't be weird. Your gf will try her hardest to be nice and polite. So will your mom. If things get quiet, you are supposed to carry the convo. It's really not that hard, don't worry.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

My mom is traditional Chinese, but I'm pretty sure she knows that I'm into white girls and not Asians. I'm half Chinese, but my upbringing was predominately Asian in every aspect. I just can't picture the encounter when East meets beach blonde girls... Well, honestly the reactions that I have gotten have been very helpful; I'm being serious. I never really thought that my seperation of family and personal life was that big of a deal, but I guess I'm wrong.

Everything in life is easier said than done, but at least I know that this isn't a big deal to the majority of people so hopefully that helps a little. Thanks for the input guys. I was honestly expecting people to agree with me and then BAM, I get bombarded with replies....

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

norm is like 4-8 months to meet parents depending on how close you are with them

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

Is this your mother's house?

http://www.crimelibrary.com/graphics...us/gein/1c.jpg

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

Seriously asian people who post for relationship advice need to start putting it in the OP, you all look like complete weirdos until that point becomes established 15 posts in...

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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My mom is honestly the most important person in my life

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/675000...2_cliff150.jpg

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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Seriously asian people who post for relationship advice need to start putting it in the OP, you all look like complete weirdos until that point becomes established 15 posts in...

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Seriously. This board has convinced me that I'd never want to have a LTR with an Asian girl. I wouldn't want to go through the constant drama with her parents. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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Seriously asian people who post for relationship advice need to start putting it in the OP, you all look like complete weirdos until that point becomes established 15 posts in...

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this is 100% true. my mom's a freak when it comes to me dating non koreans. my brother got kicked out of the house for dating a chinese girls.

my mom's not even old school korean. she speaks fluent english. has lived in the u.s. since she was in college. interacts with crackas all the time.

i seriously thought the OP was a complete freak till this info.

my suggestion is to pull a quick stop by thingy. tell her you have to drop something off at your mom's, invite her to ride along. they get a quick meet and greet, they maybe chat for a minute. oh [censored] we gotta go catch a movie, gotta go. if it's not weird try having dinner with her and your brother or someone else to add to weird silences. then if that goes well, BAM 3 some with your gf and your mom.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

half Chinese? whats the other half?

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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my mom's not even old school korean. she speaks fluent english. has lived in the u.s. since she was in college. interacts with crackas all the time.



Im quite white, but that is still funny stuff.




then if that goes well, BAM 3 some with your gf and your mom.

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Thats just wrong, maybe not in Korea, but where I am from (Minnesota) thats just wrong. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]


For the OP, I am not real familiar with asain culture being I'm white and from MN. But I think you should just take some time to sit down with your mom, explain to her that you like this girl (white surfer chic) and that she wants to meet you. If it makes you happy, your mom should be happy. If not explain it to your GF and hope she doesn't get mad [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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I never really thought that my seperation of family and personal life was that big of a deal, but I guess I'm wrong.


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Your family should be part of your personal life. If you are in any kind of serious relationship with a girl, you should want to share it with your family. I have a hard time believing you are close with your mom if you don't want her to meet the girls you date. No offense is meant by that, but I think it is important for my girlfriends to meet my family (I have 3 siblings).

I am under the impression you are living are your own, so invite your mom and significant other to your place for dinner. If you are deathly scared of your mom and gf meeting, then frame it differently. Invite a few other close friends, and tell your mom that you'd like her to meet some of your friends. With more people, there is less chance of forced/awkward/dead conversation.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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Is this your mother's house?

http://www.crimelibrary.com/graphics...us/gein/1c.jpg

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ha i was thinking that too.

OP if your mom is so important to you then I'd assume that you're important to her too; therefore, she prolly wants to meet your girlfriends. my mom asks me about my girlfriend every week when i call home.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

Meeting parents should not be such a big deal.

My parents would probably meet more of my girlfriends had I lived closer by - to me it is like bringing any other friend over to my house - I do it all the time.

Who doesn't like a home cooked meal??

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

You're in love with your mom and afraid the girls won't meet her expectations. Have sex with your mother or go to a therapist

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

oddjob's advice is spot on, pop in is perfect for chinese parents, don't give to much time for akwardness. A few more then you can have more casual drop arounds, I totally understand they seperation. I dated a Chinese born Australian girl for 4yrs I never had a formal dinner with her parents but I dropped around alot. They just did the standard feed me until I burst drill every time.

I had yumcha with them a few times though.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

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half Chinese? whats the other half?

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German

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

so you are half white?

I must REALLY be missing something here.

Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
 

wow

nothing wrong with meeting parents after a few weeks to a month. It's not like: this is the time where my parents judge if it's okay to marry. Like, here's some people that are important to my life, meet them.