Two Plus Two Newer Archives - ****THE LADIES FINAL THREAD**** (NSFW -- LDO)

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I kneel before thee, sweet dark goddess. I submit to thy black desires.

AHEM sorry got a little. Carried away. There.

So I wanted to go into a little more depth on the piecharts. (FFK's is just a Piechart of the Mind, but everybody knows what I'm talking about.) Like most of you, my first reaction is, of course, yeeeeeeeeeeah riiiiiiight. As the gentleman pointed out, these seem conveniently designed to give the average reading nerdlinger hope, but I speak for many of the other hilarious geniuses out there when I point out that I, like most of the other hilarious geniuses I know, live a life of weepy solitude with the occasional clowning, as faithfully chronicled in these very forums. What gives here.

First of all, I concur w/ Billie-boy's excellent observation: accurate self-reportage is a skill that varies widely among humans but which generally tends to be in short supply. I'm not saying you girls don't know yourselves, but I would suggest that you might be taking a few things for granted - you automatically edit out the (considerable) segment of the male population you'd never give the time of day, and consider your minimum acceptable standard to be worth zero points, w/ respect to things like good looks and physical condition. I think this would prove quickly apparent if we could plug your point totals into, say, a copy of Sid Meier's SimDate! and give you a look at the results. For example, I mean, I don't consider myself a bad-looking guy by any stretch of the imagination (pls do not base your final opinion on that one pic that FFK posted), but I definitely feel like I'm well below her standard.

In addition, these categories are woefully incomplete, but I guess I understand the desire not to get things too complicated / SRS. Notably missing are: The PUA Attributes, or the things that chicks swear are [censored] but that ballers say count more than anything and will show you the bedpost notches to prove it - command presence, social status, etc. - and of course that bugaboo word, 'confidence.' On the other end are the Dr. Phil Attributes, the stuff that chicks always gush about but that men remain highly skeptical of - empathy, emotional availability, honesty, caring, etc. etc. etc. None of these get a mention .

And now, to make the sort of unnecessary, tangential, long-winded, self-absorbed observation that longtime Anacardo readers have come to expect - I took mbillie's post as a challenge, and thought about it. What do I like in women? Not what do I THINK I like, but what do I respond to. Short list.

-Physical beauty. Yeah it's up there pretty high, though I like to think I have a varied, gestalt conception of what 'hot' is. Face counts for more than body but both are important. Subtle intangibles, like gracefulness - the premier physical trait of femininity, like strength for men - fall under this heading. As I get to know a girl better and know more about her, she will get hotter or less hot depending on personality.

-Melodious voice and (sigh) sound of name when spoken aloud. Only a word-nit like myself could care about such things, but I really do. I'm not sure I could date a girl named 'Desiree' or 'Olga' no matter what she was like otherwise. Ughhhk. Ditto for a voice that's too high, or too low, or otherwise unpleasant. Sexy accents are of course a huge bonus. These things aren't deal-makers or -breakers in and of themselves but they matter to me more than I'd like to admit.

-Fire, passion, exuberance, joy-of-life. Not so much as expressed in words - people who speak positively all the time and expect others to do the same wear on my nerves - but as in deeds. I love it when women speak and act passionately. Example - there was a girl on my college fencing team - sadly boyfriended for her entire tenure - that I always had a thing for, in large part because of the reckless, joyful enthusiasm with which she competed. She wanted to win, but more than that, the sheer pleasure, generous and warmhearted, that she took in a good touch really drew me to her.

-Complexity. I love women with many varied, complicated, contradictory, even confusing sides. Unconscious, subtle little incongruities. I like having something to figure out.

- Strong emotion. A lot of guys hate this, but brother, render unto me your super-moody girlfriend whose [censored] thou art sick of. Kinda ties into the whole 'passion' thing for one, and other people's display of positive emotions bring out good things in me, and I excel at managing / soothing the bad times, which makes me feel like I'm contributing something. You call it codependence. I call it win-win!

Intelligence, sense of humor - I don't ask for anything crazy here, just enough to appreciate me fully (yeah I'm a prick.)

I would much prefer to love someone that I feel is a genuinely good person. That said, I prefer for that not to interfere with their freakiness - though as I said I above all prefer the Reluctantly Slutty. One of my more mundane, easily-discussable-in-public sexual fantasies involves distracting the girl away from something important. 'Cardo, quit that, this goddamn checkbook isn't gonna balance itself. STOP tha....mmmmmmmmm... GOD DAMN IT I'm serious, the bank closes at ahhhhhhhh God c'mon let's do it on the floor!"

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