Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

Then I don't see that you have anything to worry about.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

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Oh I see. Yeah she feels similar but feels insecure about her std etc. I would definitely make sure the feeling was mutual before I took the relationship to the next level.

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What I was getting at is whether you're interested in her because she's good looking and witty and blah blah blah, or whether you're interested in her because she matters to you.

Basically if you're thinking "she has a value of X and I'm not likely to find anyone else with a value of X" then I'd recommend against it. If you're thinking "there's nobody else like her anywhere," then maybe you have something to work with. So far you've mainly talked about her quantifiable attributes, and if that's your main concern I don't think it's a good idea to go for it.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

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Oh I see. Yeah she feels similar but feels insecure about her std etc. I would definitely make sure the feeling was mutual before I took the relationship to the next level.

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What I was getting at is whether you're interested in her because she's good looking and witty and blah blah blah, or whether you're interested in her because she matters to you.

Basically if you're thinking "she has a value of X and I'm not likely to find anyone else with a value of X" then I'd recommend against it. If you're thinking "there's nobody else like her anywhere," then maybe you have something to work with. So far you've mainly talked about her quantifiable attributes, and if that's your main concern I don't think it's a good idea to go for it.

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I actually have tried to quantify the liklihood that another person like her is out there and what the odds would be of meeting that person but I don't see how that is a negative thing.

As far as "there is nobody else like her anywhere," I can't say that because I don't know everyone in the world.

My question is what is the difference? Are you saying I shouldn't use a scientific approach when it comes to women or love? I will always think with my head first and my heart second, my claim is that I don't think any less of her because I have quantified her.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

I dated a woman that had herpes for 3 years. She was mostly free of outbreaks, and during those times we had sex without me using a condom.

Maybe I was just lucky, but as far as I know I wasn't infected. We broke up for other reasons, and the herpes was not an issue for me at all. She worried about us having sex a lot more than I did. I'm not saying you should do what I did, but that is how I handled it.

From everything you have said here and in OOT, my opinion is that you should go ahead and stay with her for the long term. Sex is important, but if you really love each other you will find ways to work through this issue.

I hope things work out for you.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

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I dated a woman that had herpes for 3 years. She was mostly free of outbreaks, and during those times we had sex without me using a condom.

Maybe I was just lucky, but as far as I know I wasn't infected. We broke up for other reasons, and the herpes was not an issue for me at all. She worried about us having sex a lot more than I did. I'm not saying you should do what I did, but that is how I handled it.

From everything you have said here and in OOT, my opinion is that you should go ahead and stay with her for the long term. Sex is important, but if you really love each other you will find ways to work through this issue.

I hope things work out for you.

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So can you only get herpes if you she has an outbreak and you have intercourse during that period of time? I was under the impression that it is still possible to catch herpes when it is in a dormant state.

Either way I'd be using condoms.

Thanks for your reply.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

As far as I know the virus is most likely to be transmitted during an outbreak, or just before an outbreak. The person infected usually can tell that an outbreak is imminent.

Also, the outbreaks tend to become less severe and occur less often as the body builds up some immunity to the virus.

Maybe I was just lucky, and didn't take the whole thing seriously enough, but to me the whole thing was pretty much a non issue.

If having sex with someone could give you AIDS, or some other life threatening condition, then it's a totally different situation.

With herpes the worst case is that you end up in a situation that is unpleasant, but I believe that would be a minor irritant compared to not being with someone who you love and care about. I think I'm willing to take that risk any day of the week.

Re: Love a girl but there is a dilemma
 

I would be curious to hear your age, her age and how long you have known this girl.

I don't know that you could accurately convey your and her emotional maturity on a public forum. But If this is some new girl I would have to figure out how readily you toss the word 'love' about before anyone can give you any advice about making a decision for her that could effect you for the rest of your life.

I suspect the best test is... don't have sex with her for a a year. Seriously. If you really love each other and want to make a decision for something as serious as you catching a disease for the rest of your life... you certainly could have a committed NON sexual relationship with the person. You would either develop a deeper friendship that would become better by having had sex or you lose your infatuation and realize its not really love.