Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

I can only imagine the terrible pain the two of you are going through, giving birth knowing the child has passed has to be one of the most terrible and horrendous things a mother has to do.

I hope the both of you can get past your grief, not forgetting but moving on, bury any feelings of guilt (there should be none), use this to make you stronger to start again and child you so wish for and that will be so loved and cherished by the both of you.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

I am very sorry for your loss and I just want you to know that although I haven't prayed in years, I will be sure to say one tonight for you and your wife.

I pray that you two end up stronger for this tragedy and it only causes you to be all the better loving and caring parents in the future should you decide to try again.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

My heart is just throbbing for you, Poin. I don't know if this helps at all, but fwiw, my mother delivered my older brother in 1971. She and my father wanted one more child. She suffered through three miscarriages, and she said it was so emotionally destructive that she would give it one more chance.

Her pregnancy was going well, and she says she went to the hospital on Valentine's Day, 1979, for a regular visit. That's when her doctor told her she would be having twins.

On her way out, she excitedly shouted at another pregnant woman, "I bet you only got one in there, honey!"

My twin brother and I were born healthy that May. My mother and father tell me that as much pain as they felt during the miscarriages, they feel blessed to have three healthy children.

I hope better days are similarly ahead for you and your family.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

I will hold my pregnant wife a little longer tonight.

Our deepest sympathies.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

Thank you all so much.

I'm at work now, and crying, and I can't respond to everyone right now, but thank you.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

This is the first thing I've ever read on the internet that has brought tears to my eyes. Very powerful stuff.

I've never met you, but if there is anything I or my wife can do for you don't hesitate to ask.

You sound like you'll be a great parent. Keep trying, God has a plan for us all.

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

This makes all of our normal, everyday concerns and worries seem so petty and unimportant. I can't imagine what you and your wife must be going through now, and I certainly hope I never understand what you went through those horrible two days.

However, it does sound as if you and your wife and the rest of your family are strong and supportive of one another, and that can make all the difference. Thank you so much for sharing your tragedy with us, I know that while it was certainly cathartic for you, it couldn't have been easy to write all this down. You're bravery and strength are an inspiration and I wish you and your wife both a speedy recovery and whatever blessings you wish for in the future.

Good luck,

Dominic

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

poincaraux,

It may seem that this grief is all consuming, but realize that you have the resolve and you have every reason to hope.

We lost a son mid-term and I could not even bear to lay eyes on him in the delivery room, let alone hold him. Your strength is bringing tears to my eyes as I write.

But every pregnancy is different. We had a miscarriage before that pregnancy, so I began to have misgivings about even trying again and putting ourselves through it. We did try, though, and although we were uneasy the entire 40 weeks, we now have a healthy baby girl.

Certainly, many others are telling you likewise, and if not for how 2+2 skews to younger adults, this thread would be filled with other accounts to anchor you.

You sound like a thoughtful, caring man. From your post, it is clear you have good neighbors and a supportive family.

You can look forward to healthy children.

-Steve

Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

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This post made me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
 

I am truly sorry as well. My son turns 2 on Oct 25th and we almost lost him right after birth. He was born just after midnight on the 25th, my then wifes birthday as well, and everything seemed like it was going perfectly. I then went home to take care of my 2 1/2 year old daughter. I then let her stay at her grandparents the next evening while i went to help my wife and new son.
From the get-go we noticed that my son was breathing really fast and the nurses/doctor said we were still good-to-go well after i left them at the hospital that night i went home to sleep. The home phone wakes me up at 3:15 am and my wife is hysterical and says i have to get down there ASAP! I was like wtf and i did 100 mph to hospital, i am not joking. Get to the room and no one is there, the nurses tell me to go to the nursery and there is my wife sobbing and my son is in one of those incubater (sp) things with all kinds of wires and tubes going every which-way. Then my wife says talk to the doc, I am freaking out at this point.
The doctor pulls me aside and its just like in the movies when they say "I need to talk to you". Apparently right after i left the previous night a nurse was worried that his erratic breathing hadn't subsided so they took some x-rays. The xray was right on the wall and the dr. walked me up there, I am no doctor but you could tell he only had 1 lung. Apperently right before birth he suffered a diaphramatic hernia and a hole formed in the diaphram which seperates the lung cavities and the lower areas. The intestines,and a bunch of organs were now where is lung should be. Freak-out factor was 12 on a 1-10 scale.
That hospital was unable to perform the surgery so he was taken by helo to Desert Sam which has a rockin' pediatric facility. I followed the helo (in my car) to the new hospital where they performed the surgery. The doctor said in his 20+ years he has only scene a baby live this long 2 times. Luckily the lung was fully formed prior to the diaphramatic hernia so the lung re-inflated once all the organs were put back into the right places and the hole was fixed.
There was a time when i was waiting during the surgery where i was thinking how small the casket would be, what do i do with all the stuff in his room we just fixed up, scary stuff you don't want to think about. He's doing fine now but it makes you think that no birth is without risks.
Again, I am truly sorry at your loss.