Survival of the fittest
 

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

i find people with no life much more interesting than people with a life

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

this is beyond awesome

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

try a plain M&M vs a skittle and report back

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

lol A+

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
this is beyond awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

If EricW's posts were as good as this one I'd join the Friendship Club.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
this is beyond awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
this is beyond awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

haha nh

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
this is beyond awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

wait but what if theres this super strong m&m that kills like 100 others but its weak by then and a little puny m&m finally crushes him?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

im in tears

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

The puny M&M becomes a 'hundreder', like in Conkers.


See this, the section about Scoring.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

this is seriously one of the best posts I have ever read

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

Cardsharkk04 needs to MSpaint this ASAP

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
wait but what if theres this super strong m&m that kills like 100 others but its weak by then and a little puny m&m finally crushes him?

[/ QUOTE ]

He/she dies a glorious death and is sent to M&M heaven (my mouth). Maybe not as purposeful as being used for research, but at least as honorable.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
wait but what if theres this super strong m&m that kills like 100 others but its weak by then and a little puny m&m finally crushes him?

[/ QUOTE ]

well i think this would be the equivelant to an aged but genetically superior human or animal; for instance a great athelete who is past his prime due to years of rigorous physical exertion. the point is that this specimin is among the highest tier of m&m's in terms of genetic fitness

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

what is the ruling if while squeezing them one shoots out of your hand onto the floor?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

somebody please post the Bizarro comic about Craig waking up from his coma and getting pissed off that everyone is using his list.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

Have you ever discovered an enemy (peanut) sneak into the bag and decimate your population?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

what if you keep squeezing and squeezing and neither of them break!

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
what if you keep squeezing and squeezing and neither of them break!

[/ QUOTE ]
then u deserved to be crushed and eaten, DUCY?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
what is the ruling if while squeezing them one shoots out of your hand onto the floor?

[/ QUOTE ]

Rematch obv

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

You should use them for breeding yourself.


Not you with them, you dirty dawg, but them with each other.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever discovered an enemy (peanut) sneak into the bag and decimate your population?

[/ QUOTE ]

No

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
what if you keep squeezing and squeezing and neither of them break!

[/ QUOTE ]

Shut up this thread is serious bz

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

ok then what if it comes down to the last two M&Ms in the bag and they break at the same time!!!

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

is there a minority M&M? If so, are you nicer or meaner to them rather than a majority M&M? Why or Why Not?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
ok then what if it comes down to the last two M&Ms in the bag and they break at the same time!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/6163/failuz8.jpg

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

best thread in a loooong time

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

POTY

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
POTY

[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

Chuck,

Why don't you pit the winner of the previous M&M bag against the new M&M bag?

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

You put the victor back after the match, right?

If you put him in another battle immediately, the chocolate will begin melting and the structural integrity of the M will be compromised underneath the shell.

Tell me you put them back after a batlle and let them harden again.

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
i find people with no life much more interesting than people with a life

[/ QUOTE ]qft

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

This is very funny. I loved it the first time I read it on Best of Craig's List.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
You put the victor back after the match, right?

If you put him in another battle immediately, the chocolate will begin melting and the structural integrity of the M will be compromised underneath the shell.

Tell me you put them back after a batlle and let them harden again.

[/ QUOTE ]I like this, and this really may be POTM if not POTY

Also, this is the winner out of my home trials

I took a pic to show what he looks like, sry for bad quality, cameraphone

http://www.mymms.com/images/products/P807331B.jpg

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is very funny. I loved it the first time I read it on Best of Craig's List.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

[/ QUOTE ]

oooooooooooo nh

BAN

Re: Survival of the fittest
 

Plagiarism ban